Chapter Thirteen: One Moment of Perfect Happiness
At first Cali was content to stay in Imladris and rest. Tyssa and Hallath had returned to Lothlorien and so you had her all to yourself. Much of her time was spent with you in the bakery or singing in the Hall of Fire. Those times, she told me, were some of the most peaceful for her during those years.
Cali had told you of her injury soon after returning home, but quickly explained that she had been healed. The tea, she said, kept her healthy. I think in a way you knew that she was really sick, but decided not to say anything. Just like your mother, it was difficult to keep anything from you. You had also grown so accustomed to Cali's being away for long periods of time that having her home this long seemed strange to you. It was as if you wouldn't let yourself believe it would last.
About a year and a half after Cali had returned home the tea Ganya had given me began to run low. I quickly began organizing a trip to the south to find more but, as I predicted, Cali soon heard of it. She immediately insisted on going herself.
"No," I said, a bit too quickly.
"No?" she was immediately on the defensive. "Am I a prisoner, Lindir?" I sighed, attempting to diffuse the tension I felt building in the air.
"Of course not," I said, "I just feel that you would be safer here."
"'Safer'?" she said. At first I braced myself for her to get angry, but then I saw her eyes smile and I relaxed. "Lindir, I'm not an invalid, I'm perfectly fine!" 'For now,' I couldn't help thinking. "And besides, we're going to Isengard! Not exactly the most dangerous place in Endor! It is the home of an Istari, after all!" I finally gave in and allowed her to go, but she continued with her demands.
"Mélanyë is coming too."
"Ancalimë!"
"I'm not leaving her here alone, Lindir, I learned my lesson the last time." She smiled at me. "Besides, it would be nice to bring her with me for once. She's never been this far away from Imladris. I think she's old enough now."
In the end it was just a small group who went- you and your mother, as well as Elrohir, Arwen and myself. Elrohir wanted to come for extra protection, but Arwen you begged to come. You had wanted to bring someone else with you but Norín was busy and so was not able to come along. Arwen was the next logical choice.
The journey to Isengard took about a month. We rushed, since I was concerned that we may run out of the tea before we arrived. As it turned out we didn't, but we did get there much faster than expected.
Cali wasn't nearly as concerned about the herbs as I was. She has been taking the tea as Ganya had ordered, and there had been no sign of the poison affecting her at all, so she began to think that there was nothing wrong with her.
"I haven't felt sick since we left the woods," she told me as we were travelling, "I think I may be able to stop treatment altogether."
"Cali, no," I said, "Ganya told me that you will feel fine while you are treated. If you stop drinking the tea you will get sick again."
"I'm not taking this for the rest of my life, Lindir," she said, "and besides, he said himself he didn't know how I'd be affected- maybe I really am better." I shook my head, but didn't know what to say. I knew she was wrong but I didn't know how to tell her without repeating myself. Instead we dropped the subject and she ran ahead to walk with you. Elrohir came up behind and walked beside me.
"You can tell her until you're hoarse, Lindir, it won't do any good," he said, "She's too strong willed."
"It's for her own good," I sighed, "I just hope she doesn't do anything before Ganya returns."
When we arrived at the Gap of Rohan the quest became more of a holiday. We set up camp close to the swift-flowing Isen with a view of Orthanc in the distance. The first thing was, of course, collecting the herbs. The small yellow and white flowers grew in abundance near the shores of the river in large patches. You and Arwen had lots of fun collecting the flowers and laughing together. Cali and I were at another patch collecting flowers as well when we were met by a visitor.
"Mae Govannen, Híni Ilúvataro!" he said.
"Alassë omentië , Curumo Istima!" I greeted the wizard. I had expected to meet Saruman so close to his dwelling, and so his sudden appearance was not surprising at all. I had met him only once many years before and he seemed a kindly old man, somewhat alike to Mithrandir. He looked around at our group.
"Out collecting herbs, I see," he said. Why so far from your homes? Not many elves live down here."
"We need these flowers that only grow here by the Isen," I told him. "For a treatment."
"Treatment?"
"A friend of mine was wounded in battle," I explained, feeling Cali's eyes on me. "We need these to treat her. The blade was poisoned."
"Oh, dear," he said, "a rare and powerful poison it must be for you to need these particular flowers," he said. "I was not aware that Mordor Orcs used poisons." I looked at him then. I don't know what it was, but I felt my guard go up. I hadn't mentioned who had injured Cali, much less where they had come from. I felt the hair on the back of my neck slowly rise.
"These Orcs weren't from Mordor," I said carefully, "they were strange. I've never seen them before." Saruman nodded.
"I see. I've heard rumor of strange Orcs in other lands as well. I am not sure where they are coming from." He looked thoughtful for a moment and then smiled. "Well," he said with a hand on my shoulder, "I do hope your friend gets better!" With that he left us. When he was out of sight I looked down and noticed with confusion that my hand had strayed to Laspis as we'd talked.
We stayed in that area for about two months, gathering herbs and enjoying the beauty of the area. After they were picked, the flowers were dried in the sun and then stored in our packs. By the time we were ready to leave we had enough to last Cali for many years.
Her mood, I noticed, seemed much improved since she'd been away from Imladris. I knew she was beginning to feel as if she was being confined, and our trip south was like a release from prison. I hated the thought that I was likely one of her 'jailers' but it could not be helped. All we wanted was what was best for her, but she didn't seem to see it that way.
One day I decided to talk with her about it. It was a beautiful golden afternoon and she had gone off by herself and fallen asleep in the tall grass. You and Arwen were playing a game, running around and laughing while trying to catch Elrohir. I smiled and watched for a few minutes before walking over to sit beside Cali.
"Who's winning?" she asked without opening her eyes.
"It's hard to say- Elrohir is the faster runner, but it looks like he's letting them catch him." She smiled and opened her eyes.
"That's the point of the game, Lindir," she said. "How fun would it be if she never won? Mélanyë has no hope of ever catching up with him and he knows it."
"You're not concerned that he's giving her a false impression of her strength?" I asked.
"I would be more concerned if he gave a false impression of her weaknesses," she replied as she sat up. "There's nothing wrong with relaxing the rules once in a while. Allowing a certain amount of freedom." I smiled.
"Why do I get the feeling we aren't talking about Mélanyë anymore?" She sighed and looked at me.
"I'm frustrated," she said. "I feel like I'm not allowed to do anything anymore!" She got up and began to walk. I followed.
"It's not like that, Cali," I called after her. "There are plenty of things you can do to keep yourself occupied." She turned around and flashed me a hurt look.
"But I can never go back to the borders again, can I?" she said. There was a long moment when I was silent. It was true, but I didn't have the heart to say it. She could never go back. If Ganya was right, she would always be sick and she could never go back to the way she was. For several moments she looked on me with hope, but then turned away, reading the truth in my eyes as clearly as if I had spoken it aloud.
"I'm sorry, Cali," I said, placing a hand on her shoulder. I tried as best as I could to comfort her with those words, but they sounded hollow, even to me. She turned and hugged me, and I felt warm tears on my shoulder.