AN: I'm in a sad mood so I wrote something sad to portray how I feel. But
this is going to the chapter of A Girl's thoughts. So please read and
review and do tell me if you like it. Please please no flames. Thanks.
A Girl's thoughts Chapter 3
This world seems so different, like a home I never had. A world where I'm not confined in a house or in town. Where I can walk through a path and totally be alone in peace. That is what I wanted but then I met Inuyasha. And he.... He was my peace and forever will be. I can't describe the way he made my heart feel at one time. At the time when my body was not made of dust but of flesh and bones. A time when SHE didn't exist. I can't really hate her and then I can't like her either. She took what I can't have. Silly isn't a desire I want and would it seem I have him. But I don't.
They may not see it but I do. The way she smiles at him makes his heart pound and soften. The hatred he once had is slowly vanishing. I would have been the one to do it but betrayal or evil denied it to me. I died loving and loathing him.
I kept denying the fact that he was falling for her, I kept telling myself he loved me and only saw my reflection in her eyes. But then it changed now every time he looks at me. He sees her, her smile her eyes that hold warmth. While mine hold only hatred and sorrow. Every fiber of my being is dying to rid of her. To make her vanish to be gone and never come back. I envy her yes it's true I will not lie to myself, not anymore. He loves her though his mind tells him I'm the one he wants.
Such pleasure it brings to me when she is near I and him and he is showing all the emotion he wouldn't show her. My body practically laughs joy at the way her child like eyes start to tear. The way her heart no longer wants pain.
It gives me hope that maybe she will let him and I be. But then guilt strikes me and part of my heart tells me to let him go. To let her have him because I'm dead I can't come back. Though I did. Hatred is what fuels my soul to keep living until it is gone I walk the earth a corps that has but part of a small soul.
All the things I learned she can do just as well. My place is being taken while she is the one taking it. I can not hate Inuyasha but I can hate her. I can hate the fact that she takes all that I had. Her strength grows with each passing day. I fear not the fact she may become stronger than I. That just gives me a challenge. In the end I will fight for Inuyasha I will win him.
Though my heart yearns him I can't understand why. He let me die why should I care? Because I love him I hate him I desire him I want rid myself of him. Emotions I tried so hard to cover them up. And then that mutt no that innocent dog came and easily opened them to the wild.
How you ask? I do not know, he came and I couldn't help but feel so drawn towards him. Stupid isn't it? But what I hate most of all about HER is that she loves him for who he was. I loved him as well but I was stupid I wanted him to become human so that I could live a normal life with him. But now only shame is brought from that desire. I should have loved him for himself. I should of known. I don't feel the wind blow softly anymore I feel joy then I don't. I feel hatred. That is something I will always feel it's not hard to see. The water becomes ashes in my mouth the sweet smell of spring no longer smells sweet. I'm empty like a hollow tree. I have no meaning. Because that damn jewel was it.
He was it. I would cry but I have no tears. I would scream and pout and rage but my heart forbids it. I want to die but I can't not with him living not with her taking him from me. No I can't. I watch from a distance and pray he comes to me. When he locks his arms around me the world seems to melt and I feel as if I'm falling in love as if I'm alive again.
But the moment he lets go the warmth is gone the love is gone. Nothing feels right, he won't say the words I want him to say he won't say those three little words. So I'm left to be alone. I would hurt her but she is what keeps him going. He is what keeps me going. It's like a life chain if she is gone then everything falls apart I suppose. But then I would have him. But then he would only think of her.
I can't do anything but try to win his heart. After all was it not I that showed him love was it not I that showed him kindness? I That didn't yell at him or try to kill him. Not even when I thought he betrayed me could I kill him. I loved him with all my heart. How could I?
I can't even kill him now I'm so happy that I used my sacred arrow to pin him to that tree. But what I'm not so happy about is the fact that she came and set him free. Why did she have to come? Why has fate decided that I should die alone and unwanted. Not even my sister took my side. She took my reincarnation's. After all the things I had done for her. But I still cannot hater her not my younger sister. No not Kaeda. I love her still.
Inuyasha come back to me, tell me you love me with all your heart. Leave my reincarnation behind. Please let me hold you let me be the one to heal you broken heart. Let me be the one to show you love. This time I will love you for you I will not care for the jewel. I will love you as you are. I watch you from a tree sitting silently talking with her. Her face happy and vibrant. You sit there you face content.
I scowl at how she looks and then at you the contentment makes my cold heart melt. Those amber eyes are filled with such love compassion and anger. I gave you that anger didn't I? I made you hate love I made you distrust again didn't I? Forgive me I was fool to believe that you my love would actually kill me. I was the cause of her being, she was the effect she. She now heals what I did to you.
I made the heart I opened close again, and when she came bit by bit she saves you. Oh god how I wish I could be the one saving you from hurt and pain. But no I'm the one who caused it.
I will not let her have you that my love is a promise. She will die and I will be the one you come running to. My love don't forsake me please. I beg you give me one more chance. I may ask this but my emotions don't show it. My face stays plain like a statue. Emotions a waste of time. Yet they are my entire being, I spent life training and working to become a pure woman.
You saved me for the last the moments I lived. You showed me what life could really be like. You and I had love and that was more than anything I ever had. You were free while I was a prisoner of the jewel. Yet you took the burden with me, you protected me and the jewel. I wasn't alone.
I died killing you destroying the love I had. Because I thought you betrayed me I thought you killed me. I was wrong I was stupid. I thought it is was you! The pain was so unbearable at the time I couldn't help it. I was angry because the image of your face was what I saw when Naraku slashed me. The words you said your image of what he was saying was what I feared in my mind. Because I believed that maybe you would do that.
So I believed it. Then the moment I pinned you to that tree I could see your eyes in the most hurtful pain imaginable. It hurt it me worse than my wound on my arm. No it killed me. The way your amber eyes held betrayal and pain and sorrow. I reached out to you but I fell. I died with the image of you face smiling at me.
I could have killed you and together in death we could be. But I didn't because I couldn't. And I still can't. Tell me Inuyasha what does she mean to you? Does she mean everything? Do I still hold you heart or does she now hold half of it. To love or to crush to heal or to break?
Again Inuyasha I will love you though my hatred remains love is still buried beneath it. Don't forget that. I promise you one day I will be yours' and you will be mine. Until that day I stay hidden meeting you when our paths cross.
OKAY HOW WAS IT? THIS IS FROM KIKYO'S POINT OF VEIW SO PLEASE REVIEW. YES YOU SEE THAT BUTTON ON THE LEFT AND THE WORD GO YES PRESS THAT! THANK YOU!
A Girl's thoughts Chapter 3
This world seems so different, like a home I never had. A world where I'm not confined in a house or in town. Where I can walk through a path and totally be alone in peace. That is what I wanted but then I met Inuyasha. And he.... He was my peace and forever will be. I can't describe the way he made my heart feel at one time. At the time when my body was not made of dust but of flesh and bones. A time when SHE didn't exist. I can't really hate her and then I can't like her either. She took what I can't have. Silly isn't a desire I want and would it seem I have him. But I don't.
They may not see it but I do. The way she smiles at him makes his heart pound and soften. The hatred he once had is slowly vanishing. I would have been the one to do it but betrayal or evil denied it to me. I died loving and loathing him.
I kept denying the fact that he was falling for her, I kept telling myself he loved me and only saw my reflection in her eyes. But then it changed now every time he looks at me. He sees her, her smile her eyes that hold warmth. While mine hold only hatred and sorrow. Every fiber of my being is dying to rid of her. To make her vanish to be gone and never come back. I envy her yes it's true I will not lie to myself, not anymore. He loves her though his mind tells him I'm the one he wants.
Such pleasure it brings to me when she is near I and him and he is showing all the emotion he wouldn't show her. My body practically laughs joy at the way her child like eyes start to tear. The way her heart no longer wants pain.
It gives me hope that maybe she will let him and I be. But then guilt strikes me and part of my heart tells me to let him go. To let her have him because I'm dead I can't come back. Though I did. Hatred is what fuels my soul to keep living until it is gone I walk the earth a corps that has but part of a small soul.
All the things I learned she can do just as well. My place is being taken while she is the one taking it. I can not hate Inuyasha but I can hate her. I can hate the fact that she takes all that I had. Her strength grows with each passing day. I fear not the fact she may become stronger than I. That just gives me a challenge. In the end I will fight for Inuyasha I will win him.
Though my heart yearns him I can't understand why. He let me die why should I care? Because I love him I hate him I desire him I want rid myself of him. Emotions I tried so hard to cover them up. And then that mutt no that innocent dog came and easily opened them to the wild.
How you ask? I do not know, he came and I couldn't help but feel so drawn towards him. Stupid isn't it? But what I hate most of all about HER is that she loves him for who he was. I loved him as well but I was stupid I wanted him to become human so that I could live a normal life with him. But now only shame is brought from that desire. I should have loved him for himself. I should of known. I don't feel the wind blow softly anymore I feel joy then I don't. I feel hatred. That is something I will always feel it's not hard to see. The water becomes ashes in my mouth the sweet smell of spring no longer smells sweet. I'm empty like a hollow tree. I have no meaning. Because that damn jewel was it.
He was it. I would cry but I have no tears. I would scream and pout and rage but my heart forbids it. I want to die but I can't not with him living not with her taking him from me. No I can't. I watch from a distance and pray he comes to me. When he locks his arms around me the world seems to melt and I feel as if I'm falling in love as if I'm alive again.
But the moment he lets go the warmth is gone the love is gone. Nothing feels right, he won't say the words I want him to say he won't say those three little words. So I'm left to be alone. I would hurt her but she is what keeps him going. He is what keeps me going. It's like a life chain if she is gone then everything falls apart I suppose. But then I would have him. But then he would only think of her.
I can't do anything but try to win his heart. After all was it not I that showed him love was it not I that showed him kindness? I That didn't yell at him or try to kill him. Not even when I thought he betrayed me could I kill him. I loved him with all my heart. How could I?
I can't even kill him now I'm so happy that I used my sacred arrow to pin him to that tree. But what I'm not so happy about is the fact that she came and set him free. Why did she have to come? Why has fate decided that I should die alone and unwanted. Not even my sister took my side. She took my reincarnation's. After all the things I had done for her. But I still cannot hater her not my younger sister. No not Kaeda. I love her still.
Inuyasha come back to me, tell me you love me with all your heart. Leave my reincarnation behind. Please let me hold you let me be the one to heal you broken heart. Let me be the one to show you love. This time I will love you for you I will not care for the jewel. I will love you as you are. I watch you from a tree sitting silently talking with her. Her face happy and vibrant. You sit there you face content.
I scowl at how she looks and then at you the contentment makes my cold heart melt. Those amber eyes are filled with such love compassion and anger. I gave you that anger didn't I? I made you hate love I made you distrust again didn't I? Forgive me I was fool to believe that you my love would actually kill me. I was the cause of her being, she was the effect she. She now heals what I did to you.
I made the heart I opened close again, and when she came bit by bit she saves you. Oh god how I wish I could be the one saving you from hurt and pain. But no I'm the one who caused it.
I will not let her have you that my love is a promise. She will die and I will be the one you come running to. My love don't forsake me please. I beg you give me one more chance. I may ask this but my emotions don't show it. My face stays plain like a statue. Emotions a waste of time. Yet they are my entire being, I spent life training and working to become a pure woman.
You saved me for the last the moments I lived. You showed me what life could really be like. You and I had love and that was more than anything I ever had. You were free while I was a prisoner of the jewel. Yet you took the burden with me, you protected me and the jewel. I wasn't alone.
I died killing you destroying the love I had. Because I thought you betrayed me I thought you killed me. I was wrong I was stupid. I thought it is was you! The pain was so unbearable at the time I couldn't help it. I was angry because the image of your face was what I saw when Naraku slashed me. The words you said your image of what he was saying was what I feared in my mind. Because I believed that maybe you would do that.
So I believed it. Then the moment I pinned you to that tree I could see your eyes in the most hurtful pain imaginable. It hurt it me worse than my wound on my arm. No it killed me. The way your amber eyes held betrayal and pain and sorrow. I reached out to you but I fell. I died with the image of you face smiling at me.
I could have killed you and together in death we could be. But I didn't because I couldn't. And I still can't. Tell me Inuyasha what does she mean to you? Does she mean everything? Do I still hold you heart or does she now hold half of it. To love or to crush to heal or to break?
Again Inuyasha I will love you though my hatred remains love is still buried beneath it. Don't forget that. I promise you one day I will be yours' and you will be mine. Until that day I stay hidden meeting you when our paths cross.
OKAY HOW WAS IT? THIS IS FROM KIKYO'S POINT OF VEIW SO PLEASE REVIEW. YES YOU SEE THAT BUTTON ON THE LEFT AND THE WORD GO YES PRESS THAT! THANK YOU!