They traveled through the night, with Aragorn scouting ahead and Gimli as rearguard. Mary Sue walked in the middle with Legolas, who was desperately hoping she would refrain from any embarrassing declarations of love. Gimli had already teased him about his "girlfriend" and made a few cutting remarks about "robbing the cradle." A flash of silver in the moonlight caught his eye. He turned to see Sue playing with something in her hands, jewelry of some sort?
"What's that?" he asked.
"It's my Ring. It's very powerful and if I used it right it could even defeat Sauron!" she said proudly.
"You have a Ring of Power?" Legolas asked skeptically.
"Of course I do," she replied, "Haven't you heard the tale?"
Mary Sue took a deep breath and chanted "Three Rings for the Elven kings under the sky, Seven for the Dwarf lords in their halls of stone, Nine for mortal Men, doomed to die, One for the Dark Lord, on his dark throne, In the land of Mordor where the Shadows lie. One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to take them all, And in the darkness bind them, In Mordor where the Shadows lie. Oh, and one extra Ring for Mary Sue, because narrative tension is unimportant."
"I don't think I've heard it like that before…"said Legolas, doubtfully.
"Hush! You fools, Aragorn says we're getting close, let's not bring the orcs down upon us." Gimli whispered harshly.
Legolas whispered back "Mary Sue says she has a Ring of Power."
"What? Who'd she steal it from?" Gimli glared at her.
"I didn't steal it! It's mine! Sauron gave it to me himself because I'm his father's brother's cousin's nephew's best friend's former roommate's great granddaughter!" she replied hotly.
Gimli stared at her while Legolas tried to figure this out.
"What does that make her?" Gimli asked.
"Crazy, and absolutely nothing." Legolas replied.
Aragorn strode into view and asked "What's going on back here? I can hear you three half a league up the trail."
"Nothing." said Mary Sue while Legolas and Gimli made "She's Crazy" motions behind her back.
"That's right, Aragorn, we're just talking to Mary Sue because she claims to have the twenty-first Ring that was given to her personally by Sauron because of some silly, half assed notion that they're somehow related." Gimli said with scorn.
Aragorn turned on her "You have met Sauron, in person, and were not injured?" he asked with an edge in his voice.
"I suffered a mild case of dehydration and hunger because the food there was horrible, but no, otherwise I was fine. His minions found me and brought me to him after my parents died and he told me how we were related and gave me my Ring. I found out he was evil really and escaped to come help you. I wandered, lost, for several days before you found me." she replied, slightly confused.
"Damn! Diversionary tactics!" he muttered under his breath and turned to Legolas. In Elvish he asked *Do you still have any rope?*
Legolas replied in the same language *Yes, I'll go get it now. You need it for her?* his eyes flicked to where Mary Sue was standing, bewildered.
*She was sent only to delay us. She may be telling the truth, and innocent of Sauron's designs, but we can't risk it. Return quickly, friend.* Aragorn said. As Legolas sprinted away he spoke to Mary Sue again. "Legolas has gone to fetch something for me, please tell me more about yourself."
His charm worked its magic again and Mary Sue started telling them her life story. Halfway through, Gimli fell asleep, propped up by his axe handle.
"… and that's how I found myself in the forest with my trunk, right before you found me." she finished.
"Fascinating." Aragorn said, gently nudging Gimli with his foot.
"Huh? Oh yes, how interesting." said Gimli as he woke up.
Just then, Legolas returned with the elven rope. Aragorn nodded to him and grabbed one end. Moving quickly, they gently held Mary Sue against a tree and tied her to it. Her stream of obscenities caused Gimli to start taking notes and Legolas to shove a spare piece of cloth in her mouth as a gag. He barely missed getting his fingers bitten. Aragorn shook his finger in her face, unimpressed by her look of rage and betrayal.
"Now, now Mary Sue, we hate to have to leave you like this…" Aragorn began.
"I don't!" said Gimli and Aragorn glared at him.
"But we really need to rescue our friends. Since you and Sauron are so close…" he continued.
"Crazy woman." muttered Legolas.
"Quit interrupting me!" said Aragorn. "As I was saying, since you and Sauron are so close, he should send some minions by before you starve to death. If you're lucky, he won't torture you. He does tend to do that a great deal, especially if he feels you've failed him. Farewell." He nodded to the other two and they set off to catch the Uruk-hai that had stolen Merry and Pippin.
"Glad to be rid of that baggage." said Gimli, as they rounded a bend in the trail.
"There really wasn't that much to carry once we were rid of that stupid 'hair dryer' contraption." replied Legolas.
"I was talking about Mary Sue." said Gimli.
The last words she heard before their voices faded completely was Legolas wondering "I wonder what will happen to her now?"