A/N Thanks to everyone for the numerous reviews I got on the last chapter. As you can tell, these chapters now are showing their lives as time passes. I've been trying to keep one time period per chapter, but last chapter and this one together, would have been just too long. So this chapter continues where chapter 93 left off.

Chapter 94

Roger had been shuffling through the stack of papers for over an hour. He'd flip through a few pages, play a few cords off the page then flip a few more pages. It was too quiet in the loft. In the whole building. Anytime Collin wasn't around it was quiet, but this was different. Cass was still in the hospital. Collin wasn't back from Scarsdale yet. Mark wasn't up here working. Maureen wasn't up here looking for Mark. Jason wasn't playing with Collin. Collins wasn't up here joking with them and having some great discussion with Cass.

Nobody was there and that made it too quiet. And that was making him crazy. He got up and dropped the guitar back in its case. Out of frustration he started moving around the loft, picking up Collin's stuff. He took the handful of books and shoes and things and put them in his room. Jason had boarded over the broken window and covered it with a garbage bag to help keep the cool night air out.

Suddenly he realized what he had actually been doing all evening was thinking. About Mark. About April. And about that night. He didn't really remember a whole lot about it. He would have liked to think that was due to time or repressing it or something. But Roger knew the truth. He was too screwed up back then.

It wasn't different from most nights. He'd get home, they'd shoot up. Then they'd either leave or end up going at it till they both passed out.

He came in wanting a fix. Instead he found Mark yelling at a locked bathroom door. And that pissed him off. Not that Mark was yelling at April, but that April had started without him.

It had taken him a few minutes to even realize that something beyond that was going on. Not until Mark had started to panic and was trying to force the door open. That's when Roger kicked the door in and they found her. Roger found himself standing in front of Collins' bathroom door. The old bathroom. The bathroom it happened in. The bathroom April killed herself in.

He realized all those years ago part of reason he had shut down was to avoid it all. Especially that room. He hated going in that room. He knew he didn't have much choice, considering it was their only bathroom then, but he still hated it.

Thinking back on it, he couldn't remember the last time he'd gone in there. When Cass bough the building and told him the plans to build two new bathrooms, he didn't remember getting excited, but he knew it meant he didn't have to go in there anymore.

He never even went in there for Collin if he could help it. When he was little, he always gave him a bath in their bathroom. Even now, if he's getting Collin ready he'll always turn on the shower for him in their bathroom, never this one. He even got Collin a second toothbrush when he was little so he could brush his teeth in their bathroom, not this one. This one that held those horrible memories.

Roger had never really realized all this. Realized he had felt this way about that night. About that room. He especially never realized Mark had felt the way he did all these years. Poor Mark. How could he have though any of that? How could you never have known that Davis? A lot of stuff had gone on over the years. A lot of it wasn't fair to Mark. But especially that. Mark never should have thought any of that. He never should have been carrying that around for so many years.

Roger had vowed a long time ago to do better by Mark and by most counts he had. But he was going to now especially. He was getting Mark some help that was for sure.

His thoughts were broken by the soft knock on the door that echoed through the silent loft. Roger pulled himself away form the open bathroom door he'd been standing in front of for who knew how long and walked to the front door. When he opened it, he felt his face soften as a small smile crept across his face. "Hey."

"Hey." Patrick said walking in the door holding a sleeping Collin, "Where do you want him?"

"Here give him to me." Roger took Collin, still clutching his blanket, and carried him into his room. He never woke up as Roger laid him in his bed and covered him up.

Roger walked back out to the living room, quietly closing the bedroom door behind him. "How long has he been asleep?"

"Since about five minutes after we left. I figured he would, that's why I made him put his pajamas on before we left." Shelly smiled giving Roger a hug. "How you doing?"

"I'm okay." Roger shrugged sitting down in the armchair. "Thanks for bringing him back."

"No problem." Patrick told him from the couch. "How's Cass?"

"She'll be okay I guess. Out of commission for awhile. She's going to need physical therapy and stuff, but the doctor said she'll be okay eventually."

"Well as long as she'll be okay." Shelly sighed. "Collin told us all about it. He was really freaked out at first, but we convinced him he was a big hero getting Mark and all. Seemed to have worked."

"That's good." Roger couldn't help but think how much he wished that would work with Mark. He let out a long breath and leaned back in the chair.

"You sure you're okay sweetie? Did you eat anything? Want me to make you something?"

"No I'm fine. Thanks Shell. Jen made me dinner. I'm just tired. Did I tell you I talked to her dad?"

"Cass' dad?" Patrick asked surprised.

"Yeah. She was working on some big project. Needed me to call and let him know he'd have to finish it all up. Some big deadline. I don't know what it was, but I called him. Told him what happened and he'd have to finish it. She won't be able to work for awhile, can't really type or anything."

"That must have been interesting."

"Yeah well." Roger shrugged.

"Well we got to get going. Call us if you need anything okay?"

"Yeah, thanks Patrick. I'll talk to you guys later."

"Okay, bye Rog." Shelly hugged him again. "Don't forget to call Joanie tomorrow."

"I will, thanks Shelly." He closed the door behind them and locked it. As he walked back towards the living room, he heard the low cry.

"Daddddddy."

Roger opened the bedroom door and found Collin sitting up on his bed in the cornier, clutching his blanket, eyes wide. "Hey Buddy. What's the matter?"

"What's that?"

Roger could hear the little kid fear in his voice and looked over where Collin pointed. He reached down and picked him up, giving him a hug. "That's just the window. Uncle Jason put a garbage bag over it to keep the cold air out."

Collin gave a gasp and grabbed at Roger's neck as the wind made the plastic move in the window frame. Roger realized it was a lot darker in here than usual with the window covered up. "You want to sleep in my bed tonight?" Collin nodded and rested his head on Roger's shoulder. "Okay, come on." He carried him in and put him in his and Cass' bed. Once there, Collin was back asleep almost immediately.

*******************

Cass looked up from the magazine she'd been flipping through when she heard the knock at the door. "Come in." The door opened and she saw the flowers. "Oh you can just set them over there." She motioned with her good hand towards the side table.

"I, uh…"

Cass looked up again, this time at the delivery guy. "Carlton! What are you doing here?"

"I, ah… Roger called, told me what happened. I mean he called to tell me how you couldn't meet your deadline and he told me what happened. I had a flight to France today already with a lay over in New York. I decided to change my flight and come see you. Is, is that alright?" He asked hesitantly.

"Um, yeah, sure. So ah, how are you?"

"I'm fine. How are you? I mean you look good, all things considered."

Cass gave a small laugh. "Yeah right." She shrugged. "I'm okay, they've got me on pain killers which make me sleepy, but I'll be okay."

"That's good. Real good." He kept shaking his head as he spoke. "So…"

"So…"

"It's been a long time Cassiopeia."

"Yes it has." Even through the painkillers she could feel the awkwardness. They've spoken on the phone and emailed, but hadn't actually seen each other since the weekend she arrived in New York.

"So, Roger's doing well?"

"Oh yes. He's writing a lot. Sold a bunch of songs. He's even produced a few of them. And the bar's doing really well. We bought into it and expanded it when the place next door closed down."

"That's good." He nodded. "And the baby?"

"Hardly a baby any more." She smiled for a second before realizing Collin was already four before Carlton even found out he existed. "He's getting really big. Doing great in school. Plays a mean guitar for only being five."

"That's great. Your side company seems to be going well. You've got a great reputation."

"I try." She nodded. Suddenly the door opened and Collin rushed in followed by Roger.

"Mommy!" He yelled when he saw her. His face broke into a hug smile. He still had on his school uniform but his shirt was all untucked and Cass could tell he had ice cream, probably on the way over. She could also tell Roger had gotten him ready for school by the spikes in his hair and the amount of gel holding them up.

"Hey Sweetie!" She held out her good left hand to him as he started to climb up on the bed. "Give me a kiss."

"Collin be careful." Roger told him lifting him up. "Hey Baby." Roger smiled as he leaned in and kissed her. "How do you feel?"

"Great now. How about you Buddy? You have a good time at Grandma's?"

"Uh huh. I got to ride in Uncle Rich's police car and he let me turn on the sirens and everything." He grinned.

"I heard! I tried to call you but you were out racing go carts."

"Uh huh. Grandpa and me raced Uncle Mickey and Uncle Patrick. And Uncle Mickey hit Uncle Patrick and knocked him into the tires!" He laughed.

"Wow! Big weekend." She smiled up at Roger before looking back at Collin.

"Uh huh. Mommy are you gonna be okay?"

"I'm going to be fine. It's just a big cut. But I guess I can't play video games for awhile."

"That's okay. You're not very good at them."

Both Cass and Roger laughed at that. "I guess you're right. You okay baby?" She played with his spiked hair.

"Uh huh. You scared me Mommy." He said softly.

"I kinda scared me too, but it was just an accident so don't worry. Okay?"

"That's what Daddy said. And I get to sleep in your bed till all the new windows are in and the scary window is gone."

Cass looked to Roger confused.

"He doesn't like the plastic over the busted window. Sort of scares him."

"Got it. Now new windows?"

"Uh huh. Daddy said we're getting all new windows so you never do that again."

"I see. New windows huh?"

Roger got a sheepish grin. "Um, home improvements, equity, something like that."

"Right." Cass grinned.

"Who's that?" Collin asked.


Cass looked up, she had completely forgotten Carlton was sitting in the corner of the room.

"I should go."

"No, um it's okay." Cass told him. She looked up at Roger and saw his eyes narrow as he realized who was in the room. "It's okay. Really." She reached up and took his hand behind Collin's back. "That's Mr. Sullivan. I work with him. My computer talks to his computer. Can you say hi?"

"Hi."

"Hello. You must be Collin."

"Uh huh."

"You're a pretty big guy."

"I'm five."

"Wow. That pretty old."

"Uh huh." He looked up at Roger. "Can I have a soda."

"Um, yeah, I guess." Roger said lifting him off the bed but never taking his eyes off Carlton. "The machines just by the elevator. We'll be right back." He told Cass.

"I can take him down if you want. I mean if you don't mind or want to talk or whatever."

"I can handle it." Roger told him coldly.

"No it's okay." Cass said to Roger. "He can take him down. It's okay." She turned to Collin. "Bring me back one. Okay?"

"Okay Mommy." He opened the door and waited.

Roger pulled a bunch of change out of his pocket and went to hand it to Collin.

"I've got change." Carlton told him.

"Um, I'll take a diet Coke." Cass told him as he stepped through the door. Roger walked over and opened the door, watching them walk down the hall. "Roger it's okay."

"Cass…"

"It's okay. They're only going for sodas down the hall. He's not going to kidnap him or anything."

"But Cass…"

"Roger, it's okay. Just let them talk a little. Close the door and come here."

Reluctantly he listened, walking over to the bed, sitting on its edge.

"You okay Baby?"

"Yeah. He just makes me nervous."

"I know. What about everything else? Like new windows?"

"I'm okay. I just don't want to have to worry about you doing that again."

"If new windows will give you piece of mind then go for it." She smiled at him. "How's Mark?"

"I don't know. Not too good I guess. Has he talked to you?" She shook her head. "We got him an appointment with a shrink for Wednesday."

"What's he say?"

"That he's fine, which is total bullshit. He's going on Wednesday if I gotta carry him, kicking and screaming the whole way. I'm taking him and I'll sit outside that office all afternoon if I have to." He looked up, staring out the window.

Cass sighed. She knew what he was thinking. "Roger did you tell Mark it wasn't his fault?"

"Of course I did!" His head spun around.

"Then do you understand that Mark's not your fault either?"

"I just… he's gotta be okay. He's gonna be right?"

"He'll be okay. Don't worry." She rubbed his back with her good hand as the door opened again and Collin and Carlton came in.

"Here Mommy." He grinned, handing her her soda as Roger lifted him back up onto the bed.

"He told me all about his school." Carlton said, stepping into the room. "And his guitar." He gave Roger a small grin. "He says he's almost as good as you."

Roger smiled. "Yeah he's getting there."

"Well I should go. It was really good to see you Cassiopeia. Really. And it was really nice to meet you Collin."

Cass nodded her head. "You too." She hugged Collin closer.

"Right so, good luck. Call me if you need anything. And don't worry about work. It'll still be there whenever you're ready to come back."

"Thanks Carlton."

"Okay so I'll go now." He was still standing at the door. He turned to walk out but turned back once more. "Ah, Roger? Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Cass watched Roger follow him out, not sure what it was all about.

Roger closed the door behind him as he stepped out into the hall. He just stood there, waiting, not saying anything.

"Look, I, I don't know. I just wanted… just thank you. For everything. For taking care of her. And Collin. He's just amazing."

"Yeah he is."

"Look I screwed up a lot of things. I'm glad she's got you. I never really gave you and your friends a fair chance in the beginning and I'm sorry, but I'm glad she had you. All of you, to take care of her."

"I love her, you know."

"I know. I can see that. Thank you."

Before Roger could say anything, Carlton turned and walked away, leaving him standing there. Roger watched him walk away before going back into Cass' room. Collin was going on about something to Cass. She looked up when he came back in.

"What was that all about?"

"Nothing. Don't worry about it. It's all good." He leaned in and kissed her forehead.

Collin watched them from his spot next to her on the bed. "Mommy when are you coming home?"

"Maybe tomorrow Sweetie. Maybe tomorrow."

"Good."

*****************

Roger opened up the front door to the building, holding the pizza up so Collin could walk in under it. "Go see if Mark and Mo want some pizza."

"Okay." Collin ran the few steps to their front door knocking as he opened it. "Aunt Mo?"

"Hey sweetie!" She looked up from the couch. "Did you get to see your mom?"

"Uh huh." He nodded as Roger stepped in behind him.

"Hey. We got pizza. He eat anything yet?" Roger motioned with his head toward the bedroom.

"Not really." She sighed, turning to Collin. "Why don't you go see if your Uncle Pookie will eat some pizza."

"Okay." Collin laughed like he always did when Maureen referred to Mark as "Uncle Pookie."

"Hey." Roger called to him before he made it out of the living room. "Don't call him Uncle Pookie. Not today okay? Just don't tease him."

"Okay Daddy." Collin walked into the bedroom.

"How is he?"

Maureen sighed. "I don't know Roger." She shook her head. "The same I guess. I just… I don't know." Her eyes teared up.

"It's gonna be okay Mo." He pulled her close and hugged her. "It's gonna be okay."

Maureen hugged him back. "I know." She let out a sigh and wiped her eyes. "You'll go with him on Wednesday?"

"You better believe it." Roger smiled at her, trying to make her feel better. "Even if I gotta carry him."

"Good. Thanks." She smiled as Collin came back out. "So? Uncle Pookie want any pizza?"

"He said he's not hungry right now."

"Okay. Well, we tried Mo."

"I known. Thanks Rog. He did eat earlier at least."

"Well, good. I gotta go feed him." He nodded at Collin. "Call me if you need anything."

"Okay. Hey what did Cass say? When can she come home?"

"Tomorrow!" Collin grinned.

"Maybe. We don't know yet Collin, so don't get too excited yet."

"I know Daddy." He rolled his eyes.

"Okay. Well let me know. I'll see you guys later." She leaned down and gave Collin a hug and kiss before closing the door behind them.

Roger and Collin walked up the three flights of stairs to their place. Roger got plates and handed Collin a slice while he got him something to drink. After a few minutes Roger realized Collin was quietly picking at his pizza.

"What's the matter Collin? You still worried about Mommy? She told you she was okay."

"I know." He played with his milk glass.

"Then what's wrong? You love pizza."

Collin shrugged before looking up. "Daddy?"

"What Buddy?"

"What's wrong with Uncle Mark?"

Roger chewed on his lip trying to figure out how to answer that. "Well, he's kinda upset."

"About Mommy?"

"Yeah. He doesn't like to see Mommy get hurt. I think he kinda feels like it's his fault Mommy got hurt, but it's not. It's not your fault either."

"I know." He took a small bite of his pizza before looking up at Roger with big eyes. "Daddy when's April?"

"In like two weeks. Why?"

"Well when Mommy cut herself, Aunt Mo was down at Aunt Jen's and she kept crying and crying and she and Uncle Collins were saying it was just like April. And Uncle Mark's acting weird. And this morning, before Uncle Collins took me to school, we stopped down there and he kept telling Aunt Mo how Uncle Mark's got to understand Mommy's not the same as April. I don't get it. What happens in April?"

Roger just looked at him for a second. How was he supposed to explain that? To a five year old? A way too smart for his own good five year old. Every answer produced another question with Collin. Sometimes weeks later.

He had always known someday he'd have to tell Collin some of this stuff, but he never figured it would be now. And by himself, without Cass.


"Daddy?"

He realized he must have been staring at Collin while thinking. "Um, nothing happens in April."

"But Aunt Mo said--"

"I know." He let out a long sigh, realizing he wasn't going to get off that easy. "They weren't talking about the month Collin, they were talking about a girl named April."

"Oh." He waited for more.

"Okay, a long time ago, before I ever met you mom, April was my girlfriend. She lived here, with me and Uncle Mark and Aunt Mo and Uncle Collins."

"So how come I never met her?"

"Well, because she died."

"How?"

Roger knew that question was coming. "She cut herself, kinda like Mommy. That's why Uncle Mark's upset. When Mommy cut herself it reminded him of April."

"Did she break a window too?"

"No."

"Then how did she cut herself?"

He knew there was no real stopping this now, and the last thing he wanted to do was lie to Collin. "April didn't have an accident like Mommy. She cut herself on purpose."

"Why?" He asked, wide eyed.

"Because she was really upset."

"About what?"

"She found out she was sick and she was scared and she didn't know what else to do."

"How come she didn't just go to the doctor?"

"She did, and the doctor told her she was going to get real sick. And the doctor couldn't fix her and make her better like they did Mommy."

"What was wrong with her?"

"She got a disease."

"Like a cold?"

"Yeah, except a lot worse than a cold." He looked into Collin's questioning eyes. "Like I said, she was sick and she was scared."

"Why was she scared?"

"Because she found out she was going to die and it scared her."

"Oh." He thought all this through for a few moments. "That's really sad."

"What is?" He asked confused.


"That she was so scared. Mommy was scared when she cut herself. I was too, but Mommy said get Uncle Mark. Why didn't she go see Uncle Mark?"

"I don't know why." Roger shook his head. "I think that's why Uncle Mark's so upset. Because she never told him what was wrong."

"Why didn't she tell you? You can fix anything."

Collin said that with so much sincerity and childish belief Roger almost couldn't stand it. It almost broke his heart. "I couldn't fix that." He told him shaking his head. "Come here." He pulled him onto his lap. "Listen to me. A long time ago I did a lot of not so great stuff."

"Like what?" He looked up at him.

"Don't worry about that. Right now just listen to me. I did a lot of not so great stuff. And so did April. And because of that April got a disease and got sick. And so did I."

"You're not sick Daddy." Collin told him.

"Not right now, but sometimes I am. And someday I'll get really sick. And I'm sorry. Okay? I'm really sorry." He hugged him close. "But I love you, you know that?"

"Uh huh." He looked up at him with big eyes.

"Good." He held him close."

"Did you love her? Like Mommy?"

"Yes. Sort of like Mommy."

"Oh. Is she one of those girls in Uncle Mark's book?"

"What book?" Roger asked him, confused.

"His picture books. In his office. He lets me look at them." He hopped down off Roger's lap and ran to Mark's office, returning a moment later carrying a photo album. "See." He climbed back up on Roger's lap, setting the book on the table. "There's you, and Uncle Mark. And Uncle Collins." He pointed at pictures as he talked. "He's got a couple of picture books. They got a lot of pictures of Aunt Mo in them. And Mommy. But this one doesn't have Mommy in it. But it's got three girls I don't know. All Uncle Mark says is they were friends of his."

Roger flipped the page, looking at the pictures. At how young they all were. Young. Stupid. Wild. Naive. They all still thought they were invincible and could change the world back then.


"Is that her?" Collin asked, pointing at a picture.

"Yeah, that's April." Roger got a small smile.

"She's pretty."

"Yeah, she was." He ran a finger along the picture.

"That's not a good picture of her though." He tapped a different picture. "She looks funny. So do you Daddy." He laughed.


"Yeah, we do." Roger said sadly, realizing in the picture both he and April were wasted. He flipped the pages. April's birthday. His birthday. Christmas. Mark's birthday. Looking at the pictures like that he could see how bad the two of them had gotten. How bad they looked. How low they had hit.

"She kinda looks like April." Collin pointed at a new picture as he turned a page. "She's got lots of hair." He grinned.

"Yeah she did." He grinned looking at the picture of Mimi with her wild hair, spiked boots, and leather outfit.

"Who is she?"

"Her name was Mimi."

"Was she your girlfriend?" Collin laughed, looking at a picture of Mimi kissing Roger.

"Yes," he smirked, "she was my girlfriend."

"Does Mommy know?"

Roger laughed. "Yes Mommy knows."

"What happened to her?" Collin asked, flipping pages.

"She got sick and she died."

"Like April?"

"No. She got the same disease, but she didn't cut herself or anything. She got sick from the disease and she died."

"Oh. She doesn't look sick. She looks happy." Collin looked at a picture of Mimi hugging both Roger and Mark.


"I think she was there. Real happy."

"Did you lover her too?"

"Yeah I did. A lot."

"Does Mommy know?"

"Yes, Mommy knows. Mommy knows everything." He grinned.

"Who is that?" He pointed at a different picture.

"That's Angel. She was Uncle Collins boyfriend."

"But she's a girl." He looked up confused.

"Actually, no he's not. He just liked to wear dresses." Roger cracked a grin.

"If Uncle Collins likes boys who wear dresses, why doesn't he just like girls instead?"

"I don't know." Roger laughed.

"I'm glad Uncle Jason doesn't wear dresses. He'd look funny."

"You're right. He would." He laughed again. He couldn't believe he was not only having this conversation with Collin, but laughing during it.

"So where's Angel?"

"Angle died too. From the same disease."

"Oh. She looks nice. Was she your friend too?"

"Yes she was. A very good friend. And Angel was Mimi's best friend."

"Is that why Uncle Mark would never tell me about them? Cause they died?"

"Yeah. That's why. Because Uncle Mark misses them. We all do. They were special. We all loved them. Especially me." Roger told him over the lump that had formed in his throat.

"That's sad that all three of them got sick and died like that."

"Yeah it is."

"I don't want you to get sick Daddy."

"I know Buddy. I don't want to either." He hugged him close.

"I guess you were lucky huh Daddy?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you said you loved April and Mimi. Right?"

"Yeah…"

"Well did they love you?"

"Yeah, I guess they did."

"Well Mommy says as long as somebody loves you, you're lucky. And she said me and her were luckiest because you and Uncle Mark love us. But I think you're luckiest."

"Why?"

"Cause you got Mommy, and me and Uncle Mark. Plus those girls, April and Mimi. Plus everybody else."

"I guess you're right Buddy. I guess you're right." Roger hugged him tight as Collin kept filling pages in the photo album.

A/N Okay, emotional chapter, especially when it is put up with chapter 93 which is how it was originally written. But this section was another one of my favorites to write. Mainly because it did deal with so many emotions of so many people. Especially the interaction between Roger and Collin. I just felt it was important to make Roger deal with his past catching up with him and having his son who idolizes him want answers. Kids always ask the hard questions that adults are too polite to ask. And when they are you're kids, you really don't want to lie to them. I thought it would be good for Roger. Hope you guys like it.

And so you know when I wrote these two chapter, I would just cry right through them every time I went back through them to edit or just to re read them. And I knew what was coming! Granted I cried through a few chapters in this story, but this section probably the hardest!

Thanks again for sticking with me.

Kelby