Chapter Twelve: Nothing Interesting Happened Today

After I returned it was another five months until Cali was escorted back home. Those months, however, were not easy to endure. You, of course, missed your mother, but I had done my job well and you knew nothing of her injury. Unfortunately this meant that I had to suspend my own grief over the incident, for why would I be sad if nothing was wrong?

The nights were worst of all. Even though I had told you that everything was okay, the nightmares still came. At first it was no more than once a week, but as time went on and Cali still hadn't returned, you began to worry, and I admit, so did I. After that your dreams became more frequent and more intense.

During those times, as I held you while your nightmares took hold, I was slowly but surely consumed by my own guilt. I had plenty of time to reflect on my actions, the argument, my anger and the eventual orc slaying. But it wasn't just that, I also had to come to terms with the fact that I was the most likely cause of your nightmares. I had convinced myself that I must have let the truth slip out, even as I told the lie that I thought you believed. Why else would you be troubled with nightmares? How else could you know that something was wrong if I had not led you to believe otherwise? And there was one night when my suspicions were confirmed.

You had been jolted awake in the midst of one of your dreams, screaming for your mother. I tried desperately to calm you down, telling you that it was all just a dream, when you said it.

"Ammë was hurt! An orc hurt my ammë and now she's going to die!" I froze. I couldn't at first get over the accuracy of your words, but at the same time, I didn't want to let on that they were true. I again tried to calm you, but my words seemed hollow, even to me. From then on you were convinced that it was true and there was nothing I could say to change it. After that you did not sleep at all.

I hadn't noticed until the second night after that terrible dream. Only then did I realize that you hadn't had a bad dream since, but in reality, you simply hadn't slept. I looked down at you in my arms that night and saw you struggling to keep your eyes open.

"What are you doing, melda?" I asked. "Why aren't you sleeping?" you looked up and only then did I really see how tired those eyes were.

"I can't sleep," you said.

"But you need to sleep."

"You don't sleep."

"That's because both my ammë and my atar were elves," I reasoned. "Your Atar was a hobbit, and hobbits need sleep!"

"But I can't sleep!" I sighed. Just like your mother, you were skilled in talking in circles. I finally gave in and settled for a different approach. If I made you as comfortable as possible, you would fall asleep without even realizing it.

When you were a baby, we quickly discovered that the easiest way to sooth you when you were fussing was to gently touch your face. Cali would only have to caress your forehead or run her fingers over your eyes and you were asleep within minutes. Fortunately the same was true even as you got older. It bought me an hour at the most, but at least you'd rested.

When that night was finally over and you had gone back to your bakery I sought out Elrond. I told him about your nightmares and your refusal to sleep and asked if there was something he could do. He grinned and brought me to his study. He led me to one of his bookcases and began searching for something in a drawer.

"I always keep many different herbs here that are rare and useful. Many are for sicknesses that don't affect us, but we have made many friends among men, and you never know when you may need them." He drew out a pouch and looked inside. "This I found when I was last in the south." He handed it to me. Inside was a collection of dried leaves.

"What is it?"

"sarchyn," he said. "Add one leaf to a pot of tea and she'll be asleep within the hour."

It was a month after this when Cali finally returned. You saw her party arrive at the gates through your bakery window and rushed down to meet her. I came down from where I had been and saw her hug you as if she hadn't seen you in many years. The others she traveled with had brought their horses to the stables and brought their things to their homes and you were still there, hugging each other and weeping. Ganya spotted me and came to stand beside me.

"Ganya? I thought you would have gone home." He shook his head.

"She's still sick, Lindir," he said. "I can't leave her now." I looked to him, and then back at Cali.

"But she looks fine."

"Of course she does, her wound has healed. She will probably appear fine for quite a while, but she will always be sick." I looked at him in confusion, but saw the seriousness on his face.

"What do you mean," I said, "how sick?" He sighed and appeared reluctant to tell me. He looked back at the merry meeting between Cali and her daughter before turning back to me.

"It's the poison, Lindir, it will always be there." He saw the frown creep across my face and put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm not sure what effect it will have, but already we're seeing some symptoms. I can give her medicine that will slow its work, but I can't stop it." I looked back up at you and Cali. You had gotten up and were leading her up to your bakery.

"Does Cali know?"

"Yes." I turned to him and clapped him on the shoulder.

"Thank you, mellon," I said. "You've done all you can. You can go home if you wish, I'll take care of her now." He nodded hesitantly and reached into his pack, drawing out a pouch similar to the one Elrond had given me. Inside were dried flowers.

"She has to drink this every hour," he said, "When she's not sleeping."

"Sleeping?"

"She spends energy a lot faster than she used to. We've found that she must sleep at night to get it back." I nodded.

"Great, now that's two I'll have to put to bed!" The joke worked and Ganya chuckled, but it didn't lighten the mood. This caught me by surprise- usually it was Ganya who would be joking while others were saddened, but now he would barely crack a smile when a joke was told by another.

That night the three of us had dinner together. Ganya came later after you had gone to bed. We sat together and told stories of what each of us had been doing for the past few months, trying very hard not to talk about the obvious subject. After several hours of this Cali had finally had enough.

"I want to talk about this," she said. We had been discussing something else at the time, but for some reason as she said this we both knew what she meant.

"Alright," said Ganya, "Let's talk." The room was silent. In the end no one spoke, for there was really nothing to say.

Early the next morning he left, but not before giving me explicit instructions of how to treat Cali. He mounted his grey horse and looked down at me.

"I will come back in a year or two to check up on her. Those herbs should keep her until then."

"And if they don't?"

"They grow in the south, near Isengard, if you need more." I nodded and bid him farewell. I then went back to Cali's home and began to make some tea. When it was ready, I entered your room and saw the two of you sleeping. You were curled up in your mother's arms and the two of you looked so peaceful and happy together. I set the tea down and sat, watching the two of you sleep as the sun rose through your window.