Through the Ice...
Chapter 4: No Help
He looked up at me, his look surprised and maybe even filled with a kind of fear. I couldn't move, my normal emotionless expression was not to be found for I too was in total surprise. I had to move, or say something. I couldn't let him see me like this. I wouldn't let him see me like this. But then my act was going to be interrupted. Seifer had stood up, his eyes.those jaded eyes starring into mine.then he spoke.
"Squall..I.I--" he stuttered as he saw my arms crossed after I had closed the door. He swallowed hard. I guess choking on his words. This was my chance.maybe my only one that I'd have.
"Seifer, just spit it out na?" I spoke clearly, my voice a bit raspy from lack of use. I hadn't spoken to anyone after the "incident" two months ago. I spoke only to Quistis, and if I did, it was no more that ten words a day. I tried to make my eyes ice...trying to not let him see what hid behind my walls.so he wouldn't break their force..so I wouldn't fall into the abyss..
His eyes glanced up at me. Then he did as he was ordered. He went on with whatever nonsense or excuse he could come up with. And well..heh.lets see what he's got. "I---I." He cleared his throat. "I just wanted to see you..its been a long time..well.what I mean..is I'm sorry.I just can't." he was cut off. He knew me all to well. I was his former Ice Prince, as he used to say, and he knew that I was never patient and that I was easily perturbed with stupidity. Huh. Glad he figured that out on his own. I smirked, I'm winning. I turned my head away from him. I didn't want to believe any of this. Why should I? I have every right to kick him out.I have every right to be free as every one else around this place. I should be able to free myself from his grasp..I should be able to shut him out and forget everything..
"Squall just listen.it's been two months.long months at that.." His statement interrupted my thoughts. I'm sick of it. How long is this going to go on?!? How long do I have to suffer just because the only person I truly loved and gave everything to, just threw it away when I finally got the courage to say 3 petty damn words?!? And how the hell does he figure that it's been 2 long months for him..well..heh. I smirk. He has no idea.My ice glare pierces with full eye contact and then I couldn't take it anymore. I felt it all come out. I spoke.
"Bull shit Seifer!" I kept my glare on him as he stared at me with a terrified look. Now to end this petty conversation. "Just bull shit! I can't take it anymore Seifer! So finally after two months you get the balls to come and speak to me, and now you come and try to apologize??? What the hell do you think you're doing? And don't you know the slightest shit you put me through?" I kept my composure. "You have no idea how long two months can be..so don't even start I don't want to hear you pathetic excuses." I was sweating.and panting.I used my energy to force the words that I so long kept inside. My fury was noticeable and by the look of his face he knew. "Squall, for hell's sake just listen." He stopped seeing my anger almost instantly drain from my expression. I was confused myself. I didn't know what this feeling was. I couldn't explain what I was feeling. "Just listen.These two months, I know as well, have been long. And as much as you might never believe it put me through hell.maybe not as much as you.but.I made a mistake...and you'll probably never forgive me." he choked then his yes glittered with water. "I-I--..cant live without you Squall..I love you."
A huge silence fell between us. I, again, couldn't move, I take he was waiting for an answer. But I couldn't think of anything to say. Two months..was a long time.that he had left me waiting..two months I suffered..two months I waited for him to come back.Wait. Is that the truth? What the hell? Did I really wait for him to come back.did I know he would? I let out a sigh. This was all to confusing, and I didn't know what to do. I didn't still love him..right? I looked at him for one more time..those jaded eyes...they made me melt inside, and his voice was ringing in my head. I shook my head. All is lost and there is nothing I can do about it. I started to turn away and grabbed the door. I had one last reply before I would leave. I'm giving up. Why shouldn't I? I tried loving him and look where that ever got me.so I quit this little game of life.I quit. "Whatever."
"Squall! Damnit just listen to me!" he screamed as he ran toward me then stopped right behind me.
"I'm going...I can't do this Seifer.." I slowly, maybe even unwillingly said as I started to turn the knob of the door. Then I felt a sudden rush hit my body. A physical touch had hit my body. I was stunned. I froze, being completely still.
"Just...wait.please." a calm but low voice said behind me. I look back over my shoulder and I met Seifer's face. What was he doing? I look at my position. I almost wince. He was holding me from behind, my arms tucked under his as his grip was over my chest. I couldn't move. I struggled, trying and gain some strength, but his grip stayed still as he just tightened. It hurt as I felt a rush of pain go through my body. It hurt to breath. I winced in pain by I could never show him that I was getting hurt. Not again. I sat there maybe for another 10 mins, Seifer was trying to regain his breath from trying to keep me in his hold, but what he didn't notice is that I was getting energy just by building up my anger. Finally I tried. I shoved my body upward making the top of my head collide with the bottom of his jaw which sent him back and we ran into the wall. I tried to get up from the floor and head for the door.but there he was and now he had me in a pin against the wall. His weight of his hands held my wrists above my head and against the wall so I had no control. I stopped struggling. As much as I would hate to admit, he may have always been the stronger one when it came to brute force.
"Just listen.I'm not going to hurt you. Don't you think that I have already made that mistake once? And I wouldn't want to hurt you...because I love you..and whether you believe it or no, I will always love you squall.." He lightened his grip but still held me. I didn't want to fight him..plus as I had said before.he simply overpowered me from his height and weight. I listened to those words hundreds of times in my head. I didn't believe him. How could I? He left me, he hurt me.he.promised. I wince and closed my eyes, as I slowly feel my tears shoving themselves out. They trail down my cheek. As Seifer's finger wiped me tears off I had winced again. I stared up at him and for the first time I cried in front of him. I let it out. I stared into those jaded orbs..I really do..I really do...I couldn't hold my emotions anymore, I couldn't stand life. I felt myself fall to the floor. By he guided me down. As my watered eyes looked up I saw him, Seifer, my dear former lover, holding me. Gently he caressed me into his arms, as I wept silently to myself. He stroked his hand gently through my hair. I didn't know what to do. I felt so secure. I felt so warm..and so I stayed. And there we sat, in silence.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Yay! Finally I posted this thing up! Lol I have chapter 5 and 6 about ready to go so they will be updated soon! Reviews are appreciated and thanx for reading!!
He looked up at me, his look surprised and maybe even filled with a kind of fear. I couldn't move, my normal emotionless expression was not to be found for I too was in total surprise. I had to move, or say something. I couldn't let him see me like this. I wouldn't let him see me like this. But then my act was going to be interrupted. Seifer had stood up, his eyes.those jaded eyes starring into mine.then he spoke.
"Squall..I.I--" he stuttered as he saw my arms crossed after I had closed the door. He swallowed hard. I guess choking on his words. This was my chance.maybe my only one that I'd have.
"Seifer, just spit it out na?" I spoke clearly, my voice a bit raspy from lack of use. I hadn't spoken to anyone after the "incident" two months ago. I spoke only to Quistis, and if I did, it was no more that ten words a day. I tried to make my eyes ice...trying to not let him see what hid behind my walls.so he wouldn't break their force..so I wouldn't fall into the abyss..
His eyes glanced up at me. Then he did as he was ordered. He went on with whatever nonsense or excuse he could come up with. And well..heh.lets see what he's got. "I---I." He cleared his throat. "I just wanted to see you..its been a long time..well.what I mean..is I'm sorry.I just can't." he was cut off. He knew me all to well. I was his former Ice Prince, as he used to say, and he knew that I was never patient and that I was easily perturbed with stupidity. Huh. Glad he figured that out on his own. I smirked, I'm winning. I turned my head away from him. I didn't want to believe any of this. Why should I? I have every right to kick him out.I have every right to be free as every one else around this place. I should be able to free myself from his grasp..I should be able to shut him out and forget everything..
"Squall just listen.it's been two months.long months at that.." His statement interrupted my thoughts. I'm sick of it. How long is this going to go on?!? How long do I have to suffer just because the only person I truly loved and gave everything to, just threw it away when I finally got the courage to say 3 petty damn words?!? And how the hell does he figure that it's been 2 long months for him..well..heh. I smirk. He has no idea.My ice glare pierces with full eye contact and then I couldn't take it anymore. I felt it all come out. I spoke.
"Bull shit Seifer!" I kept my glare on him as he stared at me with a terrified look. Now to end this petty conversation. "Just bull shit! I can't take it anymore Seifer! So finally after two months you get the balls to come and speak to me, and now you come and try to apologize??? What the hell do you think you're doing? And don't you know the slightest shit you put me through?" I kept my composure. "You have no idea how long two months can be..so don't even start I don't want to hear you pathetic excuses." I was sweating.and panting.I used my energy to force the words that I so long kept inside. My fury was noticeable and by the look of his face he knew. "Squall, for hell's sake just listen." He stopped seeing my anger almost instantly drain from my expression. I was confused myself. I didn't know what this feeling was. I couldn't explain what I was feeling. "Just listen.These two months, I know as well, have been long. And as much as you might never believe it put me through hell.maybe not as much as you.but.I made a mistake...and you'll probably never forgive me." he choked then his yes glittered with water. "I-I--..cant live without you Squall..I love you."
A huge silence fell between us. I, again, couldn't move, I take he was waiting for an answer. But I couldn't think of anything to say. Two months..was a long time.that he had left me waiting..two months I suffered..two months I waited for him to come back.Wait. Is that the truth? What the hell? Did I really wait for him to come back.did I know he would? I let out a sigh. This was all to confusing, and I didn't know what to do. I didn't still love him..right? I looked at him for one more time..those jaded eyes...they made me melt inside, and his voice was ringing in my head. I shook my head. All is lost and there is nothing I can do about it. I started to turn away and grabbed the door. I had one last reply before I would leave. I'm giving up. Why shouldn't I? I tried loving him and look where that ever got me.so I quit this little game of life.I quit. "Whatever."
"Squall! Damnit just listen to me!" he screamed as he ran toward me then stopped right behind me.
"I'm going...I can't do this Seifer.." I slowly, maybe even unwillingly said as I started to turn the knob of the door. Then I felt a sudden rush hit my body. A physical touch had hit my body. I was stunned. I froze, being completely still.
"Just...wait.please." a calm but low voice said behind me. I look back over my shoulder and I met Seifer's face. What was he doing? I look at my position. I almost wince. He was holding me from behind, my arms tucked under his as his grip was over my chest. I couldn't move. I struggled, trying and gain some strength, but his grip stayed still as he just tightened. It hurt as I felt a rush of pain go through my body. It hurt to breath. I winced in pain by I could never show him that I was getting hurt. Not again. I sat there maybe for another 10 mins, Seifer was trying to regain his breath from trying to keep me in his hold, but what he didn't notice is that I was getting energy just by building up my anger. Finally I tried. I shoved my body upward making the top of my head collide with the bottom of his jaw which sent him back and we ran into the wall. I tried to get up from the floor and head for the door.but there he was and now he had me in a pin against the wall. His weight of his hands held my wrists above my head and against the wall so I had no control. I stopped struggling. As much as I would hate to admit, he may have always been the stronger one when it came to brute force.
"Just listen.I'm not going to hurt you. Don't you think that I have already made that mistake once? And I wouldn't want to hurt you...because I love you..and whether you believe it or no, I will always love you squall.." He lightened his grip but still held me. I didn't want to fight him..plus as I had said before.he simply overpowered me from his height and weight. I listened to those words hundreds of times in my head. I didn't believe him. How could I? He left me, he hurt me.he.promised. I wince and closed my eyes, as I slowly feel my tears shoving themselves out. They trail down my cheek. As Seifer's finger wiped me tears off I had winced again. I stared up at him and for the first time I cried in front of him. I let it out. I stared into those jaded orbs..I really do..I really do...I couldn't hold my emotions anymore, I couldn't stand life. I felt myself fall to the floor. By he guided me down. As my watered eyes looked up I saw him, Seifer, my dear former lover, holding me. Gently he caressed me into his arms, as I wept silently to myself. He stroked his hand gently through my hair. I didn't know what to do. I felt so secure. I felt so warm..and so I stayed. And there we sat, in silence.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Yay! Finally I posted this thing up! Lol I have chapter 5 and 6 about ready to go so they will be updated soon! Reviews are appreciated and thanx for reading!!