Chapter 99

Roger opened up his jacket and walked along the sidewalk. It was unusually warm for the end of March. Between that and the fact he was trying to hurry home he was starting to sweat. He didn't pay any attention to the cab that pulled over to the curb as he walked past it.

"Roger!" Jen yelled out the cab window as she waved him over.

"Hey." He climbed in next to Maureen.

"Good I'm glad we saw you. I was just getting ready to call upstairs. Can you get Mo up to the loft so I can go directly to daycare and pick up Emily?"

"Yeah, no problem. How you feeling Mo?"

"Peachy." She told him, slumping against him some.


"Well the good news is she's only got two more weeks of chemo and then she's done with this round. Hopefully for good."

"Good. Give you a month or so and you'll be back to being your regular pain in the ass self. Just in time for summer. Cass says we're all going on vacation again this year. She's going to try and get that same beach house again. She said everybody deserves a good vacation this year."

"Ain't that the truth." Jen mumbled, looking out her window.

"Sorry you guys had to take a cab. It was just easier with all the different stops we had to make today." Roger told her, referring to the SUV Cass bought when they realized how sick Maureen was. She figured it would be a good thing to have for trips like this for chemo and things. Then Collins got sick and it was convenient for that too.

"It's okay. Easy enough to call ahead. How is my brother?" She asked, still looking out her window.

Roger looked out his own window. "He's doing okay. I had to run by the Iguana and make sure everything was all set for tomorrow. So they've got the car. Mark was helping him finish up so I left. They should be home soon. The cars are going to pick us up at ten tomorrow morning."

"What about Collins' family?"

"They're all set. His sister met us there."

Jen nodded as the cab pulled up in front of their building. "Okay." She said sadly. "I'll be back as soon as I get Em from daycare."

"No problem." Roger said, opening the door and helping Maureen out. He watched her color go from the waxy pale to a light greenish as she started to move. Roger put an arm around her waist to help her up the steps. After getting in the front door, he stopped, checking to see if she was okay. He looked down the hall at the freight elevator that Cass had also decided to finally get working after all these years. They had walked the three flights of stairs for so many years that they didn't use it often. When people moved in or out of the building. When someone got some new furniture. Cass did heavy shopping. Or Collins or Maureen couldn't make it up the steps. He didn't expect to be bringing Maureen home, so he didn't have the key to run the elevator with him. "I don't have the key. You want me to run upstairs and get it? Or you want a lift up?"

"No it's okay. I want to walk. I may just need to take a break here and there."

"Are you sure you don't want a lift?"

"I said no!" She snapped at him.

"Okay Mo, whatever you want." As they slowly stated up the stairs he couldn't stop his brain from thinking back to Mimi. He used to carry her up the stairs, just for fun sometimes. Sometimes he'd carry her up piggyback and sometimes she'd try and race him up the stairs. He'd always catch her. They he'd scoop her up and carry her up the rest of the way. Then she got sick. She couldn't make it up the steps. He had to carry her. She was always little and never weight all that much. Once she got sick, she dropped even more weight.

"Okay, I gotta stop for a minute again." She told him, sitting on the bottom step of the last flight of stairs. "Sorry." She said out of breath.

"Don't worry about it." He sat down next to her. "When you're ready we'll go upstairs."

"Sounds like there's already something going on upstairs."

Roger looked up the steps toward the fourth floor. "Yeah, they must have left the door open." He could hear Cass and Collin arguing.

"Collin I don't want to hear it!" Cass' voice traveled down the stairs.

"But that's not fair!" Collin whined.

"Life's not fair!" She snapped back.

"But Uncle Mickey--"

"I don't care! I don't want to hear it right now!"

"That's not fair!" He pouted. "You know I didn't ask to be your kid!" Collin yelled back.

"Well I didn't ask for over twelve hour of labor! Now drop it Collin, I've had a really crappy day."

"Daddy will--"

"And your dad's had a crappier day! I guarantee it. So end it. Now!"

Roger stood up. He could hear stomping and first one door slam and then another. "Sorry Mo, I gotta get up there."

She nodded, letting him pull her up. Still somewhat out of breath she put an arm around his neck, letting him pick her up. When they reached the loft, it was quiet. His bedroom door was closed but Collin's was open. Roger pushed the door closed behind him and took Maureen to her room. "You need anything?" He asked her.

"No." She rolled onto her side, exhausted.


"Daddy?"

Roger looked up and saw Collin at the bedroom door. "Hey kiddo." He gave him a hug. "Why don't you stay in here with Aunt Mo, in case she needs something." Collin nodded and climbed onto the bed when Maureen motioned for him to lay down with her. "I'll talk to you in a little bit. Okay?"

Collin nodded and Roger walked out, heading towards his and Cass' room. "Cass?" He called out to her as he opened the door. The bathroom door was closed as well. "Baby?" He turned the knob, finding it locked.

"I'll be out in a minute." She called back to him.

He made a face while reaching up and taking down the key off the top of the doorframe. The door was never locked, but the key had always sat up there since Collin locked himself in the bathroom when he was three. He unlocked the door and opened it. "Baby what are you doing?" He asked softly.

Cass looked up from her spot on the bathroom floor under the open window. She wiped the tears off her face and took another drag on her cigarette. "Sorry." She said quietly.

"Oh Baby." He sat down next to her on the floor, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close. "What are you doing?"

"I just needed a cigarette."

"I know." He reached over and took the cigarette from her, bringing it halfway to his lips before thinking better of it and flicking it into the toilet.

"Damn you former junkies and your willpower." She smiled at him.

He grinned at her, kissing her forehead. "Yeah well, why temp fate more I guess." He played with her hair a few times. "How did today go?"

"Oh, great." She said sarcastically. "I spent too many hour shopping for funeral clothes for an eight year old and something to decently fit Maureen who's lost so much weight I had to go to a junior's department to find her something." She rested her head on his shoulder and sighed.

"What was going on before? With Collin?"

"He just… we just… I don't know. How did you do today? Are you okay?"

Roger sighed, leaning back against the wall. "We got everything finalized. I don't know why Collins made me go. Jason and Mark could have done fine without me."

"Collins didn't want Jason going by himself. Jason needed Mark, and Collins knew Mark would need you."

"I suppose." He kissed her head again. "You know how Collin has been acting weird lately. I mean aside from everything else going on around here lately. But especially about me teaching him that old U2 song? The one Collins really liked? 'Beautiful Day'?

"Yes."

"Well it turns out Collins wanted me and him to play it tomorrow. He must have talked to him about it awhile ago. I guess it was kinda their big secret."

"Oh. Explains a few things." Cass let out a small laugh.


"What do you mean?" He asked, puzzled.

"Well, the argument before, had to do with getting his tongue pierced."

"Oh God." Roger rolled his eyes.

"I don't know exactly how it started, but I know it had something to do with something Collins had told him."

"I'll talk to him."

"Oh wait, it gets better." Cass smiled. "Your oh so helpful brother told him his girlfriend would do it for him."

Roger shook his head. "Don't worry I'll talk to Mickey too." He laughed, standing up. "Come on," he pulled her up, "he's in with Mo. Let's go talk to him."

"They walked into Mark and Maureen's room. Collin looked up as they came in, but didn't make eye contact. Roger sat down in the chair and Cass sat on the bed with Collin and Maureen. Just as they sat down, Mark walked in. After checking on Maureen he sat down on the floor next to the bed. He gave them a quick report on how Jason was doing, what happened after Roger left and told them he left Jason downstairs at Rich and Jennifer's. They had a quick discussion about when Joanne would arrive and how Collin was gong to sleep on the floor in Cass and Roger's room so she could stay in his room.

"Collin come here." Roger said to him when they had finally finished talking about tomorrow. Collin got up and moved over, sitting on Roger's lap. "When did Uncle Collins ask you about playing that song?"

Collin's eyes went to the floor. "A lit bit before he went into the hospital. Maybe a week or two."

"Do you want to do it? Because you don't have to if you don't want to. Nobody's gonna be mad or upset or disappointed if you don't want to. Not us or Uncle Collins. It's up to you."

Collin slowly looked up at Roger. "Will you play it with me?"

"If you wanna do it, I'll do it with you."

"Okay." He got a small grin. "I'll do it. Uncle Collins wanted us to do it."

"I know. I found out today. We'll practice it later okay?" Collin nodded. "Now about getting your tongue pierced…" Roger started to say, trying hard not to laugh. Mark and Maureen both failed at that miserably as both of them started to laugh until Maureen started to cough.

"But Uncle Collins said I should get my tongue pierced. After we bleached my hair. He said I should get it done and then I'd look like a real rock star when I played that song for him."

"But Uncle Collins was teasing you." Roger explained.


"But…"

"Collin come here." Maureen motioned t him. He got up and came back over to the bed, sitting down. "He's right, Uncle Collins was just teasing."

"But he said…"

Maureen shook her head. "Sorry kiddo. He must have just been joking around with you. Besides, you dad's a real rock star, supposedly." She grinned at Roger. "And he doesn't have his tongue pierced."

"Nope." Roger stuck out his tongue to prove the point.

Mark winked at Collin and Maureen. "Ask him why he never got his tongue pierced."

"Yeah why?" Collin asked him.

"Cause you can't sing when your tongues all swollen up and I had a band."

Mark was still grinning. "Ask him why he never did it when he was in between bands."

Collin looked from Mark to Roger, waiting on an answer.

Roger threw Mark a dirty look, causing Mark to laugh again. He knew there was no getting out of it now.

"Well Davis, you going to tell the poor kid or not?" Mark teased him.

"I thought about it, but Mimi wouldn't let me. She was afraid it would get infected."

"Liar!" Mark laughed. "Tell the kid the truth."

"That is the truth!"

"That's only part of the truth Collin. It's true, Mimi didn't want him to do it." Maureen told him.

"Oh you big wimp!" Mark roared. "Tell him or I will!"

Cass had been quietly watching this whole scene play out. "Okay now I'm curious. What's the real reason?"

Roger shook his head. "Fine." He growled at Mark. "I was glad Mimi wouldn't let me get it done."

"Because…" Mark prompted.

"Because that's gotta really hurt! Okay! Are you happy now? I didn't do it because I wussed out! I mean they hold your tongue with a pair of pliers and shove this metal spike through it. It's a giant needle! It's not like piercing your ear. It's a GIANT needle. And you can see it going in!"

Everybody started laughing. More at Roger's reaction then his reasons. Mark turned back to Collin whose eyes had gotten a little wide. "So you still want your tongue pierced? I mean if your dad won't even do it…"

"Uh uh! No way! Uncle Collins never told me that part!"

"Good that's settled." Roger said, standing up.

"But you're still going to talk to Mickey?"

Roger laughed. "Yes, I'll talk to Mickey. Make him understand that he needs to be less helpful." He told Cass. "Come on, let's go practice you song for tomorrow."

"Okay." Collin hopped up, following Roger out.

"I'll go start dinner. Mo you feel like eating yet?"

"Just some toast, but I may need a nap first."

"Alright. I'll make you some and if you fall asleep, I'll just make you more later."

"I'm not hungry." Mark told her.

"Too bad, cause you're eating."

"Cass…"

She put her hands on her hips. "You really want to argue with me?"

"Sorry. Meant to say I was starved."

"That's better. I'll bring you in something with Mo's toast in a little bit." Cass tried to smile at them as she walked out. Mark was climbing onto the bed with Mo, talking quietly to her and you could already hear the guitar-playing coming from the other room.

****************

"Yeah it's okay if you want to stay there." Roger said into the phone. "Okay. Have a good time with Mattie. And don't drive Krystal crazy. Maybe tomorrow before we open up we'll go play. Turn on the big amps. Okay? I'll see you tomorrow. Love ya Buddy. And Collin, you did a really great job today. Uncle Collins would have been impressed." Roger smiled into the phone as he said good bye and hung it up before walking back into the living room.


A few people were still hanging around the loft. He walked back over and sat down by Maureen who was talking to Ginny and Leslie.


"I gotta take off. I've got an early shift at the hospital tomorrow." Ginny stood up, hugging both Roger and Maureen. "I'll see you later."

"Yeah I need to leave too. I told my husband I'd be home an hour ago. Not that he really believed that I'm sure." Leslie stood up as well. "You guys call if you need anything."

"Yeah. Thanks Leslie. We'll see you guys later." Roger told them, hugging Leslie goodbye. After they left to say goodbye to everyone else, Roger picked up his discarded beer from earlier.

"How's Collin?" Maureen asked.

"Okay." He shrugged. "He said he and Mattie were 'jammin'." He grinned, sipping his beer. "He's gonna spend the night over there. I told him tomorrow maybe Izzy and I'll take him and Mattie down to the bar in the afternoon. Play with them up on the stage. You know, turn the whole sound system on for them."

"That'll be nice. Maybe Marky and I can come see. I'll take a nap." She sighed. "He did really good today."

"Yeah, he did." Roger stared out the window."

"You both did."

"Thanks. It's not really that hard a song to play."

"I wasn't really talking about the guitar playing."

"I know." Roger said to her, still looking out the window.

"How you doing?"

Roger shrugged. "I don't know. Okay I guess. I just feel like we've done this way too many times." And we're not done yet he couldn't help but think.

"I know. That's what Mark was saying." She sighed.

"Where is Mark? And Cass?" He looked around.


"Well, Cass went to go cook some food, and well, seeing as how she's sort of drunk, he thought he better supervise." She let out a small laugh.


"Understandable with her track record." He grinned. "Of course Mark's not exactly sober at the moment."

Maureen waved a dismissive hand toward the kitchen. "Jen, Jason and Rich are in the dining room talking to Joanne. They're close and for the most part sober. She makes any major flames, they'll hear Mark freak out."

Roger laughed. "This is true."

Maureen smiled at him, then sat up some more so she could look into the kitchen. The music paused for a moment as the CD changed. They could hear the soft drunken laugh of Cass as Jason said something they couldn't really hear from the dining room. Mark laughed too, pulling Cass over and kissing her on the cheek.

Maureen let out a small sigh and turned back to Roger. "You ever thing how different their lives would have been, if not for us?"

Roger looked up at her. "What do you mean?"

"Just… I don't know. I mean Cass loves you. And Mark loves me. But that doesn't make them love each other any less. They big difference is they sleep with us."

"What? You think they're having an affair or something?" She was really bothering him with where ever she was going with this.

"No! Not at all. But think about it. If Cass had shown up here a year or two earlier, when Mimi was still around you know perfectly well she'd be married to him at this very moment."

Roger stared straight ahead for a moment before turning back towards the kitchen. He could see Mark sitting on the counter, Cass in front of him, he had his arms around her shoulders, hugging her. Deep down he knew Maureen was right. He knew Mark would have loved Cass as much as he did. He hated the fact, but he could never hate Mark or Cass for it. He still loved them both and couldn't imagine his life without Cass or Collin. "Yeah, I know." He said softly.

"It's just… I don't know. I feel guilty, like I'm ruining his life. He didn't sign up for this." A tear rolled down her cheek. "I'm not saying I think anything would have been different with me if I'd stayed with Joanne, or that she would have deserved this either…" She wiped her face before running her hand over her bandana clad head. "I just… don't you feel guilty? Knowing you're going to die on them? I mean if it wasn't for us, they'd be happily married, Collin would probably be named Collin Roger Cohen instead of Collin Mark Davis and they'd probably be living in the suburbs with like another two kids and a dog." By then she was all out crying.

Roger got up and moved over next to her on the couch, putting an arm around her. "Come on Mo, don't cry on me, please." He kissed the top of her head. "You're not ruining his life. He loves you. No matter what. And yeah, you're right, he loves her and if the timing were different they'd be together, but they're not, they're with us. And I wouldn't change any of it, and neither would they."

"But don't you…"

"What, feel guilty as hell? God yes, every day of what's left of my life, which by the way, I wouldn't have if not for them." He wiped a tear off her cheek. "But you can't go on thinking you're ruining their lives. Nobody can change any of that stuff. Plus Mark and I have had lots of conversations about me ruining his life over the years. To the point where he's got me convinced I'm not. And if I'm not ruining his life, there's no way in hell you are." He smiled at her. "Besides, you're sick, you're not dying."

She looked down at her hands. "Yes I am." She said very quietly.

"What are you talking about?" Roger asked wide-eyed as he leaned in close to her.

"I don't think it's working. The chemo and everything." She shook her head.

"Did the doctor tell you that?"

"No, not exactly. It's just the impression I get from them."

"Okay." He started nodding his head very fast. "Okay. Listen to me, I want you to stop thinking that way. Until that doctor tells you something different, you stop thinking that way Maureen. Can you do that? For me? And Marky?"

Slowly she nodded her head. "I guess."

"Good. And stop thinking you're ruining his life, because you're not. Next to me, you're one of the best things to ever happen to him."

"Next to you huh?" She wiped at her face. "Glad to see your modestly hasn't faded over the years Davis."

"Yeah well…" He leaned back into the couch, kicking his feet out onto the coffee table. "It's gonna be alright Mo. No matter what happens to us. They'll be fine. I promise."