Part 3
She caught it and then aimed it at him. Xander took a step back.
Faith pulled the trigger slowly, while she looked at him. Xander somehow stayed oddly calm, in spite of the fact that *she* was in control, and he was the one facing the gun.
Faith was amazed by this, but didn't show it on her face.
"So, this is how much you trust me," she said and began to laugh.
Xander just shrugged. "Well, I am in good faith."
Faith got pissed and snapped. "You are an idiot! I already tried to kill you and still you don't learn. Anyone who knew what was going to happen to him, wouldn't do something stupid as this . . . *You* did it twice!" She now grinned wickedly . . . madly . . . "This is a dangerous game, Xander. It is meant for people with experience in life and not for clowns like you . . ." She shook her head. "You see how easy it was for me to have the control back . . . it . . . it was too easy."
Before she could do anything, Xander answered directly, casually and a little annoyed, "I already told you that that was a little flaw in me . . ." Then he added almost self-mocking, but still serious, "Xander 'I'm as stupid as I look' Harris didn't win the gold medal in 'Being Wrong' for nothing."
She was amazed about his ability to make fun when his life was in the balance.
Inwardly Xander was scared to hell. He really hoped that she wouldn't shoot . . . or beat him down for that matter or slowly cut him open like an apple. There was no way for him to escape anymore. It was like swimming or drowning, he has to learn how to play this game right now.
He recognized her surprise at his reply and tried to make it stronger. "I like the quiet," he said grinning, but calmly.
Then his face turned serious again. "It is all or nothing, Faith! To win or lose! You can kill me or come with me. Only know this: if you decide to kill me then there is no way back and your soul will be lost for ever. This time it won't be an accident, but plain murder!"
Faith didn't know how or what to think anymore, this was all so unexpected. He knew exactly where her weaknesses were . . . what her fears were . . . he was still in control.
Xander continued. "I don't need the honor, Faith! A lot of what I did, they don't even recognize or never will know. If you decide to try to walk the right path again, you can tell them whatever you want what made you come back to the right side. I don't care. I will just tell them that I left you only moments after Willow left . . ."
He stared at her for a moment with intensity. "Win or lose, Faith! It's up to you to decide which is which and to make the right decision!"
Faith was tempted to go for his offer. It felt so good to be trusted by someone and to be able to trust him back, even when it was just Xander. She had only known him for a very short time and she had seen him as a friend of Buffy. A friend who would do anything for her, hoping for one day that he would be seen by her . . . even by giving up his live! From what Faith had seen of him and the way he had wanted to talk to her some days ago, his name had become a synonym to her for 'My life has no worth, I don't care if I die'.
Faith snorted. "Why do you care, Xander? Why are you doing this? I don't mean me, but helping Buffy," she asked.
Xander blinked. "'She is my friend, of course," he simply said, not understanding the question.
Faith eyes widened. "Your friend? *That* is your only reason?" she asked surprised.
He shook his head with sorrow . . .
"I also do this in remembrance for my good and life long friend, Jesse, who had been turned the first day Buffy came here. I had to kill him," he said bitterly.
"We're living in the undead's favorite party town . . . a lot of my classmates have died. I can't just look and do nothing, I have to live up to their names, especially now Jesse is watching me," he explained to her as he spoke from his heart loaded with hope and anxiety while he smiled wistuflly up at his lost friend.
Faith looked stunned. #What? They never told me about a guy named Jesse. And Xander was forced to kill him.#
Xander saw her surprise and suddenly understood her question. She didn't understand his concept of friendship.
"If you think I am doing this so I could win her heart then you are wrong: I am not. The moment she rejected me, she had asked me not to go away and to stay as her friend."
He sighed. "I had already lost Jesse and my only real friend was Willow . . . Friendship is everything to me, so I stayed and we became friends. That's why I brought her back that night . . ."
Faith could understand that, friendship was something she needed. #That is how we turned up with two Slayers, by the power of friendship,# she thought. #Didn't bring us much good.#
"So in the line of friendship your life isn't worth much?" she asked.
"My life is very dear to me, but if you mean that I would gladly give up my life for my friends, then you are right," he stated firmly.
"So you want me to become friends and you are prepared to die for it?" She asked, while shaking the gun a little.
He looked at it and nodded slowly.
"You expect the same from me?" she asked.
He reacted fast. "No, of course not!" he almost snapped and calmly explained, "it's just the way *I* am. It would be very hard for me to live my life knowing that a good friend of mine died while saving me."
"But you are doing it for me *if* I become your friend. How do you think I would feel if I would have you as my only friend and you would die by protecting me?" she said slowly.
Xander stared at her with big eyes. He never had realized that. "Huh?" was all he managed to say.
"I guessed as much," she said.
She walked over to the desk and picked up a picture she had left there this morning.
She gave it to Xander, while still pointing the gun at him. Xander looked at it, grabbed his stomach as he almost had to vomit.
Emotions run through her eyes as she explained the picture. "That was my Watcher after Kakitos was done with her. He sent me pictures of her after I had run away, to scare the hell out of me and to remind me of my destiny. This morning it was the first time I was able to watch the picture without . . ." She closed her eyes and a small tear appeared as she shook her head.
Faith spoke with horror, sadness and quilt as she said, "She was the only friend I ever had! And I couldn't protect her when she was protecting me! I was so scared . . . I had to run cross-country, hoping to stay one step ahead of Kakistos all the time. I had some 'friends', all guy's, who had helped me." She didn't even grin when she added, "they all payed the price by the hands of Kakitos *after* they betrayed me."
She looked back at him, one tear running over her cheek, fear and guilt in her eyes.
"I was only able to see this picture again, thanks to The Mayor. It is not only my past which it resembles, Xander! It is the present too! Facing the horrors which come with the job of being a Slayer. *And* it is the future . . . it is still my destiny." She looked at him for any reaction and saw the understanding in his brown eyes and his almost overwhelming desire to help her.
Xander just didn't know what to do or how to react to it anymore.
She calmed herself and sighted. "I am sorry that I've misjudged your intentions. You convinced me that you mean it well and that I could trust you. But I can't live like that . . . How can I be a good Slayer, knowing that I can lose my only real friend every second, and then go on an uncontrolled vengeance tour? . . . * I* am the Slayer, Xander, it is my job to *protect* people, not the other way around. You're hardly able to help me. The only person I can allow as a friend is Buffy and well . . ."
She looked at him in his eyes, for only a few seconds, but it seemed to take forever.
All those long seconds he remained calm, she was amazed by it.
Her fury and rage for him had left her body completely, instead there was still fear, the fear of entering the light again. But most of all was the fear of losing another friend if she would let him win.
She looked at him with sorrow and quilt. "I am sorry, Xander. I am evil now . . . it's the way it went. All I can hope for is that Buffy can find me quickly and kill me, before I can do more damage!" She aimed the gun more precisely for the kill, " I am sorry, Xander, it was nice to have known at least one good guy, but it's like you said: all or nothing, win or lose... I can't be friends with you, I'm way past that and I can't protect you!"
Xander lost his calm suddenly as he paled. "No, Faith. You can, it is not that difficult and I can support you . . ."
She pulled the trigger, and . . . the gun went off . . .
She caught it and then aimed it at him. Xander took a step back.
Faith pulled the trigger slowly, while she looked at him. Xander somehow stayed oddly calm, in spite of the fact that *she* was in control, and he was the one facing the gun.
Faith was amazed by this, but didn't show it on her face.
"So, this is how much you trust me," she said and began to laugh.
Xander just shrugged. "Well, I am in good faith."
Faith got pissed and snapped. "You are an idiot! I already tried to kill you and still you don't learn. Anyone who knew what was going to happen to him, wouldn't do something stupid as this . . . *You* did it twice!" She now grinned wickedly . . . madly . . . "This is a dangerous game, Xander. It is meant for people with experience in life and not for clowns like you . . ." She shook her head. "You see how easy it was for me to have the control back . . . it . . . it was too easy."
Before she could do anything, Xander answered directly, casually and a little annoyed, "I already told you that that was a little flaw in me . . ." Then he added almost self-mocking, but still serious, "Xander 'I'm as stupid as I look' Harris didn't win the gold medal in 'Being Wrong' for nothing."
She was amazed about his ability to make fun when his life was in the balance.
Inwardly Xander was scared to hell. He really hoped that she wouldn't shoot . . . or beat him down for that matter or slowly cut him open like an apple. There was no way for him to escape anymore. It was like swimming or drowning, he has to learn how to play this game right now.
He recognized her surprise at his reply and tried to make it stronger. "I like the quiet," he said grinning, but calmly.
Then his face turned serious again. "It is all or nothing, Faith! To win or lose! You can kill me or come with me. Only know this: if you decide to kill me then there is no way back and your soul will be lost for ever. This time it won't be an accident, but plain murder!"
Faith didn't know how or what to think anymore, this was all so unexpected. He knew exactly where her weaknesses were . . . what her fears were . . . he was still in control.
Xander continued. "I don't need the honor, Faith! A lot of what I did, they don't even recognize or never will know. If you decide to try to walk the right path again, you can tell them whatever you want what made you come back to the right side. I don't care. I will just tell them that I left you only moments after Willow left . . ."
He stared at her for a moment with intensity. "Win or lose, Faith! It's up to you to decide which is which and to make the right decision!"
Faith was tempted to go for his offer. It felt so good to be trusted by someone and to be able to trust him back, even when it was just Xander. She had only known him for a very short time and she had seen him as a friend of Buffy. A friend who would do anything for her, hoping for one day that he would be seen by her . . . even by giving up his live! From what Faith had seen of him and the way he had wanted to talk to her some days ago, his name had become a synonym to her for 'My life has no worth, I don't care if I die'.
Faith snorted. "Why do you care, Xander? Why are you doing this? I don't mean me, but helping Buffy," she asked.
Xander blinked. "'She is my friend, of course," he simply said, not understanding the question.
Faith eyes widened. "Your friend? *That* is your only reason?" she asked surprised.
He shook his head with sorrow . . .
"I also do this in remembrance for my good and life long friend, Jesse, who had been turned the first day Buffy came here. I had to kill him," he said bitterly.
"We're living in the undead's favorite party town . . . a lot of my classmates have died. I can't just look and do nothing, I have to live up to their names, especially now Jesse is watching me," he explained to her as he spoke from his heart loaded with hope and anxiety while he smiled wistuflly up at his lost friend.
Faith looked stunned. #What? They never told me about a guy named Jesse. And Xander was forced to kill him.#
Xander saw her surprise and suddenly understood her question. She didn't understand his concept of friendship.
"If you think I am doing this so I could win her heart then you are wrong: I am not. The moment she rejected me, she had asked me not to go away and to stay as her friend."
He sighed. "I had already lost Jesse and my only real friend was Willow . . . Friendship is everything to me, so I stayed and we became friends. That's why I brought her back that night . . ."
Faith could understand that, friendship was something she needed. #That is how we turned up with two Slayers, by the power of friendship,# she thought. #Didn't bring us much good.#
"So in the line of friendship your life isn't worth much?" she asked.
"My life is very dear to me, but if you mean that I would gladly give up my life for my friends, then you are right," he stated firmly.
"So you want me to become friends and you are prepared to die for it?" She asked, while shaking the gun a little.
He looked at it and nodded slowly.
"You expect the same from me?" she asked.
He reacted fast. "No, of course not!" he almost snapped and calmly explained, "it's just the way *I* am. It would be very hard for me to live my life knowing that a good friend of mine died while saving me."
"But you are doing it for me *if* I become your friend. How do you think I would feel if I would have you as my only friend and you would die by protecting me?" she said slowly.
Xander stared at her with big eyes. He never had realized that. "Huh?" was all he managed to say.
"I guessed as much," she said.
She walked over to the desk and picked up a picture she had left there this morning.
She gave it to Xander, while still pointing the gun at him. Xander looked at it, grabbed his stomach as he almost had to vomit.
Emotions run through her eyes as she explained the picture. "That was my Watcher after Kakitos was done with her. He sent me pictures of her after I had run away, to scare the hell out of me and to remind me of my destiny. This morning it was the first time I was able to watch the picture without . . ." She closed her eyes and a small tear appeared as she shook her head.
Faith spoke with horror, sadness and quilt as she said, "She was the only friend I ever had! And I couldn't protect her when she was protecting me! I was so scared . . . I had to run cross-country, hoping to stay one step ahead of Kakistos all the time. I had some 'friends', all guy's, who had helped me." She didn't even grin when she added, "they all payed the price by the hands of Kakitos *after* they betrayed me."
She looked back at him, one tear running over her cheek, fear and guilt in her eyes.
"I was only able to see this picture again, thanks to The Mayor. It is not only my past which it resembles, Xander! It is the present too! Facing the horrors which come with the job of being a Slayer. *And* it is the future . . . it is still my destiny." She looked at him for any reaction and saw the understanding in his brown eyes and his almost overwhelming desire to help her.
Xander just didn't know what to do or how to react to it anymore.
She calmed herself and sighted. "I am sorry that I've misjudged your intentions. You convinced me that you mean it well and that I could trust you. But I can't live like that . . . How can I be a good Slayer, knowing that I can lose my only real friend every second, and then go on an uncontrolled vengeance tour? . . . * I* am the Slayer, Xander, it is my job to *protect* people, not the other way around. You're hardly able to help me. The only person I can allow as a friend is Buffy and well . . ."
She looked at him in his eyes, for only a few seconds, but it seemed to take forever.
All those long seconds he remained calm, she was amazed by it.
Her fury and rage for him had left her body completely, instead there was still fear, the fear of entering the light again. But most of all was the fear of losing another friend if she would let him win.
She looked at him with sorrow and quilt. "I am sorry, Xander. I am evil now . . . it's the way it went. All I can hope for is that Buffy can find me quickly and kill me, before I can do more damage!" She aimed the gun more precisely for the kill, " I am sorry, Xander, it was nice to have known at least one good guy, but it's like you said: all or nothing, win or lose... I can't be friends with you, I'm way past that and I can't protect you!"
Xander lost his calm suddenly as he paled. "No, Faith. You can, it is not that difficult and I can support you . . ."
She pulled the trigger, and . . . the gun went off . . .