Chapter 98

Roger rolled over, reached for Cass, but realized she was gone. Even in his still somewhat asleep state he knew that was okay. She was usually up long before him. But something was still bothering him. Something felt strange. Slowly he opened his eyes and he realized what it was. Collin was sitting crossed legged on the far corner of the bed, chin resting on his hands. Staring at him. Roger blinked a few times, bring everything into focus. "What are you doing?"

"Waiting for you to wake up. Mommy said not to wake you up or else."

"Oh." He yawned, stretching out. "Where is Mommy?"

"She went running. She said she was going on a long run and to make sure you take your pills." He tossed the pill bottle to him.

"I know." Roger grinned at him. He was such a little version of Cass sometimes, the way he worries about him. And Mark too, the way he sits and just watches everyone and everything sometimes. Roger sat up in bed some. "Did you eat breakfast?"

"No." He answered somberly, looking down at the bed sheets.

"Did you work on your letter to your principal yet?"

"Mommy made me do some more of it this morning. What's a first draft mean?"

"It means Mommy thinks you're not done yet." He smiled at him, but Roger realized something else was bothering him. "What's wrong Collin?"

He shrugged without looking up.

"Is it your letter to your principal?"

Collin shrugged again.

Roger rolled over onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow. "What did you get into a fight about yesterday Collin?" Roger asked softly.

"I don't know." He said towards the mattress, shrugging again. After a moment he looked up. "Uncle Collins is gonna die soon isn't he?"

Roger sighed. Since Collins went in the hospital a week ago he'd gotten progressively worse. He never wanted to lie to Collin, but he hated having to tell him this stuff. And conversations like these always seemed to happen when Cass was gone and they were alone. "Yeah, he is gonna die soon." He watched him for a second before pushing on. "Does that have something to do with your fight yesterday?"

After a moment Collin looked up at him. "Sort of. I guess."

"Why don't you tell me what happened yesterday?"

Collin sighed. "We got our family tree project back yesterday."

"Uh huh."

"We had to show them to the fifth graders. They had to read them so they could interview us today. That kid Scott read mine."

"So what happened that you started fighting with him?"


"He made fun of my project. Cause of Uncle Mark and everybody that we're not really related to."

"Well, he just doesn't understand our family. It's a little different than a lot of peoples. But that doesn't make it wrong."

"And then he called me a bastard. He said you and Mommy only got married cause of me."

That pissed Roger off. Now he wanted to go and smack that snot nose pain in the ass kid upside the head himself. "That's not true at all."

"But doesn't it take nine months to grow a baby?"

"Yeah."

"And you only married Mommy five months before I was born."

God this kid is too smart for his own good. "Okay, you're right. Mommy was already pregnant with you when we got married. But none of that is your fault. It was mine. I waited too long to marry Mommy. And that kid's totally wrong. He doesn't even really know what that word means because he's not using it right. You're not a bastard and even if you were, it wouldn't be your fault. Just mine. Okay?" That was close enough to the truth. At least as close as any of them ever wanted Collin getting.

Collin nodded.

"Anything else happen?" Roger was almost afraid to ask.

Collin avoided Roger's eyes and looked down at bed again.

"Collin?"

"He said a lot of really bad things about Uncle Collins and Uncle Jason."

"Well, that's because he's not very smart, and he doesn't know them. And your Uncle Collins would tell you to just ignore him."

"I know, but he kept saying bad stuff about him. I told him he shouldn't cause Uncle Collins is really sick and in the hospital and might die and he said he deserves it cause he's gay and he said it'll be good when he dies cause it'll be one less faggot."

Roger watched the tears form in Collin's eyes. He sat up and pulled him over to him. "Come here." He hugged him close. "You're right, that was a horrible thing for that kid to say. All of it. And while you probably shouldn't have hit him, I'm real proud of you for sticking up for Uncle Collins and everybody."

"Daddy I don't want Uncle Collins to die."

"I know. I don't either."

"I don't want you to die either." He was crying harder now.

"I know Buddy. Hopefully it won't happen for a long time, but it's gonna happen someday, I can't help it, I'm sorry, but just because I can't stop it doesn't mean I don't love you."

"Daddy?" He looked up, tears running down his face. "If you die what's gonna happen to me and Mommy?"

"What do you mean?" Roger asked, wiping tears off Collin's face.

"Who's gonna take care of us? Of me and Mommy? We'll be all alone."

"Oh buddy you'll never be alone."

"But Uncle Collins is gonna die and leave Uncle Jason all alone. And Aunt Mo might die and leave Uncle Mark all alone. And when you die, me and Mommy will be all alone. Like Mommy was after her mom died."

Roger hugged him again. "You'll never be alone Collin. No matter what happens to me or Uncle Collins or even Aunt Mo. You'll always have Mommy, and Grandma and Uncle Patrick and Aunt Shelly and especially Uncle Mark. Uncle Mark will always be there for you and Mommy. I promise. Plus everybody else like Aunt Jen and Uncle Rich, and Uncle Jason and Aunt Joanne."

"But if you die who's gonna teach me how to play electric guitar? And drive a car?" He sobbed.

Roger smiled at that. "First of all, if Mommy get her way, no matter what, she'll never let me teach you how to drive. She'll make either Uncle Mark or Uncle Patrick do it. And don't worry about playing electric guitar. Okay?"

"But what if--"

"Collin listen to me, you can't worry about all that stuff. Okay? Just worry about today. I don't know what's going to happen, but today's what counts. Don't waste your energy on everything you already did or what's going to happen tomorrow. You gotta just live for today and make it the best you can and everything else will work out in the end. Okay? Just today. A really smart person once told me you gotta believe in that. That there's no day but today. It took me a long time to learn that, but it's the best thing to do. Okay? You understand?"

Slowly Collin nodded his head. "I think so."

Roger pulled him close and kissed him on the head. What he just told his son kept running through his head. Thank you Mimi. If she hadn't been able to teach him all that, who knows where he'd be today. He most likely wouldn't be here. And he wouldn't have Cass, that's for sure. Or Collin. And for as much as it hurt him to see Collin so upset and knowing what he'll someday have to go through, he realized how much he loved him.

Roger sat back some, looking at Collin. He made a quick decision. "Know what I want you to do? Go get dressed. You and I are going out. We're gonna go see Uncle Collins, and then were going someplace special. Just you and me."

"Where?" He wiped away the last of the tears.

"You'll see." He kissed on the head again before starting to get up off the bed.

"But Mommy said she'd make us waffles when she got back."

"Mommy's waffles come out of the toaster." Roger laughed. "Don't worry. We'll leave her a note. And I'm calling your principal too. I'm gonna tell her about what that kid said to you. You shouldn't have hit him, but what he did was just as wrong. Okay?"

"Okay Daddy." Collin stood up.


"Okay, go get dressed. I gotta talk to Uncle Mark real quick then we're leaving before Mommy gets home."

"Okay Daddy. I love you." Collin hugged him.

"I love you too." He hugged him back. "Now go get dressed."

Collin smiled and ran off toward his room.

**************

Mark started to push the front door open with his shoulder, holding the three bags of garbage, when the door suddenly moved and he almost fell out onto the stoop.

"Sorry Sweetie." Cass laughed. "I was trying to help. That's not all our garbage is it?"

"No, I brought ours down and Jen caught me in the stairs." He rolled his eyes.

"You're such a softy." She laughed, lifting the lid off the trashcan for him.


"I think the term you're really looking for is 'sucker'."

"Oh Sweetie!" She kissed him on the cheek as they started up the stairs.

"So how did your meeting go?"

"Okay. They've got a huge mess. I can fix it of course."

"Of course." He grinned.

"But it'll cost them." Cass laughed.

"Ah, the super business woman that we all know you really are shows it's evil head!" Mark laughed.

"Oh behave!" Cass giggled. "That evil head feed you if you recall."

"Yeah, yeah. You know I'm just teasing you."

"I know. Speaking of feeding, any chance Roger and Collin stayed out of trouble today and maybe started dinner? I'm starving."

Mark stopped walking just as they started the last flight of stairs to the loft. He reached out and took her hand. "Um Cass, let me talk to you for a second."

"Uh oh. What happened now?" She asked, sounding suddenly tired.

Mark pulled her down to sit on the steps. "Well nothing happened. It's just… well Roger found out exactly what the fight was about yesterday."

"What was it about?" She asked hesitantly.

"Well, let Roger explain it to you. He just… look, don't get upset when you get up there. Just remember, he's had a rough couple of days and Roger thought he needed this. Needed today. Roger needed it too."

"Oh God." She sighed. "That poor little kid. What happened?" She slumped against him.

"He's okay Cass." He put an arm around her shoulder. "They both are. It was just a rough conversation that led to some rough facts and rough conclusions. For both of them."

"So what am I going to find up there?"

"Relax, it's not that bad." Mark smiled. "Just don't freak out when you first go in. Remember, it was all for a good reason."

"Okay." Cass said hesitantly, standing up and continuing up the stairs. As she opened the door she heard the guitar music coming from the area of the dining room. "I'm home."

"Mommy! Come see what I got!" Collin called her from atop the metal table where he and Roger were sitting.

"Oh-My-God!"

**************



Later that night, while Mark and Collin were out getting Maureen a movie, Roger was sitting in the living room with Maureen. Cass walked into the room, drinking a beer. She sat down on the arm of Roger's chair.

"Hey." He pulled her onto his lap.


"Hey." She handed him her beer as she played with his newly bleached hair.

"So am I in really big trouble?"

She sighed. "No, I guess not. But I thought you wanted to wait another two years before you got him an electric guitar?"

"Well, I do. I mean I did."

"So what suddenly changed?"

"He needed it."

"He needed it today? You couldn't have waited a couple more months till his birthday? Or have done it a few months ago at Christmas?"

Roger ran his hand along her leg. "Okay I didn't think of that, but even if I did, I probably wouldn't have waited."

"That's because you're a giant kid yourself." She teased.

"That's the truth." Maureen added from the couch. "But seriously Cass, he couldn't wait. The kid needed it today."

"Yeah he did." Roger said, playing with the beer bottle.

"But-"

"Cass he did." Maureen told her.

"Look, I had to get it for him. He's had a shitty couple of days."

"But that doesn't mean he should get a new guitar just because of that. You're supposed to be the adult Roger."

"Cass…" Maureen said softly.

"I had to get if for him okay? He was afraid I'm gonna die on him before he learns everything he thinks he needs to know on an electric guitar. Okay?" Roger spit the words out, regretting saying it, especially like that as the words left his mouth."

Nobody said anything. Maureen kept studying her nails. Cass picked at the label on the beer bottle she had taken back from Roger. Roger kept running his finger over the seam in the thigh of her jeans. Finally he spoke. "I'm sorry." He pulled her close. Almost whispering it into her hair.

Cass slid an arm around his neck, playing with his hair. "I know. It's okay." She kissed his forehead, still playing with his hair. "But did you have to bleach his hair too?"

"He wanted it. Really." Roger got a small grin. "Besides you used to say you thought my bleached out hair was sexy."

"Sexy on you, not on my eight year old." She teased back. "And getting his ear pierced. That was totally necessary?"

"Yeah Rog," Maureen laughed. "Don't you have enough holes in your head already for the both of you?"

"Ha ha." He stuck his tongue out at her. "You actually should be thanking me." He told Cass.

"Why?" Cass rolled her eyes.

Roger started to laugh. "You know how he loves Mark's old films of my old band days?"

"Not the Sucky Hungarians." Maureen said sarcastically.

"Don't you need a nap or something?" He joked back at her.

"Anyway…" Cass tried to get him back on track.

"Anyway, we were talking and the hair thing came up and lets just say an eight year old with one pierced ear and bleached hair is better than what he originally wanted."

"Oh God…"

"Okay, this I gotta hear." Maureen laughed. "What did he want?"

"Blue hair and to get his eyebrow pierced." Roger laughed.

"That's it. I'm never leaving you two alone again." Cass tried hard not to laugh.

"Now that would have been fun to see. Marky said the look on your face when you first saw the two of them sitting on that table was priceless." Maureen laughed. "If you had walked in and seen them with blue hair…" she stared laughing.

"Mo shut up." Cass laughed back before turning back to Roger. "Promise me you'll never dye my baby's hair blue."

"I promise." He leaned over and kissed her. "Besides blue is so early 90's." He laughed, looking at his watch. "I gotta go soon Babe."

"You closing tonight?"

"Yeah. You want to come with me? You haven't poured beers for me in awhile." He gave her Collin's famous pouty face.


"You want me to go hang out in that bar all night? You aren't even bartending." She teased him.


"Hey, I'm the boss remember? At least one of them. Besides…" He leaned in and whispered in her ear with an evil grin.

"Gross! If he just told you that the two of you could have sex in the keg room or something I don't want to know about it." Maureen made a face.

Cass rolled her eyes at Maureen.

"No seriously though, if you want to go have sex in the keg room or behind the bar or, yuck," she made another face, "on Izzy's desk or whatever, go ahead. Marky and I'll put the kiddo to bed."

"You know Mo's got some good ideas there." He wiggled his eyebrows at Cass.

"God I hope you're talking about the babysitting part." Cass grinned.

"Hey Baby, you can call it whatever you want." He grinned.

"Oh please." Cass laughed, standing up. "I suppose if I'm going with you, I need to change. You sure you're up to babysitting Mo?"

"What's to be up to? We watch a movie, eat popcorn and he goes to sleep." She shrugged. "Besides tomorrow's Saturday. It's not like he's got anywhere to go tomorrow other than to visit Collins."

"Okay, if your sure Mo." Cass walked into the bedroom to change.

"Thanks Mo." Roger told her.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just don't come home talking about the sexcapes at the Iguana."