Title: The Fellowship Files

Rating: Pg13

Summary: Kati is a 15 year old girl dealing with the everyday trauma of high school.  Of course, when the Fellowship of the Ring lands in her bedroom, life can't get any more insane…

**Starring**

Kati Alton

Aubrey Galloway

Leigh Turner

London and Calais Brody and 

Lynette 'Lyn' Jones

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It had been nearly an hour since the Fellowship had arrived, and yet we still hadn't gotten around to discussing anything.  It was mostly the hobbits' (and Leigh's) faults, since they insisted on being fed.  Of course, I attempted to cook, and failed miserably.  So then we had to call Calais in to cook, and, well, you get the point.

"What are we going to do with them?" I asked, gesturing to the Fellowship.  We had told them to sit down and to keep from touching anything.  "I mean, we've got school on Monday and my parental units will be back in two weeks."

"Not to mention the fact that they'd never survive in our lovely world," Lynette added.  "That is, if the fangirls don't get to them first."

"You're going to have to keep them here," Leigh said.  "Of course, we'll help ya keep an eye on them, Kati.  Well, as long as we're staying here."

"Jah, but what about school and stuff?" I replied.  "I am NOT leaving them here to ruin my house or London's computer because they happened to come across a slash fic!"

"Just take them to school and tell everyone they're your cousins and that they've never seen a Catholic high school before.  Its not like you're lying," Aubrey suggested. 

"Oh, aye.  You can really see the family resemblance, can't ya?" I snapped sarcastically.  Let me tell you, having the friggen Fellowship land in your living room is no picnic. 

Aubrey thought for a moment.  "Well… You and Legolas do have the same color hair…"

"Yeah.  And that's about as far as the resemblance goes," Lyn put in regretfully.  "But it's the only way to get them to school."

"Just as long as the rabid fangirls don't attack them!" Calais put in helpfully.  "Now… as to where they'll sleep."

Okay, that was rather simple.  "Oi!  Hobbits!  You're going to sleep down here.  Touch any of my food and you won't have a stomach to fill.  Understand?"

The hobbits nodded at me, eyes wide.  My friends were all trying to smother giggles.  Lets just say that I'm fairly protective of my jelly beans.

"Lyn, London, Calais, and Leigh will sleep in my room."  Now came the tricky part.  "Okay… Legolas can have my parents room.  Gimli and Gandalf can have my brother's room (a little more dirt won't matter).  Aragorn and Boromir can have the guest room.  Now, for bathrooms…."

                                                          ~~*~~

After we had gotten the Fellowship somewhat settled in their new quarters, my friends and I ran up to my room and barricaded ourselves, literally.  Okay, wouldn't you be just a wee bit scared if you had nine strange men in your house?  I mean, even if five of them are midgets, one of them is a suspected hobbit molester (cough GANDALF cough). 

"I think that is the most excitement I've witnessed in a LONG time," Calais gasped as she flopped down on my bed.  "Just be glad your parents weren't home."

London giggled.  "That would have been hilarious!  Could you imagine your dad?"

"He'd look like a dying wombat!"

"Uh, Kate?"  Leigh was looking puzzled.  "What the hell is a dying wombat?"

"A wombat that is about to croak and meet its maker?" suggested Leigh.

"Yah!  That's it!"

London and Aubrey smiled almost identical evil grins.  One would think that they were sisters, rather than London and Calais.

"Whatcha up to now?" Lyn asked, a curious expression on her face as she spun my desk chair around.

"Wanna pull a prank on Elfy?" Aubrey asked innocently.

"Yeah, I'd love to.  But Elfy is probably still awake and can probably hear us," Lyn replied, a little regretfully.  "What about Gandalf?"

London smirked.  "The old windbag should be asleep.  We outta steal his hat and staff."

"Nah, that's too boring," I said, as I grinned over at Calais.  "His look is kinda old.  Maybe we should give him a make over?"

"Ooh!  A make over!" screeched Leigh, bouncing up and down while clapping her hands.  "I get to do his hair!"

"Ssh!" Calais hissed.  "Leigh can do his beard, Aubrey can do his hair, Lyn can do his fingernail, I'll do his toenails, Kati will do face make up, and London can sprinkle the glitter and perfume!"

All six of us looked at each other and cackled insanely at the same moment.  Life was defiantly looking up…

                                                          ~~*~~

The next morning we all woke up earlier than usual.  Thankfully, none of the Fellowship was up, so we didn't have any annoying morons bugging us about our world.  Ah… Nothing's better than a peaceful morning with a nice warm shower to wake you up.

There were six of us, and four showers.  One was attached to my room, one was downstairs, one was attached to my parent's room, and one was off the main hall upstairs.  It was decided that it would be divided by hair color.  London and Calais got my bathroom (both have red hair), Lyn was declared a brunette because it was her natural hair color along with Leigh and they got the one in the main hall.  Aubrey got the downstairs, since none of us could remember her original hair color, and I, being the only blonde, got the one attached to my parents room.

I remembered that Legolas was probably still sleeping, so I made sure I opened the bedroom door quietly and shut it behind me.  Sure enough, the elf was flopped on my mom and dad's bed happily sleeping (with his eyes open…freaky).  I walked into the bathroom, and closed the door behind me.

My shower was a nice refreshing one, and thankfully, I managed to keep from singing.  I really didn't need to wake all of our visitors by blowing out their eardrums.  I mean, that might not exactly be the way they're accustomed to being woken up.

Just as I climbed out of the shower and wrapped my fluffy blue towel around myself, the door opened.  I spun around and saw a very red, and very startled elf.  That damned pervert!  I gave my best warrior shriek and hurled my hairdryer at him with several very unladylike curses.  By the time he'd run from the room and shut the door, I'd already went through all my curses and a hairdryer, perfume bottle, deodorant, and a box of tampons.

By the time I'd finished drying off, getting into clean clothes, and taken a few Advil's, the whole household was downstairs.  In fact, Lynette and Calais were already finished making breakfast.  So I stomped over to where Aubrey was standing, glaring at the damned elf the whole while.

"Try that stunt again, elfy, and that pretty blonde hair of yours is going up in flame," I hissed as I pasted the elf.  PMS and peeping elves do not mix.

London had watched this whole exchange, and obviously she'd heard me shrieking curses upstairs.  She turned to Legolas.  "Don't worry, she'll be over this soon enough.  She just suffering from Pissy Maiden Syndrome."

"Does this Pissy Maiden Syndrome have anything to do with, how do you say the word, tampons?" Legolas asked, completely unaware that he should be ashamed.

London snorted and glanced over at me.  "You threw tampons at him?"

I crossed my arms and nodded defensively.  "It's not my fault that the stupid prick decided to come wandering in while I was in a towel."

Aubrey, who'd been listening, raised an eyebrow.  "Oh.  Why are you upset?  At least you weren't arse naked.  That would give you a reason to chuck tampons at him."

I sighed rather heavily and turned to the elf.  "Look I'm sorry for attempting to harm, er, kill you.  Just don't ever go into the bathroom if you hear water running.  Otherwise, I'll make sure Gimli sees you in the nude."

Legolas got a terrified look on his face, obviously remembering the incident last night with slash fics.  However, across the kitchen, Calais wasn't paying attention to the breakfast and had a rather dreamy look on her face.

"Oi!  Calais!!  Get your friggen mind outta the gutter, you pervy woman!  We need breakfast over here!"

Calais's face turned crimson and the rest of us girls broke into hysterical giggles.  Calais had a little, oh fine, massive thing for the aforementioned elf.  Though it was mostly lust, let me assure you.  That girl has a very naughty mind.  Especially when it comes to the many uses of duct tape.

Leigh seemed to be thinking along the same lines as me.  "Hey, Calais, Kati's got some duct tape and chocolate syrup around the house.  You may be wanting that tonight!"

If it was even possible, poor Calais's face turned even more red at this comment.  Of course, the men were completely confused by our comments.

"What would one do with chocolate sauce and this duck tape thing at night?" Sam asked innocently.

Lyn snorted.  "You don't know?  Sam, I thought you'd understand, seeing as you do those kind of things with Frodo all the time!"

At this we broke into more laughter and once more the guys were utterly confused.  They really didn't get out much did they?

"Here's a hint, Sam," London whispered softly.  "It's something that people like Aragorn and Arwen would do."

"Yes, my dear hobbits.  But don't tell a soul.  Especially Aragorn," Aubrey added in.

The hobbits suddenly seemed to catch onto what we had been talking about.  Of course Frodo and Sam glanced at each other.

"Why would Sam and I do something like that?" Frodo asked, slightly disgusted.

"Uh, don't mind Lyn, alright.  She's been reading too many slash fics," I told them  "Speaking of chocolate, I've got a chocolate craving!"

The four hobbits eyed me carefully and backed away, almost as if I were a rapist or something.  I smacked Pippin upside the head.

"Get your minds out of the gutter.  Just because I want chocolate, it doesn't mean I want to have a kinky romp with someone!"  I sighed.  How long was I going to have to put up with these moronic weenies for?

That's when we girls noticed Gandalf had yet to make an appearance.  And, speak of the devil!  Here he was.  And he was look exceptionally fine today, I might add.

Poor Gandalf had his hair in pigtails, his beard braided with purple beads at the ends, his nails were pink, and his toenails a particularly hideous green.  We'd sprayed him with a nasty smelling perfume and sprinkled glitter all over. He had shockingly red lipstick on with green eye shadow reaching up to his eyebrows.  We'd also put a little too much blush on…

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AN: I'd like to thank y'all for reviewing!!!   Hope enjoyed reading this chapter.  It might not be that great since I just wrote it after my Algebra Midterm.  I detest Algebra…

~Arien, Maia of the Sun