A/N Okay just to let you all know, my husband deployed yesterday, so Collin and I will be out of town for the next few weeks visiting my grandparents in Florida! I'm going to try and update as often as I can, but my grandmother doesn't have a regular computer. It's more of a mini computer whatever that means? Anyway, I'll get at least one chapter up a week even if I have to go to their friend's house to do it. But if the updates aren't as often as they have been, sorry.

To Leah- Sorry, we don't really discuss Mark's visits with the shrink. It's just sort of implyed.

To Amy, Becca and Mari – You think that about Maureen huh? Hmmmm, who knows? Guess you'll have to read to find out.

Again, with me being out of town, I don't know if I'll be able to make Author Notes, but I can still check my email so if you need to know something, be sure to leave me your email address!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Kelby

Chapter 96

"So what else did you do with Uncle Mickey yesterday?" Roger asked as he unlocked the front door to the building, letting Collin in.

"Um, we just went to the park." He shrugged. "And his girlfriend came with us."

"Sarah?"


"Uh huh." He nodded, climbing the stairs. "She bought me ice cream."

"That sounds like fun."

"Uh huh. And you should see the place she works at!" Collin told him with big eyes.

"Uncle Mickey took you there?" Roger asked amazed.

"Uh huh." Collin grinned.


"Is he out of his mind? Remind me to have a talk with your Uncle Mickey."

"Why?"

"Well, just because." He told him. Because if your mother finds out that idiot took her seven-year-old to an S & M shop that does tattoos and piercings as well, she'd kill him. Then she'd probably come after me just for good measure.

"Why?"

"Because Mommy wouldn't be all that happy to know Uncle Mickey took you there. So if you want to keep Uncle Mickey out of trouble, and me too, you won't mention it to her."

Collin laughed. "Okay Daddy."

Roger unlocked the apartment door, still amazed at Mickey's stupidity. As he opened the door he heard the familiar "fawap" sound of Mark's projector as the tail end of a reel of film spun around.

"Fawap, fawap, fawap."

Roger looked around and saw Mark, asleep on the couch. At first he started to laugh, thinking back to the old days when Mark was always running that thing. Suddenly he realized Mark hadn't moved. As he looked around her saw about eight empty beer cans. He realized Mark wasn't just asleep, he was passed out.

He knew something had to be really wrong. Mark hardly ever really drank unless it was a really good party or something. Especially not at only four in the afternoon. And he never drank alone, much less enough to pass out. He got a really bad feeling about the whole thing. Roger knew it had to have something to do with Maureen. He hated the idea of her being up to her old ways again. She better not of cheated on Mark. Not after all this time. If she had, he'd make her regret it.

"What's Uncle Mark watching?"

"Huh?" Collin broke him out of his thoughts. "Um, I don't know. Looks like work stuff." He looked from Collin to Mark and back again. "Hey how would you like to go visit Aunt Jen and the baby? Do your homework there. Maybe have dinner with them? I need to talk to Uncle Mark."

"I guess."


"What's the matter?" He asked leading him back down the stairs to the second floor. "You used to love going to Aunt Jen and Uncle Rich's? And you love the baby."

"I know, except she's a girl."

Roger laughed. "True Emily is a girl. But someday you may appreciate that." Jen opened the door when he knocked. "Hey. I need a favor. Can he stay here for awhile?"

"Sure. What's going on?"

"I don't know yet. It's Mark. I'll call you later. Bye Collin."

"Bye Daddy."

Roger headed back upstairs. "Mark. Markie, wake up." He shook his shoulder.

"Hey…"

"Hey." Roger cleared a spot on the couch and sat down next to him. "What is going on?"

"Nothing."

"Then why are you passed out on my couch, drinking all my beer and watching old footage of…" he picked up the film can lid, "Mo's hedgehog performance?"

Mark slouched back against the couch and turned away from Roger.

"Mark…"

Mark reached for his beer and drank down what was left.

"Marky?"

"We thought she was pregnant." He told him, still not turning around.

"Mo's pregnant? That's good right?"

"But she's not." Mark turned to look at him, tears filling his blue eyes. "They didn't know what it was for awhile."

"What do you mean?" Roger was confused, but suddenly felt bad thinking Maureen had gone back to her cheating ways. "Is she sick?" He felt the pit of his stomach drop out.

"Rog, she's got cancer." Mark told him unable to hold back the tears that had formed, now rolling down his cheeks.

"Oh God." Roger leaned back out of shock. "But what does her doctor say? And where is she? And where's Cass?"

"She's with Cass. She came and met us after Mo's appointment. They went out to talk."

"Well what did her doctor say?"

"That they'll give her chemo and radiation. And that none of it may actually work."

"Oh God Mark." He pulled him close into a hug as Mark started to sob. Roger didn't know what else to do so he just held him. "It'll be okay Mark. It's got too."

"What if it's not Rog? What if she dies?" He started crying harder. "I can't take it. Not Mo. Not--" He cut himself off as he spoke.

"You mean not Mo too."

Mark sat there silently for a minute, before wiping his eyes. "Yeah, not Mo too."

******************

Roger rolled over, pulling Cass closer to him in the dark. He just laid there, breathing in the sent of her shampoo. He couldn't stop his brain from spinning in a thousand different directions. He listened to Cass breath for a few minutes. "Baby you awake?" He whispered.

"Of course I'm awake. I was beginning to think I'd never fall asleep again." She rolled over into his arms.

"God I can't believe this is happening."

"I know. I think Mo's in shock. How was Mark doing?"

"Mark's a mess. What else." He played with her hair, listening to her breath.


"Roger I hate this."

"I know. It's not fair."

They laid there in the dark for a few minutes. Finally Roger heard her swallow a sob. "Come on Baby, don't cry. Please."

"But it's not fair Roger." She sobbed. "Lot's of things aren't fair. It's not fair Mark and Mo were finally able to work it out to something as good as what they have now. It's not fair that Mo's sick. Or that Collins is sick. Or that, you know." She wiped at her face, looking up at him.


"I know Baby." He stroked her hair. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

They laid there like that in the dark. Cass let Roger just hold her for a long time before she spoke again. "I got a phone call the other day. It was one of the counselors at Life Support."

"Uh huh?"

"They called to tell me they were starting a new group. One for kids. Kids Collin's age."

Roger ran his fingers though his hair, listening to her. He pulled her closer before he spoke. "I think it's a good idea for him."

"You do?"

He let out a long sigh. "Yeah I do. Look, Collins is going to die someday. And I'm gonna die someday. Both of which is bad enough, but if Mo's really that bad, that just makes it all worse. Someday his whole world is gonna start falling apart. Maybe this'll make it a little easier on him." He paused for a second. "And you."

At that she started crying again. "Roger…"

"Shhhh Baby." He squeezed her close. "I love you Cass. I really love you." He kept telling her that until they both finally fell asleep.

****************

Roger pulled his jacket tighter around him as he walked in the dark. He reached the park and looked around. He knew what he was looking for and found it right away. The guy near the building on the far side. The one with the little group of kids standing off to the side. Roger didn't know him, but knew well enough who he was. The kid that had been talking to him finished up and rejoined his friends as they hurried out of the park. Roger waited till they were all gone and started to walk over.

What the hell are you doing here Davis? You must be out of your mind. No, it's because you're the only one thinking that's why you're here. Mark just doesn't get it. This is going to make it better. He knew that. He knew it would make it better. But if he knew he was so right, why did he feel so crappy?

Why did you have to yell at Collin before you left? You shouldn't have yelled at the poor kid. He told himself. All he wanted to do was go with you. He didn't understand. He's just a kid. He heard you tell Maureen you were going to the park. That this would make it better. He didn't understand and you had to yell at him. You big idiot.

He walked over to the man. "Hey."

"Hey." He looked around, checking out Roger.

"I need something."

"Yeah? And you think I can help you with that?"

"Yeah I do." Roger flashed him the twenty-dollar bill. "Give me two dime bags."

The guy looked around again. "Yeah okay." He took the money from Roger. "You sure you don't want anything else? Something a little stronger?"

"No, just the dime bags." Roger realized he was starting to sweat. This was all just a little too familiar.

"You sure? You look like you could use something else."


"Are you gonna give'em to me or do I gotta go somewhere else?"

"Okay, okay, relax." He reached into his pocket. "You used to hang out in the park didn't you? Yeah. I remember you. When I was working for Tommy. Yeah." He got an evil grin. "You were a good customer."

"Whatever." Roger waited.

"Yeah Tommy's upstate. Seven years. So I sort of inherited his business." He grinned again watching Roger fidget and sweat. "You know I can take care of that for you. Set you up. First one's a freebie. Considering you used to be a preferred client and all."

"No thanks, just the dime bags."

"It's no problem. Tommy would have wanted me to do that for you. He's got another three years to go on his sentence."

"Look I didn't come here for some family reunion. Just give me the damn stuff already."

"Okay, okay. Don't get so touchy. Just telling you is all. Seeing as how you're back on the client list and all."

"It's a one time thing." He was getting pissed. "Just give it to me."

The man reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out two dime bags, handing them to Roger. "Here. Like I said, first one's on me." He told him as he handed him a third bag.

Roger just looked at the bag of white powder for a second. He felt it in his hand. He knew everything this idiot was telling him was the truth for the most part. It would make everything better. For awhile at least. But then after. After everything would be so much worse. So, so much worse. "Forget it!" He tossed the white bag of powder back at him as he started to walk out of the park. "Don't do me any favors."

He realized he was almost running and slowed down some. He hadn't expected to feel that way when he went in there. Truthfully, he hadn't expected it to bother him all that much at all. He figured he was past that. Hoped he was at least. Of course yelling at Collin over it earlier hadn't helped his state of mind any. The sound of his boots thudding up the steps echoed through the quiet apartment building.

Collin heard him come in and was peaking out of his bedroom door at him as he walked into the apartment. Roger noticed, but couldn't bring himself to speak to him just yet. He wanted to do this and get it over with first. He walked into Mark and Maureen's bedroom and closed the door behind him. Jen was sitting on the bed with Maureen's head in her lap. "Did you get it?"

"Yeah, I got it." He told her, sitting down in the chair and picking up a large book off the floor to use as a table in his lap.

"Mark's going to have a fit if he finds out you went there." Maureen told him.

"Mark will get over it." Roger told her, trying not to notice how pale yet green she looked at the same time. He laid out the papers and was just starting to sprinkle the pot onto it when he heard Collin calling for him at the door. "Shit!" He whispered. As if this night could get any worse. "Yeah hold on Collin, I'll be out in a minute."

"But…"

"Just hold on!" He yelled at him. Damn! Here he was yelling at Collin again.

"Okay."

Roger could almost hear the tears forming in his eyes. Great. This is just perfect he thought as he finished rolling the joint. "Here." He handed it to Jen who lit it for Maureen. "I'll roll the rest later. My mom said it should make you feel a lot better. At least a lot less nauseous."

"Thanks." She said quietly as he walked out the door, closing it behind him.

He looked around and saw Collin sitting at the dining room table, his head resting on his arms. "Collin?" He looked up at Roger and he could tell he'd been crying. "Hey."

"Hey." He sniffed.

"Look I'm sorry I yelled at you. I didn't mean it. You just couldn't come with me before for. And a few minutes ago, well, I shouldn't have yelled. I'm sorry. I just had to take care of something for Aunt Mo."

"It's okay." He sniffed again.

"No it's not." He hugged him. "It's been pretty rough around here lately hasn't it? Everybody acting kinda weird?"

Collin nodded.

"Yeah, it's just with Aunt Mo being sick and all it's kinda got everybody a little freaked out. How you doing?"

"I'm okay." He looked up at Roger. "If she's taking medicine, how come it's making her so sick?"

"Well, the medicine does that. But it'll help her get better. And then everybody else will start acting normal again.

"I know."

"Look I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"I know."

Roger heard Maureen coughing on the smoke in the other room. God today was a miserable day. "How about you and me do something this week. Just me and you. After school one day. You pick."

"Really?"

"Yes really." He told him as Mark walked in the door.

"Hey. How's Mo?" He asked Roger

"She's in your room." Roger told him.

Mark walked into his room. It only took a second before he heard Mark yelling at Jen and going on about letting Maureen do that and letting Roger go to the park.

"What's wrong with Uncle Mark?" Collin asked.

Roger let out a long sigh. "He's just really stressed out. Hey why don't you go play downstairs for awhile. With the baby?"


"Okay." He smiled before sniffing the air. "What's that smell?"

"Yeah, um, lets go. Now. Aunt Jen really wanted you to go play with the baby and Uncle Rich for awhile."

"Okay. But what smells? Is Aunt Mo burning something?"

"Yes. I mean no." He shook his head. "I mean let's go. Now." He stood up, pulling Collin along with him out the door as Mark continued yelling. Roger took him down to Rich and Jen's apartment on the second floor and left him with Rich and the baby. He started back up the steps, but could still hear Mark going on when he got to the apartment door. Realizing he wasn't up to dealing with Mark, why he was going off as well as everything else, he went back down to the third floor to Jason and Collins apartment.

"What's up?" Collins asked him as he opened the door.

"I can't go back up there." He told him, coming through the door. "I can't do it."

"Sure you can. That's where your bed is." He laughed for a moment. When he realized Roger wasn't finding any of this funny he stopped. "What's going on?"

"Oh you mean other than yelling at my kid so I can take a way to familiar walk to the park to buy pot for Mo so she'll stop throwing up from her chemo. A suggestion from my mother no less which really isn't making me feel any better. Then there's the part about rolling joints in her room while yelling at my kid again, not to mention lying to him. Oh and now Mark's home and last I heard he was ripping Jen a new one for a letting Maureen smoke, which by the way is supposed to make her feel better, and for letting me go to the park by myself as if I couldn't handle doing that. Like I'm some six year old." He ranted on.

"Oh and then there's my former drug dealers former employee who by the way has now taken over the business due to the fact that Tommy is doing like seven years or something like that he told me when he remembered me and oh, offered to let me back into my bad habits. For free the first time of course. And for just a moment it really sounded like a good idea." He threw himself down in a chair and kicked his feet down hard on the coffee table.

"So in other words, you've had just a peachy day." He said sitting back down on the couch.

"Hmph!"

"You gotta relax Roger. Everybody's just a little stressed out."

"I can't go back up there."

"So you wait awhile."

"Ever. I can't go back up there ever."

"Eventually you'll want your guitar. Not to mention your wife." He told him, starting to cough.

"Ha ha." He rolled his eyes at Collins.

"Look there's going to be a lot of crappy days around here. But there's gonna be a lot of good ones too. So relax. And stop worrying about yelling at Collin. And Mark will relax eventually. You know him, if he's not worried about you, he doesn't know what to do with himself. And right now he's got more than his usual share of stuff to worry about."

"I was trying to help you know? I couldn't stand just watching her puke like that and be so miserable." He closed his eyes as he leaned back against the chair.

"I know. Mark will too. He's just dealing with a lot of stuff." Collins stood up and blew his nose. "Where's Collin?"

"Downstairs with Rich and the baby."

"I should go rescue Jen then. When is Cass going to be home?"

"Yoga ends at nine. She and Leslie are usually home by 9:30."

"Okay. Jason should be home soon. Stay here if you want." He stood up to walk to the door but stopping to cough again.

"Are you okay?" Roger asked him.

"Yeah. It's just a cold. You know me."


"Yeah. I know you." He told him, leaning back against the chair and closing his eyes again. He listened to him for a second before speaking. "Collins?" He asked, never opening his eyes. "Do you ever think about it?"

"What?"

He sat up some. "You know, dying. I guess I don't mean dying, as much as leaving everybody behind. I mean when Mimi died, I thought that was it. And I remember Mark. And you when Angel died. And now Mo's sick. And you and me…"

"I know what you mean. You can't dwell on it though. Apparently that's Mark's job, even though everyone tries to get him to give it up."

"I just hate the whole thing." He stared down at his feet.

"I know. I mean you're not supposed to like the whole idea Roger. Look, hang out down here for awhile. I'll check on Collin, make sure Mark's calmed down. Just sit. Don't think, just sit."

"Yeah. Thanks." He told him, laying his head back against the couch.

A/N To Amy, Becca and Mari (and everyone else) – Did I get you? You know it couldn't be that easy! Just make Maureen pregnant! What fun would that be? Don't hate me! I'm sorry, but it had to be done.

Okay I admit, I've thrown way more than my share of tear jerkers into this. But it just seems to work so well! Oh I guess you'll have to wait and see what happens! I'm definitely more of an angst type writer.

Thanks you guys! Love you all for sticking with me this long!

Kelby