Helping Hand
Chapter 11
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Faith was sitting on the couch next to Fred. They'd just finished talking to Charlie and Emily together about things. Everything was out in the open about Charlie. They'd had a good family discussion about being honest with each other and not holding back how they were feeling. Emily had even insisted on letting Charlie know about her mistake with "Special K." He'd been very surprised and they'd talked about it.
Now, the apartment was quiet. The kids had gone to bed and that left Faith and Fred time alone to talk about things.
"I can't believe it happened," Fred said quietly as he played with Faith's hair. "He's so young."
"Kids aren't as young as they used to be when we were kids. There's too much crap going on in the world and thrown in their faces every day. They have to grow up fast just to survive," Faith said.
"So, do you think they've both learned their lessons?" Fred asked her.
"I hope so. We have some pretty smart kids to begin with. They've had some very tough things to deal with lately - what with your heart attack and me being shot. It's more than most people have to deal with in a lifetime, Fred," Faith observed.
"Mmmm," Fred agreed.
Faith bit her tongue for a moment, then decided to voice her thoughts. "I'm kind of glad that Emily had the good sense to try to get help for him. I mean, it wasn't us - which I would have preferred, but she tried to size up the situation and felt that we had enough to deal with. I'm glad she didn't just try to handle it herself and it got worse."
"Yeah," Fred said, sensing that Faith had more to say and knowing that he'd have to try to keep his emotions in check because he knew what was coming next.
"I'm glad they had someone else they felt they could trust," Faith said, testing the waters. She could feel Fred tense as she sat against him.
"You mean, Bosco," Fred said flatly.
"Yeah. So, you want to talk about that?" Faith asked hesitantly.
"I don't know. I'm pretty upset about it," Fred replied.
"Upset how?" she asked him.
"That you didn't call me. That you let him in this house. That he was near my kids after I told him specifically that night at the hospital that I didn't want him anywhere near my family," Fred said, his voice rising.
"Fred, relax. He's not here right now," she scolded him.
"I can't help it, Faith. He knew how I felt and yet he ignored it and tried to handle things with Charlie himself. Charlie. Our son. Our son, Faith. Not his son. Our son," he repeated.
"I get it, Fred. He's our son. But, you know as well as I do that he's never done ANYTHING to hurt our kids. He's like their uncle," she stated. "And, our kids love him. They trust him. I don't know of anyone else besides us that they trust more than Bosco - including your parents and my parents," Faith reminded him.
"I know," was all Fred said. They sat together in silence again.
"I think he handled it pretty well. He knew what to do. How to get through to him and make him understand that he needed help. And, that he needed to talk to us. We always talked about how good a father he'd be some day," Faith said, thinking back to past conversations with her partner.
"And, what else did you talk about today?" Fred asked, almost afraid to hear.
"We talked a little about what happened, Fred. He apologized," Faith started and Fred interrupted her by sliding out from behind her, standing up, and beginning to pace.
"He apologized? Apologized, Faith?" he said, pacing back and forth. "How do you apologize for almost getting someone killed because of your own stupidity?" he asked rhetorically.
"Fred. Calm down," Faith urged, sitting forward and feeling the tightness in her back from sitting too long. Fred stopped pacing and looked at her.
"You forgave him, didn't you?" he asked, incredulously.
"Fred! Stop. You're making a big thing out of a little conversation. We talked A LITTLE. We by no means settled anything or forgave each other or anything," she told him.
"Forgave each other?!" Fred said, almost jumping down her throat. "What the hell does he need to forgive you for?!"
"Well," Faith started. "I have been feeling that I kind of abandoned him too. I mean, he came to me and asked me for help and I refused. He knew when he was in trouble and he tried to get help getting out of it and I refused to help him."
"Faith, you have no reason to seek forgiveness. This is ALL him!" Fred argued.
"No, Fred. It isn't. He came to me for help and I refused. Don't you understand? I abandoned him!" Faith repeated.
"No. You drew the line," Fred argued back. "We had enough crap going on in our own lives - Emily's drug overdose," he offered as an example.
"I know all that, Fred. But, the whole world doesn't stop just because we're having a problem. I'm not saying that I was at fault, but I did have some part in it," she tried to explain. She thought back to that day when Bosco had come to the apartment to ask for her help. Looking back, she now recognized the body language, the look in his eyes. She just didn't want to see it then. She was angry. Hell, she was jealous! Jealous that Bosco wasn't exclusive to her anymore. It was like one of her kids had grown up and left home.
"How did you have a part in it? You told him how many times that Cruz was bad news?" Fred reminded her.
"That day before this all happened - the day he came here and asked for my help. If I'd been paying attention and not thinking about how angry I was, I would have noticed just how desperate the situation was. Fred, Bosco did everything but get on his knees and beg me for help," she told him, standing up to relieve some of her back pain. She was tensing up and it was causing her some pain. She thought maybe moving around would help. "I ignored that."
"So, what changed about how you felt then and how you felt at work? What made you decide to go to that guy's hotel room?" Fred asked, voicing his often-thought question for the first time.
Faith looked at Fred and then at the floor, trying to find the words to describe the look on Bosco's face when he'd brought her outside the station to talk - asked her to go to Noble's place during her meal break. "He basically did beg me at work. He took me outside - out of earshot - and begged me to help him. Cruz was making him the scapegoat in framing an innocent man for murder - a murder that Aaron Noble committed," Faith said, the thought of Bosco's words - "You're all I've got, Faith. I don't have anyone else." - coming back to her and making her heart ache, just like it did that night. "He didn't know what to do. I should have - could have - stopped it right there. I should have gone to the Lieutenant and told him what was going on. But, there's a fine line we walk as cops - the dangers that we're in every day. It makes us rely on each other. You don't want to have pissed off some cop that could someday be the difference in you making it out of a hairy situation or not," she tried to explain, thinking back to the story that Bosco had told Ty when he wanted to go to IAB about Candyman. People think they understand, but no one really does - unless you're a cop.
"Wait! Are you saying that if you didn't help Bosco, he might not be there for you in the future if you needed it?!" Fred asked, incredulously.
"NO! I'm saying that the reason cops don't rat out other cops is because of what I said. I never said that Bosco would do that. I'm saying that I wouldn't put it past Cruz to put Bosco in that situation - to leave him somewhere to die if he crossed her. So, instead of going to the Lieutenant with it, I decided to help him out of this and THEN go to the brass about Cruz. But, things we didn't know about made the difference. That's what happened. Cruz was working with the Feds all along - so was Noble. They were working undercover without NYPD knowing anything about it. So, Cruz had a lot of other people's lives depending on keeping Noble's cover secure. I think to some extent, she was being played by the Feds and was in just as tough a situation as Bosco was. I'm not saying it was right. I'm just saying that's the way it was," Faith said, looking back at Fred now.
Fred looked at his wife and saw the look of pain in her eyes. Was it from her back or from the conversation? "You need to lay down. You don't want to do any damage. We can talk about this another time," he said finally, walking over to help her down the hallway to bed.
"Fred. Do you understand what I'm saying? How it wasn't all Bosco? He was trying to make things right, but there were things he didn't know about," Faith said as they walked down the hallway.
Fred didn't say anything, not having sorted out all that she'd said yet. "We'll talk about it again, Faith. Right now, let's get some rest. We've got to figure out how we're going to help Charlie first."
"Absolutely," Faith said, looking in at Charlie asleep in his bed. They stopped in the hallway and looked in at him for a few minutes before continuing on to bed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TBC...
Chapter 11
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Faith was sitting on the couch next to Fred. They'd just finished talking to Charlie and Emily together about things. Everything was out in the open about Charlie. They'd had a good family discussion about being honest with each other and not holding back how they were feeling. Emily had even insisted on letting Charlie know about her mistake with "Special K." He'd been very surprised and they'd talked about it.
Now, the apartment was quiet. The kids had gone to bed and that left Faith and Fred time alone to talk about things.
"I can't believe it happened," Fred said quietly as he played with Faith's hair. "He's so young."
"Kids aren't as young as they used to be when we were kids. There's too much crap going on in the world and thrown in their faces every day. They have to grow up fast just to survive," Faith said.
"So, do you think they've both learned their lessons?" Fred asked her.
"I hope so. We have some pretty smart kids to begin with. They've had some very tough things to deal with lately - what with your heart attack and me being shot. It's more than most people have to deal with in a lifetime, Fred," Faith observed.
"Mmmm," Fred agreed.
Faith bit her tongue for a moment, then decided to voice her thoughts. "I'm kind of glad that Emily had the good sense to try to get help for him. I mean, it wasn't us - which I would have preferred, but she tried to size up the situation and felt that we had enough to deal with. I'm glad she didn't just try to handle it herself and it got worse."
"Yeah," Fred said, sensing that Faith had more to say and knowing that he'd have to try to keep his emotions in check because he knew what was coming next.
"I'm glad they had someone else they felt they could trust," Faith said, testing the waters. She could feel Fred tense as she sat against him.
"You mean, Bosco," Fred said flatly.
"Yeah. So, you want to talk about that?" Faith asked hesitantly.
"I don't know. I'm pretty upset about it," Fred replied.
"Upset how?" she asked him.
"That you didn't call me. That you let him in this house. That he was near my kids after I told him specifically that night at the hospital that I didn't want him anywhere near my family," Fred said, his voice rising.
"Fred, relax. He's not here right now," she scolded him.
"I can't help it, Faith. He knew how I felt and yet he ignored it and tried to handle things with Charlie himself. Charlie. Our son. Our son, Faith. Not his son. Our son," he repeated.
"I get it, Fred. He's our son. But, you know as well as I do that he's never done ANYTHING to hurt our kids. He's like their uncle," she stated. "And, our kids love him. They trust him. I don't know of anyone else besides us that they trust more than Bosco - including your parents and my parents," Faith reminded him.
"I know," was all Fred said. They sat together in silence again.
"I think he handled it pretty well. He knew what to do. How to get through to him and make him understand that he needed help. And, that he needed to talk to us. We always talked about how good a father he'd be some day," Faith said, thinking back to past conversations with her partner.
"And, what else did you talk about today?" Fred asked, almost afraid to hear.
"We talked a little about what happened, Fred. He apologized," Faith started and Fred interrupted her by sliding out from behind her, standing up, and beginning to pace.
"He apologized? Apologized, Faith?" he said, pacing back and forth. "How do you apologize for almost getting someone killed because of your own stupidity?" he asked rhetorically.
"Fred. Calm down," Faith urged, sitting forward and feeling the tightness in her back from sitting too long. Fred stopped pacing and looked at her.
"You forgave him, didn't you?" he asked, incredulously.
"Fred! Stop. You're making a big thing out of a little conversation. We talked A LITTLE. We by no means settled anything or forgave each other or anything," she told him.
"Forgave each other?!" Fred said, almost jumping down her throat. "What the hell does he need to forgive you for?!"
"Well," Faith started. "I have been feeling that I kind of abandoned him too. I mean, he came to me and asked me for help and I refused. He knew when he was in trouble and he tried to get help getting out of it and I refused to help him."
"Faith, you have no reason to seek forgiveness. This is ALL him!" Fred argued.
"No, Fred. It isn't. He came to me for help and I refused. Don't you understand? I abandoned him!" Faith repeated.
"No. You drew the line," Fred argued back. "We had enough crap going on in our own lives - Emily's drug overdose," he offered as an example.
"I know all that, Fred. But, the whole world doesn't stop just because we're having a problem. I'm not saying that I was at fault, but I did have some part in it," she tried to explain. She thought back to that day when Bosco had come to the apartment to ask for her help. Looking back, she now recognized the body language, the look in his eyes. She just didn't want to see it then. She was angry. Hell, she was jealous! Jealous that Bosco wasn't exclusive to her anymore. It was like one of her kids had grown up and left home.
"How did you have a part in it? You told him how many times that Cruz was bad news?" Fred reminded her.
"That day before this all happened - the day he came here and asked for my help. If I'd been paying attention and not thinking about how angry I was, I would have noticed just how desperate the situation was. Fred, Bosco did everything but get on his knees and beg me for help," she told him, standing up to relieve some of her back pain. She was tensing up and it was causing her some pain. She thought maybe moving around would help. "I ignored that."
"So, what changed about how you felt then and how you felt at work? What made you decide to go to that guy's hotel room?" Fred asked, voicing his often-thought question for the first time.
Faith looked at Fred and then at the floor, trying to find the words to describe the look on Bosco's face when he'd brought her outside the station to talk - asked her to go to Noble's place during her meal break. "He basically did beg me at work. He took me outside - out of earshot - and begged me to help him. Cruz was making him the scapegoat in framing an innocent man for murder - a murder that Aaron Noble committed," Faith said, the thought of Bosco's words - "You're all I've got, Faith. I don't have anyone else." - coming back to her and making her heart ache, just like it did that night. "He didn't know what to do. I should have - could have - stopped it right there. I should have gone to the Lieutenant and told him what was going on. But, there's a fine line we walk as cops - the dangers that we're in every day. It makes us rely on each other. You don't want to have pissed off some cop that could someday be the difference in you making it out of a hairy situation or not," she tried to explain, thinking back to the story that Bosco had told Ty when he wanted to go to IAB about Candyman. People think they understand, but no one really does - unless you're a cop.
"Wait! Are you saying that if you didn't help Bosco, he might not be there for you in the future if you needed it?!" Fred asked, incredulously.
"NO! I'm saying that the reason cops don't rat out other cops is because of what I said. I never said that Bosco would do that. I'm saying that I wouldn't put it past Cruz to put Bosco in that situation - to leave him somewhere to die if he crossed her. So, instead of going to the Lieutenant with it, I decided to help him out of this and THEN go to the brass about Cruz. But, things we didn't know about made the difference. That's what happened. Cruz was working with the Feds all along - so was Noble. They were working undercover without NYPD knowing anything about it. So, Cruz had a lot of other people's lives depending on keeping Noble's cover secure. I think to some extent, she was being played by the Feds and was in just as tough a situation as Bosco was. I'm not saying it was right. I'm just saying that's the way it was," Faith said, looking back at Fred now.
Fred looked at his wife and saw the look of pain in her eyes. Was it from her back or from the conversation? "You need to lay down. You don't want to do any damage. We can talk about this another time," he said finally, walking over to help her down the hallway to bed.
"Fred. Do you understand what I'm saying? How it wasn't all Bosco? He was trying to make things right, but there were things he didn't know about," Faith said as they walked down the hallway.
Fred didn't say anything, not having sorted out all that she'd said yet. "We'll talk about it again, Faith. Right now, let's get some rest. We've got to figure out how we're going to help Charlie first."
"Absolutely," Faith said, looking in at Charlie asleep in his bed. They stopped in the hallway and looked in at him for a few minutes before continuing on to bed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TBC...