"Secret I've kept locked away
No one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show
They never go away."
-Linkin Park, "Easier to Run"
Dr. Grey shuffled the cards again and held one up, facing her, carefully blocking off what it was. I concentrated hard on it.
"Ace of...hearts?"
Dr. Grey flipped the card around. Ace of hearts. This went on until we were through the deck. I didn't miss a single one. I smiled when we were done. Jean smiled back, but it faded quickly.
"Kerri." I flinched at the use of my real name, reserved for serious, important moments. I reflected on the night when I had received my nickname.
"You know what would be a good name for you?"
"What?"
"Artemis. The Greek moon goddess."
I looked down at myself. My skin was white as, well, the moon, and my hair, eyes, lips, nails, and even my blood were pure black. To complete the image I always wore black, mostly just because I liked the color and any other color looked stark and vulgar and flamboyant and all-around bad on me. I liked being compared to a goddess, especially that of the moon.
So the name stuck.
I had known something was strange about me from a very young age; my entire family had light blue eyes and very pale blonde hair, the old Russian trademark. My mother always got Looks from strangers for putting makeup on me and dying my hair (neither of which she did). When I was 13 I had tried to bleach out and curl my hair, sick of the stick-straight black. But when I was done, it was straight and black as ever. I tried two more times with no effect, so I gave up. But I was brought out of my memories by Dr. Grey's voice speaking to me again.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"I said, you're not up to par. Something is bothering you."
"No it's not."
"Yes it is. Artemis, you know your emotions directly affect your abilities. That's the nature of your mutation. As long as the Professor is trying to train you for Cerebro you have to keep yourself at peak, and that involves not hiding things that will affect you."
I sent her a headache. A warning. "I don't want to talk about it." Even the small comment from Jean sent a flash of deadly claws across my mind. A memory. It wasn't until I saw Jean straighten in her chair that I realized she was reading me. I quickly sent up a block around the one thing she couldn't be allowed to see. It was irrational and petulant and self-destructive and I didn't know why I was doing it, but I did it. I sent her a worse headache. A very severe warning. Get out of my mind.
You hate Logan.
No I don't.
Your mind betrays you, Diana.
I made the headache worse. She winced slightly, but endured. Dr. Grey was the only person who could ever get away with calling me by my middle name. And she was already pushing her luck, trying to get me to tell her what was up. Not in a million years.
She was ferreting around at the block again, trying to find if I had left any gaps. I hadn't. She sent her desire to know what was wrong and help me through it. I was firm.
No.
You have to tell me.
I do not.
I'll sneak into your dorm while you're sleeping tonight and find out what it is while you dream.
You wouldn't dare. Not with me.
You're right, I wouldn't. I couldn't in fact, I know you don't sleep at night. Don't act so surprised, as if you didn't know. You're not exactly discreet. But I will catch you off guard one of these days and then I'll know.
Then I'll just have to stay on my guard, won't I?
Why do you hate Logan?
I told you, I do not hate him.
You do. That or you're afraid of him. But you're not afraid of anything, are you? And yet you think of his claws with intense fear in your mind.
I am not afraid of him! Him or Iceman or Nightcrawler or Pyro! I don't hate and am not afraid of any of them!
I got up from the table and left the room, but that didn't stop us from communicating.
So Iceman, Nightcrawler, and Pyro are involved, are they?
Oops. Stupid. Artemis Kerri Diana Katina, you. Are. An idiot.
Shit. I'm not talking to you anymore.
Can this really be classified as talking?
Fuck off.
And I slammed the wall down completely.
No one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show
They never go away."
-Linkin Park, "Easier to Run"
Dr. Grey shuffled the cards again and held one up, facing her, carefully blocking off what it was. I concentrated hard on it.
"Ace of...hearts?"
Dr. Grey flipped the card around. Ace of hearts. This went on until we were through the deck. I didn't miss a single one. I smiled when we were done. Jean smiled back, but it faded quickly.
"Kerri." I flinched at the use of my real name, reserved for serious, important moments. I reflected on the night when I had received my nickname.
"You know what would be a good name for you?"
"What?"
"Artemis. The Greek moon goddess."
I looked down at myself. My skin was white as, well, the moon, and my hair, eyes, lips, nails, and even my blood were pure black. To complete the image I always wore black, mostly just because I liked the color and any other color looked stark and vulgar and flamboyant and all-around bad on me. I liked being compared to a goddess, especially that of the moon.
So the name stuck.
I had known something was strange about me from a very young age; my entire family had light blue eyes and very pale blonde hair, the old Russian trademark. My mother always got Looks from strangers for putting makeup on me and dying my hair (neither of which she did). When I was 13 I had tried to bleach out and curl my hair, sick of the stick-straight black. But when I was done, it was straight and black as ever. I tried two more times with no effect, so I gave up. But I was brought out of my memories by Dr. Grey's voice speaking to me again.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"I said, you're not up to par. Something is bothering you."
"No it's not."
"Yes it is. Artemis, you know your emotions directly affect your abilities. That's the nature of your mutation. As long as the Professor is trying to train you for Cerebro you have to keep yourself at peak, and that involves not hiding things that will affect you."
I sent her a headache. A warning. "I don't want to talk about it." Even the small comment from Jean sent a flash of deadly claws across my mind. A memory. It wasn't until I saw Jean straighten in her chair that I realized she was reading me. I quickly sent up a block around the one thing she couldn't be allowed to see. It was irrational and petulant and self-destructive and I didn't know why I was doing it, but I did it. I sent her a worse headache. A very severe warning. Get out of my mind.
You hate Logan.
No I don't.
Your mind betrays you, Diana.
I made the headache worse. She winced slightly, but endured. Dr. Grey was the only person who could ever get away with calling me by my middle name. And she was already pushing her luck, trying to get me to tell her what was up. Not in a million years.
She was ferreting around at the block again, trying to find if I had left any gaps. I hadn't. She sent her desire to know what was wrong and help me through it. I was firm.
No.
You have to tell me.
I do not.
I'll sneak into your dorm while you're sleeping tonight and find out what it is while you dream.
You wouldn't dare. Not with me.
You're right, I wouldn't. I couldn't in fact, I know you don't sleep at night. Don't act so surprised, as if you didn't know. You're not exactly discreet. But I will catch you off guard one of these days and then I'll know.
Then I'll just have to stay on my guard, won't I?
Why do you hate Logan?
I told you, I do not hate him.
You do. That or you're afraid of him. But you're not afraid of anything, are you? And yet you think of his claws with intense fear in your mind.
I am not afraid of him! Him or Iceman or Nightcrawler or Pyro! I don't hate and am not afraid of any of them!
I got up from the table and left the room, but that didn't stop us from communicating.
So Iceman, Nightcrawler, and Pyro are involved, are they?
Oops. Stupid. Artemis Kerri Diana Katina, you. Are. An idiot.
Shit. I'm not talking to you anymore.
Can this really be classified as talking?
Fuck off.
And I slammed the wall down completely.