Note: Slytherin I lost your email address again… I know you're gonna kill me but could you send it to me again. I know this is like the 7th time. I swear I will not lose it this time. I promise. Sticks and twigs.

Also had more problems with '?' and commas as this doesn't translate well from Russian. Sorry so short but there's sort of a reason.

Godric Hollow
Chapter 11 Shut Up (PG)
By Tracev/ WittchWay

31 October

"Shut up," Snape screamed pulling the covers back over his head "damn birds chirping," he muttered. The racket outside his bedroom window stopped for just a moment and then restarted. Snape pulled the pillow over his head, "Why can't I just get some damn sleep." he growled. He thought of pulling his wand and killing all of those damn birds, though last time that had resulted in a fight with Hagrid and Professor Sprout. Then the Headmaster had given him a lecture on birds and migratory patterns. He could still hear them all, the oafish giant, Sprout, Dumbledore, all babbling on about it, Snape snorted, at first he didn't know what the hell they had been talking about, he had saw nothing wrong with what he had done.

Migratory patterns his ass, if he killed enough of the birds they would change the damn pattern. All he wanted to do was sleep. To rest his aching body, to rest his tired bones and he needed silence for that, Snape sat up and pulled the bed curtains tighter around him. This week had been hell, Death Eaters meetings, a scuffle between student after student resulting in detention after detention, he wasn't sure whom this was a punishment for, then a big test that had left the first years near tears. All he wanted to do was sleep, exhaustion was pushing him over the edge, insanity was slowly becoming a friend. His eyes still shut he willed himself to fall back to sleep, he had no intention of rising out of this bed before noon.

No students to harass him, no one to bother him, he had refused to chaperone any students into Hogsmeade, had refused to go to lunch with any of the teachers, hell he had refused to see his own brother. Lie here in bed all day is what he had planned. Lie here in the warmth of his bed, the quilt pulled up all comforting around him, the curtains drawn to block out any annoying sunlight, he snuggled deeper down in the bed, pulling the pillow close to his chest.

It was hard sleeping alone, to not have the weight of Remus next to him, to not have that others persons warmth and body heat. To not have someone to reach out and touch in the night. What was really disturbing Snape was how he was adapting to it, to not having Remus next to him, he was already sleeping in the middle of the bed. He was already taking over all the covers, the pillows, already he was hanging his clothes on Remus's side of the closet, and already the smell of Remus was drifting from their flat. That sweet scent that was Remus's unique flavor was leaving. Remus's toiletries were already pushed to the back of the medicine cabinet. Then one of the house elves had thrown out Remus's toothbrush he had been so furious that he had hexed all that entered his rooms for a week. Until one of them explained that they had thrown it out because it had gotten dusty and gross but that it had been months ago when they had done that, and he had hated himself not even noticing.

How quickly one forgets. He had been even more furious with himself at that point. That he hadn't notice, that he was casting Remus aside already, that he was already having impure thoughts about others, about Harry Potter. He scolded himself for imagining the warmth of the bed was because of Potter. It disturbed him that he was thinking less and less about Remus. Slowly all his thoughts were turning to Harry, it occupied every moment of his waking. In those moments he could still smell the child, the fresh air innocence, chocolate, the musk of the school, it was embedded in his sense, in his mind, it made his head swirl with desire. He remembered that day as if it was yesterday that he had held the boy in his arms, had pulled him to his chest and held him as he cried in his parent's home in Godric's Hollow.

The other thoughts were the one he couldn't get past, the boy wanting him, and he knew the boy wanted him, had felt the boys wants. Those kisses that day in Potter room, that day lying on the boy's bed, his hands roaming that young body, it still made him ache. But he had been strong enough then to walk away, he would be strong enough now to walk away, to not think such things. Snape had every intent of wallowing in self-hatred for the loss of Remus, he had every intent of hating the world for his loss. After all Harry was a student, a boy, and Snape couldn't be distracted now, he had the upcoming battle against Voldemort, he had to remain focused on what was ahead. If he let his mind wander or if the boy was to lose concentration because of him, well, he didn't want to be the cause of that, he didn't want to lose another.

But he had to get some sleep, he was so tired, if he could just have this one day to sleep, to catch up on the missed sleep then he would feel better. If those damn birds would just shut up. If he could just shut his mind off and not think for one day. Not dream for one day, he would feel better.

It never fails just as you're about to drift off into that wonderful sleep you yearn for, he heard the soft rap at his door. He heard it softly at first not letting his mind distinguish what it was, telling himself it was just another noise to keep him awake. The knocking became more frantic, then the call of his name, still he was determined not to answer it. Who ever it was would go away, if he just ignored it.

"Severus… Severus," they were shaking him awake, they had entered his rooms uninvited. Snape sat up, wand in hand ready to blast all to hell that had woken him, "Headmaster...McGonagall," he pulled the sheet over himself, standing up. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "I haven't touched the birds, you can tell Hagrid their still safe," he stopped, this is not why they had entered his room. Minerva was near tears, handkerchief in hand, he hadn't seen her this fidgety since...since last time. Dumbledore looked almost gray in color, the gleam in his eye gone, Snape hadn't seen it missing since...since last time.

Snape dropped the sheet he was holding at his waist, he knew what they were going to say before they said it. The thought invaded his mind, the wheels were already turning, as he reached for his black pants.

"Harry's missing." Snape cringed at the words, why did they feel it necessary to say what he already knew. Snape pulled on a black T-shirt, boots, he grabbed his Death Eater cloak, it was the fasts he ever dressed in his life.

***

Continuing soon
Review…