POV: Leo
Spoilers: all the stuff surrounding Shareef, and a brief nod to "Separation
of Powers"
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine, unfortunately.
No Heavier Burden - Chapter Nine: Condemned to Death A West Wing Story
by MAHC
Leo watched as Abbey Bartlet stumbled past the agent by her husband's door, face pale, jaw tight, hand at her throat as if she might be sick any minute. He wanted to go to her, but he wasn't sure his comfort would be at all welcome, so her just watched as Zoey left Charlie's side and stepped forward.
"Mom?" The alarm on her daughter's face seemed to give Abbey the strength to pull the mask on control back on.
"He's all right," she assured her. "Go see him."
He closed his eyes. The relief that swept over him was almost dizzying. "He's all right."
But a deeper warning reminded him there were many levels of "all right." Physically, Jed might be out of danger, but emotionally, mentally -
When he opened his eyes, Zoey had disappeared, and framed in his vision were Charlie and Abbey, their gazes locked. He tensed with a fleeting fear that Jed's body man would say something he shouldn't. After all, here was a young man who spent more hours with her husband than she did. He had opportunity to observe the President, to become familiar with his idiosyncrasies, his habits, his style. Such close contact had developed a strong relationship between them, a father-son bond. He had been with Jed the past week, had known he wasn't sleeping, had seen the danger brewing.
He had been there. She had not.
But the young man didn't say a word. Instead, he nodded deferentially to the First Lady and sat again on the stiff vinyl chair.
Leo wanted to say something, felt the strange pull either to encourage or to berate. He couldn't decide which would give him more satisfaction, or which was more likely to get his head snapped off.
It was not a stand off, no ultimatum had been issued, but he and Abbey stood facing each other like two gunslingers on the streets of Dodge City.
"Leo," she acknowledged, finally.
"Abbey. How is the President?"
"He should be all right, with some rest."
"Yeah." He shifted his stance, just for the sake of breaking the stiff posture between them. "I'm glad you came."
She laughed, no humor in the sound. "I'm not sure Jed is."
A brow arched in question. "Sure he is."
"No. Not now. Not after - "
"Abbey?"
He could see that she didn't want to do this, didn't want to talk to him, the man who she must know had played such a heavy role in this whole mess. But she had no one else, and the words just came.
"How could he do that, Leo?" she asked, her voice thick, her eyes watering.
It was probably a rhetorical question, but he answered anyway. "It was a difficult - "
"Don't tell me how difficult it was, Leo. Don't tell me that." The fire that blazed from her tone burned him, and he fought not to recoil physically. But almost as quickly as it had come, it seemed to die and the tone that came next held only sorrow, defeat. "He doesn't hunt. He doesn't even like to fish. We'd have snakes in the barn occasionally and Jed wouldn't shoot them. He'd catch them and take them to the other side of the river and let them go. Snakes."
She turned anguished eyes to the chief of staff. "How in God's name could he have killed a human being?"
"Shareef was a monster, Abbey," Leo argued. "He deserved - "
"Don't tell me what he deserved," she spat. "Who are you to decide that? Who is Jed? Last I saw he wasn't walking on water or turning it into wine."
He knew what he should do, knew that he would be better off just letting her vent, keeping silent. But he couldn't. He couldn't let her by with crucifying Jed, with condemning without knowing all the facts.
Leo McGarry prided himself on being in control. It was the main thing that had kept him sober for so long. But he felt that control crumbling as he faced her fierce accusations against Jed. She needed to know some things. Jed wouldn't defend himself. He would try.
"How would you know?" he asked, voice hard, but low. He didn't want to attract any more attention than they already had. The agents feigned ignorance, but they had to have heard.
"What?"
Too late to take it back. "How would you know if he walked on water or turned it into wine? You'd have to have been here to see that."
That stung, he could tell, but she didn't lose the fire. "Zoey needed - "
"Zoey needed her parents. She needed both of them."
"She needed to get away from this damned fish bowl that is ruining her life!" They were close, close enough for him to see the danger in her eyes.
But he was committed now. "You mean ruining your life," he corrected. "Who cares about anyone else's? Who cares about Jed's life, which by the way is pretty screwed up right now. Do you even care, Abbey?"
The sharp crack was already fading and the red mark welling by the time they both realized what she had done. His face stung from the impact, but Leo refused to lift a hand to rub it.
"Oh God," she breathed, hand at her throat again.
They stood for a moment, stunned not only at the slap but at the intensity of the emotion charging the room. He glanced around. Charlie stood, mouth open, unsure of what to do, torn between his boss's best friend and his boss's wife. Finally, he mumbled something unintelligible and hurried through the doors toward the main waiting room. The agents continued their unbroken stares straight ahead, but their stances had tensed subtly.
Her energy fading, Abbey dropped into a chair and lowered her face to her hands. In a muffled voice she said, "He broke the basic commandment of life. He had someone killed."
"A terrorist who - "
Shaking her head, but still not lifting it, she groaned, "I know who it was. I know you think that's justification enough, but it's not. I know it. And Jed used to know it. Dear God, I don't even recognize him, anymore. What has he become that he can just order - "
He saw an entry, a chance to reach her, so, with no little effort, he squatted in front of her and peered up into her agonized face. "Listen to me, Abbey. Can't you see what's happened? Can't you see that he is tearing himself apart over this? Over Zoey? Over you?"
"Yeah. I can see." She was bitter, couldn't keep it from washing over her words. "I can see. He's admitted guilt, and he thinks that will make thing all right. It will make up for the bruises and broken bones his own child had to endure. For the nightmares, for the screams in the middle of the night. Well, he can't fix that, Leo. He can't take back what happened, even if he wants to."
"He doesn't - "
"He does. He's always been that way. He thinks he can fix anything." She stood, pulling away from him with a jerk and walking a few steps away. "Well he can't. He caused this and he can't fix it."
"Zoey is going to be all right," Leo observed, hoping it was true.
"I'm not talking about Zoey."
Dear God. What was she saying? Was she saying that she and Jed -
"He stands by his decision. He regrets what happened, but he doesn't regret doing it. How do I know he won't just keep on getting rid of anyone who doesn't submit to the United States, who doesn't follow blithely along with what Jed Bartlet says do?"
He felt the blood rushing from his face, and couldn't stop the moan that bubbled from his lips. She stopped, her own expression startled and a little frightened. "Leo?"
Before he could stop himself, he had strode toward her, grabbed her shoulders hard, and drawn her square to him, eyes blazing. "You think he doesn't regret this, Abbey? You think he would do it again? Let me tell you something. This has eaten at him for almost two years. This has absolutely ripped him apart. He didn't want to do it. He fought me, he fought Nancy, he fought Fitzwallace. Do you know what he told me? He said it was wrong. It was absolutely wrong."
She flinched, almost as if he had hit her, and the pain on her face made him pause. But only for a moment.
Leo plunged on, not caring if he revealed any state secrets in the process. "Shareef tried to blow up the Golden Gate Bridge. He had already headed attacks that claimed American lives, and Egyptian lives, and British lives, and Qumari lives. He was a bad man, Abbey. He needed to die and Jed was the only one who could save his future victims." He was panting now, sweating in his crumpled suit.
"I have known Jed Bartlet for over thirty years. I have never seen him agonize over such a decision. Not even deciding to run for President. Not even stepping down while Zoey was missing. This tore him up. And not just because he was going against every principle he had ever believed. It tore him up because he knew what you would think. What you would say. He was afraid that it would change him in your eyes."
She turned away from him, clutching at the rosary he had just now noticed in her fingers. He dropped his hands, clenched his fists to try to calm their shaking.
"Zoey has always been Jed's little girl. You've told me that before. What do you think it did to him to know that her suffering, her pain, her fear was a result of something he did? What sheer torture do you think he put himself through?"
"He wasn't the only one," she offered, but even that truthful declaration sounded weak.
"No," Leo admitted. "No, but you didn't cause it, and when it was all over, you had Zoey to hang onto. She had you. Who did Jed have? You left, took her away - "
"For her own good."
"Agreed. But he knew he wasn't welcome in his own home anymore."
"He could have come - " she started, but faltered.
They both knew he couldn't.
"I asked him not to," she whispered. "I told him not to. And he didn't."
"No. He wouldn't. Not if you didn't want him." He laid it out that way, phrased to gage her reaction. Did she want him still?
She turned back to him now, and her face was splotched with tears. "I don't know if I can forgive him, Leo. What he did - what he did to her, to us - "
"What he did to himself," he reminded her.
She didn't argue, but repeated, "I don't know if I can forgive him."
"Then you condemn him to death." As soon as he said it, he knew it to be an absolute truth. "Because he can't survive without you, Abbey."
Not giving her a chance to respond, not completely sure he even wanted to hear her response, he turned and followed Charlie's exit down the hall, his heart aching at what he had said, his stomach churning as he replayed the scene. He had hurt her. But she had hurt Jed, and somehow he wanted her to know how it felt.
And then he felt the tears, tears that he had shed only a few other times in his life. Tears for the destruction of a relationship he thought would never break. Tears for the fall of a giant he thought would never falter. Tears for the burden of a friendship that would certainly bear the weight of such a monumental sorrow.
His face must have reflected his anguish because as he looked up he saw the horror in C.J.'s eyes.
"Leo?"
He couldn't speak, was afraid he wouldn't be able to make a sound, but it scared the hell out of her.
"Oh, God, Leo!" she gasped. "The President? Is he - "
Damn. He had forgotten. The press secretary had been going back and forth between the hospital and the White House. Shaking his head, he fought past the emotion and took her hands. "No, C.J. He's okay. Not great, but okay."
Shoulders slumping in relief, she let out a hard breath. "Thank God. Oh, thank God. I was so afraid - when I saw you, and you looked - " She stopped, eyeing him carefully. "Are you okay, Leo?"
"Yeah. I was just - I was just talking with Abbey," he explained simply, hoping she'd leave it at that.
Comprehension flashed over her face. "She's leaving him." It was a statement, not a question.
Leo honestly didn't know if it was the truth, but he couldn't deny the very real possibility. He shrugged. "I don't know."
"Where is she?"
Oh God. It was C.J. in her passionate mode, in her "take on the world" attitude. He figured she'd have a better chance against the world than against Abbey Bartlet. "C.J.?" he warned.
"She can't do this, Leo. Doesn't she see what's happened to him? Doesn't she see that he is falling apart in front of all of us?" Her breath caught in that quick break of emotion characteristic of her. "I have to stop her."
"C.J. - "
But she had torn past him before he could stop her. In truth, did he even want to stop her? What harm would it do now?
Unless Abbey killed her. Then they'd be in trouble.
No Heavier Burden - Chapter Nine: Condemned to Death A West Wing Story
by MAHC
Leo watched as Abbey Bartlet stumbled past the agent by her husband's door, face pale, jaw tight, hand at her throat as if she might be sick any minute. He wanted to go to her, but he wasn't sure his comfort would be at all welcome, so her just watched as Zoey left Charlie's side and stepped forward.
"Mom?" The alarm on her daughter's face seemed to give Abbey the strength to pull the mask on control back on.
"He's all right," she assured her. "Go see him."
He closed his eyes. The relief that swept over him was almost dizzying. "He's all right."
But a deeper warning reminded him there were many levels of "all right." Physically, Jed might be out of danger, but emotionally, mentally -
When he opened his eyes, Zoey had disappeared, and framed in his vision were Charlie and Abbey, their gazes locked. He tensed with a fleeting fear that Jed's body man would say something he shouldn't. After all, here was a young man who spent more hours with her husband than she did. He had opportunity to observe the President, to become familiar with his idiosyncrasies, his habits, his style. Such close contact had developed a strong relationship between them, a father-son bond. He had been with Jed the past week, had known he wasn't sleeping, had seen the danger brewing.
He had been there. She had not.
But the young man didn't say a word. Instead, he nodded deferentially to the First Lady and sat again on the stiff vinyl chair.
Leo wanted to say something, felt the strange pull either to encourage or to berate. He couldn't decide which would give him more satisfaction, or which was more likely to get his head snapped off.
It was not a stand off, no ultimatum had been issued, but he and Abbey stood facing each other like two gunslingers on the streets of Dodge City.
"Leo," she acknowledged, finally.
"Abbey. How is the President?"
"He should be all right, with some rest."
"Yeah." He shifted his stance, just for the sake of breaking the stiff posture between them. "I'm glad you came."
She laughed, no humor in the sound. "I'm not sure Jed is."
A brow arched in question. "Sure he is."
"No. Not now. Not after - "
"Abbey?"
He could see that she didn't want to do this, didn't want to talk to him, the man who she must know had played such a heavy role in this whole mess. But she had no one else, and the words just came.
"How could he do that, Leo?" she asked, her voice thick, her eyes watering.
It was probably a rhetorical question, but he answered anyway. "It was a difficult - "
"Don't tell me how difficult it was, Leo. Don't tell me that." The fire that blazed from her tone burned him, and he fought not to recoil physically. But almost as quickly as it had come, it seemed to die and the tone that came next held only sorrow, defeat. "He doesn't hunt. He doesn't even like to fish. We'd have snakes in the barn occasionally and Jed wouldn't shoot them. He'd catch them and take them to the other side of the river and let them go. Snakes."
She turned anguished eyes to the chief of staff. "How in God's name could he have killed a human being?"
"Shareef was a monster, Abbey," Leo argued. "He deserved - "
"Don't tell me what he deserved," she spat. "Who are you to decide that? Who is Jed? Last I saw he wasn't walking on water or turning it into wine."
He knew what he should do, knew that he would be better off just letting her vent, keeping silent. But he couldn't. He couldn't let her by with crucifying Jed, with condemning without knowing all the facts.
Leo McGarry prided himself on being in control. It was the main thing that had kept him sober for so long. But he felt that control crumbling as he faced her fierce accusations against Jed. She needed to know some things. Jed wouldn't defend himself. He would try.
"How would you know?" he asked, voice hard, but low. He didn't want to attract any more attention than they already had. The agents feigned ignorance, but they had to have heard.
"What?"
Too late to take it back. "How would you know if he walked on water or turned it into wine? You'd have to have been here to see that."
That stung, he could tell, but she didn't lose the fire. "Zoey needed - "
"Zoey needed her parents. She needed both of them."
"She needed to get away from this damned fish bowl that is ruining her life!" They were close, close enough for him to see the danger in her eyes.
But he was committed now. "You mean ruining your life," he corrected. "Who cares about anyone else's? Who cares about Jed's life, which by the way is pretty screwed up right now. Do you even care, Abbey?"
The sharp crack was already fading and the red mark welling by the time they both realized what she had done. His face stung from the impact, but Leo refused to lift a hand to rub it.
"Oh God," she breathed, hand at her throat again.
They stood for a moment, stunned not only at the slap but at the intensity of the emotion charging the room. He glanced around. Charlie stood, mouth open, unsure of what to do, torn between his boss's best friend and his boss's wife. Finally, he mumbled something unintelligible and hurried through the doors toward the main waiting room. The agents continued their unbroken stares straight ahead, but their stances had tensed subtly.
Her energy fading, Abbey dropped into a chair and lowered her face to her hands. In a muffled voice she said, "He broke the basic commandment of life. He had someone killed."
"A terrorist who - "
Shaking her head, but still not lifting it, she groaned, "I know who it was. I know you think that's justification enough, but it's not. I know it. And Jed used to know it. Dear God, I don't even recognize him, anymore. What has he become that he can just order - "
He saw an entry, a chance to reach her, so, with no little effort, he squatted in front of her and peered up into her agonized face. "Listen to me, Abbey. Can't you see what's happened? Can't you see that he is tearing himself apart over this? Over Zoey? Over you?"
"Yeah. I can see." She was bitter, couldn't keep it from washing over her words. "I can see. He's admitted guilt, and he thinks that will make thing all right. It will make up for the bruises and broken bones his own child had to endure. For the nightmares, for the screams in the middle of the night. Well, he can't fix that, Leo. He can't take back what happened, even if he wants to."
"He doesn't - "
"He does. He's always been that way. He thinks he can fix anything." She stood, pulling away from him with a jerk and walking a few steps away. "Well he can't. He caused this and he can't fix it."
"Zoey is going to be all right," Leo observed, hoping it was true.
"I'm not talking about Zoey."
Dear God. What was she saying? Was she saying that she and Jed -
"He stands by his decision. He regrets what happened, but he doesn't regret doing it. How do I know he won't just keep on getting rid of anyone who doesn't submit to the United States, who doesn't follow blithely along with what Jed Bartlet says do?"
He felt the blood rushing from his face, and couldn't stop the moan that bubbled from his lips. She stopped, her own expression startled and a little frightened. "Leo?"
Before he could stop himself, he had strode toward her, grabbed her shoulders hard, and drawn her square to him, eyes blazing. "You think he doesn't regret this, Abbey? You think he would do it again? Let me tell you something. This has eaten at him for almost two years. This has absolutely ripped him apart. He didn't want to do it. He fought me, he fought Nancy, he fought Fitzwallace. Do you know what he told me? He said it was wrong. It was absolutely wrong."
She flinched, almost as if he had hit her, and the pain on her face made him pause. But only for a moment.
Leo plunged on, not caring if he revealed any state secrets in the process. "Shareef tried to blow up the Golden Gate Bridge. He had already headed attacks that claimed American lives, and Egyptian lives, and British lives, and Qumari lives. He was a bad man, Abbey. He needed to die and Jed was the only one who could save his future victims." He was panting now, sweating in his crumpled suit.
"I have known Jed Bartlet for over thirty years. I have never seen him agonize over such a decision. Not even deciding to run for President. Not even stepping down while Zoey was missing. This tore him up. And not just because he was going against every principle he had ever believed. It tore him up because he knew what you would think. What you would say. He was afraid that it would change him in your eyes."
She turned away from him, clutching at the rosary he had just now noticed in her fingers. He dropped his hands, clenched his fists to try to calm their shaking.
"Zoey has always been Jed's little girl. You've told me that before. What do you think it did to him to know that her suffering, her pain, her fear was a result of something he did? What sheer torture do you think he put himself through?"
"He wasn't the only one," she offered, but even that truthful declaration sounded weak.
"No," Leo admitted. "No, but you didn't cause it, and when it was all over, you had Zoey to hang onto. She had you. Who did Jed have? You left, took her away - "
"For her own good."
"Agreed. But he knew he wasn't welcome in his own home anymore."
"He could have come - " she started, but faltered.
They both knew he couldn't.
"I asked him not to," she whispered. "I told him not to. And he didn't."
"No. He wouldn't. Not if you didn't want him." He laid it out that way, phrased to gage her reaction. Did she want him still?
She turned back to him now, and her face was splotched with tears. "I don't know if I can forgive him, Leo. What he did - what he did to her, to us - "
"What he did to himself," he reminded her.
She didn't argue, but repeated, "I don't know if I can forgive him."
"Then you condemn him to death." As soon as he said it, he knew it to be an absolute truth. "Because he can't survive without you, Abbey."
Not giving her a chance to respond, not completely sure he even wanted to hear her response, he turned and followed Charlie's exit down the hall, his heart aching at what he had said, his stomach churning as he replayed the scene. He had hurt her. But she had hurt Jed, and somehow he wanted her to know how it felt.
And then he felt the tears, tears that he had shed only a few other times in his life. Tears for the destruction of a relationship he thought would never break. Tears for the fall of a giant he thought would never falter. Tears for the burden of a friendship that would certainly bear the weight of such a monumental sorrow.
His face must have reflected his anguish because as he looked up he saw the horror in C.J.'s eyes.
"Leo?"
He couldn't speak, was afraid he wouldn't be able to make a sound, but it scared the hell out of her.
"Oh, God, Leo!" she gasped. "The President? Is he - "
Damn. He had forgotten. The press secretary had been going back and forth between the hospital and the White House. Shaking his head, he fought past the emotion and took her hands. "No, C.J. He's okay. Not great, but okay."
Shoulders slumping in relief, she let out a hard breath. "Thank God. Oh, thank God. I was so afraid - when I saw you, and you looked - " She stopped, eyeing him carefully. "Are you okay, Leo?"
"Yeah. I was just - I was just talking with Abbey," he explained simply, hoping she'd leave it at that.
Comprehension flashed over her face. "She's leaving him." It was a statement, not a question.
Leo honestly didn't know if it was the truth, but he couldn't deny the very real possibility. He shrugged. "I don't know."
"Where is she?"
Oh God. It was C.J. in her passionate mode, in her "take on the world" attitude. He figured she'd have a better chance against the world than against Abbey Bartlet. "C.J.?" he warned.
"She can't do this, Leo. Doesn't she see what's happened to him? Doesn't she see that he is falling apart in front of all of us?" Her breath caught in that quick break of emotion characteristic of her. "I have to stop her."
"C.J. - "
But she had torn past him before he could stop her. In truth, did he even want to stop her? What harm would it do now?
Unless Abbey killed her. Then they'd be in trouble.