Chapter 67
"Baby wake up." Cass whispered into his ear. "You need to take your pills, then you can go back to sleep." Just then his watch beeped and she reached over and silenced it. He sat up some, swallowing the pills in her hand with the juice she handed him. "Go back to sleep, I'll wake you up later." She kissed his forehead and went to get up.
He couldn't remember what he dreamed all last night, he just knew he didn't like it. And he knew he felt alone all night. He grabbed her hard and pulled her back to him. "Come lay down with me."
"Roger I'm doing stuff."
"Please." He pleaded with his eyes. "Just a little while. Till I fall asleep."
She couldn't resist him and he knew it she thought. Cass lay down next to him, surprised at how almost needily he wrapped his arms around her. At first she thought he was looking to get lucky and she gave him a small grin. But as he pulled her close she realized it was more that that. He didn't want sex, he just wanted her there with him. She wrapped her arms around him as well, helping him pull her close. "Shhh, go to sleep Baby." She told him lightly running her fingers over his cheek and through his hair.
"Okay." He snuggled into her. "I gotta work at nine tonight."
"Okay Baby." She stoked his hair, thinking back to last night. It was after three when he got home and close to four when he finally fell asleep. When he did fall asleep last night, it wasn't good. He woke her up a few times, tossing around and mumbling in his sleep. She kept stroking his hair till she heard his breathing deepen and even out. After a few minutes she tried to crawl out of his arms. It took a few tries, and finally after shifting the pillow up against him she was able to crawl off the end of the bed.
"Where have you been?" Mark asked as she came into the living room, currently doubling as Mark's bedroom.
"I laid down with him." She told him plopping down next to him on his bed.
"Watch it!" He grabbed at the pile of manuscripts that started to topple as she sat down next to him on the twin bed. "What, the big baby having nightmares or just trying to get you back into bed?" He teased. He really didn't mean it badly and he'd never tease Roger to his face like that. If anyone was entitled to nightmares, it was Roger.
"He didn't sleep well last night, leave him alone."
"He was in a weird mood yesterday at the Life. What's up with that?"
"I don't know, he didn't say anything to me, but you're right. Plus he was mumbling in his sleep all night."
"Yeah I heard him. Give him a chance, he'll tell you when he's ready."
"I know." Cass flipped through the TV channels as Mark poured over the screenplays he had just gotten. "What do you think I should get him for Christmas Marky?"
"Maybe a Playstation?"
Cass grinned. "Sounds more like a Mark present."
"Hey there's an idea." He tickled her.
"Forget it, I'm not getting you a Playstation." She giggled as she slapped his hand. "I'm serious. He wouldn't let me get him a birthday present."
"That's because you had just bought him boots, a jacket and clothes."
"Well he needed them. Speaking of which, we are buying you a new coat this week. But what do you thing I should get him?"
"I don't know. Let me think about it." He told her going back to his manuscripts.
After another hour they heard Roger getting up. "Hey Baby. You want a bagel? They're fresh."
"Sure." He plopped down next to her on the bed, sending Mark's stacks of papers flying.
"Sorry." He laid his head in her lap. "What time is it?"
"12:30. Let me up I'll make you a bagel." She got up as he shifted and went to the kitchen. "Marky you want another one?"
"I'll spit one with you."
"Okay. Izzy called Roger. He said you don't need to work tonight, it's covered."
"Good. Thanks Baby." He took the bagel from her.
"Well eat up, take a shower and then we can go shopping." She said sitting down next to him.
"For what?"
"Refrigerator, stove, dishwasher, washer and dryer. I researched it all. We're going to two stores. Depending on what they say, we either order it there or over the internet. Either way I want to look at them."
"If I have to I guess."
"Yes you do." She kissed his cheek. "We can get some Christmas decorations too while we're out."
Christmas. Here we go again he thought. He didn't even want to deal with it, but looking at Cass, she seemed so excited. He couldn't let her down. She was going on and on about how they can get a tree and stockings and have a real Christmas, with cookies and candy canes and presents and stuff like that. He heard her saying how the last couple of years she and Gia had just gone to some beach in France. How her father never even remembered to call her last year. He just sent her a check. Granted a five thousand-dollar check, but still. He couldn't get over how excited she was, bouncing around the tiny room.
He watched her, going on and on. Talking about wanting to do all sorts of New York Christmas stuff. She was back in the kitchen when the phone rang. "I'll get it!" She called to them, though neither Mark or Roger had moved for it.
When she started laughing and rattling off in French Mark picked up another pile of papers, tossing Roger the remote. "Here, we're not leaving anytime soon I guess."
He heard Marguerite's name and agreed with Mark, flipping channels as Cass dragged the phone into the bedroom.
"Rog you okay?" Mark asked him looking up from his papers.
"What? Yeah I'm fine." He said gruffly.
Mark raised an eyebrow. "I see."
"No I am." His voice softened. "It's just, just… never mind."
Mark looked at him for a second. "Yeah I know." He said softly. "I miss her too." He sighed. "I guess Christmas will always make us think of Mimi huh?"
Roger didn't look up, he just played with the edge of the blanket they were sitting on.
"You know Cass hasn't really had Christmas since she was little. Since her mom died." Mark told him, watching him study the blanket the whole time. "The first couple of years her dad worked. He wasn't even home. After that she just stayed at boarding school over break."
"Yeah?" Roger asked quietly.
"Yup. After her uncle got married, they brought her home, but they just dumped her and Anton on the maid or something. Even after they moved to LA she ended up spending holidays with him, and well, we know how that turned out." Mark's voice trailed off as he watched Roger's grip on the blanket tighten.
"Anyway, you know she met Paulie, spent a couple years with him, so at least she was sort of away from Anton I guess, but those were coke parties…"
"Yeah I know."
"And then she spent Christmas at that rehab place, and after that, she's always just hung out with Gia."
"What's your point Mark?" He wasn't angry, he just didn't understand.
"I don't know." Mark shrugged. "Look I guess I just know how you are, and well, don't get mad at me okay?"
"Just say it Mark."
"I know Christmas is not exactly your most favorite holiday, and you're entitled to that. Just try okay? For Cass. Can you do that? Please?"
Roger sighed and finally looked up from the blanket. "Yeah I know. I don't want to ruin it for her at all, its just kinda hard."
"I know. And she does too. Well sort of. She may not completely realize it. I mean that's not her fault though, she wasn't around. But I'll talk to her if you want me too."
"No, it's okay. I want her to have a good Christmas. All of us. Mimi would want that."
Mark smiled at him. "Yeah she would I think." They just sat there for a second before he spoke again. "You, uh, got any idea what you're gonna get her for Christmas?"
He sat up against the wall and sighed again. "Not really. Maybe a necklace. You ever watch her? Always grabbing at her neck?" Mark nodded. "I couldn't figure out for the longest time what she was doing." He got a slight grin on his face. "Then I saw Krystal do it. She's looking for her necklace. Her mom's cross, the one that got well, lost."
"Oh that makes so much sense! I never thought of that. She never took it off when she spent that summer with me."
"I figured she wore it all the time." Roger told him, flipping the channel. "I'll have to pick up some extra shifts from Izzy so I've got enough money for a nice one."
"Cass will give you the money."
Roger just looked at him. "No I'm not letting her buy her own present. I don't want you getting money from her for that either. I'll give it to you if you need it. Understand?"
"Yeah. She won't mind though. You know every year she usually gives away a big chunk of her trust fund. And not really for tax reasons. That's just Cass."
"Yeah I know. I still don't like it though. I mean she is gonna drop a couple of thousand dollars today buying us a refrigerator and stuff. Not to mention, buying this place and what it's costing to renovate the loft."
"Yeah but it's not just for us remember, it's for her too. And like I said, it's not just for you and me."
"I know, it still bothers me thought."
"Well get over it. I like having food. And I'm really looking forward to coming home to real heat!" He laughed.
"Yeah I guess." He picked up the remote again, trying to make himself relax. "There is nothing but crap on TV."
"Big surprise!" Mark laughed again before getting serious. "Um, Rog?"
"Yeah?"
"You ever consider taking Cass to a show? Like on Broadway or something?"
Roger looked at him blankly, realizing that was about the last thing he had ever considered. "No. Why? Did she say she wanted me too?"
"Oh no, not at all. It's just, well, I promised her I would take her. You know, that summer and well, I never did."
"Oh."
"Well I guess I wanted to know if it was okay with you. If I did that. Like maybe for Christmas?"
Roger laughed at that. "You want to know if it's okay to take my girlfriend out on a date huh?"
Mark grinned. "Pretty much, yeah I guess."
"Go ahead! Have fun!" He laughed as she stood up. "I'm going to take a shower."
***************
By two that afternoon they were ready to leave. Cass dragged them through a few appliance stores, armed with info and bargaining with sales people. After getting a really good deal on all five appliances, with free delivery to the fourth floor for that matter, they were off again.
They found a new coat for Mark as well as two new sweaters. She convinced him to buy Hanukkah presents for both his parents and sisters, not to mention his nieces. After that they started looking at Christmas stuff.
By then Roger was pretty well shopped out but he kept going with her. She talked about trees and looked at ornaments. He couldn't make himself excited but he tried to not be a total grouch.
The more they did the more he thought of Mimi. The more he did that, the guiltier he felt. She picked out stockings and he remembered Mimi doing that one year for him and Mark. She jokingly called him a scrooge and he thought back to how Mimi used to say "Bah humbug" to him. She looked at angels, which of course made him think of Angel. And Mimi.
After awhile he couldn't take it any more. The battle that was ragging in his brain was killing him. He loved them both so much, but he felt like he was two timing both of them.
Cass walked back over to where he stood, looking at an ornament of a young couple dancing in the moonlight. She held it up for him to see and smiled at him. But the look on his face confused her. "Roger are you okay?"
"Yeah I, no, I, I, I gotta go see Izzy." He told her with desperate eyes.
"But he said you didn't need to work tonight."
"I know, I just, something came up." He grabbed her, hugging her close. "I just gotta go. I'll see you tonight. Later."
"Okay. If you're sure." She said confused. "Do you want me to come with you?"
"No I gotta go take care of this myself. I'm sorry. I love you Cass, I really do." And before she could answer he bolted out the door.
Mark pushed the cart filled with lights and ornaments and things over to where she was standing. "Where is he going?" He saw Roger's back as he almost ran out the door.
"I, I don't know." She told him, fighting back tears. "He just said he had to go. To see Izzy or something. And then he left." Her lip started to quiver. "What did I do?"
Oh crap! Mark hugged her. "You didn't do anything. Roger's just being Roger." He took one arm off her and started to push the cart and pull her along. "Don't cry Cass, it's not your fault. Roger's just got to work through some stuff. Come on, let's get this stuff, we'll take it home and I'll take you out to dinner. I'll explain it all to you. Okay Sweetie?" He kissed her cheek.
They got a cab home and dropped everything off in the loft. Stopping off in their temporary place to check the machine incase he called, Mark realized it was already 9:00PM. "Where do you want to eat Cass?"
"I don't care."
He couldn't help but notice the defeated tone in her voice as she stared at the floor. She hadn't sounded like that since the first couple of weeks after she got here. Mark took her to the burrito place a couple of blocks away. There was little chance of running into anyone there. They talked and about Christmas and Roger and Mimi and everything. While Mark was annoyed at Roger for acting like that, at the same time he couldn't be mad at him. He understood what he was going through.
"God I'm such an insensitive bitch!" Cass told him, picking at her food.
"No you're not. And remember who we're talking about here too. Roger's not exactly Mr. Sensitivity either you know."
"Sure he is." She defended him.
That made Mark smile. "Okay. Look all I'm saying is give him a little space and time. He'll tell you when he's ready. And don't take it personal. Okay?"
"I know. I know he loved Mimi. And I know he misses her. And I don't want to begrudge him that. He loves me, I know that, I just wish he'd talk to me instead of taking off."
"Well, Roger's not much of a talker. At least out loud. He has complete conversations, debate and arguments in his head. If I could get him to run his mouth instead of just plain running he'd be so much better off."
She slowly nodded her head. "You know I do love him."
"I know you do."
"And I know he's got a few faults, but I still love him even with them."
"A few faults?" Mark looked at her then grinned. "Yeah I know what you mean. Come on let's go home."
*******************
Mark unlocked the door and let Cass into the tiny apartment. Right away they could hear soft guitar music coming form the bedroom. "Just talk to him." Mark whispered as he kissed her on the forehead.
Cass dropped her jacket on the chair and waked into the room. He was sitting on the bed, leaning against the wall. His eyes were closed and he had that super intense look on his face that he got when he was working hard on a song. He didn't hear her open the door so she just watched him for another minute or two until he was finished.
"Hey." She said softly, causing him to look up.
"Hey." He set the guitar down and got up off the bed, meeting her at the door. "I'm really sorry." He said quietly, looking out into the living room and seeing Mark, who had turned on the TV and was starting to sort through his piles of paper again.
"I know you are." She told him, not meeting his eyes.
He reached out and pushed her chin up, making her look at him. "I…" Mark started flipping channels on the TV. "You wanna go for a walk?"
"Okay."
Roger threw on his jacket as he walked out of the bedroom and picked Cass' coat up, helping her put it on. Mark looked up but didn't say anything as they stepped out the door. Neither of them spoke until they reached the street. Once they started walking Roger took a deep breath. "I'm really sorry Cass."
"I know Roger."
"I shouldn't have taken off like that."
"No, you shouldn't have. You should have talked to me."
Roger stopped walking and for the first time since they started he reached out and touched her. He grabbed her by the shoulders and looked her straight in the eye. "Cass, I love you, you know that right? I mean I really love you, but I had to work some stuff out in my brain. I never meant to hurt you. I just needed some time to think. I'm really sorry Baby."
"I know Roger. And it's okay. I just wish you'd talk to me instead of running off."
He took her hand and they started walking again. "I know. I'm sorry. I'm just not real good at talking."
She looked up at him and smiled. "You're doing pretty good now."
"Yeah." He grinned. "I guess." He looked into her eyes. Something about girl's eyes. That's what always made him fall in love.
"Roger you can tell me anything. I'll listen to whatever you need to say. No matter what." Her eyes bore into his. When she spoke again her voce was low and soft. "Even if it's about Mimi."
Roger stopped waling and put his arms around her kissing her, right there on the sidewalk. "I love you Cass. More than I ever thought possible. I really do."