Until My Dying Day
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Unfortunately.
~*~
They had been through a lot together. An instant bond between the two of them had grown deeply, first into friendship, and then into something more. A love so deep, that nothing could ever part them. Nothing, except perhaps death itself.
And now, there was that possibility.
Blink watched Mush as he slept. His slumber was far from peaceful, as it kept being interrupted by his coughing. He tossed and turned, trying to find a position where he could breathe easily. He was still Mush though. Still so utterly beautiful. So perfect. If only he was free of that horrible disease.
He'd been so sick, for so long. Too ill to get out of bed in the mornings, to sell papes with the rest of the newsies. He kept his spirits up, always the eternal optimist, trying to cheer everyone up about his condition. Only with Blink did he let his true feelings show. When he could manage it, he would help sell the afternoon addition, but that became a rarer and rarer occurrence, as he continued to grow weaker and weaker.
It pained Blink to see Mush in so much pain. But there was nothing that could be done about it. Mush just continued to slip away from him, as the illness took him. His once muscular frame had grown skeletal. All of the newsies in the lodging house were chipping in to allow him to eat, and Kloppman had stopped charging Mush rent. They all knew now that it was just a matter of time until he slipped away entirely.
Leaving him all alone. Like he was before he and Mush realized how much they meant to each other. How much they completed each other.
The two of them had come to the lodging house within weeks of each other, all those years ago. Both had been young, only 10 years old. They had bonded quickly, as they learned to sell together. Each of them had their own tragedies that had driven them to the lodging house. Their own memories, which caused them to become newsies in the first place.
They had bonded over their homes. Blink, who had run away from home after an encounter with his drunken father had cost him his eye. Mush, whose parents and siblings had died after a fire had destroyed their tenement house. Mush had only escaped through sheer luck; he'd been playing in a nearby park. Blink had had a miserable childhood, Mush's had been relatively happy, at least in comparison to the stories of the other boys.
Yet they had become close. The pain that the transition to their new life as newsies had caused them was relieved by their friendship. Two boys, young and innocent, both struggling to make a living for themselves on the streets of New York City. An innocent friendship, which as they grew, turned into something much more.
The first time Blink realized how much Mush really meant to him was when they were 14 years old. It had been one of the coldest winter days in recent memory, and the headlines had been slow for weeks. All of the newsies were low on funds, and so many of them were going without food to ensure that they'll have enough to sleep indoors. Things were going bad for many of them. A lot of the younger newsies were only getting one meal every two days. Racetrack was barely selling, and was just concentrating on winning as much in cards as he could. All the newsies had heard him complain that he could barely sell in the winter, since the races were closed due to snow. Blink and Mush always sold together, heading to central park, hoping that someone would be there.
~*~
On that particular day, they had the worst day of selling that they could remember, and probably one of the worst days that they would ever have. It was below freezing outside, and the wind-chill made it even worse. Any part of their skin that was exposed felt like it froze instantly, the second it was exposed to the chill. Barely 15 papers were sold between the two of them, as most people were smart enough not to venture out in that weather.
"I can't believe this," Mush muttered. "This is going to break me completely. There's no way I can afford to pay Kloppman tonight. Or eat, for that matter."
Blink winced. He was doing pretty badly himself, but he hadn't quite hit that level yet. He still had enough left to manage rent for the night, and afford papes the next day. Another few days though, and he'd be in the same situation that Mush was.
Somehow the thought of Mush being in that position hurt Blink more than it should. They were friends, and obviously he should be concerned about Mush's well-being, but he felt something more. The thought of Mush being in pain pained him as well.
"I'll cover you for tonight," he said quietly. "It ain't safe to sleep outside."
"But Blink," Mush protested. "You didn't sell too well either today. You need to eat too."
"It'll be okay Mush, one night ain't gonna break me." He flung an arm around Mush's shoulders, and led him back to the lodging house.
~*~
"Blink?" Mush called from his bunk, barely higher than a whisper.
Blink moved away from the window, and came to join Mush on the bed. Mush was so tired, so pale. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he placed a hand on Mush's forehead.
"The fever's breaking," he said, with a smile.
"It won't last," Mush whispered. "It just keeps coming back, no matter what."
"No," Blink said, shaking his head. "It's going to be okay. You'll pull through this."
Regardless of what Mush would show the others, he always let his guard down around Blink. It was Blink who kept up Mush's spirits, regardless of what it meant for him. He would do whatever to make sure that Mush was okay, that he wasn't in pain, and that he was happy. Because he loved him, and that was all that mattered.
"Do you remember," Mush wheezed, "our first night?"
"How could I forget," Blink smiled. "It was one of the best nights of my life."
~*~
It was a few months after that awful winter, and the Lodging House was full. Months ago, Blink had realized that he felt something more for Mush than he should have. It wasn't right for him to love another boy. He knew this in his mind, but his heart didn't seem to care. Mush was oblivious to Blink's feelings, and seemed to be quite content with just their friendship. They spent all their time together, and it was so far, enough for Blink, even though deep in his heart he wanted so much more.
Once again, there weren't enough beds to go around. Blink and Mush had shared a bed together before, most of the boys had doubled up more than once. But tonight, something just felt different.
The two huddled together, trying desperately to keep warm. It may have been March, but the chill had not completely left the air. As the rest of the boys fell asleep, Blink was painfully aware of his proximity to Mush, as they cuddled together. He could already tell that he would certainly not be able to sleep tonight, not with the way contact with Mush was affecting him.
"You still awake?" Mush asked, propping himself up and looking at Blink with a half-smile.
"Couldn't sleep," Blink replied, grinning at his friend.
"You seemed a bit distracted," Mush laughed, a wide grin spread on his face.
"I –" Blink stammered, blushing furiously. He lowered his gaze, refusing to meet Mush's eyes.
Mush reached out a hand, touching Blink's cheek. "You do care for me, don't you," he said, making it a statement, and not a question.
"Of course I do, you're my best friend."
"Oh. Okay. Goodnight Blink."
"Why did you ask?"
"I thought that maybe… oh, it doesn't matter."
"You thought what?"
"Don't Blink. Just drop it, pretend I never said anything."
Blink allowed himself one desperate hope, that maybe Mush really did love him in the same way he loved Mush. But that would be asking too much. That would mean that he maybe had the chance to be happy. And Blink had realized long ago that this kind of happiness was not meant for him. However, he still needed to try.
"I love you Mush," he whispered. "It's wrong, and I shouldn't, but I love you."
"We may be lots of things, but we aren't wrong," Mush smiled, and brought his lips to Blinks. And there, on that cold night, the two of them shared their first kiss, the first of many.
~*~
"I love you Mush," Blink whispered, pulling Mush's frail form into his arms. "I always have, and I always will."
Mush smiled up at him, resting his head against Blink's chest. "I know." His breathing was growing more and more labored. "That's all I need."
He shuddered, as another wave of pain came. "Just hold me Blink, please," he whispered. "I can't take this anymore. But if I'm with you, it will all be okay."
Blink wrapped his arms around Mush, trying to be as close to him as possible, and the two just sat there on the bed, gazing into each others eyes.
"I'll always love you, Mush," Blink whispered furiously.
"I know," Mush smiled. He winced. "I'm so tired Blink, I just want to sleep."
"So sleep. I'll be here with you."
"Stay with me?"
"Always."
Blink curled up on the bed, holding Mush tightly, and as Mush's breathing grew worse, he kissed his neck, doing what he could in his small way to help the pain. There they remained, until Mush's agony was ended.
"Always," Blink whispered one more time. He was still sitting there when the rest of the boys came in, cradling his lost love in his arms.
~*~
Author's Notes: This fic is entirely B's fault, and is dedicated to her because of it. She was mentioning how she wanted to read more Blink/Mush fluff, and since she's feeding my Spot/Race addiction (and bringing it to dangerously high levels), I wrote her some. However, I'm completely incapable of writing something that doesn't involve torturing someone, so this fluff involves death. Hope you like it. J