Shipwreck did something to the disclaimer that I don't own any X-Men Evolution or GI Joe characters. Well I was going over my old comics when I realized I had made a horrible mistake all these years. It seems I've been misspelling Althea's last name! Then again this story proves that it wasn't really my fault after all…
What's In a Freaking Name?
It all started the following day after Spyder came to the Misfit house. Lance, Todd, Pietro and Fred were visiting her in the recovery room. "So you guys are rivals to the X-Men?" She asked. "The guys on TV?"
"Yeah," Lance told her. "They're a bit…"
"Uptight?" Todd asked. "Prissy?"
"They are not! Well not all of 'em," Lance scratched his head.
"He means his girlfriend," Pietro snickered. "Spyder now that Spirit is becoming your foster dad that means you have a very important job, bugging the heck out of Lance."
"Why?" Spyder asked.
"Well you are going to be like his little sister so…" Pietro went on.
"No why do I have to bug him about her?" Spyder asked. "Isn't she nice?"
"She's a nut that's what she is," Todd told her.
"Toad!" Lance snapped.
"Well what else would you call a flaky valley girl wanna be who hangs around with a dragon and dangles two guys at the same time?" Todd asked.
"Sounds like a nut to me," Spyder nodded.
"I wouldn't talk Olivia," Lance gave her a look. "You're not exactly normal either."
"Don't call me that!" Spyder bristled. "I hate my name! Call me Spyder! It sounds cooler!"
"Hey guys," Althea walked in. "Don't tire her out too much. She still needs plenty of rest."
"Aw we're just keeping her company Al," Fred told her.
"Yeah the kid might as well know what she's in for," Pietro scoffed.
"Hey it could be worse," Todd said. "She could be stuck with the X-Geeks!"
"So what are the others like?" Spyder asked.
"Let's just say you have to see them to believe them," Althea told her.
"There's Cyclops, Major Stick Up His Butt," Pietro said to Spyder. "And his girlfriend Jean 'I'm Too Perfect to Have A Codename' Grey."
"Is she that bad?" Spyder asked.
"She's like Al only more intense," Pietro indicated Althea with his thumb.
"WHAT?" Althea shouted. "I AM NOT!"
"You know she is a lot like Jean if you think about it," Fred remarked.
"I AM NOT LIKE JEAN!" Althea shouted. "THERE IS NO WAY I AM ANYTHING LIKE MISS GOODY GOOD!"
"Oh please…" Pietro waved.
"Name one thing that I have in common with that stuck up red headed jerk!" Althea snapped. "Just one!"
"You're both very bossy," Fred said.
"WHAT?" Althea shouted. "SHUT UP!"
"See what I mean?" Fred said to Spyder.
"And you and Toad are kind of like Cyclops and Jean," Pietro said. "Couple wise that is."
"Oh please!" Althea said. "For one thing Todd is hotter looking than Cyclops!"
"Thanks babe!" Todd grinned. "You gotta admit Al does have better taste."
"And I didn't mince around with other guys while trying to figure out if I liked him or not!" Althea said.
"What other guys?" Pietro snickered. "There were only you and your family on this base."
"Yeah but you're also both beautiful kick butt fighters," Todd remarked. "You hardly ever lose."
"Hello? I've been training with ninjas since I was born!" Althea snapped. "Lived on an army base all my life! And my old man is a maniac! Of course I'm good at fighting! How could I not be good at fighting with my background?"
"You also have a perfect loving family," Lance continued.
"Are you having some kind of hallucination again? Excuse me but have you even met my family?" Althea snapped. "Or have you been in a coma the past year or so? If I hadn't taken control when my loser slut of a mother ran out on us this house would have burned to the ground within a week! I had to be the sane one in the family! Nobody else could do the job!"
"I'm just saying…" Lance defended. "Compared to our backgrounds yours seems pretty good."
"Compared to the Menendez family your backgrounds would seem bad!" Althea snapped. "Trust me, it's not what it's cracked up to be!"
BOOM!
"Wow what an explosion!" Arcade whooped from the living room upstairs.
"We love firecrackers!" Trinity chirped.
"There they go again," Todd groaned.
"DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?" Althea shouted. "YOU FOUR ARE SO DEAD!" She ran upstairs. "WHAT DID I TELL YOU FOUR ABOUT EXPERIMENTS IN THE LIVING ROOM? ESPECIALLY ONES THAT INVOLVE…YEOWWWW!"
"You know you'd think Al would know by now not to run in on their experiments," Lance shook his head and chuckled.
"OW! OW! OW!" Althea screamed.
"That's gotta hurt," Pietro commented.
"I gotta go kiss it and make it better!" Todd leapt up.
"YEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!"
"Uh…When things have calmed down," Todd gulped.
"I'll got get the first aid kit," Lance sighed.
************************************************************************
"Well I see it's that time of the month where we fill out the insurance forms again," Shipwreck remarked as he worked with several bills and stacks of paper.
"Wonderful," Althea's head was bandaged and her arm had a bandage on it. "Remind me to fill out a death certificate for my sisters and Arcade huh?"
"Aww, poor baby," Todd cooed. "Do you want me to kiss it and make it better?"
"Not just after I ate please!" Pietro groaned he and Fred were on the couch watching TV.
"Shut up!" Althea snapped.
"You're right Fred she is bossy like Jean," Pietro told him.
"Hey there," Lance was carrying Spyder into the room. "And this is the living room."
"You don't have to carry me ya know?" Spyder told him as she squirmed to get down.
"What's she doing out of bed?" Shipwreck asked.
"She was getting restless," Lance remarked.
"I was dying of boredom!" Spyder lay back in Lance's arms.
"I'll bet. Hey Pop, what does this say on this form?" Althea picked up a piece of paper. "Hey Pop my name's all wrong on this."
"Let me see," Shipwreck looked at it. "Nope that's right."
"Dad it says Delgado not Delgato," Althea remarked.
"Yeah that's your name," Shipwreck said. "Technically."
"TECHNICALLY?" Althea yelped.
"Well honey you know what with Cobra trying to track you down we had to find ways to cover up your identity," Shipwreck said.
"Dad they knew I was at the Pit," Althea said. "That's why I lived here most of my life, remember?"
"Well yeah but it was also easier to get a higher insurance rate," Shipwreck told her. "And more profitable. You know for a few weeks when you were a year we called you Alfred Delgano on these forms. Of course we also said you were ninety at the time. When you 'died' we were able to pay for a new TV!"
"Wait a minute, are you telling me my name is really Althea Delgado not Delgato?" Althea shouted. "I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!"
"What's the difference?" Shipwreck shrugged. "They both sound the same anyway. It's only one letter that's changed."
"WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?" Althea shouted. "WHAT'S THE FREAKING DIFFERENCE? A BIG FREAKING DIFFERENCE THAT'S WHAT! THERE'S ONLY ONE LETTER'S DIFFERENCE IN 'PAN' AND 'PAIN'! WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO DEMONSTRATE?" Althea picked up a pan in her hand and raised it to strike her father.
"Geeze how can you get so touchy over a little insurance fraud?" Shipwreck grumbled as he ducked the pan.
"YOU ARE SO DEAD POP IT'S NOT FUNNY!" Althea screamed.
"Is this a typical day around here?" Spyder asked.
" 'Fraid so short stuff," Lance told her.
"Cool. I think I'm gonna like living here," Spyder grinned.
"COME BACK HERE YOU @#@#@$#$#$#$@#@@!" Althea screamed as she chased her father around with a frying pan.
"Wow, Jean certainly doesn't swear like that," Fred blanched.
"I've heard worse," Spyder shrugged.
"She ain't having a good day is she?" Todd remarked.
"Okay so maybe I was wrong about the perfect family thing," Lance shrugged.