A/N Just a short little chapter, but it's important. Sets the mood for what everyone is feeling.

Chapter 83

Cass was lying in bed in the dark when Roger opened the bedroom door, trying to be quiet. She sat up as he came in. "Hey. I thought you'd be asleep by now." He said, pulling his shirt off over his head.

"I can't get comfortable."

"Oh." He stripped out of his pants and crawled into bed next to her, rubbing her back as he did. "That any better?"

"A little." She shifted some to make it easier for him. "It's kind of nice, not having Mark in here."

"Uh huh. Patrick's gonna leave the air mattress here so him and Mo can sleep in the basement from now on."

"That's good. Do you think Kitty ever wonders why Mark stays at your mom's house when we come to Scarsdale instead of staying with them?"

"No. She either doesn't think about it, or doesn't want to deal with Mark and his dad." He kept rubbing her back.

"What time do you have to be at Randy's tomorrow?"

"We're gonna meet to practice at noon, but the party won't start till at least eight."

"Is it okay if I just stay here while you practice? I don't think I can handle that and a party tomorrow."

"Sure. Take a nap. I still can't believe we're doing this."

She rolled over and faced him. "Oh you'll have fun and you know it." She grinned. "I mean how many people get to go back and play with their high school band?"

He smiled. "Yeah, but we were horrible."

"Well, you weren't great then, but your incredible now." She kissed him.

"I don't know. It still seems weird. Randy still knows people we went to high school with. A lot of them will be there."

"So what?"

"Well, a lot of them have done stuff. You know?"

"You've done stuff."

"I've done drugs. That's not saying a lot."

"No. You're a successful songwriter with songs soon to be on the radio."

"Songs that nobody will know I wrote."

"Well, you did. And that's enough for me." She kissed him again.

"Good. Cause you're the only one I care about." He kissed her.

"I better be." Cass cuddled up next to him. "So are there going to be a lot of people you went to high school with at Randy's?"

"Yeah." He played with her hair.

"What about the red head your Uncle Frank caught you in bed with?"

Roger grinned. "Emma? I don't know. Why? Jealous?"

"Nope." She laughed. "She may have had you first, but I've got you now." She kissed him gently on the lips as she ran her finger down his arm, taking his hand. "And I like you much better now. You're perfect."

With his other hand still running through her hair he sighed slowly before he spoke. "Baby I'm so far from perfect it's not even funny. The only thing that even puts me on the good side of decent is having you." He kissed the top of her head and stroked her hair till she fell asleep.

***************

Cass walked down stairs to the dining room and found Joanie sitting at the table, paying bills. Joanie looked up and smiled as she walked in and sat down. "Hi Sweetie. Did you get any sleep?"

"Not really. Where is everyone?"

"Larry is meeting a client for lunch and golf. Roger's at Randy's and Mark and Maureen went to get something to eat before going to his mother's. Both under strict instructions from Roger to behave while having dinner with his family and not to be calling and bothering you all day. As a matter a fact Roger told Maureen to just not talk while she was there." Joanie laughed.

"That's a helpful move with her sometimes." Cass got a small smile.

"You want some lunch?"

"No thanks." She rested her head on her arms on the table. "I feel like I'm never going to get any sleep ever again." She said on the verge of tears.

"Oh Sweetie." Joanie got up and sat next to her, rubbing her back. "I hate to tell you this, but it's going to get worse before it gets better. But it's only a few more weeks."

By then she did start crying. "God I must be out of my mind. I don't know anything about babies. I don't even know anything about kids in general."

"Cass you guys are going to be fine." Joanie smiled.


"No we're not." Cass sobbed. "Roger's scared to death of ending up anything at all like Jack. And I'm not exactly the maternal type. I mean I barely remember my mom. And we don't know what we're doing. It took Roger and Mark two hours to put together a crib. I don't know how to cook and I'm so tired because he keeps kicking me in the ribs as soon as I lay down!" She cried.

"Oh Sweetie." Joanie said through a small laugh. "You guys are going to be fine. Don't worry about cooking. You'll all survive. And Roger is nothing like Jack. Nothing at all. He never could be. Ever. And I'll tell him that.

"As for being maternal, don't worry about it. You've got Mark. Look at what a good job he's done taking care of Roger all these years." She pushed some hair off Cass' face and handed her a napkin to wipe her eyes.

"And it's going to get better. You're going to get some sleep. I promise. And you're lucky. Luckier than most people. After you have this baby, you're going to have more help than you know what to do with. When I had Patrick, Jack was in the army already, and not around much and we lived in a dinky little apartment on a base. I ended up moving back here with my mom. I was working and Patrick was such a little devil. I thought I'd lose my mind." She shook her head.

"So what happened?" Cass wiped her face.

Joanie grinned. "I got pregnant with Roger. Jack was on the other side of the country getting shipped over to Vietnam. Cathy had married Frank and I hardly saw her. You think you're tired now? Wait till you're pregnant again and you have a two-year-old who's an absolute terror running around. Then you'll know tired." She laughed. "At least you'll have plenty of help."

"What do you mean?" She sniffed.

"You've got Roger. And Mark. Not to mention Maureen. She's awfully excited about that baby." She smiled. "Along with all your other friends I'm always hearing about. Plus you've got Patrick and Shelly. And Cathy. And me and Larry."

"You left out Mickey." Cass smiled.

"No I didn't." Joanie laughed. "Honey, I love Mickey but I wouldn't leave a hamster in his care. So no, I didn't leave him out. However he is good for running errands. We can send him to pick up pizza." She winked. "But me on the other hand," she laughed again, "you'll have to beat me off with a stick!"

"Good, because I don't have the slightest idea what I'm doing."

"You're going to be fine."

"God I hope so." She wiped at her eyes. "So what happened when you found out you were having Roger?"

"I cried." She laughed. "I was so tired and Jack was so far away. And then we found out Jack's brother was missing in action." She shook her head. "That's who Roger's named after, Jack's older brother Roger. I think that's when Jack really started to lose it."

"What do you mean?"

"Jack saw some not so great stuff in Vietnam. His brother got killed. He started drinking badly. That's when he got that stupid idea Roger wasn't his."

"So what happened?"

"Same thing that always happens. Eventually you give birth." She smiled thinking back on it. "And for all the crying and colic and everything I had with Patrick, Roger was an absolute angel."

"Really? Roger?"

"Roger. He was the absolute sweetest, easiest baby. He slept through the night almost from the start. He hardly ever fussed. He ate great, wasn't picky. He was so good."

"Are we talking about the same Roger?"

"The same one. It's not that Patrick was so bad or anything. It's just Roger was seriously like this little angel when he was little. Everybody loved him."

"So how did he turn into my own personal rebel without a cause?"

Joanie sighed. "Like I said, everybody loved him. Everybody but one. One rotten, no good, drunken bastard."

"Jack?"

She nodded. "As he got older the worse Jack got. Patrick and Mickey got what little Jack had to offer by then. The more Roger tried, the more Jack resisted. Finally he gave up." She shrugged. "I guess he figured he might as well start doing something to deserve the crap he was getting." She looked away and let out a sad sounding sigh.

"I know a lot of Roger's problems stem from a lot of things that happen around here. And I blame myself for a lot of it. If I had been a stronger person, my boys would have been a lot better off. I'm grateful Patrick and Mickey got through it as well as they did. And that Roger had Mark all those years. And now he's got you. And that baby. And you guys are going to do great." She leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. "Just great."

"Thanks Joanie." Cass wiped her nose on the napkin again before resting her head on her arms again.

"You're welcome. Now let me make you some lunch." She got up and went back to the kitchen. By the time she came back with a plate of food, Cass was sound asleep.