Author's Note: Well, this fic has actually been sitting on my computer's
hard drive for ages, and I'm only just putting it up, that's why the
chapters are coming in so close together. You'll also notice there are
longer than they usually are, so I hope that pleases a few people who are
always bugging me about writing longer chapters. :)
**~~*~~*~~*~~**
Well, he'd been at the 4077 for twenty six hours now, and he still hadn't been killed. Maybe it was safer up the front than he thought. Max was sitting outside, enjoying the sun. He had promised to join a poker game with Hawkeye and Trapper later, Radar had shown him around the whole camp, and he now felt like he was a part of it all. He saw Major Houlihan walking past, and Max decided he'd talk to her. Not because he liked her in that way, or anything, but because he had a friendly soul, and wanted to get to know everyone. He followed Major Houlihan to the supply tent, and tapped her on the shoulder as she got to the door.
'We haven't meet yet,' Max began, 'but I'm Max, the new guy in camp.'
'Ah yes, Corporal Klinger,' the nurse said nastily.
'Max,' he replied. 'Please call me Max. What can I call you?'
'You may call me Major Houlihan, as I am a Major and expect to be treated rightfully,' the nurse said, staring down her nose at him.
'I just wanted to say hi, and all,' Max said, backing away. Major Houlihan made him feel very small and insignificant. She, after all, was a Major, and he was just a Corporal. She made it feel like he shouldn't even be looking at her.
'Hey, Max,' Hawkeye came up to them. He stared the nurse down.
'Captain,' Houlihan said stiffly. Hawkeye cringed.
'Don't. Call. Me. Captain,' he said through gritted teeth.
'I was just telling the Corporal here that he should reefer to me as Major, instead of any silly nickname you may come up with,' she said to him.
'What, like Hotlips?' Hawkeye asked. Houlihan glared at Max, again as if he had made the pass, and walked stiffly into the supply room. Hawkeye pushed Max away, and started heading towards the Swamp. 'Don't try talking to her, Max. Hotlips isn't really the nicest person in camp,' Hawkeye said.
'All I wanted to do is say hello, and she treats me like dirt,' Max said woefully.
'Remember Frank, the Ferret Face? Well, Major Margaret Houlihan is a lot like him. Don't mess with them, otherwise they'll make your life hell,' Hawkeye advised.
'Where'd the "Hotlips" nickname come from?' Max asked.
'She and Frank have a thing going. Started the second she got here. Every night, they go to Margaret's tent, and. . . well, make out, I suppose,' Hawkeye explained.
'Uh huh,' Max said.
'Just keep away from them both. They're nuts,' Hawkeye shook his head, then looked down and smiled at Max.
'Thanks, Hawkeye,' he said. 'Anyone else I should know about?'
'Just any Generals that come into camp. They're a little stuck up, too,' Hawkeye said as he went into the Swamp.
'Right, I'll remember that,' Max said, walking away. Hawkeye was a really nice guy, he decided. He must remember that next time he needed help in camp.
**~~*~~*~~*~~**
Max looked around. He'd been stuck on guard duty for the first time, and he wasn't liking the idea, not one bit. A Sargent Mackenzie was showing him how to stop people and ask for the password, but Max was too scared to really take much notice. The gun in his hands was shaking, and Mackenzie didn't help much. He was a scary looking man, with dark brown hair, and dark eyes. And very, very, very, tall.
'Come on, Max,' he said in a friendly tone. 'The gun ain't gonna hurt you, unless you put your face to the holes and pull the trigger.
'I've never done this before,' Max admitted.
'You'll be fine. You can't be any worse than the last kid we had here, trying to do guard duty,' Mackenzie told him.
'What happened to the last kid?' Max asked, half fearfully.
'Got picked off by a sniper,' Mackenzie replied, making Max even more nervous. The gun shook in his hands more, and it went off. Mackenzie fell to the ground with a thud, and started groaning. Then he lay still. Max dropped the gun and ran towards the Swamp. He banged hard on the door until Hawkeye got up and turned a light on.
"What?' he asked in an annoyed tone.
'I think I've killed him!' Max said through the door.
'Who?' Hawkeye asked.
'With any luck, Ferret Face,' Trapper moaned.
'I heard that!' Frank snapped from his cot nearest to the door.
'I'll come have a look,' Hawkeye yawned, pulling his dressing gown on. Max lead Hawkeye frantically to the spot where Mackenzie had fallen. Hawkeye looked him over, then looked up at Max. 'Well,' he said 'you didn't kill him, but I think you may have sent him home.'
'So I'll be the first guy in the outfit to be sent home?' Mackenzie asked.
'Looks like,' Hawkeye replied, helping the man up.
'Max, you're on your own. You'll have to do guard duty until the morning. Someone will come and relieve you,' Mackenzie said before being helped away by Hawkeye.
'Right, I can do this,' Max said to himself, picking the gun up. Suddenly, there was a whooshing sound, and a huge explosion nearby.
'Just a little late night bombing, folks. You are advised to stay in your tents,' the speakers crackled over the sound of explosions. That's all Max needed. Dropping the gun again, he ran and hid in the showers for the rest of the night.
**~~*~~*~~*~~**
'Radar, I want out,' Max said to Radar the next morning.
'You can't get out,' Radar replied, rolling over in his bunk, arm clasped around the neck of a teddy bear.
'Uh, discharges, what discharges are there? I'll get out on one of those,' Max said, rolling Radar back over to face him.
'Well, the only two I can't think of right now where you don't have to half kill yourself,' Radar yawned.
'Yes, that's good. I don't deal well with pain,' Max said quickly.
'Well, you have two options. A section DA7, which is a hardship discharge, so if a member in your family dies or something, you can get sent home,' Radar said.
'Do you know how long it would take for one of my family to die?' Max asked. 'I could be here for years!'
'Fine, calm down. There's also a section eight.'
'Section eight?'
'Yeah, crazy papers. You prove you're crazy, you get sent home,' Radar yawned again and started to fall asleep again.
'Ok, thanks, Radar. You get some sleep,' Max soothed, and he left the tent.
**~~*~~*~~*~~**
Well, he'd been at the 4077 for twenty six hours now, and he still hadn't been killed. Maybe it was safer up the front than he thought. Max was sitting outside, enjoying the sun. He had promised to join a poker game with Hawkeye and Trapper later, Radar had shown him around the whole camp, and he now felt like he was a part of it all. He saw Major Houlihan walking past, and Max decided he'd talk to her. Not because he liked her in that way, or anything, but because he had a friendly soul, and wanted to get to know everyone. He followed Major Houlihan to the supply tent, and tapped her on the shoulder as she got to the door.
'We haven't meet yet,' Max began, 'but I'm Max, the new guy in camp.'
'Ah yes, Corporal Klinger,' the nurse said nastily.
'Max,' he replied. 'Please call me Max. What can I call you?'
'You may call me Major Houlihan, as I am a Major and expect to be treated rightfully,' the nurse said, staring down her nose at him.
'I just wanted to say hi, and all,' Max said, backing away. Major Houlihan made him feel very small and insignificant. She, after all, was a Major, and he was just a Corporal. She made it feel like he shouldn't even be looking at her.
'Hey, Max,' Hawkeye came up to them. He stared the nurse down.
'Captain,' Houlihan said stiffly. Hawkeye cringed.
'Don't. Call. Me. Captain,' he said through gritted teeth.
'I was just telling the Corporal here that he should reefer to me as Major, instead of any silly nickname you may come up with,' she said to him.
'What, like Hotlips?' Hawkeye asked. Houlihan glared at Max, again as if he had made the pass, and walked stiffly into the supply room. Hawkeye pushed Max away, and started heading towards the Swamp. 'Don't try talking to her, Max. Hotlips isn't really the nicest person in camp,' Hawkeye said.
'All I wanted to do is say hello, and she treats me like dirt,' Max said woefully.
'Remember Frank, the Ferret Face? Well, Major Margaret Houlihan is a lot like him. Don't mess with them, otherwise they'll make your life hell,' Hawkeye advised.
'Where'd the "Hotlips" nickname come from?' Max asked.
'She and Frank have a thing going. Started the second she got here. Every night, they go to Margaret's tent, and. . . well, make out, I suppose,' Hawkeye explained.
'Uh huh,' Max said.
'Just keep away from them both. They're nuts,' Hawkeye shook his head, then looked down and smiled at Max.
'Thanks, Hawkeye,' he said. 'Anyone else I should know about?'
'Just any Generals that come into camp. They're a little stuck up, too,' Hawkeye said as he went into the Swamp.
'Right, I'll remember that,' Max said, walking away. Hawkeye was a really nice guy, he decided. He must remember that next time he needed help in camp.
**~~*~~*~~*~~**
Max looked around. He'd been stuck on guard duty for the first time, and he wasn't liking the idea, not one bit. A Sargent Mackenzie was showing him how to stop people and ask for the password, but Max was too scared to really take much notice. The gun in his hands was shaking, and Mackenzie didn't help much. He was a scary looking man, with dark brown hair, and dark eyes. And very, very, very, tall.
'Come on, Max,' he said in a friendly tone. 'The gun ain't gonna hurt you, unless you put your face to the holes and pull the trigger.
'I've never done this before,' Max admitted.
'You'll be fine. You can't be any worse than the last kid we had here, trying to do guard duty,' Mackenzie told him.
'What happened to the last kid?' Max asked, half fearfully.
'Got picked off by a sniper,' Mackenzie replied, making Max even more nervous. The gun shook in his hands more, and it went off. Mackenzie fell to the ground with a thud, and started groaning. Then he lay still. Max dropped the gun and ran towards the Swamp. He banged hard on the door until Hawkeye got up and turned a light on.
"What?' he asked in an annoyed tone.
'I think I've killed him!' Max said through the door.
'Who?' Hawkeye asked.
'With any luck, Ferret Face,' Trapper moaned.
'I heard that!' Frank snapped from his cot nearest to the door.
'I'll come have a look,' Hawkeye yawned, pulling his dressing gown on. Max lead Hawkeye frantically to the spot where Mackenzie had fallen. Hawkeye looked him over, then looked up at Max. 'Well,' he said 'you didn't kill him, but I think you may have sent him home.'
'So I'll be the first guy in the outfit to be sent home?' Mackenzie asked.
'Looks like,' Hawkeye replied, helping the man up.
'Max, you're on your own. You'll have to do guard duty until the morning. Someone will come and relieve you,' Mackenzie said before being helped away by Hawkeye.
'Right, I can do this,' Max said to himself, picking the gun up. Suddenly, there was a whooshing sound, and a huge explosion nearby.
'Just a little late night bombing, folks. You are advised to stay in your tents,' the speakers crackled over the sound of explosions. That's all Max needed. Dropping the gun again, he ran and hid in the showers for the rest of the night.
**~~*~~*~~*~~**
'Radar, I want out,' Max said to Radar the next morning.
'You can't get out,' Radar replied, rolling over in his bunk, arm clasped around the neck of a teddy bear.
'Uh, discharges, what discharges are there? I'll get out on one of those,' Max said, rolling Radar back over to face him.
'Well, the only two I can't think of right now where you don't have to half kill yourself,' Radar yawned.
'Yes, that's good. I don't deal well with pain,' Max said quickly.
'Well, you have two options. A section DA7, which is a hardship discharge, so if a member in your family dies or something, you can get sent home,' Radar said.
'Do you know how long it would take for one of my family to die?' Max asked. 'I could be here for years!'
'Fine, calm down. There's also a section eight.'
'Section eight?'
'Yeah, crazy papers. You prove you're crazy, you get sent home,' Radar yawned again and started to fall asleep again.
'Ok, thanks, Radar. You get some sleep,' Max soothed, and he left the tent.