Chapter 73
Jason got up to get another pitcher of beer, leaving Collins, Mark and Maureen sitting at the table. Joanne was still standing outside the Iguana talking on her phone.
"Cass and Krystal really sound good." Collins said as they finished up another Christmas song.
"True, but you know, Roger's known me for years and never once asked me to sing." Maureen pouted.
Mark sat up some, leaning into the two of them. "Have you guys noticed anything strange about Roger lately?"
"Roger's always been strange Mark." Maureen joked.
"I'm serious Mo."
Collins could tell by the look on Mark's face how serious he was. He realized Maureen did too. "Strange how Mark? What's wrong?"
"Just… look you two were around back then. You remember how he was."
"What?" Maureen's eyes got wide. "You don't think he's using again do you?"
"God, I don't know! I mean maybe I'm imagining it. I hope I'm imagining it. You know, after that whole thing with Cass' friend's funeral and the guy giving her the coke and all. I mean she was so upset. Which of course makes him real upset. And then boom, neither of them are upset. And now he's just acting weird. Kinda like he did back then."
"He wouldn't start using again. He couldn't, not after everything to get clean. Not after everything with Mimi. He can't. He just can't. Especially now, with the baby and everything." The edge of panic showing through Maureen's voice.
"Okay, calm down. Weird how Mark?"
"Just, okay I asked him for some money to go to the store the other day, and he pulls this huge wad of cash out of his pocket. Then he disappears for the entire day, said he was with Izzy. The day after Cass' sonogram. Wouldn't say where he was or what they were doing."
"Mark it's two days before Christmas. Maybe they went shopping or something."
"There's more." Mark told Collins. "I went to go put his guitar away the other day. He almost bit my head off for touching his guitar case."
"So?" Maureen was almost defensive. "Everybody knows that no one is allowed to touch Roger's guitar."
"He didn't yell at me for touching the guitar Mo. He yelled at me for touching the case."
"So what?"
"Think back Mo." Collins said. "Remember where he used to hide all his drugs?"
"In his guitar case." Mark answered for her. "He's also just been acting weird. Sort of out of it. Just not right. Not Roger. At least not Roger from the last few months."
"No way!" Maureen argued. She felt like she was going to cry. "He wouldn't do that! Not now! Not to Cass! Mark how can you say that? How can you even think that? You're supposed to be his best friend!" By then she did start crying.
"It's because I am his best friend Mo! That's why I do think it."
"Okay both of you calm down. This isn't getting us anywhere." He handed Maureen a napkin. "Here comes Jason and Joanne. What do you want to do Mark? You want to talk to him?"
Mark stared down at the empty glass he had been playing with. "Yeah." He said slowly. "Yeah I do. I have too." He looked up from the glass. "Will you go with me?"
Maureen watched Collins nod to Mark. "You guys are wrong. You have to be. He wouldn't do that to Cass. April was different. And Mimi. My God tomorrow's Christmas Eve. I mean right there's reason enough for him to act weird. You guys are wrong. You have to be."
Just then Joanne and Jason came back to the table. "Sorry about that. My father is having last minute gift issues for my mother." She sat down. "What's wrong? Hunneybear are you okay?" She reached out for Maureen's hand.
"Um, no. I've got a really bad headache. Can we go home?"
"Sure. If you want." Joanne stood back up. "I guess we'll see you guys later. Tell Cass and Roger we said goodbye."
"Mo…" Mark pleaded.
"We gotta go. Call me tomorrow Mark."
"What was all that about?" Jason asked as he poured more beers after they left.
"Nothing." Mark said just as Cass, Roger and Krystal came over to the table and sat down. "Hey sweetie. You and Krystal sounded great."
"Thanks. Where's Mo and Joanne?"
"Um, they left." Collins answered her. "Mo didn't feel well."
"That's too bad." Krystal said pouring herself a beer. "And here I am ready to party all night considering there is no school for the next week."
"Good, then you close up for me." Izzy said, sitting down on a chair backwards, pouring himself a beer.
"Hey I just got that pitcher." Jason harassed him.
"Oh like any of you ever pay for your drinks."
"We tip your bartenders." Jason laughed. "Except when it's Roger."
Even Izzy laughed at that. "Seriously Krys. Any chance you'll close up for me tonight?"
"You're kidding right? Why would I want to do that?" She asked him.
"Because tomorrow I gotta go to Jersey, then come back here to pick you up just to go back to Jersey to be at your Mom's house at three in the afternoon, even though we won't eat for hours. And then I get to spend the night squished into that little bed in your old room so we can spend all of Christmas with your crazy family." He gave her a pathetic grin.
"Sorry Iz, gotta do better than that." Krystal stood up and walked towards the bar.
"But Krystal, baby, someday all this will be yours too." He held his arms out gesturing to the entire bar. Krystal looked back, but just kept on walking.
"Oh now there's an offer she could refuse." Roger laughed. "At least she didn't laugh in your face Izzy."
"Okay smart-ass. Just be ready at nine tomorrow morning."
"Nine!"
"Hello? Did you not just hear what I have to do tomorrow? Nine. I want to go and come back. I'll just sleep at Krystal's mom's house. Not like there is anything else to do."
"Alright, alright." Roger leaned back in his chair and turned to Cass. "Will you make sure I'm up?"
"Yes." She laughed at him. "I'll get you up. Can I go with you?"
"No. I gotta go with Izzy. You stay home."
Collins and Mark just looked at each other. "So how much longer you gonna be here tonight?" Mark asked him.
"We've got one more set to play, but Cass is done. If you want to go home that's okay." He told Mark.
"No. I'll wait for you. I want to talk to you about something anyway."
"Okay. Whatever. We got to go Iz." Roger stood up, heading back towards his guitar, followed by Izzy.
****************
"That's it!" Cass said hopping up. "Sooner he's packed up, sooner we can go." She hinted at Mark. "I need to find Krystal and get our stuff from the back."
"Um, okay Cass." Mark told her heading to the stage followed by Collins. "We can't talk to him with her around." Mark whispered.
"I know. I was hoping she'd want to go home early. Maybe we have to wait till tomorrow."
Mark nodded, stepping up on to the stage. "Hey Rog. You want some help?"
"Sure. Undo that amp for me."
Collins picked up Roger's guitar case from the back. He was about to open it when Roger saw him.
"Um, I got it!" He yelled at Collins, knocking over the guitar stand as he grabbed the case from Collins.
"Just trying to help." He told him, shooting a look at Mark.
"Yeah, sorry. It, ah, if you don't put it in just right, the case won't close." Roger stuttered.
Mark was about to say something when Cass showed back up. "You almost ready? I'm tired."
"Yeah, give us like ten more minutes. Then we'll be done."
Mark realized he wasn't going to get the chance to talk to Roger tonight. And tomorrow morning he was taking off with Izzy for something. He looked at Cass. She almost glowed when she was with Roger. That first summer, when he had just met her, she seemed happy, but nothing like this. And Roger too.
He had never been like this. Not ever. Certainly not in high school. With Mimi he was happy, but still very guarded, closed off after everything he had been through. With April, before the drugs, before everything it was closer to now, but still not the same. Never in his life did he want Maureen to be right more than he did at that moment.
Jason's voice snapped Mark out of his thoughts. "Collins you almost ready?"
"Um, yeah I guess." He answered, looking at Mark, knowing perfectly well they'd never get Roger alone. "Mark, I'll call you tomorrow morning. We'll see you guys later." Quietly they left as Mark nodded.
Roger said goodbye, picked up his guitar and walked into the back. Even if he couldn't talk to Roger, he could look in his guitar case tomorrow while Roger was out with Izzy. At least then he'd know something and that made him feel somewhat better.
"Okay let's go." Roger walked out to the table Mark and Cass had sat down at. "Bye Iz."
"Nine AM Davis!"
"Yeah, yeah. I'll be ready." Roger laughed helping Cass put on her coat. "Come on."
"Um, where's your guitar?" Mark asked.
"In Izzy's office. I'll get it tomorrow. We have to come back here anyway."
Damn Mark thought as they walked home. The two of them were laughing and joking as they walked in front of him, Roger's arm around Cass' waist.
"Mark you okay?" Roger turned around and asked him.
"Huh? Yeah, I was just thinking. Sorry."
"Well snap out of it." Roger teased him, putting him into a headlock.
"Yeah okay." He laughed. Maureen's got to be right. She's always right. At least she always thinks so. She had to be this time too. Right?
When they reached the loft they were still joking around. By the time they started climbing the stairs Roger had Cass piggyback and she was giggling. "Let's go to bed." Roger told Cass. "I'm tired and Izzy will be here in," he looked at his watch, "less than seven hours."
"Okay." She jumped on his back again. "Night Marky."
"Yeah, night Marky."
"Yeah, night guys."
Roger slid Cass off his back at their bedroom door before heading back over to Mark. "You sure you're okay Mark? What did you want to talk to me about?"
"It will wait. Until tomorrow. But yeah, I'm okay. But thanks for asking Rog."
"No problem buddy. Now go to bed."
"Yeah." Mark grinned. "Are you? Okay I mean. All things considered and all?"
Roger thought about that for a second. "Yeah I am." He grinned, looking towards their new bedroom. "Everything considered." He gave Mark a quick hug. "I'll talk to you tomorrow. After I get back. Okay?"
"Yeah. Okay. Night Rog." Please God let Maureen be right.
*************
"Roger." Cass whispered into his ear. "Roger wake up." His only response was to mumble incoherently into the pillow. "Roger." She whispered again, running her tongue along his ear, playing with his earrings, then blowing across what she had just licked.
"That was mean." He told her, rolling over and throwing an arm around her.
"But fun." She grinned. "At least for me."
"Oh yeah?" He reached up her side. "Well this is fun for me." He started to tickle her as she squirmed around trying to fight him off. He only stopped when his phone stated to ring.
"Roger stop! That's Izzy!" She laughed.
"Okay, okay." He answered the phone. "Hello? Of course I'm ready." He lied as she laughed. "I've been up for an hour." He winked at her. "Yeah, okay twenty minutes. Honk the horn, I'll be looking for you." He listened then laughed. "Because it's friggin December and cold out. I'll look for you, don't worry. Just bring the stuff. Yeah. Bye." He hung up the phone.
"Gee, I guess you have to get up now." Cass said pulling the blankets back up over her.
"Nice try, but you still can't come with us." He grinned. "Stay here and make sure Mark's okay for me."
"Okay, I'll talk to him."
Roger got up and started to get dressed as Cass watched him. "What?" He asked her.
"Um I was just thinking."
"Lot of that going around lately." He laughed.
She grabbed his hand and pulled him down with her on the bed. "Roger?"
"What's up?"
"Listen," she held his hand in both of hers. "A, tomorrow is Christmas."
"Uh huh."
"Making today Christmas Eve."
"Right." He said softly, looking down at her hands.
"Look, I know all about Christmas Eve. Mark writes letters like he makes movies. You get a lot out of them. It's just," she paused as she bit her lip. "If you're not okay with today, it's okay. I mean I understand. Whatever you want. Okay Rog? I just want to make sure you're okay."
He leaned forward and kissed her on the lips. "I love you Cass. I'll be back later." He stood up, grabbed his phone and boots and walked out into the living room, checking out the window for Izzy. He couldn't believe Cass. He kept telling himself how amazing she was. This just proved it more. Here he was on his way to get her Christmas present and she sits there telling him that. Worrying about him. Telling him if he wanted to go off and sulk over Mimi because it was Christmas Eve it was okay. That she understood.
He had a number of worst days in his life. Really crappy anniversaries. Ones she didn't know anything about out as well as ones she did. Lots of bad ones. When April died. When Angle died. When Mimi died. When his test came back positive. Not to mention rehab. Fights with his father. Stuff with his mom.
But there had been good anniversaries. Like when he moved in with Mark and Collins. When the Well Hungarians got their first gig. When he met April. When he met Mimi. Which was tonight. Five years ago tonight he met Mimi. Four years ago tonight he almost lost her but got her back. Got her back for three more incredible years. Until she stared getting sick again. That was one year ago tonight. And by the end of March she was gone.
So much had happened on Christmas Eve. No one would think Roger of all people to be sentimental. But he realized he had become that way. At least over stuff like anniversaries. At least now. Now that he had a count down to his own death date anniversary.
And now he had Cass. Sweet, wonderful, incredible Cass. Who wanted to make sure he was okay because of Christmas Eve. Cass, who Roger realized he already had an anniversary date with. The day she came into his life. The day he met her. The day she saved him from himself.
The horn blew outside and he knew it was Izzy. He also knew he wanted more anniversaries with Cass. Lots more. With that he grabbed an apple, his pills and a bottle of water and headed down the steps.
"Morning." Izzy mumbled as Roger climbed into the car.
"Hey." Roger bit into the apple. "You bring my stuff with you?"
"Yeah. Here." He handed him an envelope. "You're sure about this?"
"Never been more sure about anything else. Ever." Roger grinned at him.
"Great. You know I'm gonna get a ton of shit form Krystal for this." Izzy laughed. "You owe me big time Davis. Big time."
***************
"Hey sexy!" Cass called from her office to Mark as he stumbled out of his room.
"Great. That must mean I look terrific." He tried to smooth down his hair he assumed was standing up. "Roger leave?"
"Uh huh. A little after nine." She finished typing and got up, walking out to him. "Sweetie are you okay? You've been acting strange all day yesterday. Especially last night." She sat down next to him on the couch, tucking her feet under his legs to keep them warm.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I've just been thinking about stuff is all."
"You want to talk about it?"
"No. Not yet. I'll tell you later. Okay?"
"It that's what you want." She wiggled her toes under his leg, smiling at him.
"Cass?" He looked at her, running his hand up her leg. "Is Roger okay? I mean is anything going on with him?"
"Well, he has been a little strange the last few weeks. But I mean it's Christmas. He's got a lot of baggage that goes along with that."
"That's true. Did he say anything about it?"
"No. Not really. We sort of talked about it. He seems to be okay though."
"Anything else?"
"Well, he's worried about you."
"Me?" Mark asked, surprised.
"Yes. Me too. You have been so bummed the past few days. Is it Mimi?"
"No. Well a little, but there's more to it than that. I just, I'm just worried about him is all."
"I know. That's one of the things I love about you. Come on, I'll cook you breakfast." She hopped up.
"You're going to cook? I thought you just said you loved me?"
They sat around talking and eating toast and cereal for awhile longer before Cass went back to work. After awhile Collins, Maureen and Joanne came over.
"Have you heard from him?" Joanne asked, obviously filled in on everything.
"No, but Izzy said he had to be at Krystal's mom's by three. He should be home soon."
Cass came out of the old bathroom drying her hair with a towel. "Well, by New year they should have our bathroom done. Which will be very nice. Mo what are you so fidgety about?"
"Um, nothing." She dropped the remote onto the milk crate coffee table.
"Okay. I'm going to get dressed." She walked into her room, closing the door.
"I thought you were supposed to be an actress?" Mark whispered at her just as the phone rang. He hopped up and answered. While he was on the phone Jen and Jason walked in the door.
"That was Roger. He'll be here in twenty minutes."
"Okay, we'll get Cass and go to lunch." Joanne said as Maureen went to hurry up Cass.
A few minutes later the bedroom door opened and Cass and Maureen came out. "Okay, I'm hurrying. God Mo, we have food. You're not going to starve in the next fifteen minutes. Have a snack."
"Um, no. New diet, no snacks."
"Let's just go. Please?" Jen asked.
"Okay, okay. I'm ready. Are you guys going?"
"No we ate." Collins lied.
"Okay. Marky?"
"No I'm gonna wait for Roger."
"Okay. Bye sweetie. Tell him I'll be back later." She told him as Maureen and Jen pushed her out the door.
"Well that wasn't too obvious." Jason tried to joke but it didn't go over. "Look it's up to you guys, you want me to stay or go?"
"Stay." Collins said. "If it's true, it will be better to have you here."
"Whatever you want." He reached over and took Collins hand as they sat and waited for Roger.
Finally Mark heard Roger's key in the lock. He stood up and moved to the backside of the couch.
"Hey!" Roger said, walking in carrying his guitar. They could tell he was surprised to see all three of them there, obviously waiting for him. "What's going on?" He looked around as he sat his guitar on the table. "Where's Cass? What's wrong?"
When Mark didn't say anything Collins spoke. "Cass went to lunch with the girls, she'll be back later.
"So what's going on Mark?" He asked in that you-better-give-me-a-straight-answer-father voice he had.
"Look, we, I just need to ask you something." Roger just looked at him waiting. "What's in your guitar case?"
"Um, my guitar?" He told him, confused.
"Will you let me look in it?"
"What are you talking about?" He was getting defensive.
"Roger we want to know if you're using again." Collins flat out asked him.
"What?" He almost yelled. "What the hell are you talking about? You think I'm shooting up again?"
"No, not necessarily. Just anything."
Roger's eyes narrowed as his emotions went from shock and surprise to anger. "Are you talking about, the coke? I told you we flushed it! What now you don't believe me? You think I'm lying?" He said accusingly at Mark.
"Rog just tell me if you're doing drugs again. Anything. Please." Mark pleaded. "Just tell me the truth."
As Mark said that, Roger could see the hurt in his eyes and hear the pain in his voice. Suddenly he felt bad for yelling at him. He knew immediately that was what was wrong with Mark the last few days. Mark thought he was using again. How could he think that? How could he have made Mark think that? Worry about that? Put Mark through that? Again.
He sat down in a chair at the table, running his hands over his face. "No." He looked Mark right in the eye. "No I'm not using again. Nothing at all."
"You swear?" Mark begged.
"Yeah. I promise you. Like I told you, we flushed the coke right after you left. But why did you think that? How could you think that?" He asked Mark. It was clear they had both forgotten Collins and Jason were even in the room.
"You've just been acting so weird lately and it's Christmas Eve and all the stuff that goes with that."
"What? You think because of Mimi and the fact that it's Christmas I can't hold it together enough to stay clean? Give me a break Mark."
"Okay alone that doesn't sound like much, but you had all that money. I mean a lot of money Roger. And you disappeared all day the next day and wouldn't say where you went. And then there's your guitar case. You about had a fit the other day when I touched your guitar case."
"Last night too Roger, when I picked it up." Collins said. "You about flipped out. And that was where you used to keep you stash."
Roger just looked at the three of them for a second then started to laugh. "Okay. I guess it looked kinda bad." He laughed again as he stood up and hugged Mark. "I love you man, you drive me crazy sometimes, but I love you anyway. You're too much Mark. But I don't know what I'd do without you Marky."
Mark was caught somewhat off guard. "But Roger, what's going on?"
"Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I couldn't. I wasn't ready to tell you. I'm still not sure I'm ready but it's too late now." He chuckled. "Okay, the money, I borrowed from Izzy. And the day your talking about I went with Izzy to Jersey. Just like today."
"For what?"
"Hold on, I'm getting there." He held up his hand smiling. "You're right, I did keep my stash in my guitar case, but his time it was different, it was the money and the receipt."
"Receipt for what?" Mark was still quite upset. "And why did you go all the way to Jersey?"
"Damn Mark, it's Christmas I went to Jersey to get a Christmas present for Cass. Izzy took me to see Krystal's uncle. He said I could get a good deal with him."
Jason had been listening to the whole conversation, a grin growing on his face. Finally he started laughing.
"What's so funny?" Collins asked as they all looked at him.
"Well, you're not going to like this, but apparently, at the meeting of the minds on this, the person that kept defending you the most and said you were Christmas shopping or something was Maureen."
"He's right. Maureen swore there was no way you were using again."
"You mean the only person that believed in me was Mo? That's real comforting."
"It wasn't that we didn't believe you, there was just so many things that didn't look right." Collins explained. "And when Mark pointed it all out…"
"Yeah I know. What did Cass say?"
"Um, we didn't say anything to her. That's why she's at lunch."
Roger looked at Mark. "You mean she's got no idea about any of this?"
"No." Mark shook his head. "I wasn't going to say anything till we knew what was going on."
"Good." Roger grinned. "Let's keep it that way."
"But what were you getting? That took all that money and going to Jersey?" Mark asked, still looking somewhat nervous.
Roger could tell he was still upset. He felt bad about that. About doing that to Mark. "If I show it to you, will you relax?" Mark nodded. "Okay but you gotta promise not to say anything."
"I promise."
"Us too." Collins said.
"Okay, I'll show you." He opened up his guitar case. "I gotta get a better hiding spot for my stuff." He laughed as he pulled out the two velvet boxes.