Always a Frog, Never a Prince
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The grating sound of a key sliding into the lock filled Adams ears, his heart immediately began to pound faster, harder than he'd ever felt it. He instinctively closed his eyes and felt the slight breeze of the door opening, the light from the corridor invading the room and lighting everything in his dark world up.
He could hear her soft breathing, and just knew that she was chewing her bottom lip in a vigorous attempt to decide what to do next. Eventually the grayish black turned completely dark and the quiet click of the door closing reached him. He lay completely motionless, his eyes still jammed shut, he heard her sniff and immediately hated himself; she'd had to walk all that way in the pouring rain…alone.
His mind went blank hearing her move towards the bathroom, he froze.
The bathroom!
The light flickered on and the grayish black returned, then there was silence, followed by a surprised gasp; she'd obviously noticed the mirror. Cursing he realized that the hand wrapped inside of a towel was firmly set on top of the cover, in plain view of the bathroom door.
Cracking one eyelid open, he could just about make out the outline of Kimberly, she was standing in the bathroom, staring at the mirror. Swallowing nervously he lifted his right hand as slowly, and as quietly as possible. Raising the quilt beneath him with his left hand he attempted to conceal his wound beneath the covers. However thanks to the constrictive space the chair provided it was proving quite difficult. He opened his other eye and watched Kimberly while continuing to try and wrestle his arm under. Unfortunately, just when it looked like he was about to succeed his elbow knocked against the book he'd been reading for the past few days positioned conveniently on the edge of the stand next to him. With a flutter of pages, and followed by a low thud he dropped his arm and watched as Kimberly turned her head.
She was looking at him directly, fortunately it was just dark enough, and he could tell that she wasn't sure whether or not he was awake. "Adam?" her voice was quiet, just loud enough for him to hear if he was awake, but was also low enough to not wake him if he had been sleeping.
'Oh hell' his mind commented, he took a deep breath before answering, "Yeah."
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Kimberly stared at the silhouetted form in the chair, she could only see up to his waist but knew that he was looking right at her, his face expectant, waiting for whatever question she was going to ask.
But what could she ask?
Eventually she went for the only thing that she really could say. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah," short, abrupt, cold, those were the words Kimberly put with his response, however she also detected a hint of pain in his voice.
She wasn't about to ask if he wanted to talk about it, if he had gone to all the trouble of keeping his body a secret from everyone for so long, then he must have a good reason. One he obviously didn't want to discuss. The pink ranger motioned back to the mirror, "How about your hand?"
"It's fine."
"Is it bleeding?"
Adam paused, "Yes," he figured there was no point in lying anymore; she already knew his deepest darkest secret anyway.
She moved towards him, "Let me take a look at it."
"There's no need," this time his answer was fast and abrasive, as if he was afraid to let her near him.
"It could be bad," she attempted to reason, taking another step towards him. He didn't answer. Instead he just sat there, his face still masked by the darkness. She could now see the towel. There was a faint red tinge to it, making her even more persistent. "I'm going to turn the light on and sort your hand out okay?" again no response, Kimberly decided to take that as a yes and moved back towards the door.
"Wait!" she stalled a few inches from the switch, and for a moment thought that he was about to try and talk her out of it. Instead the lamp next to him flickered to life and illuminated Adams face, he glanced over at her, but she wasn't about to settle for that tiny light and flicked the switch next to the door turning the darkness to light.
Throwing the cover off of him Adam pushed firmly down with his legs, bringing the chair to its upright position, flinging the quilt to one side he watched Kimberly gather up a few plasters, a bag of cotton balls and a bottle of iodine from her wash bag. He also noticed that she was soaked to the bone. She re-approached him. Kneeling down in front of him she glanced up and gave him a reassuring smile. "It may sting a little," she soothed while unwrapping his hand.
"I'm sure I can handle it," he said, Kimberly's heart broke, although his voice was void of all emotion, the pink ranger could almost sense the pain coming off of him.
Seeing his hand was now coated in blood, she grabbed one of the cotton balls and started to clean it off, "They aren't too deep," she reassured, "the bloods already started to congeal," he remained silent throughout the whole process.
Adam noticed the pink ranger glancing at his shirt every now and again, her eyes unintentionally wondering ever so slightly, as if she had x-ray vision and could see what was underneath. The stinging pain from the iodine registered, Adam ignored it and said, "You should dry yourself off. You don't want to catch pneumonia."
Kimberly smiled, not taking her eyes off her work, "I'm sure I'll survive, what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. Right?"
'What a bunch of crap' his mind remarked, he gave a false smile, "Right," there was more silence, "I'm sorry I left you there, it was wrong."
"That's okay," she said, still not looking at him, "You had your reasons," she said the last part quietly, she felt Adams whole body stiffen. 'Good work Kimberly' her mind muttered.
This was the reason Adam had never wanted Kimberly to see his body; she was nervous and fidgety around him, and he could even sense fear. And he hated himself for it. But he didn't say a word; there was nothing he could say.
The rest of the time was spent in silence, Kimberly eventually applied the last plaster to his last cut knuckle and sunk back down onto her knees, "There," she stated, "All done," she looked up at him and frowned, "Now, lets see that cut on your lip." She extended her hand in an attempt to turn his head slightly so she'd be able to see the cut, the black ranger backed away slightly. Kimberly sighed, "Adam," she attempted to reason, "I'm not going to hurt you."
He looked at her, his deep brown eyes filled with misery and pain, "It's not me I'm worried about."
"Oh Adam…" she whispered, she extended her hand and this time he did not pull away.
He shivered, the feel of her cool, smooth skin on his hot face sending a sense of relief flooding through his body as she slowly caressed his cheek. It was as if he was lost in a comforting sea of warmth, where nothing could ever hurt him again.
But that wasn't the way it was.
Gently, he closed his good hand around her wrist and extracted it from his face, "Don't," he said, his voice almost a whisper. The pink ranger stared at him, he could see the pity in her eyes, and he knew exactly what she was about to say.
"Why?"
"Why what?" he was back in defensive mode again.
"Why didn't you tell us Adam? About…" she trailed off, "You know."
He released her wrist from his hand, "What?" Adam suddenly became angry, "The hideous scars running all over my body? Gee Kimberly, I really didn't think it was anybody else's business."
"That's not what I mean Adam," Kimberly stated firmly, "and you know it. We're you're friends, we wouldn't think any less of you."
"Friends?" the black ranger held a hint of surprise in his voice, he brought his dark eyes, alight with fury, to bare on the pink ranger, "Friends!" he once again said before letting out a bitter laugh. "Since when Kimberly, the only friends I have that are rangers are Rocky and Aisha. And not even she knows about this." He stood up and strode past the kneeling Kimberly, he circled the room a little before spinning around and leaning back against the wall, "The other rangers and me weren't friends Kimberly, we were acquaintances."
Kimberly, feeling a fire of her own ignite inside got to her feet, "That's not true Adam."
"Really? What exactly do you know about me Kimberly? As a matter of fact, what do any of the rangers know about me? My birthday, my address, that doesn't make us friends. We hang out, yes, but the conversation always drifts when we're all together. And do you know where it drifts too?" the pink ranger remained silent, "Right back to the beginning. You, Billy, Trini, Jason, Zack and Tommy, every time we're all together there's a distance, I know Rocky feels it and I'm pretty sure Aisha feels it too." Adam pushed himself off of the wall again and approached the smaller Kimberly, leaning down so he was only a few inches away from her face he hissed, "If any of you were my friends then maybe you would've figured it out by now."
Kimberly was actually shaking with rage, she'd never seen Adam act this way before, but behind everything she could still see that pain and misery in his eyes. "You're right Adam," he gave her a sarcastic smile and turned his back to her, "But maybe if you weren't so secretive all of the time we would've figured it out."
He turned his head, "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Exactly what I said," Kimberly nearly yelled, "That night we went for that walk in the park. I asked you why you strayed from the group all of the time, and what did you do? Your walls came up and you just snapped at me, saying that you don't question me about Tommy then why should I question you."
"So? The only reason you want to know, the only reason that you're here now is because you had nowhere else to go. And all of a sudden you want me to tell you *everything* about me. Why should I?"
"Because you need to tell someone Adam, you can't just bottle everything up. And yeah, maybe I am here because of some unfortunate circumstances, but that doesn't change the fact that I wouldn't give this week up for a million dollars." He stayed silent, approaching his turned back she wrapped her hand in his, "Adam, you have helped me through one of the most difficult periods of my life. Without you here, being kind, supportive and always, always being there for me I'd be on my way home to Florida. And I'd never have come back here." She fell silent, the room was filled with heavy breathing from both pink and black ranger, Kimberly slipped her hand out of his and embraced him from behind, "Won't you let me help you. Can't you let me in?"
Adam was shaking, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop, "I can't," he whispered, "I have to do this on my own."
Kimberly listened to his voice, the anger had melted away and now he sounded like a small boy, "Don't you think you've been on your own for long enough?"
Yes
That was the one word Adam wanted to say more than anything, he wanted to scream it out loud, he wanted to be able to get close to someone. He wanted to feel alive, instead of a hollowed out shell, he wanted the pain to stop.
Closing his hands around hers Adam gently pulled them apart and stepped out of her embrace, Kimberly watched him the whole time, she saw him take a deep breath. "Like I said," he repeated, "I have to do this own my own."
Kimberly couldn't understand him, why was he being so difficult, why was he so determined to stay miserable forever? "Why won't you let me help you Adam, like you helped me."
"These are different circumstances," his voice was strong again, as if he'd made up his mind, but the pink ranger was even more determined to change it.
"I know that Adam. You must be in so much pain, and I can help you through it, if you'd only let me."
Adam remained silent, for a long while neither of them moved, until the black ranger slowly turned around to face her, "And that's the exact reason why I can't let you."
Kimberly's face showed confusion as her eyebrows furrowed, "I don't understand."
"I don't want your pity Kimberly, that's the reason why I didn't tell you or Aisha. Because I don't want to be pitied, I don't want to go through each day with you asking 'Are you okay' or 'How are you feeling' like I'm weak, because I may be in pain. But at least that pain gives me strength."
"But you don't have to be strong Adam, Zedd and Rita are gone now. The battles are over, you can just be you now."
Adam shook his head, "Battles never end Kimberly, in some way or another I'm always fighting a battle."
Kimberly groaned in frustration, "And what battle are you fighting Adam, who's this opponent that is driving you to keep this from me." He didn't reply, "Tell me!"
He stared at her, a long pause ensued, and just for a moment Kimberly thought he wasn't going to reply, but he did, opening his he said simply, "You."
"What!" Kimberly stood there in a state of shock, confusion and slight anger, "What the hell is that supposed to mean," she practically yelled, "For once will you give me a straight god damn answer," that time she actually was yelling.
Adam's resolve broke, "You really wanna know why?" he yelled back at her.
"Yes, I do Adam. And for once, say it so I understand!"
"Because I don't want you to see me in pain. I want to be strong when I'm with you."
"Why?"
"Because I'm in love you!"
To Be Continued
By Boulder
Authors Notes
Whew, sorry it took a long time to write this chapter but it is one of the most important ones in the actual story. Hopefully I'll get the next one up in 2-3 weeks time. Anyway, thank you for all the reviews and suggestions, and as always, if you still like the story keep em coming. I really appreciate it.
Regards,
Boulder
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The grating sound of a key sliding into the lock filled Adams ears, his heart immediately began to pound faster, harder than he'd ever felt it. He instinctively closed his eyes and felt the slight breeze of the door opening, the light from the corridor invading the room and lighting everything in his dark world up.
He could hear her soft breathing, and just knew that she was chewing her bottom lip in a vigorous attempt to decide what to do next. Eventually the grayish black turned completely dark and the quiet click of the door closing reached him. He lay completely motionless, his eyes still jammed shut, he heard her sniff and immediately hated himself; she'd had to walk all that way in the pouring rain…alone.
His mind went blank hearing her move towards the bathroom, he froze.
The bathroom!
The light flickered on and the grayish black returned, then there was silence, followed by a surprised gasp; she'd obviously noticed the mirror. Cursing he realized that the hand wrapped inside of a towel was firmly set on top of the cover, in plain view of the bathroom door.
Cracking one eyelid open, he could just about make out the outline of Kimberly, she was standing in the bathroom, staring at the mirror. Swallowing nervously he lifted his right hand as slowly, and as quietly as possible. Raising the quilt beneath him with his left hand he attempted to conceal his wound beneath the covers. However thanks to the constrictive space the chair provided it was proving quite difficult. He opened his other eye and watched Kimberly while continuing to try and wrestle his arm under. Unfortunately, just when it looked like he was about to succeed his elbow knocked against the book he'd been reading for the past few days positioned conveniently on the edge of the stand next to him. With a flutter of pages, and followed by a low thud he dropped his arm and watched as Kimberly turned her head.
She was looking at him directly, fortunately it was just dark enough, and he could tell that she wasn't sure whether or not he was awake. "Adam?" her voice was quiet, just loud enough for him to hear if he was awake, but was also low enough to not wake him if he had been sleeping.
'Oh hell' his mind commented, he took a deep breath before answering, "Yeah."
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Kimberly stared at the silhouetted form in the chair, she could only see up to his waist but knew that he was looking right at her, his face expectant, waiting for whatever question she was going to ask.
But what could she ask?
Eventually she went for the only thing that she really could say. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah," short, abrupt, cold, those were the words Kimberly put with his response, however she also detected a hint of pain in his voice.
She wasn't about to ask if he wanted to talk about it, if he had gone to all the trouble of keeping his body a secret from everyone for so long, then he must have a good reason. One he obviously didn't want to discuss. The pink ranger motioned back to the mirror, "How about your hand?"
"It's fine."
"Is it bleeding?"
Adam paused, "Yes," he figured there was no point in lying anymore; she already knew his deepest darkest secret anyway.
She moved towards him, "Let me take a look at it."
"There's no need," this time his answer was fast and abrasive, as if he was afraid to let her near him.
"It could be bad," she attempted to reason, taking another step towards him. He didn't answer. Instead he just sat there, his face still masked by the darkness. She could now see the towel. There was a faint red tinge to it, making her even more persistent. "I'm going to turn the light on and sort your hand out okay?" again no response, Kimberly decided to take that as a yes and moved back towards the door.
"Wait!" she stalled a few inches from the switch, and for a moment thought that he was about to try and talk her out of it. Instead the lamp next to him flickered to life and illuminated Adams face, he glanced over at her, but she wasn't about to settle for that tiny light and flicked the switch next to the door turning the darkness to light.
Throwing the cover off of him Adam pushed firmly down with his legs, bringing the chair to its upright position, flinging the quilt to one side he watched Kimberly gather up a few plasters, a bag of cotton balls and a bottle of iodine from her wash bag. He also noticed that she was soaked to the bone. She re-approached him. Kneeling down in front of him she glanced up and gave him a reassuring smile. "It may sting a little," she soothed while unwrapping his hand.
"I'm sure I can handle it," he said, Kimberly's heart broke, although his voice was void of all emotion, the pink ranger could almost sense the pain coming off of him.
Seeing his hand was now coated in blood, she grabbed one of the cotton balls and started to clean it off, "They aren't too deep," she reassured, "the bloods already started to congeal," he remained silent throughout the whole process.
Adam noticed the pink ranger glancing at his shirt every now and again, her eyes unintentionally wondering ever so slightly, as if she had x-ray vision and could see what was underneath. The stinging pain from the iodine registered, Adam ignored it and said, "You should dry yourself off. You don't want to catch pneumonia."
Kimberly smiled, not taking her eyes off her work, "I'm sure I'll survive, what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. Right?"
'What a bunch of crap' his mind remarked, he gave a false smile, "Right," there was more silence, "I'm sorry I left you there, it was wrong."
"That's okay," she said, still not looking at him, "You had your reasons," she said the last part quietly, she felt Adams whole body stiffen. 'Good work Kimberly' her mind muttered.
This was the reason Adam had never wanted Kimberly to see his body; she was nervous and fidgety around him, and he could even sense fear. And he hated himself for it. But he didn't say a word; there was nothing he could say.
The rest of the time was spent in silence, Kimberly eventually applied the last plaster to his last cut knuckle and sunk back down onto her knees, "There," she stated, "All done," she looked up at him and frowned, "Now, lets see that cut on your lip." She extended her hand in an attempt to turn his head slightly so she'd be able to see the cut, the black ranger backed away slightly. Kimberly sighed, "Adam," she attempted to reason, "I'm not going to hurt you."
He looked at her, his deep brown eyes filled with misery and pain, "It's not me I'm worried about."
"Oh Adam…" she whispered, she extended her hand and this time he did not pull away.
He shivered, the feel of her cool, smooth skin on his hot face sending a sense of relief flooding through his body as she slowly caressed his cheek. It was as if he was lost in a comforting sea of warmth, where nothing could ever hurt him again.
But that wasn't the way it was.
Gently, he closed his good hand around her wrist and extracted it from his face, "Don't," he said, his voice almost a whisper. The pink ranger stared at him, he could see the pity in her eyes, and he knew exactly what she was about to say.
"Why?"
"Why what?" he was back in defensive mode again.
"Why didn't you tell us Adam? About…" she trailed off, "You know."
He released her wrist from his hand, "What?" Adam suddenly became angry, "The hideous scars running all over my body? Gee Kimberly, I really didn't think it was anybody else's business."
"That's not what I mean Adam," Kimberly stated firmly, "and you know it. We're you're friends, we wouldn't think any less of you."
"Friends?" the black ranger held a hint of surprise in his voice, he brought his dark eyes, alight with fury, to bare on the pink ranger, "Friends!" he once again said before letting out a bitter laugh. "Since when Kimberly, the only friends I have that are rangers are Rocky and Aisha. And not even she knows about this." He stood up and strode past the kneeling Kimberly, he circled the room a little before spinning around and leaning back against the wall, "The other rangers and me weren't friends Kimberly, we were acquaintances."
Kimberly, feeling a fire of her own ignite inside got to her feet, "That's not true Adam."
"Really? What exactly do you know about me Kimberly? As a matter of fact, what do any of the rangers know about me? My birthday, my address, that doesn't make us friends. We hang out, yes, but the conversation always drifts when we're all together. And do you know where it drifts too?" the pink ranger remained silent, "Right back to the beginning. You, Billy, Trini, Jason, Zack and Tommy, every time we're all together there's a distance, I know Rocky feels it and I'm pretty sure Aisha feels it too." Adam pushed himself off of the wall again and approached the smaller Kimberly, leaning down so he was only a few inches away from her face he hissed, "If any of you were my friends then maybe you would've figured it out by now."
Kimberly was actually shaking with rage, she'd never seen Adam act this way before, but behind everything she could still see that pain and misery in his eyes. "You're right Adam," he gave her a sarcastic smile and turned his back to her, "But maybe if you weren't so secretive all of the time we would've figured it out."
He turned his head, "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Exactly what I said," Kimberly nearly yelled, "That night we went for that walk in the park. I asked you why you strayed from the group all of the time, and what did you do? Your walls came up and you just snapped at me, saying that you don't question me about Tommy then why should I question you."
"So? The only reason you want to know, the only reason that you're here now is because you had nowhere else to go. And all of a sudden you want me to tell you *everything* about me. Why should I?"
"Because you need to tell someone Adam, you can't just bottle everything up. And yeah, maybe I am here because of some unfortunate circumstances, but that doesn't change the fact that I wouldn't give this week up for a million dollars." He stayed silent, approaching his turned back she wrapped her hand in his, "Adam, you have helped me through one of the most difficult periods of my life. Without you here, being kind, supportive and always, always being there for me I'd be on my way home to Florida. And I'd never have come back here." She fell silent, the room was filled with heavy breathing from both pink and black ranger, Kimberly slipped her hand out of his and embraced him from behind, "Won't you let me help you. Can't you let me in?"
Adam was shaking, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop, "I can't," he whispered, "I have to do this on my own."
Kimberly listened to his voice, the anger had melted away and now he sounded like a small boy, "Don't you think you've been on your own for long enough?"
Yes
That was the one word Adam wanted to say more than anything, he wanted to scream it out loud, he wanted to be able to get close to someone. He wanted to feel alive, instead of a hollowed out shell, he wanted the pain to stop.
Closing his hands around hers Adam gently pulled them apart and stepped out of her embrace, Kimberly watched him the whole time, she saw him take a deep breath. "Like I said," he repeated, "I have to do this own my own."
Kimberly couldn't understand him, why was he being so difficult, why was he so determined to stay miserable forever? "Why won't you let me help you Adam, like you helped me."
"These are different circumstances," his voice was strong again, as if he'd made up his mind, but the pink ranger was even more determined to change it.
"I know that Adam. You must be in so much pain, and I can help you through it, if you'd only let me."
Adam remained silent, for a long while neither of them moved, until the black ranger slowly turned around to face her, "And that's the exact reason why I can't let you."
Kimberly's face showed confusion as her eyebrows furrowed, "I don't understand."
"I don't want your pity Kimberly, that's the reason why I didn't tell you or Aisha. Because I don't want to be pitied, I don't want to go through each day with you asking 'Are you okay' or 'How are you feeling' like I'm weak, because I may be in pain. But at least that pain gives me strength."
"But you don't have to be strong Adam, Zedd and Rita are gone now. The battles are over, you can just be you now."
Adam shook his head, "Battles never end Kimberly, in some way or another I'm always fighting a battle."
Kimberly groaned in frustration, "And what battle are you fighting Adam, who's this opponent that is driving you to keep this from me." He didn't reply, "Tell me!"
He stared at her, a long pause ensued, and just for a moment Kimberly thought he wasn't going to reply, but he did, opening his he said simply, "You."
"What!" Kimberly stood there in a state of shock, confusion and slight anger, "What the hell is that supposed to mean," she practically yelled, "For once will you give me a straight god damn answer," that time she actually was yelling.
Adam's resolve broke, "You really wanna know why?" he yelled back at her.
"Yes, I do Adam. And for once, say it so I understand!"
"Because I don't want you to see me in pain. I want to be strong when I'm with you."
"Why?"
"Because I'm in love you!"
To Be Continued
By Boulder
Authors Notes
Whew, sorry it took a long time to write this chapter but it is one of the most important ones in the actual story. Hopefully I'll get the next one up in 2-3 weeks time. Anyway, thank you for all the reviews and suggestions, and as always, if you still like the story keep em coming. I really appreciate it.
Regards,
Boulder