Chapter 2: I Would Have Been Your Daddy(Written to some select Sublime songs from almost all of their albums)

(OK, I feel guilty about it, since I know it's selfish after all the good advice I got against writing something this self-centered and evil, but the combined weight of greed, love of HALO and Yaoi, and a few pleas for more of this shit has broken my resolve. My deepest apologies. Before reading, it's recommended you play HALO. Oh just kidding, it'll make sense. Enjoy, or go read something more worthy of attention. Try Vee-Sempai. She's good.)

(Oops, forgot! I don't own HALO (Altho I do have an X-box!), Ken, Sano (I'd take either of them tho), or-one second. *Loud slurp* Or any Vanilla Coke. Hopefully you love me anyway.)

"You know Sano, it isn't very fair to block your opponent's view of the screen."

"Well your half-way-across-the-level-unzoomed-headshots were getting old, PAL. Now eat flaming rocket."

An orange trail sped across the top half of the puny TV, entering the lower half through a different vector and brutally smashing the blinded Kenshin's unfortunate Spartan warrior.

It was ok. He had more.

That's what's so nice about these gamesyou can die and make all the mistakes you want, and still be fine Not like real life. Kenshin glanced at Sano, trying to keep his eyes from visibly straying to the boy's shapely-

"There. Even, bitch! Now gimme your best." Sano removed the object of Kenshin's desire away from the screen even as another salmon-armored warrior appeared on the game.

"Why DID you make your color Salmon?" Asked the brown-haired youth, daring to cast his attention from his own black-colored character long enough for Kenshin to put a bullet through his virtual face.

"A book I read."

"Always reading books! I swear, if I hadn't dragged you over to game you'd be reading one NOW, on a FRIDAY NIGHT. Jesus, when was the last time you JUST read the course requirement, or maybe sorta skimmed one of the summer reading books?"

"Since never, silly, now watch, or else you'll lose ANOTHER head."

To late. "Oh screw this! Let's play some co-op! I'd prefer OTHER people to take your headshots, you sniping freak."

"Fine," Said Kenshin, glad to shift away from a game that seemed to bring Sano far to close to snapping and strangling him every time he pulled off the one-hit kill. Very bad for someone with his temper, but he insisted.

"HmmI know, I hear there's a secret ending if you beat the last level on Legendary! I'll bet you can burn through that shit, apparently you get your nose away from reading long enough to learn shooting, at least in games"

"Wellwhy not?"

*

This ranked amongst the stupidest questions of Kenshin's entire life.

The level, aptly named The Maw, was the longest and hardest ever conceived, and ended in a multi-kilometer jeep race against time before the ship's fusion engines detonated.

Kenshin's unfortunate character left a trail of bodies through the level over the course of the 3 hours he spent playing, burning ammunition no matter how he tried to conserve, and made it to safety a fraction of a second before the timer finished it's apocolyptic count-downon the fifth try of that part of the level.

But the ending was all the boys ever could have hoped for.

As the engines exploded in the background, a marine and an alien struggled for control of a gun. As the light of the explosion sweeps over them, the marine dropped the weapon and embraced the alien, who reciprocated-

-and then slid one hand down to softly pat the marine's ass.

It took almost ten minutes for the first throes of laughter to end, and the subsidiary effects would no doubt afflict their minds for the remainder of their existences.

"And then," Said Sano for the nth time, "He just GRABS HIS ASS!! OH THAT'S AWESOME!!!" He was breaking down again

Until Kenshin enthusiastically demonstrated the technique Sano was trying to illustrate.

On Sano.

"Oh no you didn't, girl friend!" Shouted Sano, who had had a wee bit much caffeine, in his best slut-voice. He lunged, pinned Kenshin, and reciprocated violently.

"Oh Sano," Said his squirming victim, voice dripping with that strange brand of sarcasm reserved for situations where it's necessary to be sarcastic, but you actually mean what you're saying "You're so good"

Sano just laughed more. "We could have a contest! An ass-grabbing contest!"

Kenshin snorted. "Like you have any chance against me. Give it up, you have a better chance at HALO!"

"Oh that's it! Pick up the controller you damn sexy midget, we'll settle this once and for all! Pistols at Blood Gulch!"

"You're challenged is accepted, tall, dark, handsome, and stupid as hell!"

The battle was not exactly epic. It mostly consisted of bangs from Kenshin and curses from Sano.

Closer to epic was Kenshin settling quietly into Sano's lap halfway through the game.

"Dammit boy, you trying to distract me? Aren't you winning by enough?!"

"Just giving you a little morale boost, you can see over me anyway."

"Two can play at this game, ya ditzy redhead!"

"Hey! No touchy there! Hey now! SANO!"

"Hahhaha! Ya like that, shorty!?"

Kenshin was caught directly between the truth and what needed to be said. It was a classic video game choice, one option leaving him open to potentially fatal enemy fire and the other keeping him from his goal while preserving his chances.

And even though this was only partially HALO at this point, the games being more and more focused on Sano's lap, Kenshin decided to go with the option he wished came with the ability to reload the save file. Just in case.

"As a matter of fact, Sanosuke, I think I do."

Silence, punctuated by automatic weapon fire, closed on the friends. Kenshin's pulse sounded in his ears, a hypnotic drum beat. Sanosuke's pitiful marksmanship could never worry him, but he sweated a little anyway.

Until Sano's arms wrapped around him, dropping the controller without even bothering to leave the match, and felt the handsome young man's lips softly brush the top of his red mane of hair.

"Good." Sanosuke believed brevity was the soul of just about everything.

Kenshin craned his neck to try and get a look at Sano's face, and got a sloppy kiss on the forehead for his trouble. "UmmI mean, if you're not-"

"Shhh."

*

Kenshin, his legs securely locked around Sanosuke's waist, flipped through muted channels, hoping not to awake his host.

Although at some point the blood going to his feet was gonna just cut off and there'd be no choice.

But he earned his rest

At some point both boys had lost their shirts, and while both were still otherwise clothed, they had still had a roaring good time, Kenshin straddling Sano on the long couch, and Sano's strong hands placed possessively on Kenshin's firm buttocks.

Soon passion had subsided, and sleep claimed Sano, but Kenshin wasn't about to miss Adult Swim. Looking down at the shirtless boy clasped tightly in his thighs, he reflected that Sano was right.

He should come over and play HALO more often.

(Well I feel better, now I can sleep! Sorry if this was awful, I may just drop the chapter, I only wrote it for my personal amusement. Tell me if anything's even remotely good about it and I may adopt it for use in future works. Feh. So many ideas kickin around in my headwell thanks for reading, I'll catch ya l8rI love you Koishii!)

P.S. And I should mention, the chapter is the name of a portion of my favorite level from HALOI Would Have Been Your Daddygood times.