A/N I'm so glad some of you love Jason as much as I do. He's actually a compilation of a few guys, all with too good to true parts to their personality, and like their namesake, too gay to do me any good! But you know how the old saying goes, all the really good ones are either gay or married. And married, we can do something about, this way, well, you know! But yes, I love Jason, he was absolutely perfect for Collins! He's that big brother/best guy friend type that you never have to worry about, because he's not interested in you, just maybe your boyfriend, but he'd never do that to you. However he would be the only one of your friends to tell you you're dating a loser (which most girlfriends won't do). They're supportive and deal with the crappy boyfriend while you're dating, and then after you break up, they tell you all the terrible things he did. Jason would tell you in the beginning and then stay around to console you after you dump him. Of course that just makes you want him more and hate the fact that he's gay and you can never have him.

For all the heartbreak it causes, every girl really does need a Jason at some point in her life. I'm sharing my Jason with you all. He's loveable and cuddly and listens very well. Please return him when you're finished with him.

And thanks for sticking with me.

Kelby

Chapter 101

Roger held the two pizza boxes as he climbed the stairs followed by Jason. "So did you tell him yet?" Jason asked.

"No." Roger grinned. "I wanted to make sure first. I'm going to tell him tonight."

"That will be cool. Cass does already know about this though right?"

"Chicken!" Roger laughed. "Yes she knows all about it."

"What about school?"

"It's only the first set. And it's only one night a week for four weeks. He can handle it. Or even go in a little late the next day if he has too."

"That should work. When is this going to happen?"

Roger turned and looked back at him as they stopped walking in front of Jason's apartment door on the third floor. "Um, I wanted to talk to you about that. The first night would be the fifteenth, of next month."

"Oh. That's the one year anniversary of when Collins died."

"Yeah, I ah, know. Would that be all right? Would you mind? I mean it's okay if you do. We can change it around. That's part of the whole privilege of being one of the bosses. What ever you want to do man. It's okay with us. I just wanted to ask you first."

"No, really, do it. It would be great. He would have loved to see that. I think it's a great idea. Do me one favor, play that song, the one he really liked that he had you play at the memorial service. Do that for him."

Roger smiled. "You got it. Opening number."

"Thanks." He smiled as he continued up the stairs behind Roger.

"Pizza!" Roger called out, walking into the loft and setting them on the counter.

Mark opened his office door, leaned back in his chair and waved to them while talking on the phone.


"Where's Cass?" Roger called to him.

Mark mouthed the word "running" before going back to his phone call and closing the door again.

"I guess we're not eating for awhile." Jason laughed, turning on the oven and shoving the pizza's in. "Where's the kid?" He looked around.

Roger looked around just as he heard guitar music coming from Mark and Maureen's room. "Apparently entertaining Mo. You want beer, soda or water?"

"Water." He took the bottle from Roger and jumped up on the counter, listening to Collin play from the other room. "He's really getting good."

"Yeah he is." Roger smiled proudly.

"What's he playing?" They listened again.

"It sounds like a Well Hungarians thing." He started walking over to the bedroom followed by Jason. "Hey. Whatcha doing?"

"Hey Daddy! Hey Uncle Jason!"

"Hey kiddo! Hey Mo. How you feeling sweetie?"

"Okay. Just tired." She yawned. "We were out running around this morning."

"You need anything?"

"Just for your son to realize you haven't always been the musical genius he seems to think you are. And to understand you wrote a lot of crap fifteen years ago." She smiled.

"Um, Collin what are you playing?"

Collin looked up from the sheet music he was reading on the floor. "But Dad it's a bunch of really cool stuff! Uncle Mark found it in the back storage closet!"

"Let me see it." He reached for the music Collin handed him. "Ew! Mo's right, some of this is really bad stuff!" Roger laughed. "I wrote some of this stuff in high school!" He flipped through the pages. "I didn't even know we still had this stuff."

"Yeah! There was a whole box of stuff! And look!" Collin flipped through the pages. "Here's one you wrote for Aunt Mo!"

"You wrote a song for Mo?" Jason asked him.

"Um, maybe." Roger shrugged. "Some of this stuff is from my 'fuzzy' period."

"Well I didn't have a fuzzy period and I don't remember you writing me anything. But help me up and we can hear this masterpiece." She held out her hand for Roger to pull her up off the bed she'd been sitting on.

They all went out to the living room and Maureen got on the couch. In the almost year since she had finished her chemotherapy she had definitely been feeling better. Her hair had started growing back in and was a couple of inches long at this point. She had never gone back to work though. Between doctors appointments and just being too tired she mainly stayed at the loft. Some days she did work for Cass. Some days she helped Mark. A few times she even sat as a model for one of Jason's art classes he was teaching. Needless to say, she was definitely ready to get back to a more normal life and doing more things. Some days she had good days, sometimes she had bad days. Lately it had been more good days than bad and she was grateful for that. So was everyone else. Today was one of her good days.

Collin moved his guitar and the sheet music to the living room. Cass came in from running just as Mark came out of his office.

"What's going on?" Cass kissed Roger.

"Apparently Collin found a bunch of Roger's old music and is about to play us some masterpiece Roger wrote for Mo." Jason laughed.

"You wrote a song for Mo?" She asked, raising an eyebrow and looking to Mark.

Roger shrugged as he sat down and pulled Cass on his lap. "Well let's hear it."

Collin started playing as Mark sat down next to Maureen. They all listened for a minute before he spoke. "I still don't remember this."

"Wait, here come the lyrics." Collin told him, flipping the page.

All of a sudden Roger hopped up out of the chair, knocking Cass to the floor as he grabbed the paper from in front of Collin off the table.

"Ow!" Cass yelled from the floor.

"Hey?" Collin looked up, confused along with everyone else.

"This should be interesting." Jason said under his breath but loud enough for Mark to hear him.

Roger realized everyone was looking at him. Waiting. "Um, I uh, just remembered writing that." He gave a small grin.


"Uh huh?" Maureen asked him.

"Well it wasn't exactly meant to be a song for the band or anything. It was, well I was just screwing around." He balled up the paper.

"What's it say?"

"Well, we weren't exactly getting along then Mo."

"Oh God!" Mark suddenly realized what it was.

"Now I really want to know." She looked from Mark to Roger and grinned, enjoying watching them squirm.

"Well it was after a really big fight Mo." Mark tried to explain.

"Uh huh." She held out her hand.

Roger ripped off a chunk of paper and shoved it into his mouth. "It was a joke." He chewed, shoving another piece in as Collin laughed at him, watching him try and eat the paper. "We weren't ever going to play it or anything."

"It was a long time ago Maureen." Mark told her a Roger shoved a piece of the paper in his mouth.


"I see." She said, watching Roger gag on the mouthful of paper as Cass, Jason and especially Collin laughed. "Oh for God sake, spit it out Roger before you throw up on the rug. Yuck!"

Roger spit the soggy paper out into his hand. "Sorry." He said sheepishly.

"It's okay. I may have said a nasty thing about you once or twice in the past."

"Once or twice?" Mark said, spitting out his paper.

"Do you really want to get into this Mark?" She joked with him.

"Yeah shut up Mark!" Roger smacked him in the shoulder with the hand not holding the soggy paper.

Maureen just shook her head at them. "Are we ready to eat? Or are you two full off your sheet music."

"Ha ha. Yeah lets eat." Mark said pulling her off the couch. They headed into the dining room where Cass had already started getting out plates for the pizza.

Jason realized Roger was still in the living room, flipping through the papers Collin had found. "What are you doing?"

Roger looked up from his spot on the floor. "I told you. Some of this stuff was from my fuzzy period. I'm making sure there's nothing else bad in here!"



*********************

"Anybody want another slice of pizza?" Cass asked as she slid the last two pieces onto Roger and Jason's plates.

"So anything exciting happen today?" Maureen asked, tired of waiting for Roger to tell Collin the big news.

"Nope." Cass said, knowing what she was doing.

"Nothing." Mark grinned.

"Nada." Jason added.

"Some girl kissed Mattie at recess." Collin told them.

"Really?" Mark laughed. "Did he like it?"

"No." He said eating another bite of pizza. "Somebody dared her."

"So Izzy and I were talking today. We're going to try something new at he bar. Have a sort of open mic night."

"Really?" Cass said.

"Yeah. Instead of having our band play for awhile."

"That will be cool." Mark told him.


"Yeah. Izzy and I are going to play a short opening set then let all the amateurs play."

"That should be fun." Jason added.


"Yeah." Roger grinned. "We just got one big problem though."

"What's that Baby?" Cass smiled at him as she picked up plates.

"Well we got me and Izzy, but we need two more people. A back up guitar player and a back up bass player." He glanced at Collin who had been listening intently. "So anybody know any guitar players and bass players?"

"Hmmm, I'll have to think about that." Cass told him.

"I don't know anybody other than you guys." Mark told him.

"Me either." Jason grinned.


"That's too bad. How about you Collin? You know any guitar players or bass players?"

"Yeah!" He jumped up.

"You do? Who?" Roger teased him.

"Me! Me and Mattie! We can play with you! We can do it!"

"You and Mattie? I don't know." He shook his head. "You really think you can do it?"

"Yeah! We can do it! We can!"

"Well…" He pretended to think about it. "It's a good thing you can do it." He grinned. "Cause I already told Izzy I'd only do it with you guys."

"Really?" He ran over to Roger and threw his arms around him.

"Yes really. We start practicing this weekend." He hugged him back.


"How about tonight? We should practice tonight." He grabbed Roger's hand and tugged on him.


"Okay, okay." He laughed. "In a little bit."

"Okay. Can I call Mattie?"

Roger looked at his watch. "Yeah go ahead. Izzy should have told him by now."

Collin rushed out of the room.

"I think he's a little excited." Maureen grinned.

"Just a little." Cass laughed.

"Yeah I'll have to get that on film. Who knows? Someday MTV might pay big money for it when they do a Behind the Music on him."

By then they could hear the excited chatter of Collin talking to Mattie.

****************

"Okay, you guys ready?"

"Yeah!"

"Yeah! I still say we should've been allowed to get tattoos." Mattie said, more to Collin than Krystal and Cass.

"Me too. And my Uncle Mickey's girlfriend would have done it for us too."


Cass rolled her eyes. "Enough about the tattoos. We'll talk about it again in another ten years."

Roger walked over to them, wrapping his arms around Cass. "You guys ready for your last big show?"

"Uh huh. When do we get to do it again?" Collin asked him.

Roger laughed. "I don't know. Someday. Let's just get through tonight first. Where's Mark? And Maureen?"

"I don't know." Cass told him. "Maybe they're running late. She had her doctor's appointment late this afternoon to get her test results back. Maybe they were backed up at the doctor's."

"Yeah, maybe." He had a bad feeling about the whole thing. Mark and Maureen had been here for all three of the sets they had done with Collin and Mattie. They'd never miss Collin's last show. Not unless it was something really big. "Okay you guys, let's go."

He got the boys up on stage and they started the opening set for the open mic night. Half way through their first song he saw Jason come in and make his way through the crowd to where Cass and Krystal sat. He could tell by the look on his face alone something was wrong. But when he saw Jason had Mark's camera, he knew it was bad. Mark wouldn't miss this except for something really, really big.

The set they played with the boys was only a short twenty-five minutes set, but sitting there, seeing the look on Cass' face, it was just about the longest twenty-five minutes of his life. Finally it was over. Izzy introduced the first act that was going to come on as Roger hopped off the stage and went directly to Cass. "What's wrong?" He asked her and Jason.

Cass clutched his arm with both hands as Collin and Mattie came over to the table. "I can't believe it's over! Dad you gotta let us do that again."

"Collin," Cass started, "how would you like to spend the night at Mattie's? Daddy and I have to go do something, so would that be okay? You stay there? And we'll bring your toothbrush and school uniform and backpack over later. Krystal will take you to school tomorrow. It that okay?"

Roger could hear that panicky edge in her voice. It had to be really big if she didn't want Collin coming home.

"Cool! Yeah!"

"Cool!" Mattie agreed.

"Okay. We have to go. It'll be late when we bring your stuff over, so I'll see you tomorrow. You did a great job tonight. And I love you." She hugged him tight and kissed him on the head.

"Yeah great job kiddo. You were awesome. I'll see you later." Roger told him. Cass almost didn't let him finish as she was dragging him out of the bar with Jason.

"Here's you jacket. Izzy will take care of you guitar. Let's go."

"Babe what's going on?"

Cass looked around. "We'll tell you in the car."

*****************

Jason drove as Cass explained what Jason had told her when he walked in. They all knew Maureen had her doctor's appointment today. A year after finishing all the chemotherapy and removing her tumor, they ran the test to make sure everything was okay. That the cancer was still gone. That Maureen was fine. The test results came back today.


"So what happened?" Roger turned in his seat to look at Cass in the backseat.

"Apparently it's back." Cass managed to say over the lump in her throat.

"Oh God." Roger said softly. "So what do they do now? More chemo?"

Cass looked to Jason and he let out a sigh. "See that's the problem."

************

As the three of them climbed the stairs they could hear Mark and Maureen arguing as they reached the apartment door.

"Damn it Maureen!" Mark slammed his hand down on the table as Roger, Cass and Jason walked in.


"I said no! It's not worth it!"

"Yes it is!"

Roger could tell Mark had been crying. Maureen too. "Hey. What's going on?" He said softly.

Mark and Maureen just stared at each other. Finally Maureen spoke. "It's back. And this time it's worse. It's what they call highly aggressive."

"Oh God." Cass' hand went to her moth as if to stop the words from coming out.

"So what happens now?" Roger asked. "More chemo?"

"Yes!" Mark yelled.

"No!" She yelled back at him.

"You know what? I can't listen to this again!"

Mark yelled, grabbing his jacket off the back of a kitchen chair and bolting for the door.

"Mark!" Maureen yelled.


"Mark…" Roger called to him as the door closed behind him.

Maureen started crying again and slumped into the chair, resting her elbows on the table and covering her face. Cass sat down next to her and put an arm around her shoulders. "Just let him go." She sobbed.

"Mo what's going on?" Cass asked softly.

"I told him I wasn't going to do it. The chemo. I didn't want to do it again."

"But what did the doctor say?" Jason asked her.


"That we could try it. But it may not do much. Actually it may not do anything. So I told him I wouldn't do it again."

"But Mo…" Cass said softly as Roger stepped up behind her, putting his hands on her shoulders.

"No. Don't. I'm not going to do it! I'm not going to go through that again. Feel like that again. For what? An extra six months? But waste the first six months feeling horrible? Puking? Not being able to get out of bed? No!"

"Did, did they really say that? Six months?" Cass asked her.

"Yes." She looked down at the table. "Without the chemo six months. With it, maybe an extra six months."

"Oh God." Cass said again as Roger tightened his grip on her shoulders.

"That's why I won't do it. I mean why? So I get a year!" She almost yelled. "Out of that how much do I really get? After the chemo? And then when it kills me? So why should I?"

Roger let go of Cass. He had to get out of that room. He had to get away from them. From that conversation. "I'm gonna go look for Mark." He told them backing out of the room.

Roger got down to the street and climbed into their car. He just sat there for a minute. He couldn't listen to Maureen. Not right now. His emotions were all over the place and he just had to get out.

It had started to rain lightly, and the nights were still somewhat cold for it being the beginning of spring. He decided he really should look for Mark. The radio was off, but the windshield wipers made that mechanical swishing sound as he turned the car on and pulled away from the curb.

Where would Mark have gone? The Iguana? No, he knows Izzy would call Roger. The movies? No probably not tonight. The Life? Maybe. Roger decided to try there first. As he pulled the car to the curb he could see him inside.

Silently Roger walked in and sat across from him in the booth. Neither of them looked at the other. They both just sat there, their backs against the side of the booth, their legs stretched out in front of them on the seats. The waitress came over to see if Roger wanted a beer. It wasn't until a few minutes after she brought it that Mark finally spoke.


"She can't do this. She can't just give up like that."

"She's not giving up Mark." Roger said softly.


"Yes she is! She's quitting! She doesn't want to fight it so she's quitting.

Roger knew all about people just giving up and quitting. He knew Mark did too. April quit. She gave up and quit. Instead of fighting it, she quit. By this time Roger had been able to process through some of his own emotions. He realized that in the jumbled mess in Mark's brain right now, he was comparing Maureen's decision to what April did. And it wasn't the same thing.

Roger let out a long sigh as he played with the beer he wasn't drinking. "What do you want me to say Mark?"

"I want you to say she's wrong! That she needs to do the chemo again!"

Roger kept staring straight ahead. He and Mark still hadn't looked at each other and he certainly couldn't meet Mark's eyes with what he was about to say. "I can't Mark." He said guiltily.


"What!" Mark's head spun around and stared at him. "How can you agree with her?"

"Because I can." He finally turned to face Mark. "She's got a valid point Mark."

"No she doesn't!" He started to sob. "She can do the chemo again! She can do the radiation again! She can go to that weird acupuncture chick again!"

"Mark…"

"No! She's got options! She can do something instead of giving up! She's got options! She can get better." Now he was all out crying.

"But Mark." Roger said as he got up and sat down next to him on Mark's side of the booth.

"No." He yanked off his glasses and wiped at his eyes. "She's got options. Angel and Collins and Mimi didn't have options. Maureen does. Maureen can get better."

Roger put an arm around him as he cried in the booth. He finally understood what was going on. This went deeper than Mark losing Maureen. Deeper than Mark losing someone else he cared about. Long ago Mark had come to terms with the fact that he was going to lose a number of his friends to AIDS. Because AIDS kills you. There's no cure for AIDS. But Maureen doesn't have AIDS. She has cancer. And people survive cancer all the time. There are cures for cancer.

Things Mark had said to him in the past suddenly made sense to him in a different way. Mark never believed Maureen could die from this. He never let himself believe it. As long as she didn't have AIDS, she could get better. But apparently after what the doctor told them today she couldn't get better.

A/N Okay, another tear jerker. I cry just proofing the thing! I can't believe it's come this far and you guys are all still with me. Thanks so much. Hope you enjoyed the good cry.