you led no celibate life no skirt while chemicals danced on your head.

you stole the keys to this ride and your fables are falling tonight.

because of your struggle to make them.

their taste for your past time is fading

remember the girls in the middle are always the first to fall off.

you'll learn to live like a mouse,

searching the cracks in the floor to remember

all the dregs in the crowd you barely recall.

The Shins

***

"Hey, thanks for letting me come over. You've always been there for me, even when I haven't deserved it," Ryan started to say. He couldn't take his eyes off of Theresa. It was so good to see a friendly face. One that didn't need something from him.

"Ryan, you know that no matter what happens with us, I'm always here."

They'd been sitting on her bed, and he'd told her all the pressure he had been feeling. How he had to play a role and make other people happy all the time. But on the inside, he still didn't feel like he belonged and the pressure to make everyone else happy was making him nuts.

"Ryan, I know it's hard on you, your whole family is fucked up. Now you're living in Newport, and you aren't one of them." She leaned over and gave him a hug.

As they embraced, he thought back to the times when he and Theresa were together. Even when the rest of his life was shit, Theresa was always supportive and accepting of him.

As she started to pull away from the hug, he stopped her. He reached up and cupped her chin with his hand and looked searchingly into her eyes.

"Theresa," he said with a shaky voice, "I love you. I think no matter what, I will always love you."

"I know," she sighed, "me too."

He leaned in and they began to kiss.

***

Marissa wasn't sure what had been going on with Ryan tonight. It wasn't like him to ditch her at lunch and then ask for a rain check for sex.

After he'd dropped her off, she'd borrowed her dad's truck and drove over to the Cohens' house. Knowing it was too obvious to park at her mom's house, she parked up the street and waited.

She'd begun to feel stupid, and was preparing to drive home, when she saw Mrs. Cohen's car backing out of the driveway. As the car passed her, she saw that it was Ryan who driving, but he didn't see her.

So she'd followed him all the way to Chino. As soon as she turned onto the street, she realized that he was going to his ex-girlfriend's house, the one she met on Thanksgiving.

"Why in the hell is he coming back here?" She pulled up across the street and quickly shut off the engine and headlights before anyone noticed her.

She watched Ryan climbed into a bedroom window, and saw Theresa helping him in.

***

His conscious told him that he was cheating on Marissa, but it didn't feel like cheating. It was as if he'd been split in two, and this Ryan; the real Ryan, was making love to the girl he loved. The other Ryan would continue to dress up, go to the charity auctions and debutante dinners, have sex with the social chair, and would occasionally get broody and quiet. That was what they expected, that was what they wanted.

He knew that he couldn't come back to Chino, not now anyways, but he knew that he needed Theresa. This was real, he didn't have to pretend. Theresa always understood him. She loved him no matter how fucked up he was. And having said it, he realized that he loved her, even if they couldn't really be together.

***

It was almost sunrise when Ryan climbed out of Theresa's window. They'd fallen asleep together in her room, and he needed to get back before the Cohens' woke up. He'd felt like a huge weight had been lifted as he jogged across the lawn to the car. He still didn't notice the SUV across the street.

***

Marissa had almost fallen asleep several times while waiting for Ryan to reemerge. Just as the sun was coming up, she saw Ryan climbing back out of the window, and then leaning in for a long kiss with Theresa.

"How long has this been going on?!?"

She watched him speed off in Kirsten's car and then finally gave into the tears that were forming.

***

Ryan raced home. He had to get Kirsten's car back before they all woke up, otherwise the questions would be there. What was he doing? Where had he gone? He didn't want to deal with it.

After he deposited the keys back on the counter, he had walked over to the pool house to take a shower.

When he stepped out of the bathroom, he saw Seth sitting in a chair near the window, waiting for him.

"Hey man, what's new?" Seth asked.

"Not much, what's new with you?"

Seth got up, shooting a quick look through the window back towards the house. "I got up early this morning, I couldn't sleep, so I got up and watched some TV."

Not catching what Seth was getting at, Ryan got impatient. He wished Seth would just spit it out.

"I saw you man, I saw you pulling into the driveway at mach speed in my mom's car this morning. Were you and Marissa, you know, together?"

***

Ryan felt himself slip back into his act. He knew that Seth might mess up and make a comment to Marissa, and he didn't want either of them to catch him in his lie.

"Naw, I've had problems sleeping, so I needed her car to drive to the store and get some sleeping pills. I didn't want her to get all worried about me, so that was why I didn't ask her."

That seemed to satisfy Seth's curiosity because he looked bummed that there wasn't something juicier to Ryan's secret trip out.

End of Chapter Two