Chapter 19: Shivan's Plan
"Friends, relatives, drunken rivals," Shivan said, raising his voice. It seemed to envelop the Vale even without amplification. "We are at war, as you may have noticed."
A murmur passed through the crowd, bearing the essence of "duh".
"Right. Well, I have a plan."
"Hence the title of the chapter," Burgess said, bustling himself through the throng and climbing atop the stage next to Shivan. "So, what the ****ing Hell you plotting?"
"Well," Shivan said. "For a limited time -"
"Is this one of those infomercials?" Burgess asked.
"Funny you asked, Burgess! Yes, indeed, and for this short period of time -"
"Your plan is an infomercial?"
"Yes. Deal with it."
"Gimmie The List."
"Why?"
"Because I'm about to go all Gandalf on your ass and take control of the last defense of the YSB."
"No, no you aren't."
"Do I have to get my big, shiny rod out and stick it up your ass?"
"Y halo thar buttseckslololol!!1!!1!!1!one!1!!1!!" said Brownsound from the crowd.
"Fine, take it.," Shivan said, drawing it from his cloak. It was a worn scroll. The papyrus was old and tinted, torn in corners and definitely not in mint condition. No trades for Shivan. He held it out to Burgess.
"Take it then Mr. Hotshot."
"Nah," Burgess said. "I don't feel like defending anything right now. My sister's trying to get me in bed."
"You stole Vademon's gig."
"Shut up and unfurl the scroll."
Shivan opened it and held it before him.
"There're a bunch of n00bs here."
"Exactly."
"Spies?"
"No, golf clubs. I need to improve my game."
"Right."
Shivan turned towards the assembled and called out, "Is dantes section here?"
"wat u want shiv i ant got no tim fr u i busy," came the response from a midget in the crowd. His body was obstructed, but it was obvious that he was pierced with several arrows, possibly even a few gunshots. No one knew or cared how this had happened.
"That's. Too bad," Shivan said. "Lucifer Duck?"
No reply.
".SupaCaleb?"
Still no reply.
"Shivan," Burgess argued. "If you want to do this correctly, you have to have my madd skillz. WARRAN THAD!"
There came a mumbling sound from the people.
"There's your spy."
Warran perked up.
"I'm not going to assist you," he said.
"I'll give you hookers," Burgess said.
"How about no?"
"Look," Shivan said to Burgess. "This isn't getting anywhere."
Then dantes spoke again.
"i not guna let u us dis weni im gona do it instead cus i colr."
"ENGLISH'D!" said Brownsound again.
"OK, dantes. You go into the WWESB with. Burgess, and report here tomorrow. K?"
"You mean you want me to spend all night with that ass?" Burgess whined.
"Right."
"But I have work."
"Then Templarle will do it. Because I say so."
"**** you , Shivan." Templarle said. He was standing next to Crazyace's unconscious body. "Come on dantes," he said, walking toward him, taking him by the pudgy arm, and leading him towards the forest.
"Thank ****ing God this pathetic excuse for a chapter is over," Burgess spat.
"Friends, relatives, drunken rivals," Shivan said, raising his voice. It seemed to envelop the Vale even without amplification. "We are at war, as you may have noticed."
A murmur passed through the crowd, bearing the essence of "duh".
"Right. Well, I have a plan."
"Hence the title of the chapter," Burgess said, bustling himself through the throng and climbing atop the stage next to Shivan. "So, what the ****ing Hell you plotting?"
"Well," Shivan said. "For a limited time -"
"Is this one of those infomercials?" Burgess asked.
"Funny you asked, Burgess! Yes, indeed, and for this short period of time -"
"Your plan is an infomercial?"
"Yes. Deal with it."
"Gimmie The List."
"Why?"
"Because I'm about to go all Gandalf on your ass and take control of the last defense of the YSB."
"No, no you aren't."
"Do I have to get my big, shiny rod out and stick it up your ass?"
"Y halo thar buttseckslololol!!1!!1!!1!one!1!!1!!" said Brownsound from the crowd.
"Fine, take it.," Shivan said, drawing it from his cloak. It was a worn scroll. The papyrus was old and tinted, torn in corners and definitely not in mint condition. No trades for Shivan. He held it out to Burgess.
"Take it then Mr. Hotshot."
"Nah," Burgess said. "I don't feel like defending anything right now. My sister's trying to get me in bed."
"You stole Vademon's gig."
"Shut up and unfurl the scroll."
Shivan opened it and held it before him.
"There're a bunch of n00bs here."
"Exactly."
"Spies?"
"No, golf clubs. I need to improve my game."
"Right."
Shivan turned towards the assembled and called out, "Is dantes section here?"
"wat u want shiv i ant got no tim fr u i busy," came the response from a midget in the crowd. His body was obstructed, but it was obvious that he was pierced with several arrows, possibly even a few gunshots. No one knew or cared how this had happened.
"That's. Too bad," Shivan said. "Lucifer Duck?"
No reply.
".SupaCaleb?"
Still no reply.
"Shivan," Burgess argued. "If you want to do this correctly, you have to have my madd skillz. WARRAN THAD!"
There came a mumbling sound from the people.
"There's your spy."
Warran perked up.
"I'm not going to assist you," he said.
"I'll give you hookers," Burgess said.
"How about no?"
"Look," Shivan said to Burgess. "This isn't getting anywhere."
Then dantes spoke again.
"i not guna let u us dis weni im gona do it instead cus i colr."
"ENGLISH'D!" said Brownsound again.
"OK, dantes. You go into the WWESB with. Burgess, and report here tomorrow. K?"
"You mean you want me to spend all night with that ass?" Burgess whined.
"Right."
"But I have work."
"Then Templarle will do it. Because I say so."
"**** you , Shivan." Templarle said. He was standing next to Crazyace's unconscious body. "Come on dantes," he said, walking toward him, taking him by the pudgy arm, and leading him towards the forest.
"Thank ****ing God this pathetic excuse for a chapter is over," Burgess spat.