Chapter 10 - No hope
*Sakuno*
"Hai wakarimashita. Henki da yo, Kira kun. Unh Unh. Arigato. Ja." I looked at the phone in my hands. My cousin Kira, he calls up every week to check on me. That's so sweet of him, but would he still be like that if he knew the truth? He loved my parents a lot, even more than his own parents, because they treated him so poorly. He wouldn't forgive me if he knew.
It's been two weeks now since I last talked to Ryoma kun. I miss him so much. It was harder than I thought to avoid him. In Junior high, I had to search and look everywhere just to find him, and now he pops up every where I go.
I settled back into my nest of pillows and turned on my music that droned on endlessly. I want to see him. Knock knock knock 'Massaka.'(it can't be) My heart pounded in anticipation that it might be him. I opened it, and there stood a stranger. "Hai?" I ask lightly. "A large package for Ryuzaki san." The man said brightly. "Ah hai. Chotto." I ran to get my stamp. I then stamped it in the right place and took my package. "And have a good birthday miss." The man said before he tipped his hat and left. Birthday? I looked down at the package, and there in very large writing was Kira-kun's very bright birthday message. That's right, my birthday was in four days.
It wouldn't hurt to open it now. I sat in my pillow nest and opened the box carefully. I couldn't believe it! I took out the two little chubby traditional Japanese porcelain dolls. The prince and the princess! The ones I had wanted ever since I was a child. Kira kun had remembered. My eyes spilled over with tears, at how thoughtful he could be. It was always too expensive for us kids to buy.
Something caught my eye on the princess doll. A tag? I looked at it. "Stop your crying, and look further in the box!" he had written. I laughed to myself, he knew me too well! I pawed through the box and came out with more little dolls. But these were all soft. A family set? The emperor, empress, prince, princess, children, even the servants. It was so adorable.
I settled them all on the ground and picked up the porcelain prince. Ryoma- kun..even though it was short and chubby, it kind of reminded me of him. I held it to me and let my tears slide off my face freely.
"unh?" someone was knocking on my door again. I quickly dried my tears, and settled the prince down I went to open the door.
*Ryoma*
I waited impatiently for her to open the door. I put my hand up against the side of her door and panted heavily. I had sprinted to her place. The first time I took my walk, I had walked around the whole neighbourbood before I got to her house, but in fact her house wasn't that far from mine.
I heard the lock snap open and then she opened the door. There she was, with her hair tied up high and loosely, with a few strands at the nape of her nick. A singlet and abbreviated shorts on. She looked beautiful and for all those few times we found comfort in holding hands or each other, I ..I don't know what about them, but I only want to have her in my arms again. But this time.this time, I don't want it to be just for temporary comfort.
"Ryo..ma kun." "Sa-sakuno. We--we have to talk." I said in a rush, before my breath ran out again. I finally pulled up my head to look at her, she had.tears in her eyes? I straightened up, never taking my eyes off her. "We have to talk." I repeated. She just continued to look at me, but her grip tightened on her on the door. "Something's wrong. I don't know what, but I definitely know something is wrong." I said, carefully spacing out each word. "What happened to us, Sakuno."
"Wakaranai...wakaranai.. watashi ni mo!" (I don't know, I don't know anymore), her voice raising with each word. "Go home, Ryoma-kun. There's nothing more to say." She said quietly looking away, and proceeded to close the door. I put my hand on her door and stopped it. "Onegai, Ryoma-kun. Don't make this harder on me than it already is." She pleaded.
"I want to talk about us."
"There was never an 'US'!!" she cried almost hysterically.
"I want there to be one." I evened my voice out, and mustered up as much of a serious tone as I could. I stepped inside the door and placed a hand on her arm. "I can't." she stepped back and embraced herself.
"Naze." I closed the door behind me and we stood there for a long time. Me looking at her, while she looked at the ground.
"Because.because, I don't feel the same way anymore. It's not there, it's not the same anymore. Those..times with you, not so long ago, it was out of selfishness. I was just trying to make myself feel better, I didn't know you would think anything other than that. I had felt nothing for you then, and I don't feel anything now. Everything before I left Tokyo was just a simple little school girl crush." She said.
My body went cold, my heart stopped as I stared at her. The pain to hear those words was indescribable. I opened my mouth but I couldn't say anything. Was there no hope afterall?
*Sakuno*
"Hai wakarimashita. Henki da yo, Kira kun. Unh Unh. Arigato. Ja." I looked at the phone in my hands. My cousin Kira, he calls up every week to check on me. That's so sweet of him, but would he still be like that if he knew the truth? He loved my parents a lot, even more than his own parents, because they treated him so poorly. He wouldn't forgive me if he knew.
It's been two weeks now since I last talked to Ryoma kun. I miss him so much. It was harder than I thought to avoid him. In Junior high, I had to search and look everywhere just to find him, and now he pops up every where I go.
I settled back into my nest of pillows and turned on my music that droned on endlessly. I want to see him. Knock knock knock 'Massaka.'(it can't be) My heart pounded in anticipation that it might be him. I opened it, and there stood a stranger. "Hai?" I ask lightly. "A large package for Ryuzaki san." The man said brightly. "Ah hai. Chotto." I ran to get my stamp. I then stamped it in the right place and took my package. "And have a good birthday miss." The man said before he tipped his hat and left. Birthday? I looked down at the package, and there in very large writing was Kira-kun's very bright birthday message. That's right, my birthday was in four days.
It wouldn't hurt to open it now. I sat in my pillow nest and opened the box carefully. I couldn't believe it! I took out the two little chubby traditional Japanese porcelain dolls. The prince and the princess! The ones I had wanted ever since I was a child. Kira kun had remembered. My eyes spilled over with tears, at how thoughtful he could be. It was always too expensive for us kids to buy.
Something caught my eye on the princess doll. A tag? I looked at it. "Stop your crying, and look further in the box!" he had written. I laughed to myself, he knew me too well! I pawed through the box and came out with more little dolls. But these were all soft. A family set? The emperor, empress, prince, princess, children, even the servants. It was so adorable.
I settled them all on the ground and picked up the porcelain prince. Ryoma- kun..even though it was short and chubby, it kind of reminded me of him. I held it to me and let my tears slide off my face freely.
"unh?" someone was knocking on my door again. I quickly dried my tears, and settled the prince down I went to open the door.
*Ryoma*
I waited impatiently for her to open the door. I put my hand up against the side of her door and panted heavily. I had sprinted to her place. The first time I took my walk, I had walked around the whole neighbourbood before I got to her house, but in fact her house wasn't that far from mine.
I heard the lock snap open and then she opened the door. There she was, with her hair tied up high and loosely, with a few strands at the nape of her nick. A singlet and abbreviated shorts on. She looked beautiful and for all those few times we found comfort in holding hands or each other, I ..I don't know what about them, but I only want to have her in my arms again. But this time.this time, I don't want it to be just for temporary comfort.
"Ryo..ma kun." "Sa-sakuno. We--we have to talk." I said in a rush, before my breath ran out again. I finally pulled up my head to look at her, she had.tears in her eyes? I straightened up, never taking my eyes off her. "We have to talk." I repeated. She just continued to look at me, but her grip tightened on her on the door. "Something's wrong. I don't know what, but I definitely know something is wrong." I said, carefully spacing out each word. "What happened to us, Sakuno."
"Wakaranai...wakaranai.. watashi ni mo!" (I don't know, I don't know anymore), her voice raising with each word. "Go home, Ryoma-kun. There's nothing more to say." She said quietly looking away, and proceeded to close the door. I put my hand on her door and stopped it. "Onegai, Ryoma-kun. Don't make this harder on me than it already is." She pleaded.
"I want to talk about us."
"There was never an 'US'!!" she cried almost hysterically.
"I want there to be one." I evened my voice out, and mustered up as much of a serious tone as I could. I stepped inside the door and placed a hand on her arm. "I can't." she stepped back and embraced herself.
"Naze." I closed the door behind me and we stood there for a long time. Me looking at her, while she looked at the ground.
"Because.because, I don't feel the same way anymore. It's not there, it's not the same anymore. Those..times with you, not so long ago, it was out of selfishness. I was just trying to make myself feel better, I didn't know you would think anything other than that. I had felt nothing for you then, and I don't feel anything now. Everything before I left Tokyo was just a simple little school girl crush." She said.
My body went cold, my heart stopped as I stared at her. The pain to hear those words was indescribable. I opened my mouth but I couldn't say anything. Was there no hope afterall?