CHAPTER 5

'I have been wondering about that object,' remarked Boromir as Ann picked up the phone. 'What does it do?'

Ann sighed as she considered. 'It's the closest thing we have to a palantíri - something for talking over a distance.' She dialed and put the phone to her ear.

Ring . . . Ring . . . "Ee-yello?"

"Kathryn?"

"Ann?"

"Yup. Hey, listen, I've got a - um, a situation over here."

"What sort of situation?"

"Well, it's standing in my living room right now. Hold on a sec, lemme put you on speaker-phone." She pushed a button and hung up the receiver. "Kathryn? Can you hear me?"

"Loud and clear," came the tinny reply. The Fellowship gasped in shock. Ann grinned at them and put a finger to her lips.

"Anyway, Kathryn, like I was saying, I've got some people over here - "

The voice cut her off. "Do they have a Glasgow accent?"

Ann laughed. "Sort of. Kathryn, the Fellowship is standing in my room. All Nine of them. And" - she hurried on, cutting off whatever the voice's reply was - "they are all living breathing people."

A snort came from the speaker. "Right. The Fellowship? You've been reading too much fan-fiction."

"Kathryn, I swear on every deity, the Fellowship is standing here listening to us talk."

"Right," said the voice sarcastically. "And I'm the queen of England," it added in Elvish.

Ann blinked and turned to the Fellowship. 'What did she say?'

Legolas translated, adding, 'I didn't know you knew a queen.'

'I don't, it's an expression.'

"Ann?" Interjected the voice. "What're you saying? And who're you talking to?"

"That's what I've been trying to explain, Kathryn. I was speaking, in Westron - got that?Westron - to Legolas. Legolas, Kathryn."

There was a pregnant pause from the other end. Finally, the voice said slowly, "I'm still not sure I believe you."

Ann sighed. "Look, you don't have to believe me right now, okay? Just - okay, I'm gonna come over there in a few, and I'll bring these guys over with me. We've got a lot to talk about. So don't go anywhere, got it?"

"Sounds good. Namarië."

"Namarië." Ann answered, then pushed another button on the phone. She gave a deep sigh, as if she had been holding her breath, then turned around to face the Fellowship. They were staring at her. 'What?'

'I thought you said you didn't know Elvish,' Frodo explained.

'I don't. I mean, I know namarië because Kathryn taught it to me last week.' When the men still gazed at her suspiciously, she shook her head, resigned. 'Look, let's go bundle into the car.' As she led the way upstairs to the ground floor, she shook her head. "Oy . . . ."

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Annalise rang the doorbell and turned to her nine companions. 'All right, Kathryn is a little hyper sometimes. But she's really nice. Just- well. . . Anyway, she'll probably recognize you. If you want to talk to her in Elvish, she'll probably understand. She speaks it fluently.'

They heard muffled footsteps and they looked at the door. Merry leaned over to Pippin and whispered, 'What does "hyper" mean?' Pippin shrugged.

The door opened. The girl standing in the doorway was rather taller than Annalise. She had flaming red hair, pulled back into a high ponytail. She was dressed in a T-shirt with a large sun logo on it and black jeans.

"Okay, Ann, let's meet you're so called 'Fellowship'." She made quotation marks in the air.

Ann smiled. "Well, Kathryn, I've got some friends to introduce you to. Actually, you kinda already know them." She turned around and gestured to the Nine. "May I introduce the Fellowship of the Ring."

Kathryn blinked- and then the words hit her. Her mouth dropped open, and she stared at the figures in front of her. "They- they're-" She turned to Annalise. "Are these the actors?"

"Is Elijah Wood three and half feet tall?"

Kathryn turned back to them. "Are you- real?"

They nodded. She gasped. "You are real! Oh my God-" Then she shook herself and bowed."Elen síla lúmenn omentilmo."

Legolas leapt forward. 'You speak Sindarin flawlessly! How?'

"Legolas? I'm sorry, I don't know any Westron."

Ann translated. Legolas shook his head and began speaking in Elvish. Kathryn's face brightened and she began to speak animatedly back.

After a few minutes, Ann tapped Legolas on the shoulder. 'Sorry, Legolas, but we need to take care of business first. Then you two can talk each other's ears off.' Legolas nodded unwillingly.

Kathryn led the ten into the house, turning sideways to let them in. To the Fellowship's astonishment, she was clearly pregnant.

"So, Ann, what's the deal?" Asked Kathryn, not noticing the stares of the men.

"Well . . ." Replied the shorter girl. "You might wanna sit down for this."

Kathryn shrugged and obliged. "Okay, I'm sitting. What's the deal?"

Ann took a deep breath and blurted, "There's a Black Rider on the loose."

Kathryn stared. "You're joking, right?"

"No joke. It was on Anchorage's Most Wanted last night."

Kathryn ran a hand through her hair. "A Nazgúl?" She swore. And swore some more. Kathryn was a linguist, so swearing was something she could do in rather a lot of languages.

"Kathryn! Please! Watch your languages - all thirty of them. There are virgin ears among us." Ann gestured at the Fellowship, staring at Kathryn in shock.

'That girl has a mouth on her that would make an Orc's ears bleed!' Gimli whispered to Sam. The Hobbit nodded, mouth agape.

Kathryn nodded sheepishly at the Fellowship. "Sorry, I forgot. Is that all?"

Ann shook her head. "Not quite. For starters, the most pressing need is space. I can't keep all Nine of them in my apartment, after all."

"True enough."

"And also, I need some weaponry, in case we have to go out looking for that Rider."

"But of course. Shall we get the guys settled and then pick out some sharp shiny things for you?"

Ann grinned. "You bet."

Kathryn beckoned to the Fellowship and led them through the house to their rooms, explaining as she went. "The hobbits can have my sisters' room, since they live with Mom now. There's bunk beds in there. Aragorn and Boromir can share one of the guestrooms" - Ann cut her off, grinning.

"The one with two beds, not the one with the double."

Kathryn swatted the shorter girl. "Quiet you. And get your mind out of the gutter!"

"But it's comfortable down here . . ." Muttered Ann, smirking.

Kathryn continued, ignoring her friend. "Gandalf can have the other guestroom. We can put Gimli down in the basement - that should be cave like enough for him. And Legolas can have the room across from mine." When she caught Ann's accusing stare, she got defensive. "What? It's nice and airy up there, and if he wants to, he can sleep on the balcony. And what did I tell you about the gutter?" By now, all the men had been shown to their rooms in Kathryn's spacious three story house. They had arranged their things and were now exploring the house.

Ann smiled - until a thought struck her. "Wait, what about your - ahem - LOTR stuff? We can't let them see all of it."

"Hmm, you're right," mused Kathryn. She snapped her fingers. "I know! We'll lock it in the safe downstairs."

Ann nodded in satisfaction. "Perfect. Let's not tell the guys about . . . ."

And then, from downstairs, there arose a clatter of weapons being drawn and a few cries of fear. Both of them sprang towards the noise to see what was the matter. When they reached the living room, they found the Fellowship, weapons drawn, staring at one of Kathryn's paintings of an Orc. Both rushed about for a frenzied few seconds, convincing the warriors that it was only a painting and no threat. When they finished, Kathryn glanced over at Ann with a barely concealed smile.

"And now the fun begins."

"Oh, yes . . . ."