Chapter 109

In the five days that followed Roger coming home from the hospital he had gotten steadily worse. They all knew he didn't have much time left.

In the early morning hours of that Thursday something woke Collin up. He had taken to sleeping on the floor of Cass and Roger's bedroom. Patrick and Shelly were sleeping in his room. Joanie and Larry, when she bothered to sleep, were in Mark's room. Most of the time though she paced around or cleaned things.

Mark had finally fallen asleep on the pull out in his office, but only after Jennifer crushed up the sleeping pills she bought at the drug store and put them into his orange juice.

Jason was going back and forth between his apartment downstairs and the couch. This morning he was on the couch. Izzy had fallen asleep in the chair with his feet on the coffee table.

Collin sat up on the floor and looked around. Cass was sound asleep. She didn't have much choice but to sleep with the pills the doctor had given her. She tried not taking them but Jennifer had threatened to force them down her throat. Collin had never seen his Aunt Jen mean business as much as she did when she told his mom that. He was glad though. He had been staying in the room with them. He knew she hadn't been sleeping. He would listen to her talk with his dad. Even when they thought he was asleep.

That was it he realized. That's what woke him up. The quiet. It was so quiet. Even Izzy wasn't snoring in the living room. It was just peaceful and quiet in the loft. It hadn't been like that in a long time.

Collin watched his mother. Her eyes twitched back and forth from her dreams. She was curled up right against his dad. As if almost afraid he'd disappear while she slept if she didn't hold on to him.

He looked at his dad and he knew. He just knew. The bedroom door was wide open. He softly called toward the living room. "Uncle Mark?"

Cass heard Collin and woke up as he called for Mark a second time. "Collin shhhh." She whispered. "You'll wake up your dad."

"Uncle Mark!" He called again, this time louder.

"Collin! Hush! Don't wake up your dad!" She pulled the blanket up over him as she shivered.

"UNCLE MARK!" Collin yelled this time. A second later Jason appeared at the door followed by Izzy.

Cass started to cry. She knew but wouldn't let herself believe it yet. "You guys are going to wake him up." She sobbed.

Jason came into the room and put an arm around Cass. Collin heard Patrick coming into the living room and ask what was going on. Izzy told him and then went to wake up Mark as Patrick went to find his mom. Jason stood Cass up and moved her to the couch in the living room.

Collin just stood there looking at his dad. He could hear his mom and grandmother crying in the other room.

Izzy was standing just outside the door on his phone with Krystal. He realized Collin was still standing in the corner of the room, not moving. "I gotta go Krys. I'll call you back later." He hung up his phone and walked over to Collin. "Hey. Why don't you come out here with us?" He pulled him out into the living room, hugging him close as they sat on the barstools.

Collin looked around the room at his family. On one hand he felt like everything had just fallen all apart. But on the other hand, everyone was there. They were all there.

Mark was sitting on the couch holding his mom and crying. Aunt Jen had at some point come up and Uncle Jason was hugging her. Uncle Patrick was wiping his eyes as he talked into his phone to Uncle Mickey while Aunt Shelly stood next to him crying. He could hear his grandmother crying in his bedroom and his grandfather talking to her. Everyone was there and everyone was crying. He realized even Izzy was crying.

That's when it hit him that his dad was really gone.

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Cass was lying in bed when Collin walked up to the doorway. "Mom?"

She turned to look at him. "Hey Sweetie. Come here." He walked in and around to the far side of the bed, sitting down next to her. "Did you eat?"

"Uh huh. Aunt Shelly, Aunt Jen and Krystal kept making me eat all day. I think I musta had about four dinners."

"They just wanted to make sure you were all right and not hungry. They probably each didn't realize two other people were doing the same thing."

"I guess." He slipped his feet under the cover. "Can I sleep in here tonight?"

"Sure." She kissed his forehead. "You did a really great job today. You looked pretty good up there on stage with Izzy. I'm so used to hearing you play with Daddy, it almost sounded funny when you started to play with Izzy on bass."

"Yeah it was weird to play with Izzy without Dad and Mattie."

"Well you did a really good job. Your Dad would have been real proud of you."

"Yeah he would of. Cause you sounded great." Mark said from the doorway.

"Hey."

"Hey. I couldn't sleep. Figured I'd check on you two."

"Climb on in." She flipped back the covers letting him climb in next to her.

"There was a lot of people there today." Collin said to no one in particular.

"Yup. Your dad knew a lot of people." Mark told him.

They all sat there in silence for a few minutes. "I miss Dad." Collin told them.

"I know you do. I do too."

"Me too." Mark told them.

"He said we would." Collin explained in an almost child like way. "And he said that was okay."

"He told you that?"

"Uh huh. We talked about it a lot."

"I didn't know that." Cass said softly.

"You weren't supposed to. Not till after. Dad said so."

Mark had a feeling the two of them had talked about a number of things. "What else did you dad say?"

"That everybody was gonna act all freaky weird after he died. Especially you two."

Mark let out a little laugh.

"And he said it was okay if you act weird but if you do it for too long I'm supposed to tell you not to become a, a…" he paused to think for a moment. "A rude, introverted, recluse in self, self…" he couldn't remember the rest.

"Self imposed exile." Cass laughed softly.

"Jackass." Mark laughed again. "I can't believe he remembered that."

"I can't believe I remembered that." Cass told him.

"What's so funny?" Collin asked as he watched them get small grins. "And what does that mean? Dad made me write it down and memorize it but he said to make you guys explain it."

"Jackass." Mark said again laughing.

"It was something I called your dad once."

"Yup . The night she met him."

"You mean night when she yelled at him for being mean to you and he fell in love with her?"

"I suppose." Cass grinned. "How did you know about that?"

"Dad told me. He said you beat him up with your broken arm too."

Mark laughed thinking back on all that so very long ago. "Yup. Only girl to ever beat up the great Roger Davis, so he had to marry her."

Collin snuggled in close to Cass who was playing with his hair. "I miss him." He sighed.

"I know Sweetie."

"You know Collin this kind of reminds me of when your parents first met."

"How?" Cass asked, looking at him worriedly.

"Tell me about it." Collin said sleepily.

Mark put an arm protectively around Cass. He knew she was worried about Collin finding out the wrong things about what happened in the past. He also knew that Collin knew bits and pieces of the story. The good parts. Those are the parts he'd tell him.

"Well it was an incredibly hot summer when you mom showed up in New York. I hadn't seen her in a long time, but here she was, broken arm and all. Your dad was being his usual pain in the ass self back then. Well, one thing led to another and your dad said something and your mom called him a rude, introverted, recluse in self imposed exile. Among some other choice things. She used to have a very colorful vocabulary."

Collin let out a small giggle.

"Now you got to remember, your dad and me were, well, we were broke. Big time. We had one very old, barely working air conditioner and it was really hot out. So your dad gets this bright idea to move us all into my room. He moved the A/C in there and we all slept in there. Pretty much like this." Mark smiled thinking back on it and remembering the happy times of those first weeks. "As a matter of fact, back then, this is where my room was. So it was just like this. Except this time it's you instead of your dad here."

"Wow." They laid there for a few minutes. "Dad said we'd be okay cause we were all together. We'd still miss him, but we'd be alright."

"You know, I think you dad was right." Mark told him.

"I know he was right." Cass smiled hugging Collin while holding Mark's hand. "I know he was."

THE END

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Author's Note

Wow. It's hard to believe this is over. I still can't believe that I wrote it! I had never really considered myself a writer before. Not in high school or college. Obviously I wrote things, and some of them I liked a lot, but nothing like this. This was a whole new experience for me.

I had been reading fanfiction for awhile, but in the summer of 2001 I went home to Jersey to visit. I stayed for over three weeks. While I was there, the weather was incredible and I would go running a lot. Unfortunately, or I guess fortunately for me, while I had my Walkman with me, I only had one tape. Third Eye Blind. Well it was a great tape to run to. And while I was running, I could just hear Roger all over those songs. And then I got this idea for a short story based on "Wounded." So I started writing it. And writing it, and writing it. All of a sudden I realized it had gotten pretty long. But also pretty good. By that point I had quit my job and was just sitting home pregnant. And sitting home writing. Why in those seven months before my Collin was born I never thought to start typing this I have no idea. But anyway, I wrote and completed it. And then decided I would put it on fanfiction.net. So two weeks after Collin was born, I started posting.

Like I said, I never really thought of myself as a writer. But later I realized I had been putting so much thought into these characters. For instance, if you look, Cass almost never says "yeah" she usually responds with "yes" instead. It just seemed like with the education she would have had when she was younger, that would be the appropriate response from her. Collins also to some extent. I tried to show his education in his speech patters too. He's more likely to answer with "yes" while Mark and Roger are more likely to give a "yeah" or other response. I don't know why, but as I was going and realizing I was doing it, things like that became more and more important.

Like the issue of Cass being a Mary Sue. When I started this, I didn't even know what a Mary Sue was. I'd seen it mentioned before, but thought it was some kind of inside joke or something. When I found out what it was I was like "Oh my God! Cass is a Mary Sue!" So I tried really hard to move away from that stereotype. I believe I succeeded.

But even still, when I re-read the beginning, I just about gag on the cornyness at times. But then I think, wow, I did this! And I'm damn proud of and impressed with myself. Not only for starting it, working it through and actually completing it, but for putting it out there for you all to read. The original thought of that was terrifying! After doing all this work, and thinking it's pretty good, what if no one reads it? What if they read it and they hate it? Well I posted it. And someone did read it, and the response I got stunned me.

As of this writing, I'm just shy of 300 reviews. 99% of them have been completely positive. Many of you have been with me and reviewing since the beginning. That was a year and a half ago! That you guys have stuck with me for so long, and seemed to enjoy it so much still amazes me. But know, I never would have had the fortitude or the patience to do all that typing and actually post it with out you all. The reviews and emails I received from you all meant a lot to me. Thank you all for those. I cherish them.

I feel like I should have some great thing to say. This is sort of like an end to an era for me. All I can really say is again, thank you. Thank you to the people that read this. The song that inspired it. Even the people who, as of yet have never read it, but were supporting my writing of it the entire time. And especially to Jonathan Larson for writing such a moving play to begin with that it has spawned so many great fan fics from so many people. So with that I say, go write, go read and go enjoy. For as Thomas B. Collins, computer genius, teacher, vagabond anarchist who ran naked through the Parthenon once said within this story, "Life is to be lived, for tomorrow you could get hit by a bus!"

No day but today!

Kelby