Disclaimer: Plot and Orion; mine-but only in my imagination, and everything else is JK Rowlings'. yeah, Life sucks.
A/N: okay, writey time! Hope you like! oo, watch out though, slight profanity! {:o0
The next few days passed without incidence, but Ginny noticed in Potions and Transfigurations, that Draco seemed to be acting different towards her. While not exactly going out of his way to be nice; he also wasn't going out of his way to be the cruel insulting person that he usually was. She wasn't about to say anything to him though, she'd take that Malfoy any day over his other self.
For Malfoy, he now understood Ginny, but it made him feel weird that she had told him her story. He wasn't really sure how to react, but he felt like he owed her something in return. He was so confused; all of this didn't fit in with his way of thinking. He never had to address these kinds of thoughts before. He felt for Ginny, not sympathy, but more of an understanding, and a familiarity; he also felt as though he owed her something. And now he wasn't all to sure how to act around her. Damn it Malfoy! Why did you have to go and get involved with that stupid girl! She's ruining me! Why did I have to take that stupid journal. Why did we have to be similar? This was beginning to drive him crazy. He had to talk to her again. He didn't want to, but he did; he was in an argument with himself over Ginny. He never thought he would see the day! He didn't want Ginny to think anything, so he decided to wait awhile before meeting her again.
After a couple weeks had passed, the next Quidditch game was drawing near; it was to be a week away, the last week in November. Ginny hadn't talked to Malfoy outside of school since that night, and she thought that things might have started to settle down a bit. She and Orion hung out a lot together and they became close friends. They were probably the closest friends they had to each other. Sure Orion had lots of friends from his classes and the quidditch team; but that was just because he was the fun, funny guy, easy to hang around with. But no one really knew him, so he was glad that he had met Ginny. As for Ginny, she loved having Orion for a friend; he was her first really close friend; she told him a lot of things; minus the cutting bit, of course. She still did it, though not as much as she did before; usually one or two cuts quenched her need. Her music helped her a lot; and Orion did too, but sometimes she felt that those things just weren't enough; and that's when she went to her knife.
It was the Friday, the week before the quidditch match when it started going downhill for Ginny. She was walking to the library that evening to take some books back, and when she was walking down the steps, they moved and she lost her balance and fell down them. She hit her head on the wall when she came to a stop and blacked out for a couple of seconds. When she came to, she saw Orion standing above her; his eyebrows knitted with worry.
"Gin! Are you okay??? I heard a loud noise when I was coming out of the library and I followed it and I turned the corner and I saw you lying on the ground. Are you okay?" Ginny thought he was so cute when he was worried; she nodded and he reached out to help her up when a look of horror came upon his face. Confused for a second, she looked to where he was looking; down at her arms. The sleeves of her robes fell back when she reached up to him and all of her cuts and scars were now in plain view.
"Gin, what happened?? Did you…did you do that to yourself???" Tears formed in her eyes and before she could stop them from falling, they came in torrents.
"Oh, Merlin! What the hell did you do to yourself?! I can't believe this…you- you actually cut yourself?! Shit; that's repulsive Weasley!" She flinched as he said her name; she was no longer Gin to him, it was now Weasley. As though she was just some generic brand of person. She hated it when people called her by her last name. She stood up without his help and glared at him.
"NO! You're repulsive, you don't even know me Orion!. You don't know what its like to be me! Do you have any idea at all, what it's like to be ignored, and shunned for your whole life? Yeah, I didn't think so; well, you know, I didn't expect you too! You've always had friends Orion, so just go; because I'm only one of the hundreds you have to choose from. You don't need me anyway, no one does. That's right; go ahead, I'm used to it- go and tell everyone, they already think I'm some kind of sick freak incapable of feeling any emotion. JUST GO!" Then she ran off, leaving him standing there open mouthed in shock.
Ginny ran. She didn't know where she was going, and she didn't care. She didn't care about anything at that moment. Orion knew about her cutting, the one thing that she had meant to keep from him forever. Just over the past couple of weeks they had become really close, or so she thought. She thought that he actually cared about her, but that incident showed her that he didn't care. He was just some other popular kid that could pick from any girl in the school that he wanted to, to hang out with. Why me? she thought to herself, her feet taking her out of the castle. I'm such an idiot!! I should have known… why would someone like Orion ever want to hang out with a freak like me?? I'm so freakin gullible, hah, it was probably some bet he made with his other friends…yeah let's see how long we can string along the freak, until we embarrass her in front of the whole school! How typical. Well, now he has what he wants- he knows. That one ought to entertain the masses for a while… Without realizing it, she had come to the lake, and now she sat down on the bank and took out her knife. If there was anytime that she felt that she needed it; it was now. Pulling up her sleeves she started recklessly slashing at her skin, cutting it haphazardly. She didn't care anymore; she had nothing; she had no friends. The only friend she thought she had turned out like the rest. Anytime they saw or heard something they didn't understand, they ran away or jumped to conclusions. They didn't even take the time to listen.
Orion stood rooted in the hallway, not fully realizing what he had just seen. She cuts herself… That was the only thing running through his brain at the moment. After about a minute or two, he shook himself, and remembered that Ginny wasn't standing in front of him anymore. Damn it! I am such an ass! He slapped himself mentally and ran off in the direction that he thought she might have gone. He ran back to the common room but found it empty of Ginny. He walked over to one of the windows, disgusted with himself, when he saw a small figure out by the lake. Ginny! He started to walk away to go to talk to her, when he saw another figure approaching her. He couldn't make out who specifically it was, but from the short hair that the figure had, he guessed it was a boy. Then he took off for the lake.
"So, what happened?" Draco's voice startled Ginny and she almost dropped her knife. She went to quickly pull her sleeves down but then remembered that Draco already knew about her. But he still seemed surprised when he walked around to sit beside her. The ground was red from all of the blood that had stained her arms and fallen from them. The cuts were numerous, scattered across both arms and hands. He looked up at her face and saw the tears silently streaming from her bloodshot eyes. She didn't look up at him, but continued to cut. He then grabbed her by the wrists and shook the knife from her grasp. He hadn't meant to hurt her, but there was nowhere to grab where there wasn't wounds. She gasped in pain and looked up at him, the emptiness in her eyes chilling even him.
"Tell me what happened." he said in a somewhat harsher tone than he meant to use. She wrenched away from him, the misery in her eyes flashing into anger.
"I don't have to tell you anything Malfoy, haven't you gotten enough out of me already? What the hell do you want from me??!! Can't you just leave me alone?"
"Oh come of it, Weasley! Look at yourself! Look at what you're doing to yourself! No I can't leave you alone. Yeah, I know, I'm not any better than you, but look at what it's doing to you! What did you ever do to deserve such pain?" He couldn't believe that he was saying these things to her, where was this coming from?!? But he couldn't stop himself from saying what he felt. "I can't just sit here and watch you do this to yourself! Now give me the knife!"
"No! Who are you to tell me what to do, and how I should feel? How do you know I don't deserve this? You can't judge me, only I know. You don't understand!"
"You're wrong Weasley! I do know. All of my life, my father has been abusive to me, Do you understand? He beats me! Look if you don't believe me!" Draco was yelling now, pacing in front of her. He took off his shirt and turned around to that his back faced Ginny. She flinched as she saw the innumerable amount of welts, scars and bruises on his back, and she resisted the urge to reach out and touch them. As he turned back around the amount of tortured pain Ginny saw in Draco's eyes made the tears flow faster from her own.
"Do you see?! You aren't the only one that feels pain Weasley; every time I did something that displeased him- no matter how small it was, it deserved punishment. Just last year when he found out that I have no desire to take after him in the Dark Arts or become a Death Eater, the punishments increased. Now, not only did he beat me, but he used curses…his favorite being the Crucaitus Curse." He paused for a moment, realizing that he had just told this pathetic Gryffindor that his father was practicing forbidden curses on him. He didn't care though; he was disgusted with himself and his father. Ginny took his silence as an invitation to ask him:
"Why didn't your mother do anything to stop him?" At this he gave a hollow bitter laugh and he looked at her with a resentment in his eyes, not for her, but for his own self.
"My mother? She was experiencing the same torture as me, if anything hers was worse. He beat her nearly everyday regardless of what she said or did. She pleaded with him to stop…stop from beating me- she didn't care what happened to her. One night; it got so bad, that he just slammed her against a wall and beat her unconscious. She lay there for who knows how many hours until I found her the next morning. That was when I started to cut myself. I took it upon myself to inflict the pain, after all, we wouldn't want to waste father's time, now would we? Nobody noticed though- but I was grateful for that, he probably would have killed me if he knew what I did. For the longest time I thought that I deserved the pain; I still do. But I thought that what father said was true; that I was worthless, and that I would never amount to more than a disgrace to the Malfoy name. Now I strive to be that disgrace, but for a different reason. I never want to be like him. Never. I don't care what it takes, he will not break me."
Ginny was shocked at this "slap in the face". She didn't really know what to say, so she said the first thing that came to mind.
"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Draco laughed again, only this time it was a shrill, desperate laugh.
"Don't you understand?!? If he beat me for not walking fast enough, can you even imagine what he would do to me if I were to tell someone about it? He would figure out, he has his ways, father does. Besides, who would I tell? You? Well look I guess I have then, haven't I? Now what Weasley? Going to go run and tell Dumbledore? Then he'll confront my father and I'll be beaten more. But you know, hey. Like it's anything new to me." He stopped and looked at Ginny. For a moment she could see his ice crack, but then he froze back up again. He sat down beside her and took out his own knife and made a long cut down the inside of each arm. They both sat for a minute entranced by the flow of Draco's blood down his arm and onto the ground. Then Draco broke the silence with a snort of laughter.
"It's pretty funny, you know? This is my only friend. Pretty pathetic once you think about it. The knife is the only thing I can go to when I feel this way. I don't even deserve this- this release." He threw the blade aside; and it landed next to Ginny's. The dark metal of Draco's knife glinted oddly beside Ginny's own bloodstained blade. She looked over at him and saw that he was looking intently back. His pale icy eyes searched her for some form of disgust or hate but to his surprise, he found none. Any trace of hate was either not there or masked by the pain and understanding swimming in her bright green eyes. He wanted to hate her, he really did- but for some reason he couldn't. He wanted her to understand, and he wanted her to know that she didn't deserve her own pain; because he knew that no matter how worthless he felt, even he didn't deserve the pain. No one did. He felt something odd, like a compassion for her…he was confused. He didn't want to like Ginny, he didn't want his wall to break. Showing his emotion would only increase weakness; but then he remembered that was what his father said and let his own emotion get the better of him.
Draco looked down at Ginny's arms and saw that the blood was still flowing from some of her deeper cuts. His own weren't that deep and had stopped flowing, turning into bright red scabs. He took her hands in his, and she flinched at his touch. Draco looked up at her and saw an uncertainty in her eyes, and he tried to be as gentle as possible. He conjured up a bowl of water with a cloth in it and taking it out of the bowl, he wiped her arms clean of the blood. Ginny gasped slightly at the stinging, but let him continue to clean her wounds. He was slightly shocked at how many cuts there were on her arms, up and down the whole length of her arms. Some crisscrossing and running parallel to other cuts and scars. He looked up at her in concern, but she was looking down, avoiding his penetrating gaze and tears were silently streaming from her eyes. She didn't understand what Draco was doing, why would he help her. She was pathetic, not deserving of his compassion. She was so confused at why he was helping her. Was this Malfoy actually showing some emotion other than hate or spite? After the blood stopped coming he set the now red stained towel down, and saw that she was now looking at him. Something ached in him as he saw the emptiness and confusion of her gaze.
"I- I have to go now…" Ginny said detachedly, breaking her gaze with Draco, and slowly getting up. For some reason she felt dizzy and almost fell into Malfoy, who had also risen. He caught her awkwardly and asked her if she was okay.
"Yeah, I uh, guess I'm just more tired than I thought, I'll be fine…" not looking up at Draco she knew he was watching her intently. Trying to keep her tears from coming again, she fought to regain her composure and walked back up to the castle.
Draco looked up to the castle and saw the doors open as Ginny walked into the castle; then the night turned dark again once the doors were closed. He turned back to the lake and looked into the placid surface until he was startled by someone stepping out of the trees. Spinning around, Malfoy glared at the confused figure that slowly approached him; he recognized him as a Gryffindor… what was his name? Orion? Yes, that was it.
Orion stood with his arms over his chest…though not in an aggressive manner- he was more confused than anything.
"So, Orion is it? Exactly how much of our little chat did you hear?" Malfoy spoke with a cold voice, but it was just the defensive front he always put on when he felt "threatened" or challenged.
"Enough to know that you are both pathetic" Orion spat back at him. Inside Malfoy flinched but he didn't let it show how true he actually thought that was… in reference to himself anyway.
"What would you know Orion, you don't live my life- or Ginny's. You don't know the pain she feels; you really hurt her tonight- that's why she does what she does, you know. People like you. She thought you cared about her, she trusted you, and then you turned on her. She was afraid you finding out, and her fears were confirmed when you found out. You treated her like some inhuman monster that you can just gawk and point at. Don't you see? If you were truly her friend then you would have realized that that was when she needed you the most. Ginny needed you to understand without questioning her; letting her tell you when she was ready. But I guess she was right Orion. To you, she's just some other disposable "friend" that you can toss aside whenever they start to annoy you or you get tired of them. Well, Ginny deserves better than that, maybe you'll realize that someday." Malfoy stared at Orion, who looked about as shocked as he felt about what he just said. Where did that come from??? A Malfoy- actually defending someone?? There's a new one for the world. But after saying that, Malfoy felt more confident… like he needed to get it out; it actually felt good to stand up for someone not himself.
Orion wasn't really sure what to say to that. Once he thought on it- every time he saw Ginny when she wasn't with him, she was always alone…or rarely with her "friends". And she always looked so… drained, like emotionally exhausted. It was as though she was just an empty shell of her real self, just going through the motions of life; waiting for something to come along that would end the pain. Was it all just an act she put on in front of me, just because she was afraid of how I would react if I knew what she really felt? And I just scared her off, man I'm such an asshole. He realized that what most of Malfoy said, was true; except he really did care about Ginny…even though he still found her cutting to be repulsive. He was also confused about Ginny and Malfoy's "relationship" so he decided to try and see what else he could get out of him.
"So what- you think you're
this "better" something that Ginny deserves?" Orion replied in a mocking tone.
Malfoy's eyes flashed in anger.
"Yeah right. But I'm all she has right now- thanks to you. Did you see her?? Don't you see what she's doing to herself? And you- you're just pushing her farther into her disparity. Sooner or later she's going to hit rock bottom- if she hasn't already- and I'm not so sure she'll be strong enough to get back up. So what are you gonna do about it Orion?"
"What?! Are you blaming this on me?? No way! That little freak was pathetic enough before she even met me…" whoa Orion, where did that come from? Malfoy's attitude was getting to Orion, and he spoke without thinking first. He hadn't meant to say that about Ginny, but he got what was coming to him anyway; as Malfoy lunged at him and punched him square in the jaw.
"You stupid bastard! Where do get off saying that about her? I don't know how she ever became friends with you. I guess after a while, being that lonely and in need of a friend, one's disparity might distort their perception of reality. How she ended up with an ass like you is beyond me…"
"Oh and what do think you are- some kind of knight in shining armor? Come to save poor little Ginny. Yeah well you're not much better than her- you're both sick- you probably got her started on that…" Orion was grasping at straws here- he was so angry with Malfoy, he was just throwing out words, hoping to make something sting him; but Malfoy knew that Orion was faltering, and tried to bring him back around to the point.
"Look, this isn't about you or me. This is about Ginny. Damn it Orion. Don't you understand?? That's why she cuts herself- because she wants attention, just not in the way you might think. Nobody paid attention to her before, ever. She tried to talk to people but they all just thought she was some kind of deranged freak, just like you. She hasn't had it easy you know. You just transferred here this year right? (Orion nodded, once more confused) Well I'm assuming you don't know Ginny's story then… Here why don't you go read about it, maybe then you'll understand…" Malfoy summoned up the part of Ginny's journal that recounted her second year at Hogwarts. He tossed it over to Orion. Scanning through the pages, Orion noticed that whatever Draco had given him was written by Ginny herself.
"Where did you get this?" he questioned.
"That's none of your business, now get out of here before I take you out again." Orion snorted and walked off with the book. Well that went well, he thought to himself…
Malfoy turned back toward the lake, and a light breeze rippled the black surface as the moon danced oddly on the water. He soon became entranced by the rhythmic ebb and flow of the lake and sat down on a rock by the shore. For some reason, even though he thought he said the right thing, Malfoy still felt defeated. He felt that he was supposed to do something; that he should have said something else to Ginny, better than what he did. Before tonight he didn't want to believe that he felt anything toward Ginny, he wouldn't believe it. But after tonight, and what he said to Orion, he was forced to address those thoughts he tried to keep pushed to the back of his mind. He really did care about Ginny, he felt connected to her somehow; whether it was the cutting or the fact that he could relate to almost everything she wrote about in her journal. He wasn't to sure about that Orion guy though, he came off as a jerk to Malfoy… but who knows, every time he saw him around Ginny, he seemed nice enough… what ever. Malfoy wasn't the type to dwell on those kinds of things.
He was brought back to reality by a chill brought on by a cold wind that had suddenly started blowing. Malfoy looked up to the sky and amongst the thousands of stars he saw long wispy clouds passing by. They looked like ghosts or lost souls, glowing luminously in the dark sky, searching the blackness for something… for what Malfoy wasn't sure. He was reminded of himself and his own search for something; something that was also a mystery to him. Draco felt spent, and empty... what had he accomplished tonight? What had he accomplished ever? Draco dropped his head into his hands, and tears that hadn't come since he was a small child flowed from his eyes. He'd never felt so lost, desperate just for something to grasp onto, he didn't care what, just some kind of anchor to rely on. He thought disdainfully of what his father would say if he saw him now. He really didn't care anymore though, it never helped him before to dwell on his father's expectations or to dwell on his father period. The cold wind whipped through his robes and he shivered. He bent over and picked up his knife, cleaned it off and put it into his cloak. Standing up he rubbed his eyes and it hit him how tired he was. Draco slowly walked back up to the castle and to his room. Looking at the clock on his wall he saw with a slight shock that it was already past one in the morning. He was relieved that at least tomorrow was Saturday, and that he moved the Quidditch practice to the afternoon. So he fell onto his bed- totally exhausted, into a deep sleep.
~*~*~
After Ginny returned to the castle, she looked at her own clock and saw that it was around 11:30. She lacked the energy to get dressed for bed so she dropped onto the bed in her day clothes and started to cry. That night qualified as one of the worst in her life. She lost her one good friend… other than Malfoy that is…if she could consider him a friend. He was so nice to her before; but she couldn't get the look of utter disgust on his face and the tone of his voice when he saw her cuts. Malfoy was also on her mind; she was so confused about how she felt about him. How could he be such spiteful, hating person in public; but completely different around her? Thinking about these things just confused her more, and she already felt horrible enough.
Looking down at her arms she saw the numerous amounts of cuts and felt the throbbing pain that emanated from them. This depressed her further, and she wondered how this ever started…or when it got so out of control. Sighing heavily she yawned and fell back onto her pillows. She was so tired, but found that the pain in her arms prevented her from sleeping, so she got her guitar and a notebook out instead. It had been a long time since she had written or played anything. The strings felt welcoming under fingers though and she played for about and hour or so, the music numbing her pain. After finishing the song she was writing she just messed around with a few tunes and ended up falling asleep with the guitar on her lap.
~*~*~
Out of the three students, the only one still awake was Orion. He sat on the edge of his bed running his hands through his hair. He went over the events of the night again and again in his head. What happened??? Earlier that evening everything had been alright; life had been fine. Hours later he found out that his best friend was a cutter; had most likely ended that friendship by being a complete idiot. He hadn't meant to act so harshly; he was just severely taken aback. He regretted most everything he said that night… except of course some of the things he said to Malfoy. He had been in such a blind confusion he couldn't even remember most of the things he had done.
But Ginny… oh gosh Gin… He felt such a deep pain for her; the hurt in her eyes; which soon transformed into cold bitterness at hearing the words Orion so carelessly spat in her face. He felt like such a complete jerk… and for good reason. But he was also confused. Why would anyone do that to themselves… what leads one to such desperate actions? He could see an image in his head of Ginny's arms… of all the scars and the scabs; and then to her form out at the lake, see the glint of her blade in the starlight as she drew her own blood. He pondered as to what caused Ginny to feel such anguish that she would choose to take it out in that way. He looked down at the leather wrapped part of her journal that was laying beside him on the bed. Orion took it in his hands and untied the string from around it; opened to the first date and began to read.
Orion stood with his arms over his chest…though not in an aggressive manner- he was more confused than anything.
"So, Orion is it? Exactly how much of our little chat did you hear?" Malfoy spoke with a cold voice, but it was just the defensive front he always put on when he felt "threatened" or challenged.
"Enough to know that you are both pathetic" Orion spat back at him. Inside Malfoy flinched but he didn't let it show how true he actually thought that was… in reference to himself anyway.
"What would you know Orion, you don't live my life- or Ginny's. You don't know the pain she feels; you really hurt her tonight- that's why she does what she does, you know. People like you. She thought you cared about her, she trusted you, and then you turned on her. She was afraid you finding out, and her fears were confirmed when you found out. You treated her like some inhuman monster that you can just gawk and point at. Don't you see? If you were truly her friend then you would have realized that that was when she needed you the most. Ginny needed you to understand without questioning her; letting her tell you when she was ready. But I guess she was right Orion. To you, she's just some other disposable "friend" that you can toss aside whenever they start to annoy you or you get tired of them. Well, Ginny deserves better than that, maybe you'll realize that someday." Malfoy stared at Orion, who looked about as shocked as he felt about what he just said. Where did that come from??? A Malfoy- actually defending someone?? There's a new one for the world. But after saying that, Malfoy felt more confident… like he needed to get it out; it actually felt good to stand up for someone not himself.
Orion wasn't really sure what to say to that. Once he thought on it- every time he saw Ginny when she wasn't with him, she was always alone…or rarely with her "friends". And she always looked so… drained, like emotionally exhausted. It was as though she was just an empty shell of her real self, just going through the motions of life; waiting for something to come along that would end the pain. Was it all just an act she put on in front of me, just because she was afraid of how I would react if I knew what she really felt? And I just scared her off, man I'm such an asshole. He realized that what most of Malfoy said, was true; except he really did care about Ginny…even though he still found her cutting to be repulsive. He was also confused about Ginny and Malfoy's "relationship" so he decided to try and see what else he could get out of him.
"So what- you think you're
this "better" something that Ginny deserves?" Orion replied in a mocking tone.
Malfoy's eyes flashed in anger.
"Yeah right. But I'm all she has right now- thanks to you. Did you see her?? Don't you see what she's doing to herself? And you- you're just pushing her farther into her disparity. Sooner or later she's going to hit rock bottom- if she hasn't already- and I'm not so sure she'll be strong enough to get back up. So what are you gonna do about it Orion?"
"What?! Are you blaming this on me?? No way! That little freak was pathetic enough before she even met me…" whoa Orion, where did that come from? Malfoy's attitude was getting to Orion, and he spoke without thinking first. He hadn't meant to say that about Ginny, but he got what was coming to him anyway; as Malfoy lunged at him and punched him square in the jaw.
"You stupid bastard! Where do get off saying that about her? I don't know how she ever became friends with you. I guess after a while, being that lonely and in need of a friend, one's disparity might distort their perception of reality. How she ended up with an ass like you is beyond me…"
"Oh and what do think you are- some kind of knight in shining armor? Come to save poor little Ginny. Yeah well you're not much better than her- you're both sick- you probably got her started on that…" Orion was grasping at straws here- he was so angry with Malfoy, he was just throwing out words, hoping to make something sting him; but Malfoy knew that Orion was faltering, and tried to bring him back around to the point.
"Look, this isn't about you or me. This is about Ginny. Damn it Orion. Don't you understand?? That's why she cuts herself- because she wants attention, just not in the way you might think. Nobody paid attention to her before, ever. She tried to talk to people but they all just thought she was some kind of deranged freak, just like you. She hasn't had it easy you know. You just transferred here this year right? (Orion nodded, once more confused) Well I'm assuming you don't know Ginny's story then… Here why don't you go read about it, maybe then you'll understand…" Malfoy summoned up the part of Ginny's journal that recounted her second year at Hogwarts. He tossed it over to Orion. Scanning through the pages, Orion noticed that whatever Draco had given him was written by Ginny herself.
"Where did you get this?" Orion questioned.
"That's none of your business, now get out of here before I take you out again." Orion snorted and walked off with the book. Well that went well, he thought to himself…
Malfoy turned back toward the lake, and a light breeze rippled the black surface as the moon danced oddly on the water. He soon became entranced by the rhythmic ebb and flow of the lake and sat down on a rock by the shore. For some reason, even though he thought he said the right thing, Malfoy still felt defeated. He felt that he was supposed to do something; that he should have said something else to Ginny, better than what he did. Before tonight he didn't want to believe that he felt anything toward Ginny, he wouldn't believe it. But after tonight, and what he said to Orion, he was forced to address those thoughts he tried to keep pushed to the back of his mind. He really did care about Ginny, he felt connected to her somehow; whether it was the cutting or the fact that he could relate to almost everything she wrote about in her journal. He wasn't to sure about that Orion guy though, he came off as a jerk to Malfoy… but who knows, every time he saw him around Ginny, he seemed nice enough… what ever. Malfoy wasn't the type to dwell on those kinds of things.
He was brought back to reality by a chill brought on by a cold wind that had suddenly started blowing. Malfoy looked up to the sky and amongst the thousands of stars he saw long wispy clouds passing by. They looked like ghosts or lost souls, glowing luminously in the dark sky, searching the blackness for something… for what Malfoy wasn't sure. He was reminded of himself and his own search for something; something that was also a mystery to him. Draco felt spent, and empty... what had he accomplished tonight? What had he accomplished ever? Draco dropped his head into his hands, and tears that hadn't come since he was a small child flowed from his eyes. He'd never felt so lost, desperate just for something to grasp onto, he didn't care what, just some kind of anchor to rely on. He thought disdainfully of what his father would say if he saw him now. He really didn't care anymore though, it never helped him before to dwell on his father's expectations or to dwell on his father period. The cold wind whipped through his robes and he shivered. He bent over and picked up his knife, cleaned it off and put it into his cloak. Standing up he rubbed his eyes and it hit him how tired he was. Draco slowly walked back up to the castle and to his room. Looking at the clock on his wall he saw with a slight shock that it was already past one in the morning. He was relieved that at least tomorrow was Saturday, and that he moved the Quidditch practice to the afternoon. So he fell onto his bed- totally exhausted, into a deep sleep.
~*~*~
After Ginny returned to the castle, she looked at her own clock and saw that it was around 11:30. She lacked the energy to get dressed for bed so she dropped onto the bed in her day clothes and started to cry. That night qualified as one of the worst in her life. She lost her one good friend… other than Malfoy that is…if she could consider him a friend. He was so nice to her before; but she couldn't get the look of utter disgust on his face and the tone of his voice when he saw her cuts. Malfoy was also on her mind; she was so confused about how she felt about him. How could he be such spiteful, hating person in public; but completely different around her? Thinking about these things just confused her more, and she already felt horrible enough.
Looking down at her arms she saw the numerous amounts of cuts and felt the throbbing pain that emanated from them. This depressed her further, and she wondered how this ever started…or when it got so out of control. Sighing heavily she yawned and fell back onto her pillows. She was so tired, but found that the pain in her arms prevented her from sleeping, so she got her guitar and a notebook out instead. It had been a long time since she had written or played anything. The strings felt welcoming under fingers though and she played for about and hour or so, the music numbing her pain. After finishing the song she was writing she just messed around with a few tunes and ended up falling asleep with the guitar on her lap.
~*~*~
Out of the three students, the only one still awake was Orion. He sat on the edge of his bed running his hands through his hair. He went over the events of the night again and again in his head. What happened??? Earlier that evening everything had been alright; life had been fine. Hours later he found out that his best friend was a cutter; had most likely ended that friendship by being a complete idiot. He hadn't meant to act so harshly; he was just severely taken aback. He regretted most everything he said that night… except of course some of the things he said to Malfoy. He had been in such a blind confusion he couldn't even remember most of the things he had done.
But Ginny… oh gosh Gin… He felt such a deep pain for her; the hurt in her eyes; which soon transformed into cold bitterness at hearing the words Orion so carelessly spat in her face. He felt like such a complete jerk… and for good reason. But he was also confused. Why would anyone do that to themselves… what leads one to such desperate actions? He could see an image in his head of Ginny's arms… of all the scars and the scabs; and then to her form out at the lake, see the glint of her blade in the starlight as she drew her own blood. He pondered as to what caused Ginny to feel such anguish that she would choose to take it out in that way. He looked down at the leather wrapped part of her journal that was laying beside him on the bed. Orion took it in his hands and untied the string from around it; opened to the first date and began to read.
A/N: so there you have it… for like the one person who reads my writing… its nothing great… I dunno if it even makes sense… I revised it a long time ago… and I haven't read it since… ah well, feel free to flame away, I don't mind. but I would be more appreciative of constructive criticism. thanks folks. I dunno when I'll next have stuff… this is all the farther I've written and that was months ago… I've only updated cause I was asked to. help me out kids.