DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters from 'Mutant X'. They're not
my property. They belong to Tribune Entertainment.
***
*********
"Want some more ice cream?" the brunette with large blue eyes, leaned behind him and smiled.
Jesse looked up at her. "Nah, thanks, Sarah," he responded and handed her the empty black bowl.
"Alright but don't go complaining if you don't find anything left tomorrow," she teased and pushed herself off the soft surface.
Jesse chuckled. "I'll be alright," he took the magazine which featured ideas and articles of exotic and some even places for summer or winter vacations.
The Molecular had the luck to find a good place to settle at after his separation from the other Mutant X members. Sarah and Jim had been good friends of his for several years after he had helped them find a good and secure place away from Genomex. The couple had been on a run from Genomex after they had adopted a baby girl who happened to be an Elemental.
The Letterins were more than happy to provide Jesse with a home after his ordeal, saying: he was welcome to stay for as long as he liked.
Jesse knew that it would be ridiculous to take that offer literally despite that the Letterins almost adopted him and he had been like an uncle to little Eva. He would eventually return to the new Sanctuary..... or so he had hoped.
As he flipped the colorful pages of the magazine he came across a picture of a wooden beach house and a young woman sitting on a chair next to the main door. He sighed. The woman tremendously reminded him of a dear friend. Jesse looked up and over to the phone. He remembered four days ago when Jim mentioned that a friend of his saw a woman resembling Shalimar in Wellington. But Jesse never took more thoughts to it. Many people look like others, it happens all the time.
Returning his eyes to the picture, the blue color in them almost faded as he realized what he already was experiencing every day: he missed her terribly. Putting the magazine aside he then crossed his arms. "Maybe..." he started. "He's right?" An eyebrow was lifted. "Or not..." throwing his head back to the soft surface of the crème-colored chair, his eyes got temporarily stuck on the ceiling. "Why am I doing this?" he thought. "It's been a year, Jesse. Damn it, do something, don't just continue to sit on your ass like that!" he shook his head and closed his eyes.
A year and still isolated from his friends. It had been enough, right? He received his solitude... in a way. All of them did. He took his lonely walks, he even succeeded in throwing off any thoughts from the past on some rare four days. What now? Sanctuary was approaching its final restoration but it was still not finished.
The loneliness was catching up with him. He shouldn't been surprised really; it was bound to happen sooner or later. A year and 14 days... long time, especially when alone and having sad moments, memories weighing you down, forcing you to endure every minute of the day, no matter what tone it had. He needed her... he needed *them*.
His blue eyes were uncovered again. "Wellington, eh?" he wondered.
*********
"Is this all yours?" Brennan asked, slowly spinning around on the white woolen rug beneath him.
"No, I share it with a roommate," Emma responded, leaving her bag on the wooden table. "A girl roommate?" Lifting his eyebrows he showed a teasing grin.
"Yes, but she's not going to be home tonight so there's little chance of a threesome happening. Sorry, Bren," she shrugged and giggled.
"Shame. I was hoping for one." He rubbed his hands and then took off his jacket.
Momentarily silence circled the room while the Elemental studied the living room a while longer which came as a surprise to Emma as Brennan had not been the type to pay too much attention to a room, especially one like this. Watching him move quietly with the rug's soft surface suffocating the louder disturbances of this silence, she tilted her head while her hands rested gently on her waist. She felt pleased that she was finally standing in the same room after such a long time with him but Emma also couldn't shake the rattling in her memory of the last encounter they've had... or departure. A doubtful sigh left her as she glanced at the floor and collapsed her left arm. "I'm just gonna go to be toilet. Be right back," she then said and quickly rushed over to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.
"Ok," Brennan didn't manage to speak out his reply as the Psionic had taken off too quickly. Not only was he taken away from his expectancy to meet her here but he was also taken by surprise at the greeting he received from her. Deep inside however, he had a few thoughts of their meeting happening like this, without any left over anger or childish stubbornness. Perhaps she had forgiven him for those comments of his one year ago. He had regretted his stupid words from that evening to such a level that there was a night when he they're created an insomnia for him: Shalimar had been sleeping peacefully on her side of the bed, her arm spread to his pillow as the dreams were circling inside her head while he was standing by the window, looking at her, thinking how lucky the Feral was to have that luxury to sleep to nicely.
The night quickly turned into bright daylight when Brennan looked around the room again, feeling the fresh smell of laundry for some reason. From the many years they have been in the same place, Brennan had learned that Emma had grown quite forgiving of him even at times when the Telempath had threatened to kill herself rather than spend another minute with him in the same room.
He wondered whether she had let that last night of theirs together out of her system or had it yet remained inside her head like it had just happened yesterday. Emma certainly didn't show any of it being still fresh and Brennan had hoped that he still knew her as well as he always had.
Turning to his right, Brennan saw a pair of six wooden shelves with the space between the third and fourth being wide enough and the platform as well to suit a bigger television set. Looking up he saw the two first shelves tucked with books with no space left available and this made him smile. It was good to know that they still loved reading books. Putting his hand up, he touched the third green book but did not pull it out, only kept his fingers on it: a poetry book which he had given to Emma four years ago on her birthday. She seemed excited by it, he would remember. "At least she hadn't thrown it out just yet," he told himself and snorted, shaking his head.
Removing his hand, his gaze traveled down and noticed two framed pictures on the third shelf. One was of all four of them. "Nice," he thought and sighed. He then looked at the other one and his eyes darkened sadly. Taking the frame in his hands, the Elemental looked at the picture with a heavy sigh. It was of Emma, standing next to Adam and Brennan next to him with the scientist hugging them both as all three were smiling back at the camera. Brennan couldn't remember when this was taken last, but the sight of his old friend and father figure struck inside his heart, sending a sad flow through his body, causing him to quickly put the frame back in its place.
Brennan dropped his gaze down on the floor for a moment, trying to shake any memory of this away, knowing how much it would hurt if it emerged in his brain. Lifting his eyes, he traveled them a little to the right and noticed what were like five frames of different colors and sizes. There was a girl on them which he didn't recognize. "This must be the roommate," he thought. "Huh, she's not awful-looking." A smirk appeared. "Really a shame there was no chance for the threesome," he even joked out loud.
Splashing water over her face, Emma leaned over the sink, letting the cold drops drip from her skin. She turned the tab off and grabbed the towel to wipe off the moisture. She did not feel disturbed, but simply needed something cold on her face and a little more time alone before she went back to that room to talk to the Elemental.
Emma had still remembered that night well and perhaps because of its unanticipated appearance and the actual possibility of it happening, it had remained so fresh in her mind. She could sense Brennan's uncertainty about this through their trip to this apartment; his mind constantly going through the possible questions and answers about this as the Psionic hadn't shown any signs of that night interfering. Naturally they were overly excited to see one another after such a painfully long year and for the first half hour that had been the only thing present in their minds until Emma invited him to see her new 'headquarters'. Then the doubts about that night popped up on the surface.
Brennan sat down on the green sofa and spread his arms on the velvet surface. He soon noticed Emma coming back to this room and with slow and quiet steps she approached the sofa, her eyes focused loosely on the Elemental before she crashed down next to him. He had to say it; the entire evening would be turned into a rotten feeling throwing in an uncomfortable atmosphere if he had remained quiet about it. The way Emma was looking back at him shoved the anticipated sentence even further up towards his mouth. "I'm sorry," he finally spoke it out.
The glow in the Psionic's eyes enriched their color as she tired to seem unaffected by this sentence. "For what?" she asked.
"For that night," he said, tapping his fingers once on the furniture surface.
"Pick one," a giggle was intended but it did not come out.
Perhaps he had wanted to laugh this sentence off if it hadn't been for the serious tone which the conversation was picking up. "You know which one I mean."
"Yeah," Emma nodded once and looked on the side.
Feeling her change of mood, Brennan leaned closer to the Psionic but still keeping normal distance from her, anything closer would only contribute to the tension yet to be released or perhaps prevented. He waited for her to look at him, for her, as he now could clearly see, nearly pale blue eyes to return to his browns. It took a minute to pass before she did what he had waited for. "To be honest with you, I've had doubts of whether you would be happy to see me after what I've said that night."
His words started playing around in her head where there was a slight conflict of two kinds of feelings: clemency and childish obstinacy. Good thing or bad, the first feeling seemed to have a better chance of winning this struggle. "You did..." she tried to give a cool reaction.
"Yeah."
"Well... as you saw, I was happy to see you, Bren," she replied. The sun wanting to add something to this moment placed a warm ray of its light to lighten up the red color of her hair; it was almost glowing. "But it has been a year or so and that gave me... a lot of time to think many things over." She scratched her right forearm and pulled up the sleeve of her tight pink blouse.
Brennan parted his lips as his head slightly tilted to the side. "So, have you..."
"Forgiven you?"
He nodded with hope.
"What do you think," she lifted her arm and leaned her head on her palm. "Yeah, I have."
A forever anticipated response had finally come true. Brennan wanted to smile but he did not have the strength for some reason.
"Although..." Emma then started.
There was that reason...
"It did hurt what you said," she told him, the pain from that past secretly lingering in her words.
"I know... I'm sorry..."
"You knew what you were saying, you *meant* every word of that and that didn't go so well inside me."
His eyebrows curved sadly. "I don't know why I said all that."
"Maybe..."
"It messed with my mind," it felt like interruption.
"You had doubts in me, Bren... and when your closest friend accuses you of what you accused me..."
"I know, Em... I'm an asshole at times, what can I say..." Brennan let his eyes travel across the naturally lit living room, the smell of fresh laundry still present.
"Huh, you can say that again." She crossed her arms.
Brennan looked back at her. He deserved to be blamed like this; he nearly had forgotten the number of times when Emma had let the emotional forgiveness make the decisions instead of the rational side. "Wish I didn't... if it didn't happen we wouldn't have said goodbye like some strangers."
Emma's blues wandered behind Brennan, remaining there, giving the Psionic a lost look. "There was a good side as well though. It made the parting less painful than we had expected."
"Um..."
"Yeah, you don't agree, no surprise," she returned her eyes to him again.
Brennan didn't detect any annoyance in her voice just the calm tone with a few drops of righteous hurt. "I've missed you, Em. I've missed you too damn much," he spoke sincerely.
Emma picked up on it. Despite what had happened then, she did not feel any different from him when it came to this feeling. Maybe it was just her old self pushing inside to let the familiar forgiveness be the judge for the thousandth time. "Me too."
"And I know it won't help if I say 'I'm sorry' a million times."
"Yes, you're right."
If he hadn't known her the way he did, Brennan would've taken this sentence of hers in a hurtful way. Instead he finally had managed to show a smile even though it was not a big one. Looking at her and how her hair had now seemed longer, Brennan received the urge to feel this Psionic's arms wrapped around him, giving him a strong friendly hug like she used to. "Is this forgiveness for real or are you just 'playing nice'?"
"Unfortunately for me it's for real."
Brennan nodded, pressing his lips tightly. A strange memory suddenly crashed before his eyes when he had one of the many opportunities to give this small young person a friendly comfort; how her wet face stared back at him, trying to desperately stop any more tears from arriving; how he gently ran his hand through that red hair, giving more exposure to her face. Emma was so special and fragile when she was in these states, much like him. He then blinked once, shattering the memory and encountering her peaceful, nearly glowing face, looking tamely back at him. Brennan could imagine how happy Shalimar would be to see her friend again... but he would mention that later. Right now this seemed more important: straightening the crooked mistakes.
"What's terrible..." Emma started, "...is that I knew how much those words would hurt you later on, a second after you would leave my room. It hurt us equally; it's how it goes... Adam's death affected and changed us all." She shrugged. "We needed someone to blame, even though we never found Caleb, never knew who actually killed Adam..." her words were slowly letting the tearful hurt pour over them as the memories kept returning; her blue eyes being taken by the inside pressure, consciously covered by the unreleased tears. If Emma wasn't careful, she would let Brennan experience that memory of comfort once again.
Nevertheless Emma let the eyes fall slowly on the pillow in front of her. The pain choked her, it did not let the Psionic give out any more words for a while, and she was numb. Just two weeks ago she remembered cursing the appearance of that, so to say, anniversary and the depression which came with the day. And after that she was alright, she was smiling and laughing as usual... but now, these sudden and most certainly far from welcomed memories rushed to the front once more, stirring the resentful bad feelings to resurface and ruin her normal day. Her eyes sprung up again and sent a sharp stare at the Elemental. It was his fault! Why did he have to remind her of this? Why did he? Why couldn't he have just... but no... her defenses crashed down just as soon as they came up. It wasn't his fault. You can not predict when such memories would attack you like this and prevent you from speaking.
Her gaze softened, she suddenly weakened. She could sense those emotions from Brennan was well. They were both vulnerable to this. Still human, not immune to emotional pain... loss of people they've cared about, long and at times torturous distance from the closest of friends... all this had impact on their psyche. She then abruptly glued herself to him, wrapping her arms around him, burying her face in his neck, letting the tears fall and expresses her pain. It helped her more when the Elemental held her back and tightly, the way she desperately needed to be held.
Sure, Mary was here for her, but she could not understand Emma's pain... no one could except for him. All the annoyance Emma might have had toward Brennan for that night when they both said hurtful words had now completely crashed. She let the returning pain weaken her. It was not in her control. Emma needed this greatly.
Brennan closed his eyes as he could feel the skin on his neck absorbing the salty residue of her small and yet enormous tears. How her shoulders moved rhythmically up and down as her sobs were not covered by silence; the strength with which she held on to him, wanting to feel safe while her vulnerability was exposing. He felt her pain raw. He felt it in the same way because the same feelings were coming from him as well. Even her heart, beating faster and faster was felt both physically and emotionally... she had been that close to him.
Brennan knew how much more intensely Emma had experienced everything from Adam's disappearance 'till now. And he would have been extremely amazed if she had managed to stay as strong as a stone because that wasn't like her. This was what had always attracted Brennan both to Emma and Shalimar - their enormous sensitivity, the giving away of the most gentle and also strong emotions. Even though it tortured inside that Emma was swimming in this emotional, perhaps, nightmare, he also felt in a way glad that she was letting go like this... he could still recognize that she needed this. And Brennan was pleased that he could at least be here for her for now. Emma didn't have the advantage which Shalimar did over this year; she did not have the shoulder of someone who had been through the same experience to cry on and in the end to help make the pain less intense.
The sobs increased as he tightened his grip. "God... I miss him, Bren..." he heard her say and felt her struggle to speak out those words due to the large amount of tears. She was already trembling. "I miss him so much!" he heard her say again.
What else could he do but let out a heavy sigh and kiss her soft hair before responding: "So do I, Em..." his voice not resistant to the emotional pressure despite his attempts to fight the showing but with little success. He felt that Emma needed someone strong for this but Brennan could still let himself go and expose his feelings, his weaknesses. Only Shalimar had seen him that way during this past year and he was grateful for her help and now he would try to keep his steadiness during Emma's sentimental release but it would be difficult. Their closeness challenged his ability to remain solid as a rock much to his expected approval.
But Emma wouldn't mind. She would welcome that, Brennan knew. She always had.
This first hour he would somehow be strong even though it would be difficult, he would give her the shield and security which she now lacked. Brennan would hold on. Emma deserved that as so many other things. After that, he would let go as well... show his own feelings....
The comforting secrecy of the night was much welcomed now; it could shield them both and let them cry at ease. But it was daylight instead. Maybe later it would be easer....
*********
***
*********
"Want some more ice cream?" the brunette with large blue eyes, leaned behind him and smiled.
Jesse looked up at her. "Nah, thanks, Sarah," he responded and handed her the empty black bowl.
"Alright but don't go complaining if you don't find anything left tomorrow," she teased and pushed herself off the soft surface.
Jesse chuckled. "I'll be alright," he took the magazine which featured ideas and articles of exotic and some even places for summer or winter vacations.
The Molecular had the luck to find a good place to settle at after his separation from the other Mutant X members. Sarah and Jim had been good friends of his for several years after he had helped them find a good and secure place away from Genomex. The couple had been on a run from Genomex after they had adopted a baby girl who happened to be an Elemental.
The Letterins were more than happy to provide Jesse with a home after his ordeal, saying: he was welcome to stay for as long as he liked.
Jesse knew that it would be ridiculous to take that offer literally despite that the Letterins almost adopted him and he had been like an uncle to little Eva. He would eventually return to the new Sanctuary..... or so he had hoped.
As he flipped the colorful pages of the magazine he came across a picture of a wooden beach house and a young woman sitting on a chair next to the main door. He sighed. The woman tremendously reminded him of a dear friend. Jesse looked up and over to the phone. He remembered four days ago when Jim mentioned that a friend of his saw a woman resembling Shalimar in Wellington. But Jesse never took more thoughts to it. Many people look like others, it happens all the time.
Returning his eyes to the picture, the blue color in them almost faded as he realized what he already was experiencing every day: he missed her terribly. Putting the magazine aside he then crossed his arms. "Maybe..." he started. "He's right?" An eyebrow was lifted. "Or not..." throwing his head back to the soft surface of the crème-colored chair, his eyes got temporarily stuck on the ceiling. "Why am I doing this?" he thought. "It's been a year, Jesse. Damn it, do something, don't just continue to sit on your ass like that!" he shook his head and closed his eyes.
A year and still isolated from his friends. It had been enough, right? He received his solitude... in a way. All of them did. He took his lonely walks, he even succeeded in throwing off any thoughts from the past on some rare four days. What now? Sanctuary was approaching its final restoration but it was still not finished.
The loneliness was catching up with him. He shouldn't been surprised really; it was bound to happen sooner or later. A year and 14 days... long time, especially when alone and having sad moments, memories weighing you down, forcing you to endure every minute of the day, no matter what tone it had. He needed her... he needed *them*.
His blue eyes were uncovered again. "Wellington, eh?" he wondered.
*********
"Is this all yours?" Brennan asked, slowly spinning around on the white woolen rug beneath him.
"No, I share it with a roommate," Emma responded, leaving her bag on the wooden table. "A girl roommate?" Lifting his eyebrows he showed a teasing grin.
"Yes, but she's not going to be home tonight so there's little chance of a threesome happening. Sorry, Bren," she shrugged and giggled.
"Shame. I was hoping for one." He rubbed his hands and then took off his jacket.
Momentarily silence circled the room while the Elemental studied the living room a while longer which came as a surprise to Emma as Brennan had not been the type to pay too much attention to a room, especially one like this. Watching him move quietly with the rug's soft surface suffocating the louder disturbances of this silence, she tilted her head while her hands rested gently on her waist. She felt pleased that she was finally standing in the same room after such a long time with him but Emma also couldn't shake the rattling in her memory of the last encounter they've had... or departure. A doubtful sigh left her as she glanced at the floor and collapsed her left arm. "I'm just gonna go to be toilet. Be right back," she then said and quickly rushed over to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.
"Ok," Brennan didn't manage to speak out his reply as the Psionic had taken off too quickly. Not only was he taken away from his expectancy to meet her here but he was also taken by surprise at the greeting he received from her. Deep inside however, he had a few thoughts of their meeting happening like this, without any left over anger or childish stubbornness. Perhaps she had forgiven him for those comments of his one year ago. He had regretted his stupid words from that evening to such a level that there was a night when he they're created an insomnia for him: Shalimar had been sleeping peacefully on her side of the bed, her arm spread to his pillow as the dreams were circling inside her head while he was standing by the window, looking at her, thinking how lucky the Feral was to have that luxury to sleep to nicely.
The night quickly turned into bright daylight when Brennan looked around the room again, feeling the fresh smell of laundry for some reason. From the many years they have been in the same place, Brennan had learned that Emma had grown quite forgiving of him even at times when the Telempath had threatened to kill herself rather than spend another minute with him in the same room.
He wondered whether she had let that last night of theirs together out of her system or had it yet remained inside her head like it had just happened yesterday. Emma certainly didn't show any of it being still fresh and Brennan had hoped that he still knew her as well as he always had.
Turning to his right, Brennan saw a pair of six wooden shelves with the space between the third and fourth being wide enough and the platform as well to suit a bigger television set. Looking up he saw the two first shelves tucked with books with no space left available and this made him smile. It was good to know that they still loved reading books. Putting his hand up, he touched the third green book but did not pull it out, only kept his fingers on it: a poetry book which he had given to Emma four years ago on her birthday. She seemed excited by it, he would remember. "At least she hadn't thrown it out just yet," he told himself and snorted, shaking his head.
Removing his hand, his gaze traveled down and noticed two framed pictures on the third shelf. One was of all four of them. "Nice," he thought and sighed. He then looked at the other one and his eyes darkened sadly. Taking the frame in his hands, the Elemental looked at the picture with a heavy sigh. It was of Emma, standing next to Adam and Brennan next to him with the scientist hugging them both as all three were smiling back at the camera. Brennan couldn't remember when this was taken last, but the sight of his old friend and father figure struck inside his heart, sending a sad flow through his body, causing him to quickly put the frame back in its place.
Brennan dropped his gaze down on the floor for a moment, trying to shake any memory of this away, knowing how much it would hurt if it emerged in his brain. Lifting his eyes, he traveled them a little to the right and noticed what were like five frames of different colors and sizes. There was a girl on them which he didn't recognize. "This must be the roommate," he thought. "Huh, she's not awful-looking." A smirk appeared. "Really a shame there was no chance for the threesome," he even joked out loud.
Splashing water over her face, Emma leaned over the sink, letting the cold drops drip from her skin. She turned the tab off and grabbed the towel to wipe off the moisture. She did not feel disturbed, but simply needed something cold on her face and a little more time alone before she went back to that room to talk to the Elemental.
Emma had still remembered that night well and perhaps because of its unanticipated appearance and the actual possibility of it happening, it had remained so fresh in her mind. She could sense Brennan's uncertainty about this through their trip to this apartment; his mind constantly going through the possible questions and answers about this as the Psionic hadn't shown any signs of that night interfering. Naturally they were overly excited to see one another after such a painfully long year and for the first half hour that had been the only thing present in their minds until Emma invited him to see her new 'headquarters'. Then the doubts about that night popped up on the surface.
Brennan sat down on the green sofa and spread his arms on the velvet surface. He soon noticed Emma coming back to this room and with slow and quiet steps she approached the sofa, her eyes focused loosely on the Elemental before she crashed down next to him. He had to say it; the entire evening would be turned into a rotten feeling throwing in an uncomfortable atmosphere if he had remained quiet about it. The way Emma was looking back at him shoved the anticipated sentence even further up towards his mouth. "I'm sorry," he finally spoke it out.
The glow in the Psionic's eyes enriched their color as she tired to seem unaffected by this sentence. "For what?" she asked.
"For that night," he said, tapping his fingers once on the furniture surface.
"Pick one," a giggle was intended but it did not come out.
Perhaps he had wanted to laugh this sentence off if it hadn't been for the serious tone which the conversation was picking up. "You know which one I mean."
"Yeah," Emma nodded once and looked on the side.
Feeling her change of mood, Brennan leaned closer to the Psionic but still keeping normal distance from her, anything closer would only contribute to the tension yet to be released or perhaps prevented. He waited for her to look at him, for her, as he now could clearly see, nearly pale blue eyes to return to his browns. It took a minute to pass before she did what he had waited for. "To be honest with you, I've had doubts of whether you would be happy to see me after what I've said that night."
His words started playing around in her head where there was a slight conflict of two kinds of feelings: clemency and childish obstinacy. Good thing or bad, the first feeling seemed to have a better chance of winning this struggle. "You did..." she tried to give a cool reaction.
"Yeah."
"Well... as you saw, I was happy to see you, Bren," she replied. The sun wanting to add something to this moment placed a warm ray of its light to lighten up the red color of her hair; it was almost glowing. "But it has been a year or so and that gave me... a lot of time to think many things over." She scratched her right forearm and pulled up the sleeve of her tight pink blouse.
Brennan parted his lips as his head slightly tilted to the side. "So, have you..."
"Forgiven you?"
He nodded with hope.
"What do you think," she lifted her arm and leaned her head on her palm. "Yeah, I have."
A forever anticipated response had finally come true. Brennan wanted to smile but he did not have the strength for some reason.
"Although..." Emma then started.
There was that reason...
"It did hurt what you said," she told him, the pain from that past secretly lingering in her words.
"I know... I'm sorry..."
"You knew what you were saying, you *meant* every word of that and that didn't go so well inside me."
His eyebrows curved sadly. "I don't know why I said all that."
"Maybe..."
"It messed with my mind," it felt like interruption.
"You had doubts in me, Bren... and when your closest friend accuses you of what you accused me..."
"I know, Em... I'm an asshole at times, what can I say..." Brennan let his eyes travel across the naturally lit living room, the smell of fresh laundry still present.
"Huh, you can say that again." She crossed her arms.
Brennan looked back at her. He deserved to be blamed like this; he nearly had forgotten the number of times when Emma had let the emotional forgiveness make the decisions instead of the rational side. "Wish I didn't... if it didn't happen we wouldn't have said goodbye like some strangers."
Emma's blues wandered behind Brennan, remaining there, giving the Psionic a lost look. "There was a good side as well though. It made the parting less painful than we had expected."
"Um..."
"Yeah, you don't agree, no surprise," she returned her eyes to him again.
Brennan didn't detect any annoyance in her voice just the calm tone with a few drops of righteous hurt. "I've missed you, Em. I've missed you too damn much," he spoke sincerely.
Emma picked up on it. Despite what had happened then, she did not feel any different from him when it came to this feeling. Maybe it was just her old self pushing inside to let the familiar forgiveness be the judge for the thousandth time. "Me too."
"And I know it won't help if I say 'I'm sorry' a million times."
"Yes, you're right."
If he hadn't known her the way he did, Brennan would've taken this sentence of hers in a hurtful way. Instead he finally had managed to show a smile even though it was not a big one. Looking at her and how her hair had now seemed longer, Brennan received the urge to feel this Psionic's arms wrapped around him, giving him a strong friendly hug like she used to. "Is this forgiveness for real or are you just 'playing nice'?"
"Unfortunately for me it's for real."
Brennan nodded, pressing his lips tightly. A strange memory suddenly crashed before his eyes when he had one of the many opportunities to give this small young person a friendly comfort; how her wet face stared back at him, trying to desperately stop any more tears from arriving; how he gently ran his hand through that red hair, giving more exposure to her face. Emma was so special and fragile when she was in these states, much like him. He then blinked once, shattering the memory and encountering her peaceful, nearly glowing face, looking tamely back at him. Brennan could imagine how happy Shalimar would be to see her friend again... but he would mention that later. Right now this seemed more important: straightening the crooked mistakes.
"What's terrible..." Emma started, "...is that I knew how much those words would hurt you later on, a second after you would leave my room. It hurt us equally; it's how it goes... Adam's death affected and changed us all." She shrugged. "We needed someone to blame, even though we never found Caleb, never knew who actually killed Adam..." her words were slowly letting the tearful hurt pour over them as the memories kept returning; her blue eyes being taken by the inside pressure, consciously covered by the unreleased tears. If Emma wasn't careful, she would let Brennan experience that memory of comfort once again.
Nevertheless Emma let the eyes fall slowly on the pillow in front of her. The pain choked her, it did not let the Psionic give out any more words for a while, and she was numb. Just two weeks ago she remembered cursing the appearance of that, so to say, anniversary and the depression which came with the day. And after that she was alright, she was smiling and laughing as usual... but now, these sudden and most certainly far from welcomed memories rushed to the front once more, stirring the resentful bad feelings to resurface and ruin her normal day. Her eyes sprung up again and sent a sharp stare at the Elemental. It was his fault! Why did he have to remind her of this? Why did he? Why couldn't he have just... but no... her defenses crashed down just as soon as they came up. It wasn't his fault. You can not predict when such memories would attack you like this and prevent you from speaking.
Her gaze softened, she suddenly weakened. She could sense those emotions from Brennan was well. They were both vulnerable to this. Still human, not immune to emotional pain... loss of people they've cared about, long and at times torturous distance from the closest of friends... all this had impact on their psyche. She then abruptly glued herself to him, wrapping her arms around him, burying her face in his neck, letting the tears fall and expresses her pain. It helped her more when the Elemental held her back and tightly, the way she desperately needed to be held.
Sure, Mary was here for her, but she could not understand Emma's pain... no one could except for him. All the annoyance Emma might have had toward Brennan for that night when they both said hurtful words had now completely crashed. She let the returning pain weaken her. It was not in her control. Emma needed this greatly.
Brennan closed his eyes as he could feel the skin on his neck absorbing the salty residue of her small and yet enormous tears. How her shoulders moved rhythmically up and down as her sobs were not covered by silence; the strength with which she held on to him, wanting to feel safe while her vulnerability was exposing. He felt her pain raw. He felt it in the same way because the same feelings were coming from him as well. Even her heart, beating faster and faster was felt both physically and emotionally... she had been that close to him.
Brennan knew how much more intensely Emma had experienced everything from Adam's disappearance 'till now. And he would have been extremely amazed if she had managed to stay as strong as a stone because that wasn't like her. This was what had always attracted Brennan both to Emma and Shalimar - their enormous sensitivity, the giving away of the most gentle and also strong emotions. Even though it tortured inside that Emma was swimming in this emotional, perhaps, nightmare, he also felt in a way glad that she was letting go like this... he could still recognize that she needed this. And Brennan was pleased that he could at least be here for her for now. Emma didn't have the advantage which Shalimar did over this year; she did not have the shoulder of someone who had been through the same experience to cry on and in the end to help make the pain less intense.
The sobs increased as he tightened his grip. "God... I miss him, Bren..." he heard her say and felt her struggle to speak out those words due to the large amount of tears. She was already trembling. "I miss him so much!" he heard her say again.
What else could he do but let out a heavy sigh and kiss her soft hair before responding: "So do I, Em..." his voice not resistant to the emotional pressure despite his attempts to fight the showing but with little success. He felt that Emma needed someone strong for this but Brennan could still let himself go and expose his feelings, his weaknesses. Only Shalimar had seen him that way during this past year and he was grateful for her help and now he would try to keep his steadiness during Emma's sentimental release but it would be difficult. Their closeness challenged his ability to remain solid as a rock much to his expected approval.
But Emma wouldn't mind. She would welcome that, Brennan knew. She always had.
This first hour he would somehow be strong even though it would be difficult, he would give her the shield and security which she now lacked. Brennan would hold on. Emma deserved that as so many other things. After that, he would let go as well... show his own feelings....
The comforting secrecy of the night was much welcomed now; it could shield them both and let them cry at ease. But it was daylight instead. Maybe later it would be easer....
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