Disclaimer: I own nothing.
In case you didn't know, the last chapter was from Monty Python's Life of Brian.
* * *
We heard in The Curse of the Black Pearl that Jack once impersonated an officer of the Spanish Royal Navy. It was all a great laugh until he was caught and imprisoned. Here's what happened:
Jack was taken into a jail cell to await court for merely having a little fun and trying to stay alive. 'That's not much of a crime, is it?' Jack thought.
A few minutes after the officers left, three different men came in. All were wearing bright red and had crosses around their necks. This could only mean these men were.
"The Spanish Inquisition!" Jack yelled, surprised.
"Nobody expects-oh, you bugger!" the lead man, Cardinal Ximinez said. "You ruined our entrance! We'll come in again. And act surprised." So the three men left. Jack tried to look more surprised than amused as they came back in.
"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" Ximinez yelled. "Our chief weapon is surprise. Surprise and fear. Fear and surprise. Our two weapons are fear and surprise. And ruthless efficiency. Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency. And a fanatical devotion to the Pope. Our four weapons.amongst our weaponry are such elements as fear, surprise, and these nice red uniforms.I'll come in again." So they left.
And they came in again. "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are elements such as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope!" After this, he silenced by as smack in the back of the head by one of his two companions. "Right then. Cardinal Fang! Read the charges."
Cardinal Fang clears his throat. "You are hereby charged that you: did heresy against the Holy Church, engaged in piracy, and are overall a very naughty man."
"How do you plead?" asked the other man, Cardinal Biggles.
"I'm completely innocent," Jack lied.
"Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!" Ximinez laughed diabolically. "Cardinal Fang! Fetch.The Comfy Chair!"
"The.C-C-Comfy Chair?" Fang is terrified. Biggles pushes in a big comfy chair and shoves Jack in it.
"You will stay in the Comfy Chair until lunch time, with only a cup of tea at eleven," Ximinez sneered.
"Only a cup of tea?" Jack asked.
"Correct."
"No rum?"
"Right." Jack frowned at this.
"Is that all it is?" Ximinez asked Biggles.
"Yes, lord."
"I see. Well, I suppose it couldn't hurt if we shouted a lot, would it? Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess!" he shouted.
"I confess!" Biggles caved.
"Not you!" Ximinez shouted at the cardinal.
So Jack sat in that comfy chair until lunch. He skipped the tea at eleven. And after being "tortured" until dusk by the Spanish Inquisition, he was left alone and the cardinals promised to return the next day. The "torture" was quite annoying. 'The Comfy Chair? The Soft Cushions? What kind of loonies were these Spaniards? That Biggles is definately a eunuch.' he thought. During the night he found a piece of metal in his boot (found while searching his pockets for anything edible), picked the lock, and was on his way back to the ocean.
* * *
Short, I know. You realize I could write MP/PotC forever? I'll have to watch more Monty to get more ideas.
LunarianPrincess: Thanks! I was thinking about the Black Knight bit and the Killer Bunny bit! I'll do some more Holy Grail after this. I'm just writing them in the order they come to my head.
Meitantei Kudo KID: I've not yet seen the parrot sketch. I only know what people have told me about it. "The parrot has ceased to be!"
In case you didn't know, the last chapter was from Monty Python's Life of Brian.
* * *
We heard in The Curse of the Black Pearl that Jack once impersonated an officer of the Spanish Royal Navy. It was all a great laugh until he was caught and imprisoned. Here's what happened:
Jack was taken into a jail cell to await court for merely having a little fun and trying to stay alive. 'That's not much of a crime, is it?' Jack thought.
A few minutes after the officers left, three different men came in. All were wearing bright red and had crosses around their necks. This could only mean these men were.
"The Spanish Inquisition!" Jack yelled, surprised.
"Nobody expects-oh, you bugger!" the lead man, Cardinal Ximinez said. "You ruined our entrance! We'll come in again. And act surprised." So the three men left. Jack tried to look more surprised than amused as they came back in.
"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" Ximinez yelled. "Our chief weapon is surprise. Surprise and fear. Fear and surprise. Our two weapons are fear and surprise. And ruthless efficiency. Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency. And a fanatical devotion to the Pope. Our four weapons.amongst our weaponry are such elements as fear, surprise, and these nice red uniforms.I'll come in again." So they left.
And they came in again. "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are elements such as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope!" After this, he silenced by as smack in the back of the head by one of his two companions. "Right then. Cardinal Fang! Read the charges."
Cardinal Fang clears his throat. "You are hereby charged that you: did heresy against the Holy Church, engaged in piracy, and are overall a very naughty man."
"How do you plead?" asked the other man, Cardinal Biggles.
"I'm completely innocent," Jack lied.
"Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!" Ximinez laughed diabolically. "Cardinal Fang! Fetch.The Comfy Chair!"
"The.C-C-Comfy Chair?" Fang is terrified. Biggles pushes in a big comfy chair and shoves Jack in it.
"You will stay in the Comfy Chair until lunch time, with only a cup of tea at eleven," Ximinez sneered.
"Only a cup of tea?" Jack asked.
"Correct."
"No rum?"
"Right." Jack frowned at this.
"Is that all it is?" Ximinez asked Biggles.
"Yes, lord."
"I see. Well, I suppose it couldn't hurt if we shouted a lot, would it? Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess!" he shouted.
"I confess!" Biggles caved.
"Not you!" Ximinez shouted at the cardinal.
So Jack sat in that comfy chair until lunch. He skipped the tea at eleven. And after being "tortured" until dusk by the Spanish Inquisition, he was left alone and the cardinals promised to return the next day. The "torture" was quite annoying. 'The Comfy Chair? The Soft Cushions? What kind of loonies were these Spaniards? That Biggles is definately a eunuch.' he thought. During the night he found a piece of metal in his boot (found while searching his pockets for anything edible), picked the lock, and was on his way back to the ocean.
* * *
Short, I know. You realize I could write MP/PotC forever? I'll have to watch more Monty to get more ideas.
LunarianPrincess: Thanks! I was thinking about the Black Knight bit and the Killer Bunny bit! I'll do some more Holy Grail after this. I'm just writing them in the order they come to my head.
Meitantei Kudo KID: I've not yet seen the parrot sketch. I only know what people have told me about it. "The parrot has ceased to be!"