Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own anything related to The O.C. and I am worth more dead than alive.
I just want to say a great big THANK YOU to my reviewers and cheerleaders who helped me.
This doesn't really coincide with any particular episode other than Marissa and Ryan are a couple and it takes place at some point after Thanksgiving. The overall mood of it is probably in response to my dread of Ryan turning into goodie two shoes.
I also wanted to use bands from the show for my musical blurbs…my little tribute to Adam Brody.
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In my room
I'm alone in my room
and I'll be in for a while
And can't you see
I'm holier when I'm....
I'm feeling good enough to try?
In my gloom
I'm only in my doom,
and I'll be in for a while.
I used to think,
while I sit and wait for the phone to ring
that I'd be happier if I just am.
The Dandy Warhols
***
It was late, well after midnight. Marissa had just left the pool house after she and Ryan had made love for hours. It was becoming more and more of a habit lately. She'd wait for her dad to go to bed, then sneak out of the apartment and let herself into the pool house. The first time they'd had sex, it seemed like it was her first time. Now it seemed like she couldn't get enough and was over almost every night. Ryan agreed that the sex was intense, they'd do it for hours and then do it some more. Luke must not have been all that great in the sack. The thought brought a smile to Ryan's face. Finally, something he was better at than the precious star athlete of Harbor High School.
Ryan turned on to his side and rolled out of bed. He reached down and felt around on the floor for his pants. He pulled them on, reached for a sweatshirt, and headed towards the pool.
This was his favorite time of the night. Everyone was gone, asleep in their cozy little perfect worlds; Ryan could be himself. No more putting on the act, playing the "messed up kid from Chino;" now enjoying a splendid life and living with one of the richest families in Newport Coast. Truthfully, it was all getting to be a bit too much lately.
He pulled a joint out of his sweatshirt pocket, lit it, and inhaled deeply. Thankfully, his probation officer was a slacker and a dealer on the side. He'd stopped testing Ryan after their first meeting.
He replayed the days events in his head:
"Ryan, don't forget about the charity auction tonight, you'll have to pick up your tux, I've already called the store…
"Ryan, I have my debutant league dinner tomorrow night and you have to be my escort…
"Ryan, that was the soccer coach on the phone, he wants you starting in Saturday's game against Capistrano. There will be some scouts there from some of the ivy league schools…
"Ryan, your English paper was really good, I'd like to be able to share it with the class, is that okay?…
"Ryan, I need you to help me with Anna and Summer, I mean, you sure know a lot more about this stuff than I do, right?"
When did this become his life? He inhaled deeply, letting the marijuana sooth his racing mind.
He thought back to Thanksgiving and seeing Theresa for the first time since he moved to Newport. Marissa had pushed her way into riding along to Chino with him, wanted to see his "roots." It wasn't worth the fight. She wasn't used to being told "no." So he'd let her go with him, hoping that Theresa wouldn't be home.
But she was, and he could tell by her expression that when she saw Marissa, her heart had broken just a little bit more. There were so many things he wanted to say to her, so many wrongs he needed to make right. But he couldn't. Then when they got back to the Cohens' house, Seth was grilling him so he'd said it was good to be home. But was it good? And was this really his home?
When he was with Marissa, he often wondered why they were together. Sure, when he first met her, he had been attracted to her, physically. There was some mystery to her too. Now he saw the spoiled brat within.
Marissa probably liked him so she could rebel against her mother. Julie Cooper hated him and everything he represented because it reflected her own roots in Riverside. Here was Harbor High's social chair dating the bad ass from Chino. That had to be the reason was why she was still with him. Well, that and the sex. He knew that he was fairly good at it. Of course, he'd been doing it since he was 12. First with some of Trey's leftovers who were too fucked up to even notice the difference, then there were others. Then there was Theresa.
Lately, he'd been thinking about his relationship with Marissa a lot and it just didn't seem to fit. They were from opposite worlds. He'd never felt that way with Theresa. Even when they weren't "together" they could talk about anything. Their hopes, their dreams, their fears. Now that he was in Newport, the people around him only seemed interested in gossip. It was all a game. Everyone donned their roles and acted them to perfection. His role was the charity case who was screwing the social chair, at the top of his class, a star on the soccer team, and mentor to Seth. It was such bullshit and it was getting to be too much.
As he sat there, the sun began to rise over the flat horizon of the Pacific Ocean, turning the distant water a dark orange. He'd never really slept much unless he was drunk, or crashing. He finished the joint and was careful to make sure he didn't drop anything on the patio. He got up and went back into the pool house to take a shower before school. Let the games begin.
***
"Ryan, there you are!" Marissa exclaimed as she walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "I have been looking all over for you."
He'd split during lunch instead of sitting with her out on the patio. The pressure seemed to be building more and more lately and he was having a hard time shaking it. His teacher read his paper in class, made a big deal about how good of a writer he was, and said that the other students should try harder. He wanted to crawl under his desk and hide. He needed to escape this whole scene, even if only for a little while. He'd found that smoking pot wasn't cutting it anymore.
"Oh, sorry about that, I needed to get some books from the library for my History paper." He replied, shutting his locker door and trying to sound like he wasn't lying.
"Well that's okay, Summer, Anna, and I were doing some last minute planning for the debutant league dinner tonight. You probably would have been bored. You do have a tux right?" She slipped her hand into his, and turned to walk to 6th period with him.
He put on a smile for her. Of course he had a tux, Kirsten had made sure that he, Seth, and Sandy were always dressed for Newport's social gatherings.
She reached over to kiss him on the cheek. In his ear she whispered, "I'll come over afterwards."
***
After the dinner, Ryan had told Marissa that he was really tired and needed a rain check. She'd acted hurt, but realized he wasn't going to change his mind. When he dropped her off at the apartment, he'd told her that he loved her so she'd stop moping. It wasn't a total lie he thought to himself.
Back at the pool house, and out of that damned monkey suit, Ryan sat on the edge of his bed in a pair of jeans and a T shirt. The Cohens had gone to bed, so he was freely drinking scotch from the flask he kept hidden where neither Rosa nor anyone else would ever find it.
He pulled out his wallet and dug into one of the pockets for a small slip of paper where he'd kept Theresa's phone number. He stared at it for a long time. He'd folded it over so many times, hiding it in his wallet, he could barely read the numbers. He knew it by heart, but just having it in his wallet was like having a little piece of her with him. Finally he reached over, picked the phone, and dialed the number. She answered with a sleepy "hello?" on the second ring.
***
After talking with Theresa for a half hour, he hung up the phone and looked over at the clock. It was 11:30. He reached for his jacket and walked out of the pool house. He was sober enough to drive. With his tolerance level, it took a lot more than a flask of scotch to get him drunk.
He was going to need to borrow a car to get to Chino. He let himself in the back, slipped the keys to Kirsten's car off the counter, and walked out the front door.
At this time of night, it only took him 30 minutes to get to Chino. He pulled up in front of Theresa's house and quietly tapped on her bedroom window.
She opened the window and helped him climb inside.
Neither of them saw the dark SUV that pulled up and parked in front of the neighbor's house across the street.
End of Chapter One