Chapter Five: The Death of Joy
We found the others a few minutes later and were immediately made to sit and wait to be seen by one of the healers. Thranduil had been alerted to the incident and had sent some of his people to help. My friend Ganya was one of them and he was the one who treated us.
"Well, well, Lindir," I heard behind me. I turned to see my friend looking at me with a grin. "It's about time I found you!" We had been through many battles together, and I hadn't seen him since I'd left the Northern Kingdom before Cali met Drogo. He looked me up and down, then looked to Cali and back at me.
"Now I understand why you've been away so long!" he said. Cali chuckled and I shook my head and laughed.
"It's not what you think, Ganya," I said. I then held up my arm for his inspection. He carefully took my elbow and lifted up my arm, which was now swollen and purple.
"Hmmm," he said. "Is that it? And here I thought you were hurt!" I leaned down and exposed my equally swollen ankle. He shook his head with a grin. "And what about you?" he said, looking at Cali. She silently rolled up her sleeve and only then I saw the gash in her arm. Ganya nodded. "Not bad..." he trailed off as he began preparing for treatments. I had always loved Ganya's sense of humor, and his ability to lighten the mood even when it came to a serious injury. Only once before had I seen him frown, and that was many years ago. Unfortunately, it would not be the last time.
"That's the thing with you warrior types," he said, shaking his head as he went through his things, "you go out and get yourselves hurt, then expect me to fix you!" I nodded.
"Yeah," I said with mock seriousness, "sooner rather than later, this is really starting to hurt." He nodded and laughed as he prepared a splint.
"So Lindir, you still haven't introduced me to your friend who is 'not what I think'," he said as he strapped the splint to my arm.
"Ancalimë," she said, cutting off any response I might have had. She smiled sweetly at me and Ganya grinned.
"I like her already!"
We stayed in Mirkwood for close to a week before the healers would allow us to go. Cali was anxious to return to Imladris and to Drogo. I was to head North and finally return to my home, but again I didn't. I went with Cali. Ganya came too, saying something about 'observing the patient', but I knew him. What he really meant was 'observing the beautiful Noldo'.
We had just crossed the mountains and were walking through the forest within sight of Rivendell when I finally talked to him about it.
"Ganya, I know what you're thinking." He looked over at me with a questioning look. "Cali?" I said. He smiled.
"Lindir, she's very beautiful, but she's attached." I nodded.
"She told you about the Halfling?"
"Halfling? What do you mean?" I sighed. Obviously she hadn't told him.
"Nothing." We walked in silence for several minutes. Or rather, he walked and I limped. "Besides," I broke the silence, "What about your wife?" He shook his head sadly and I instantly wished to take back my words.
"Linwëlin isn't coming back," he said quietly. "It has been over a hundred years, Lindir." He paused before looking at me, the pain still showing in his eyes. "I don't think I will ever marry again." I nodded and we walked the rest of the way in silence.
We reached the gates and watched as Drogo greeted Cali warmly. He ran up to her and she caught him in a hug. I lost myself in the warm little moment and was dragged out of it by a chuckle beside me from Ganya.
"Oh," he said with a grin, "The halfling." I looked back at Cali and froze. Several others did too. It was the first time she ever kissed Drogo publicly. I knew, of course, that they kissed quite often, but always in private and never in front of others. A momentary hush went through those assembled but quickly passed as everyone went back to their tasks. I thanked the Valar that Elrond had been occupied elsewhere.
The next few weeks were pretty uneventful. I busied myself with jobs here and there and helped out in any way I could. Elrond actually approached me around then and asked if I would stay. I smiled, remembering a similar invitation from Cali, but politely declined. My home, after all, was with the Sindar. Elrond smiled and told me that one day I would ask of him if I could stay.
It was late in autumn of that year and I was on my way to see Elrohir when it all changed. I passed by Cali's room on my way to see him and heard something that made me stop. It was sobbing. I froze and listened as my heart began to ache. The door was open a crack and so, against my better judgement I looked in.
Cali was sitting cross-legged on a cushion on the floor with Drogo sitting across from her. He held one of her hands and stroked it gently, almost reverently. Her other hand was wiping the steady stream of tears from her face.
"You must understand, my love," he said. I had to strain my ears to hear his whispers. "I love you so very much, but I must go. My own land calls to me, and my family must be so worried. I cannot stay here forever." Cali's shoulders shook with sobs and I felt my own throat tighten at his words. So this was it then, I thought irrationally, this is how mortals are. A part of me said that I knew this would happen, and that I had tried to warn Cali of it, but I ignored it. It would not do to have such thoughts and accidentally say them out loud.
"But Drogo," she said in a quivering voice, "I need you...please don't leave me." She leaned in and kissed him, and then hugged him, and they cried together. I felt a tear on my own cheek and quickly wiped it away and went outside.
The cool evening air helped to stay any further tears and allowed me to compose myself before another should see and wonder. No matter how hard I tried, however, I couldn't get the sound of Cali's heartbreaking voice out of my head. I sat down on the cool stone and clutched at my chest as I felt what I knew was only a fraction of the heartbreak that Cali must be feeling at that same moment. As much as I didn't want to admit it, Drogo's presence had grown on me in the past years and I would miss him if he went. Not nearly as much as Cali and perhaps some of the others, but I too would be sad to see him leave. Very slowly, I picked myself up and went on to see Elrohir.
Cali, I think was afraid to tell me. It was several days later when she did. I hugged her and let her cry on my shoulder and offered her soothing words. She then told me that Elrond had agreed that Drogo could go, since there had been no sign of fell creatures near the Shire for almost a year. The Elves were withdrawing.
"Could you..." she said, composing herself, "Could you come with me? When I take him back?" I reached out and brushed the hair from her face and wiped a tear from her cheek.
"Of course I will."
A week later we left. Everyone came to see Drogo off. I remember seeing Tyssa in the crowd wiping away tears as she waved goodbye and Elrond giving his farewell speech, but what I remember most was the heaviness at heart that everyone showed at the halfling's leaving. Everyone had grown to love him and wished he could stay. Not too many knew of his relationship to Cali, but of course, that would soon change.
It took almost a week to reach the Shire, for all three of us purposely walked slowly, trying to delay the final parting as long as possible. We had many fun times on the journey, but each one of them was dampened by what we all knew was coming.
I'll never forget the day we came within sight of the Old Forest. The three of us had been merrily singing an after dinner song when the first trees poked out over the horizon. There was complete silence. It seemed that even the birds had stopped singing. We looked at one another and knew that this would be our last night together. The next time the sun would pass this way Cali and I would be leaving the forest alone. We made camp there for the night, and nobody spoke.
That evening was very quiet, save for the comforting crackle of the campfire. There were no songs, no grand tales. I think none of us wanted to say anything for fear of speaking of the end of the journey, but in doing so, that was all we could think about. I sat in front of the fire hugging one of my knees and playing idly with the grass under me. I looked up and saw Cali and Drogo sitting closely together with bowed heads. I wanted to say something, anything to lighten the mood. I could tell them that he could come back and visit, or that he could always change his mind and come back with us. But I knew it was a lie. I sighed and went back to studying the grass.
The next morning dawned warm and hazy. The journey to the forest went so slowly as to almost be absurd. We ended up reaching the forest fairly early, however, and finally reached the western edge by nightfall. When the time for parting finally came I said my own farewells to Drogo and then distanced myself from them so they could be alone. I stayed within earshot, however, just in case.
"Goodbye, dearest," said Drogo. "I will try to come back to visit, and I know I will miss you terribly." There was a long pause before he continued. "Take this," he said. I turned and strained my eyes to see him handing her a silver pendant. Cali shook her head.
"No..I can't…."
"Please take it, my love," he said, "That way I'll have to come back to get it!" I hear a mixture of laughter and sadness from Cali. I watched Drogo fasten the pendant around Cali's neck and she kissed his cheek. She whispered something to him I didn't hear and watched him leave the woods. Neither of us ever spoke to him again.