Chapter 13 - You and Me
*Ryoma*
She sat up and began crying her heart out. I quickly pulled her in my arms and tried to soothe her by stroking her hair.
So that's what it is..she was blaming herself. Under her smiles, calm voice, the isolation she was suffering from guilt. She was just as lost and uncertain as she was at Seigaku.
"Then after his funeral.I (sob sob) took various cl-classes like Kira-kun suggested." She continued.
It was hard to understand, but I guess, if you weren't in that position you wouldn't understand the suffer and guilt. Sakuno. She was always apologetic even when it wasn't her fault, but now, actually then.she really believed it was her fault.
"I killed my parents as much as others did Ryoma-kun. How can I love anyone, when I can't ever forgive myself for being so selfish? How can I let anyone love me for the stupidity I possess?" she rested her head in defeat on my arm. I pulled back up against my chest and kept her secure between my arms and legs.
"It wasn't selfishness. It wasn't stupidity. It was sorrow that you had to get away from." I began slowly. "You did what you felt like could help you forget or recover. You wanted to do it on your own right? Build yourself, as well as not be bothersome to your father and relatives, because they too were suffering. Right? Think about it Sakuno."
"That was what I wanted.." She whispered.
"And you tried to do that. Sakuno, it really was just bad timing. It could have happened anytime, anywhere, when you were kidnapped I mean. I'm sure they had their eyes on you for a while, they just chose that wrong time to do it."
"If I had listened to my father."
"A parents' natural concern.isn't it? Didn't they say that when you were younger too?" She considered it, then she nodded.
"I know it's harsh to say this but, what has happened has happened. You can't change it, even if you grieve or hate yourself. I'm sure your parents don't blame you. Surely they will be angry if you don't take care of yourself. Because they're not here to do that." She turned around to face me. Her face streaked with tears. "But I'm here to take care of you Sakuno. I'm here. I can't let you go on living the way you have any longer. I've lost you once to your going away, I'm not going to lose you again to the pain that lives in your heart because of what happened there. I want to be there. In your heart. Can you let it go and let me live in your heart?"
"You've always been there Ryoma-kun. Since I met you. Even when I left Tokyo. You were always there. Your shadow had always been there, but not you. Your shadow had always been enough, because it seemed safer to keep that shadow there, when I knew I had no chance of being in yours."
"No chance? You're deep in mine now. So deep in, I want to be just as in deep in your heart. I love you Sakuno." Finally those difficult words were out, but they came out so naturally I understood that those words aren't difficult or embarrassing when you really meant it.
"I love you Ryoma-kun." I lowered my head and met her lips in a long passionate kiss. Then I decided to surprise so I slipped my tongue through and gently caressed her bottom lip with it. If she was really shocked, she hid it well, but not well enough. But she returned my kiss just as passionately. Finally she was mine.
*Ryoma*
She sat up and began crying her heart out. I quickly pulled her in my arms and tried to soothe her by stroking her hair.
So that's what it is..she was blaming herself. Under her smiles, calm voice, the isolation she was suffering from guilt. She was just as lost and uncertain as she was at Seigaku.
"Then after his funeral.I (sob sob) took various cl-classes like Kira-kun suggested." She continued.
It was hard to understand, but I guess, if you weren't in that position you wouldn't understand the suffer and guilt. Sakuno. She was always apologetic even when it wasn't her fault, but now, actually then.she really believed it was her fault.
"I killed my parents as much as others did Ryoma-kun. How can I love anyone, when I can't ever forgive myself for being so selfish? How can I let anyone love me for the stupidity I possess?" she rested her head in defeat on my arm. I pulled back up against my chest and kept her secure between my arms and legs.
"It wasn't selfishness. It wasn't stupidity. It was sorrow that you had to get away from." I began slowly. "You did what you felt like could help you forget or recover. You wanted to do it on your own right? Build yourself, as well as not be bothersome to your father and relatives, because they too were suffering. Right? Think about it Sakuno."
"That was what I wanted.." She whispered.
"And you tried to do that. Sakuno, it really was just bad timing. It could have happened anytime, anywhere, when you were kidnapped I mean. I'm sure they had their eyes on you for a while, they just chose that wrong time to do it."
"If I had listened to my father."
"A parents' natural concern.isn't it? Didn't they say that when you were younger too?" She considered it, then she nodded.
"I know it's harsh to say this but, what has happened has happened. You can't change it, even if you grieve or hate yourself. I'm sure your parents don't blame you. Surely they will be angry if you don't take care of yourself. Because they're not here to do that." She turned around to face me. Her face streaked with tears. "But I'm here to take care of you Sakuno. I'm here. I can't let you go on living the way you have any longer. I've lost you once to your going away, I'm not going to lose you again to the pain that lives in your heart because of what happened there. I want to be there. In your heart. Can you let it go and let me live in your heart?"
"You've always been there Ryoma-kun. Since I met you. Even when I left Tokyo. You were always there. Your shadow had always been there, but not you. Your shadow had always been enough, because it seemed safer to keep that shadow there, when I knew I had no chance of being in yours."
"No chance? You're deep in mine now. So deep in, I want to be just as in deep in your heart. I love you Sakuno." Finally those difficult words were out, but they came out so naturally I understood that those words aren't difficult or embarrassing when you really meant it.
"I love you Ryoma-kun." I lowered my head and met her lips in a long passionate kiss. Then I decided to surprise so I slipped my tongue through and gently caressed her bottom lip with it. If she was really shocked, she hid it well, but not well enough. But she returned my kiss just as passionately. Finally she was mine.