Author Note: Not for the weak of heart, this is a shameless fic that I felt so tempted to write after re-reading this one part of the book. I couldn't leave it unwritten, so here I go.
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, everything belongs to Gregory Maguire. ESPECIALLY the last section of this fic, which I have taken directly out of the book. Citation to follow.
Touch
Elphaba was eighteen. A woman. Although her body had blossomed, it was still the ugliest flower in any field. No one would look at her without flinching or making a face before walking away or whispering jokes and secrets behind pale, carefully gloved hands. As hungry as her body was, the green-woman-had to let it starve. She caged it like a wild beast inside dull, shapeless dresses as it snarled and fought for escape.
If it weren't for her skin's green coloring, the only physical complaints she would have had towards herself would be her breasts. After growing to what promised to be her full height, her breasts were a disappointment to all females everywhere; They were almost nonexistent. While all other girls loved to flirt and giggle like fools, Elphaba read and studied and learned all that she could. But while attracting and pleasing men proved to be no interests to Elphaba, ensnaring them was.
After too many nights of lying in bed, alone - not just at Shiz, but for her entire life - Elphaba began to wonder what it felt like to lie with another. She longed for the powerful rush of sex that her mother had been all but addicted to. But lust fueled sex, and lust itself was fueled by love, desire, or just a strong want.
Elphaba was out of luck, since no one loved, desired or even wanted her. She was disgusting, repulsive; No one ever would. The only thing that closely resembled wanting her was everyone wanting her to go away and leave them alone. After all, people have a hard time noticing beautiful things when their vision is being obscured by a hideous green embarrassment to all of Oz.
She didn't even love herself, but that's a given, seeing to the lifestyle in which she grew up in. Loathed by her mother, ostracized by her father, pushed into the back by her sister and ignored and stared at by everyone else, little Elphie was not a happy child and she did not grow up to be a happy woman.
Hardly anything had ever brought her pleasure, and by keeping quiet and finding dark places to sit, Elphaba fell into the habit of overhearing day-old gossip, the kind that slipped out through perfectly painted crimson lips. It was the kind of gossip that was not meant for just anybody. But Elphaba was not a normal college girl, and many stories unintentionally found their way to her ears.
They were savage tales of bedroom adventures from the most respectable of young women, or at least the ones who appeared to be the most respectable. They whispered about sneaking out of Crage Hall and into the boys' dorms. Stories described hands fluttering to unbutton and unzip dresses and skits and chemises while another pair of hands, the boys, moved for the shoes and stockings.
Hands snaked between slim legs and up pale thighs. Two bodies fell onto the bed, both completely naked with their clothes strewn carelessly on the floor. When the girl spoke about the sex itself, Elphaba would close her eyes and pretend it was she in that bed instead of the spoiled gossips. She would be disappointed each time the stories ended, each time the girls would giggle and glance over their shoulders to see that they weren't being followed. "If anyone overheard," they would say, "how awful that would be!"
Conveniently enough, Elphaba matched the green bushes just fine, so no one ever uncovered her. Sometimes at night she would fall asleep and dream herself into one of the girls' stories; Her sheets were often damp when she woke; Terrified of Ama Clutch finding them, she made the choice to wash them herself. It was a difficult task that took her all night, for she would not let a single drop of water touch her skin.
As time wore on and Elphaba's needs grew, so grew a plan as well. It started small, in a deep corner of her mind, but soon it multiplied in size until it seemed all but perfect. It all started with that damn Avaric, the boy who walked as if all of Oz followed behind to wait on his every need and constantly tell him how fabulous he was. Little did he know, he was far from fabulous.
But he was fabulous in bed, according to the stories. He appeared in more then half of them, but it seemed to be no turnoff to anyone. Everyone wanted a piece of Avaric, and so did Elphaba. It was shallow, it was ridiculous, but for the first time, something she wanted was finally within reach. She wanted to take it and have it for her own; happiness.
Avaric was an attractive man, almost too attractive. He was the kind of person others loathed for the sake of him looking so damn good and making it seem effortless. Ignoring his personality, Elphaba wanted him for her own with hopes of taming and finally conquering him. He and She would become We, in her mind, and although she hated his company she couldn't bring herself to do anything but love the rest of him.
Elphaba knew she was ugly to look at with her green skin and pointed features, but she was also ugly underneath her clothes. If her looks alone didn't scare Avaric out of his skin, stripping down for him might. He would see everything she was and that would be the worst of all. So her plan grew.
(*)
Avaric turned in late, a little past midnight, but it was alright since Galinda had stayed up preening until half past ten. Elphaba guessed the girl finally realized that missing one early night would not make her less beautiful. If only sleep helped one's beauty grow, oh the friends and men Elphie would have.
Once she had been sure Galinda was asleep, she snuck into the boys' dormitories the same way Boq had snuck in through the kitchen garden. She lurked in the shadows outside Avaric's dorm (for there had been a directory placed outside the hall for visitors) until he finally made his way down the hall.
As he shut the door behind him, Elphaba lunged forward and jammed a stick she had picked up on her way into the crack, stopping the door just a second before it shut completely. Half an hour she waited before creeping inside. The boy was rich enough for his own dorm, of course, so roomies would be no problem.
It was a cold night; He slept with his blanket pulled up around his shoulders, knees tucked into his chest. From her pocket Elphaba pulled a black cloth, smooth and silky and, leaning one knee on the bed and tied it about Avaric's closed eyes.
She intentionally brushed her fingers along his cheek; Avaric jumped awake and immediately started talking, complaining. Elphie, who had never done anything of this sort before, pressed her lips to his to silence him. At first, confusion masked his beautiful features, but the kiss worked just fine, and soon his tongue was sweeping the inside of her mouth.
He grabbed Elphaba's waist and pulled her on top of him; to her disappointment, they withdrew quickly, only to come up to the blindfold. "Wait." He breathed, about to remove it, but Elphaba took his hand and held it.
"No," she whispered, trying her best to mask her voice. "Leave it on." Since pinching her vocal cords so to sound more like a giggling Galinda or Shenshen was only going to grow more painful the more she spoke, Elphaba silently vowed that this was going to be a night spent without much talking on her part. Of course it wasn't going to be completely silent. It would be very hard to stay silent during sex, the green girl had learned from hiding in a bush and overhearing explicit stories.
She repositioned the hand onto her breast. It closed on her chest almost instantly, like a baby breastfeeding on it's mother. The thrill of being touched was exhilarating. She felt a rush between her legs even before Avaric's hands entered the woodwork. He looked slightly puzzled at first, trying to use her body to figure out her identity, but he soon gave up and continued with this mystery woman lying on top of him.
First it was just lips, then tongues, his hands on her chest; Elphie did not know where to put hers, so she did the same, even though he was male and had no breasts to speak of. She was just one step up from any man, but Avaric did not seem to mind. She moved one hand up to his face, flattening her palm against his cheek, and the other down to his waist.
Quickly, as if they were moving far too slow, Avaric's hands left her chest to search blindly for the bottom of her skirt. Elphaba pulled her lips away from his and sat up, both hands on his waist while his found her legs at last; she arched her back and moaned softly as they traveled closer to her groin.
In no time they were naked and kissing and touching again with even more strength then before. Avaric was having a bit of trouble due to his lack of vision, but together they managed just fine. Even though she thought, knew she wanted it, Elphaba was surprised when Avaric rolled over and pinned her to the bed. She ran her fingers through his longish hair and gripped handfuls when Avaric, like a blind man, was almost caressing her vagina, looking for it.
The instant he did, he slipped inside; a cry ripped itself from Elphaba's lips; this was nothing she had ever felt before, nothing she could have imagined herself ever feeling. Gasping, she pulled Avaric's face to hers, and they kissed for a short time before pulling away, completely out of breath.
His member was still inside of her, all the while his hips rocking back and forth. She moaned again, louder this time, tossing her head and wrapped her arms against Avaric's back. Every muscle in her body seemed to be tense, close to the point of exploding. Her heavy breath caught at the back of her throat and she shivered but felt so warm, and then it was all over.
Elphie fell limp as Avaric came out and lay down on top of her. Both panting, they shared a long kiss, his hands slowly moving up her body, going over every curve, every bone, covering each and every part of her (although he had stopped over her breasts and her nipples responded graciously for the attention) before coming up to her face, and kissing again for the last time. Looking down, she saw her blood was smeared all over her body as well as Avaric's hands.
She made him promise to leave the blindfold on until she had gotten dressed, until all but her head was out the door, before leaving him to his own free will.
Running as fast as she could, Elphaba's mind raced even faster. It was her first time, she had actually achieved something with a boy that loathed her probably more then he loved Misses Shenshen and Milla, according to their stories. It proved to the most racist male of them all that looks were absolutely nothing at all. She felt breathless, she felt free, like if she jumped she would simply fly.
For a fleeting moment, she felt disappointed that Avaric got to do all the work. Even in the bed, males were always dominant, and she abhorred this.
(*)
Avaric was regarding Elphaba with contempt. "Miss Elphaba," he said formally, "does your name imply any elf blood in your background?"
"What a novel idea," said Elphaba. "If there were, I suppose my limbs would be as brittle as uncooked pasta, and come apart with the slightest of pressure. Would you care to apply some force?" She proffered a forearm, green as spring limeberry. "Do, I beg you, so we can settle this question for once, for all. We shall conclude that the relative force you need to break my arm-as opposed to other arms you have broken-is proportionate to the relative amount of human versus elfin blood in my veins."
"I certainly will not touch you," said Avaric, managing to say many things at once.
"The elf in the self regrets," said Elphaba (page 119).