The One With The Indecent Proposal

By: Jana~

Chapter Sixteen

****************

--"Oh my God, I know!" Phoebe announced. "I know how Ursula did this!"

All eyes were on her in an instant, tension elevated as they waited for her to explain.

"Remember when you guys were all freaked out," Phoebe began, "Cause you thought I had done those porno movies? But it turned out-"

"That it was Ursula!" Joey interrupted with a snap of his fingers, immediately catching on.

"Right!" she exclaimed. "Remember 'Buffay, The Vampire Layer'?" she asked, then gestured to the room they were in. "Look familiar?"

"She knew about the secret passageways, and had the key to this lock because she's been here before! Doing porn!" Joey announced, saying aloud what everyone had already pieced together. "She's an evil genius!"

"She's not an evil genius," Monica corrected, "She's just plain evil! How can you guys be identical twins, but be so different?" she asked Phoebe.

With a subtle shrug, she said, "She just didn't cope as well with certain stresses."

"Well," Monica scoffed, "Everyone has stress, from time to time, and most people don't go locking family and friends up in a dungeon and steal from them!"

"It goes beyond day to day stress," Chandler interjected in a whisper, his hand sliding onto Monica's shoulder.

By the looks on their faces, Monica could tell there was a huge story behind that simple comment.

***

--"Ok," the officer said, lowering his weapon, "You're cleared."

Though there was no doubt in their own minds of whose side they were on, Ross and Rachel were relieved to hear those words from the man with the gun.

"Thank you, officer," Rachel sighed, standing from her position on the ground.

"What are you guys doing in here?" he asked, holstering his firearm.

"This blond woman said we could go in," Ross quickly lied. "She said Chandler was on a date and we could wait for him inside."

Rachel glanced at him as the lie fell easily from his lips.

"What blond woman?"

"She said her name was Phoebe," Ross told the cop, "But I think she may have been lying."

"And why would you think that?" he asked.

"Because, she didn't answer right away, and then when she did, she stammered her answer."

"And she was carrying a bag of something, to a taxi she drove herself when she left," Rachel contributed. "And she was very rude."

"We were just looking around," Ross continued, "Cause the place is so large-"

"And so amazing!" Rachel added.

"We were just, sort of, giving ourselves the tour-"

"And trying to see if anyone was home-"

"And when we peeked in here, we saw the compulsively neat way in which the bed was turned down-"

"And since Monica is such a neat freak-"

"Who else would fold the bed down just so, and have their nightclothes arranged in such a way?" Ross asked rhetorically, gesturing towards the bed. "So we let ourselves in-"

"And then we found her purse with her license in it!" Rachel exclaimed, pointing to the dresser where the purse sat.

"Ok, slow down. Slow down," the officer instructed. "You're going to have to talk to the sergeant about all this."

***

--"Wow," Monica sighed, taken aback. She had always thought her childhood was stressful, what with her parents preferring her brother Ross to her, but the tale Phoebe had just told made her upbringing look picture perfect.

"That's so harsh," she added with a shake of her head, welcoming the feel of Chandler's arm around her. "I don't even know what to say to that."

Phoebe acknowledged with a nod. "We both ended up on the streets after our mom's suicide, but Ursula didn't take the experience and learn from it, or strive to better her situation. She just got bitter, and angry. She started looking at life as if the world was out to get her, and acted as if everyone owed her something, to make up for the rotten things that had happened to her."

"When Chandler won the money," she continued, "She felt, and still feels that he owes her whatever she demands of him, because he's friends with me, and she and I are sisters."

"She actually argued with me, that because she told me about this place," Chandler added, "That she should get to live here. I saw the potential for problems, and said no right off, but I made the mistake of giving her some money, to appease her and keep the peace."

"She kept coming back for more," Phoebe went on. "It was always something, and what he gave her was never good enough. A few thousand here, a few thousand there; once she asked for eight thousand."

"That was when I said it was the last time," Chandler said, "And that was about three weeks ago."

"She went through eight thousand in three weeks?" Monica asked, shocked.

"According to her," he answered. "On what, God only knows."

"She never gives you a reason for needing it?"

"Sometimes. Usually, she's vague. Her excuses have been, I need to fix up grandma's taxi, I have to pay back rent, I need to buy clothes for a job interview-"

"And the time she asked for money to sign up for that class on how to draw blood," Joey interjected.

"The Phlebotomy course, yeah," Chandler said with a nod. "Did we ever find out what happened with that?"

Phoebe shook her head. "No. I asked once, but she dodged the question. I knew if pressed, she would just lie, so I dropped it."

"Maybe it's not my place to say anything here," Monica announced cautiously, "And maybe you guys have already considered this, but, maybe Ursula has a drug problem?"

Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe looked at one another for a moment, before turning their attention back to Monica. "What makes you say that?" Chandler asked.

"Well, needing large amounts of money often, her obviously irrational behavior, and seeing things in a warped light, so to speak. I mean, granted, I only saw her a few times one night, but, she seemed to have a very different account of events from what you guys remember. She lived on the streets, where drug problems can often begin… she's done porno movies, which could be a sign that she lacks the ability to make good judgment calls…" She shrugged. "I'm just saying it's a possibility, from what I've seen, is all."

***

--"All officers have reported back, sir," the officer informed the sergeant. "There is no sign of anyone, or anything that could be viewed as a dungeon."

"They have to be here," Rachel insisted. "Monica wouldn't just leave without her purse or license!"

"The place is huge!" Ross suggested, "Isn't it possible that one of your men overlooked the entrance to the dungeon?"

"We checked every room, sir," the reporting officer assured him.

"What about the possibility of secret passageways?" one officer chimed in, and all eyes jumped to him. A bit nervously, he explained, "It's just that, this place used to belong to that weird rich guy who used to make those low budget porno movies. According to gossip, his place had secret passageways."

All eyes remained on him, and his supervisor wore a disapproving expression as he stared back.

"What?" the officer asked defensively. "I didn't watch the movies, I just heard the gossip!"

The sergeant dropped the look from his face, then instructed, "Find out the guy's name, then get him on the phone and ask him where the dungeon is located. And put out on APB on Chandler Bing and Monica Geller," he added, the officers under his command jumping into action immediately.

TO BE CONTINUED…

I have had two colds, laryngitis, and the flu in the last four weeks. Blech, I hurt! And, of course, this is the time my wisdom tooth, that's growing in all wrong, by the way, has decided to start hurting as well. My hubby and all my kids have been sick, my youngest twice, and my hubby is a great big whining crybaby when he's sick! My dad finally moved out, so we have been dealing with that… I'm not done Christmas shopping yet… and, what day is it? …we don't even have our Christmas tree yet!

My youngest son, who is almost 5, has been officially diagnosed with ADHD and Autism. He qualifies for a special education program through the school district, to attend a class 3 hours per day, 5 days per week, to help him with skills, academics, and socialization, and starting in January, he will be picked up in a little yellow school bus and taken to a school several miles away. I am scared to death about this!

Oh, and his new favorite word is 'damnit'. We think he got it from the 'TOW The Truth About London' episode, where Ben repeats Rachel, cause his tone of voice is similar. Can't tell you how embarrassing it is, waiting at the checkout at the grocery store, and having your son saying 'damnit' for all others in line to hear.

Oh, and then, one of the Pages at Audiences Unlimited (the company that is in charge of escorting guests into sitcom tapings) reported to their supervisor that I was being combative and uncooperative at the last sitcom taping I went to! This, by the way, is a total falsehood. After treatment that I felt was unfair to me, I simply commented that I was unhappy about said treatment. They almost banned me from ever going to a sitcom taping again! After I spoke with Audiences Unlimited, and explained my side of the story, they lifted the ban, but warned me that if any future reports came in about me, that the ban would be reinstated. I asked, what's to prevent this person from lying again? But I received no answer to that question.

I swear, this has been an eventful few weeks! So, be extra specially kind to me please and review!

MTLBYAKY