(Author's note: I am not ridiculing any one person's story in particular. The only intentional parodies are for LoTR, Space Balls, and Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail")

Legolas, Gimli, and Aragorn were walking through a forest when Gimli spoke up and said "What is this, a joke?"

"Yes, but look ahead, there's someone sitting in the road." replied Aragorn.

And lo, it was so, a woman dressed in blue velvet was sitting on a large ornate trunk and examining her ragged hem.

"Excuse me, miss," the woman looked up at Legolas' voice, "Why are you sitting all alone in this forest, especially wearing that?" Legolas indicated her velvet gown, now torn and ragged, with parts of the velvet rubbed bald.

The woman's eyes grew bright "Oooh, kewlies! Like, you're Legolas, right? You're soo handsome, and these other two must be Aragorn and Gimli. Hi, your majesty, and Gimli, you're so cute! I'm really looking forward to our future scene where I shag one or all of you. As for the dress, it's not supposed to have torn like this, I'm supposed to be able to go through the forest, and numerous battles, while my clothes and hair remain immaculate."

"Woman, are you ill? Your manner of speech is strange, and your ideas stranger still. Gimli, refrain from threatening the woman with your axe." Aragorn said while holding Gimli back.

"She called me cute! Dwarves are NOT cute!"

"Yes, we know, Gimli."

"Elf, will you shut up already! Don't make me come after you!"

"Gentlemen, please stop arguing. Gimli, put the axe DOWN! Now, lady, what is your name?"

"Ooh, Aragorn, you have such a commanding presence! My name is Sara-Indil, Mary Sue, in the common tongue."

"Well, Mary Sue, we cannot stay here long, so we must bring you with us. What is in that trunk, is it important? We must travel light, so bring only what you need to survive."

"Yes, it is essential to me, but far too heavy to carry. Can one of you strong gentlemen carry it for me?" Mary Sue fluttered her eyelashes at Legolas in entreaty.

"I'm an archer, not a porter, Gimli, you carry it."

Grumbling, Gimli loaded it onto his back and they set off down the road.

Several miles down the road, Legolas looked around and said "Where are we? I don't recognize this forest."

"It's the dark forest of Ewing, home of the Black Beast of Caer Bannog." Mary Sue moved closer to Legolas.

"It's not on the map." He showed it to her.

"Bloody hell, Elf, don't tell me you've gotten us lost!" Gimli dropped the trunk. "What's in this thing anyway?" He opened it.

Aragorn lifted out a strange object with a large nose and a pronged tail "What manner of creature is this? I told you to bring only what you need to survive!"

"It's my industrial strength hair dryer, and I can't live without it!" she sulked.

"Very well, YOU carry it. We cannot afford to be delayed further by your silliness." Aragorn dropped the dryer in the dust, and the rest of the party moved out.

"I hope she stays behind." Gimli growled.

Legolas looked behind him "No such luck, she's running to catch up. Should we run for it, Strider?"

Aragorn sighed "It would be beneath our dignity to run from a harmless, if stupid, woman. Let her catch up."

"You left me! How dare you leave me? I thought you loved me Legolas!" she said we she caught up, short of breath.

"Why in Middle Earth would you think I love you?"

"You mean you don't find my spirit and beauty irresistible?" Mary Sue seemed confused.

"First off, I am a great deal older than you. Secondly, I have met the most lovely elf maidens in the world and you don't hold a candle. Thirdly, I find your 'spirit' highly irritating. And finally, all MY physical needs are already being met, thank you very much. Isn't that right Gimli?" Legolas fluttered his eyelashes at Gimli.

"Damn it, Elf, I told you we were never to speak of that night again! Before you ask, woman, I feel the same towards you as he does."

"What about you, Aragorn, don't you find me attractive?" She pleaded.

"No, I also am already taken" he replied and lengthened his stride.