Chapter 11 - Giving In
*Sakuno*
I had opened the door, never expecting it to be Ryoma-kun. But there he was, standing front on facing me, leaning forward with his hand outstretched on my doorframe and breathing heavily. His long dark hair tinted aqua-green, was in his perfect face. His fringes surrounded his dark eyes, while sweat was beaded on his forehead. He wore a long white sleeve shirt, folded up to his elbows, with the top few buttons open to reveal bare skin and a dainty chain around his neck. The shirt was long, and flowed past his waist and over his dark cargo pants. He looked like a dream come true. A dream that I couldn't hold on to.
And then he said it, those words that I had dreamed and wished like crazy that he would say. He wanted us to be together. But.he wouldn't if he knew what kind of person I am.so out of nowhere I had told him the biggest lie of all, I told him the very words that I was afraid to hear from HIM, everytime I ever thought about confessing my feelings.
The silence around us was too quiet, and I prayed that he would just turn around and leave. It hurt me to say those things to him, when I wanted to say the exact opposite.
"I don't believe you." He finally murmured. "Hontou yo." I whispered. I felt him move closer.
"Look at me and say it Sakuno. Look into my eyes and tell me once more." Anything but that please.I couldn't do that. I'd fall right into his eyes if I looked up at them... 'I'll do it'. I took a deep breath and looked up, only to be met by his lips on mine. He gathered me in his arms and pressed me to him. I closed my eyes and the tears slid down my cheeks as I felt myself fall deeper and deeper into him.
He finally broke our kiss, but he kept his firm arms around me. He pressed his cheek to my hair. "Don't say it." He whispered in my ear. But didn't he. "I don't want to hear those words.they're not true. I can feel it Sakuno, your resistance in those words." My eyes filled with tears again. "Tell me why. Tell me the real reason why." I pushed myself gently away from him. He cupped my face in his hands.
"I want us to be together. God knows, I've never felt like this towards anyone. I miss you every moment that I'm not with you, and these past two weeks have been hell for me. I know you have a lot of problems, and I don't have to know, if you don't want to tell me. Those were my thoughts, but now, if whatever you don't want to tell me, is keeping us from being together then I have to know. I know that's selfish but.."
"No Ryoma-kun. You're not the selfish one, I am."
"It'll help you Sakuno. We can solve this together. I don't want you to bear this weight on your own. Perhaps getting it off you will clear things." He tried to convince me. I shook my head. "You wouldn't see me as the same person anymore. You'd find it despicable to even look at me, after I tell you."
"Baka.." he said gently. "I won't. That, I can promise you." I really wanted to believe him. "I'm too afraid to tell you. I'm so scared that you'd turn away from me, when you see that I'm not really who I am."
"I won't turn away from you..Please Sakuno. I want you to get better. I don't want you to live in the shadows of your problems anymore. I should have done it earlier." His words were so sweet. I finally gave in, so I nodded to tell him that I'd explain.
"Let's get out of here. The weather is nice out there. It'll make you feel better. How about it?" I nodded.
He held out his hand, and this time without much hesitation I took it. That one action of his made me love him more. He could just taken my hand, but instead he gave me a choice. He was allowing me to withdraw even at this moment, even though he wanted to know it so badly. So by taking his hand, I had shown him that I've made the choice to tell him it all.
How you've changed Ryoma. I thought as I followed him out the door.
*Sakuno*
I had opened the door, never expecting it to be Ryoma-kun. But there he was, standing front on facing me, leaning forward with his hand outstretched on my doorframe and breathing heavily. His long dark hair tinted aqua-green, was in his perfect face. His fringes surrounded his dark eyes, while sweat was beaded on his forehead. He wore a long white sleeve shirt, folded up to his elbows, with the top few buttons open to reveal bare skin and a dainty chain around his neck. The shirt was long, and flowed past his waist and over his dark cargo pants. He looked like a dream come true. A dream that I couldn't hold on to.
And then he said it, those words that I had dreamed and wished like crazy that he would say. He wanted us to be together. But.he wouldn't if he knew what kind of person I am.so out of nowhere I had told him the biggest lie of all, I told him the very words that I was afraid to hear from HIM, everytime I ever thought about confessing my feelings.
The silence around us was too quiet, and I prayed that he would just turn around and leave. It hurt me to say those things to him, when I wanted to say the exact opposite.
"I don't believe you." He finally murmured. "Hontou yo." I whispered. I felt him move closer.
"Look at me and say it Sakuno. Look into my eyes and tell me once more." Anything but that please.I couldn't do that. I'd fall right into his eyes if I looked up at them... 'I'll do it'. I took a deep breath and looked up, only to be met by his lips on mine. He gathered me in his arms and pressed me to him. I closed my eyes and the tears slid down my cheeks as I felt myself fall deeper and deeper into him.
He finally broke our kiss, but he kept his firm arms around me. He pressed his cheek to my hair. "Don't say it." He whispered in my ear. But didn't he. "I don't want to hear those words.they're not true. I can feel it Sakuno, your resistance in those words." My eyes filled with tears again. "Tell me why. Tell me the real reason why." I pushed myself gently away from him. He cupped my face in his hands.
"I want us to be together. God knows, I've never felt like this towards anyone. I miss you every moment that I'm not with you, and these past two weeks have been hell for me. I know you have a lot of problems, and I don't have to know, if you don't want to tell me. Those were my thoughts, but now, if whatever you don't want to tell me, is keeping us from being together then I have to know. I know that's selfish but.."
"No Ryoma-kun. You're not the selfish one, I am."
"It'll help you Sakuno. We can solve this together. I don't want you to bear this weight on your own. Perhaps getting it off you will clear things." He tried to convince me. I shook my head. "You wouldn't see me as the same person anymore. You'd find it despicable to even look at me, after I tell you."
"Baka.." he said gently. "I won't. That, I can promise you." I really wanted to believe him. "I'm too afraid to tell you. I'm so scared that you'd turn away from me, when you see that I'm not really who I am."
"I won't turn away from you..Please Sakuno. I want you to get better. I don't want you to live in the shadows of your problems anymore. I should have done it earlier." His words were so sweet. I finally gave in, so I nodded to tell him that I'd explain.
"Let's get out of here. The weather is nice out there. It'll make you feel better. How about it?" I nodded.
He held out his hand, and this time without much hesitation I took it. That one action of his made me love him more. He could just taken my hand, but instead he gave me a choice. He was allowing me to withdraw even at this moment, even though he wanted to know it so badly. So by taking his hand, I had shown him that I've made the choice to tell him it all.
How you've changed Ryoma. I thought as I followed him out the door.