Under the Influence
By: The Confused One
Rating: R for drugs, imagery, violence, swearing and blood
Warning: I have this feeling that a warning is needed for this one. If drugs, violence, swearing, mention of blood, or imagery bothers you, skip this fic. It's not my nicest, that's for sure.
Summary: The results of a sting gone badly.
A/N: Hope you like this one. It's different, and not exactly the easiest story, I've written, to follow by any means, but I'm doing some things that I haven't done in fiction that I've posted before. So enjoy it. By the way, a second chapter possibility is directly related to the amount of reviews I get. Hey, what can I say? I'm one of those feedback whores. he he he Oh yeah, I get a LITTLE B/A at the end. I'm sure you guys at Amorous will like it. One more thing, just so you know, I debated HEAVILY on if I should post this or not, and I hope I didn't make a mistake by doing so. I want honest opinions... Also, last thing, the & symbols are flashback symbols. Hope you don't get too confused by them.
Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own anything even remotely related to this great show. I'm just borrowing the characters, and I promise to put them back unharmed, since Wolf has brought these great characters to us and fueled my muse, I figure the putting them back thing unharmed is the least I can do.
Backing up to the wall, she's crying. Her hands and part of her clothing are covered in blood. Her hair is a matted mess. She's sweating bullets. She's sticky and cold both. Hugging her knees, she puts her head down on her knees as she sobs, wishing, praying for the images and demons to stop. Somehow she knew. She knew it was almost over. Her thoughts were become more and more coherent. Yet, she still cried. The last one had seemed so real. She just wanted it over. What had Goren said?
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"Breath OK. It's not real. Don't look at it. Look at me. Stay with me. I won't let anything happen to you. Ignore them, and focus on me."
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He had promised that he wouldn't leave her. Where was he now? She didn't understand. Where had he gone? Why wasn't he here? He had disappeared right before the last one. He went to get something, right? He went for something.
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"I'll be right back. I'm going to get you some water, and I'll be right back."
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But that was a long time ago, or at least what her mind perceived as a long time ago. She didn't really know how long he had been gone. All she does know is that he's never brought the water. She's in the kitchen now herself. He isn't there. She doesn't understand it. Wait, hadn't the monster had water? Hadn't the monster tried to talk to her? Her head began to spin again. She couldn't think. She couldn't remember the monster anymore. All she could remember was the fear.
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"Get away from me! Get away! I won't let you hurt me!"
Jumping from the couch, where she was sitting, she ran. She ran for the kitchen, for the safety of Goren, who wasn't there. She could hear it coming. She grabbed a knife from the drawer. She turned around the corner at just the right time, stabbed the monster in the gut. The monster stumbled back crying out in pain.
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Looking at the corner, she gulps. It's probably safe now. The sofa is more comfortable. She decides to wait another minute though, to be sure. There can't be anymore of them. The last one was the scariest. It doesn't get worse. Besides, they've been slowing down. It's almost over. Suddenly a word sticks out in her head.
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"Eames!"
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She's instantly crawling towards the corner. She's crying again, and repeating over and over as she crawls, "Oh God! No! Oh God! No! Not him! I couldn't have hurt him."
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"Alex!"
She couldn't understand the monster. It was jumbled in her head. She pulled out the knife. She dropped it to her side. She began crawling backwards; terrified it was going to get up again.
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She turns the corner.
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She crawls into the kitchen now. She can't take the pained look on the monster, the jumbled words, or the blood.
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She gasps at the site of him. He's sitting up against the wall now. Blood is everywhere. He looks barely conscious.
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"I'll be fine Goren. I'm his type. You'll be right there. Nothing's going to happen."
He answered, "I just worry."
With a smile, she replied, "I know. I really am fine though. I'm ready to go, I'm more worried about you."
He smiled in return. With a sigh, he responded, "I'm fine. I'm not the one risking my life here."
She gave him a carefree shrug. She confidently replied, "I'm wired up, and I have you as back up. I'm not worried."
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Staring at him, she begins to panic. She's kneeling in front of him. Trying to where the wound is exactly. In a panicked, breathless voice she cries out, "Oh God! I'm so sorry! Bobby, stay awake."
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She sat waiting, hoping to get a bite. It didn't take long, a guy, "Hi, names John."
He listened as she responded, "Hi. Name's Alex."
He smiled at her. She smiled in return. The bartender put her drink down. He kept going, "Do you like to dance?"
Alex continued to smile. Something about this one seemed sweet. Hearing the music changing, she turned to look to find out what it was changed to. Turning back around, she realized the wire wasn't working. She was getting a tad bit of garbled noise, and silence. Taking a sip of her drink, she figured this guy was harmless, one dance wouldn't hurt, and maybe it would even help her reception. She didn't want to lose her chance to catch this guy. She answered the invitation to dance, "Why not."
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He grabs her arm. He speaks quietly and slowly, "I just need the first aid kit in the bathroom. I'll be OK. Don't panic. Breath. Concentrate."
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She stood up, and went to the dance floor with John.
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Nodding her head, she uses the wall to help her stand again. She hurries to the bathroom and gets the first aid kit.
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The world started to spin. Suddenly she began to feel a little sick. She began to back away from John. Things were morphing, changing, and reshaping around her. All she could do was gasp for air, as she backed away, desperate to get away from it.
She shook her head; wide-eyed, panicked, things were closing in on her. She backed into someone. She couldn't scream. She instantly turned. Now coming face to face with Goren, she about hypervinelated. The room was getting small to her now. She couldn't figure out when it got so small. She felt him hands on her shoulders. He blocked her vision. She couldn't let him move. She couldn't see the closing in building. She heard his voice far away, "Alex. Alex. I know something's wrong. It's OK. I'm going to find out what, and I'm going to fix it. You're OK. The walls aren't moving. Stay with me here."
Suddenly his eyes were gone, and she was left wondering if she was speaking. The walls were back. She felt someone holding her hand. They began making her move. They started pulling her farther and farther away from the center, towards the moving walls. She wouldn't go. She ignored the people around her. They didn't understand. She felt herself being dragged. They're gone. The walls stopped. She didn't understand why. Suddenly the person stopped dragging her, and he reappeared. Goren told her to sit, and it'll be OK. He walked away. She saw him talking into something. Radio. She realized it was his radio. He began yelling at John. Jumping up from her seat, she tried to stop it. She didn't know what's going on. He stopped her, got her sitting again. He talked to her, and she was able to a little sense out of it, "It's OK. I'm just trying to figure out what he slipped you."
Realization set in. She was drugged. That was the problem. The anger began boiling over, and she came at the guy, herself. Someone grabbed her arm, holding her back. She knew who it was. He tried again to sooth her, "He's handcuffed to the bar. He's not going anywhere, and hitting him isn't going to help."
She felt sick again. In a daze, she turned around and tried to find her seat. He helped her, and then went straight back to John. She understood the word, "Hallucinogen."
The rest was fuzzy. She saw uniforms, and felt someone grabbing her arm. She felt a prick, and he stopped her from pulling her arm away, and making it worse. She felt like she was in the jungle, with spiders, snakes, and other deadly animals. Grabbing her arm, he began leading her out of the jungle. Suddenly she realized that they were not in a jungle at all. They were out on the street. She saw uniformed cops take John away. Grabbing her attention, he explained, "They're going to find out what exactly it is that he gave you. You're coming to my apartment. I'm not leaving you alone right now."
Before she knew it, he was leading her to a car.
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She immediately starts helping him dress his wound. He stiffens as she applies the antiseptic and she continues to apologize. Rubbing her cheek, he finally replies, "It's OK. I'm all right. You weren't thinking straight. You didn't know."
She shakes her head venomously. She counters, "I should have."
He holds the bandages her for to tape. Taking a deep breath, and ignoring the pain, he reminds her, "See, you're already doing better."
Shaking her head, she finishes her taping job, hoping that it's good enough. She replies, "I'm shaky. I can barely think. I'm just starting really be able to form complete sentences. I feel nauseous, and I'm scared. I don't know what the hell I have in my system, and how it's going to affect me two years from now. Not to mention that I shouldn't be here. I, I don't want to hurt you again."
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He helped her through the door. He suggests that she sit down. Sitting beside her, he began trying to talk to her again, "Breath OK. It's not real. Don't look at it. Look at me. Stay with me. I won't let anything happen to you. Ignore them, and focus on me."
She stared at him blankly. All the haze around reality was making it hard to even try to focus. She finally uttered, "I'm trying."
With his nod, she knew he understood. He began talking to her, "Whatever you're seeing, keep trying to focus on me instead."
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She feels his arm, as she tries to get up. Turning back around to face him, he explains, "No. You're not going to hurt me again. I can tell. It's wearing off isn't it? I don't want you alone right now; we don't know what this stuff is. He's not talking. They called. Remember? Please stay."
She tentatively nods back. He nods back, letting go of her arm, pleased that she's acknowledging him. She relents, "God. Goren, I can't believe I… Can you even move?"
She can't help but keep her eyes locked with his brown pools. She's managing to sit on her knees, contrasting his pole like straight out stiff looking legs. He tries to lessen the severity, "I really can't move. It took about all I had to get against the wall here, but listen; this is far from the worse I've ever had. You missed everything close to major organs. You're a lousy aim."
Cracks and jokes just aren't funny to her right now. Shaking her head, she replies, "You've lost so much blood. You should be at a hospital."
She can't believe it. Responsible, sensible thoughts are forming once more in her head. She closes her eyes, praying that it really is clearing. The fog scares her even more than the delusions. He pleads, "Don't. I promise, I'll be fine. The bleeding stopped. If we go to the hospital, they'll have to find out what happened, and you're not getting into trouble for something that wasn't your fault. Just help me onto the couch."
She can't believe he's saying this stuff. Does he not care if he lives or dies? She angrily protests, "I'd rather suffer the wrath of IA, the press, and the courts than risk something happening to you, especially when I can do something, like right now. I need to get you to a hospital. Where I should have gone from the beginning."
He angrily shoots back, "I don't want to go. I'm fine, and since I'm fine, we're not making something of this. Help me onto the couch."
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She was rolled up into a ball, refusing to hear anything else. The hallucinations were just too strong. She knew they weren't real. She finally understood that, but it's just the hallucinations were too strong. They were too real. As hard as she tried, she couldn't ignore them, even with his help, even with Goren.
She felt him touch her shoulder, and his voice pierced through the noise, "Alex. Alex! Look at me! Damn it, Eames, stay with me here!"
She tentatively looked up at him. Finding his eyes, she was able to attempt to lose the rest. She muttered, "I'm trying."
She felt his grip tighten some. She finds herself sitting up again. Sadly, he admitted, "I know. I'm sorry. I know you're trying. Focus on me. Stay with me here."
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She helps him straighten out on the couch, the questions forming in her mind. Finding his eyes again, she asks, "Why didn't you let them take me to holding cell or a hospital in the first place?"
She notices that he can't look at her. He whispers, "I couldn't let them. I wanted to keep you safe."
She sits down beside him. She doesn't understand. She does a little prodding, "I would have been safe, and you wouldn't be hurt."
Catching her eyes, he admits, "Protect you from, from what you were seeing, feeling."
She immediately closes her eyes as she realizes what he's talking about. Grabbing his arm, she worriedly catches his eyes, and speaks, "Bobby. I'm so sorry. This was. This was hard on you."
She feels his hand brush her cheek. She feels herself getting lost in his eyes again. He assures her, "Not as hard as it's been for you. I'll be alright, as long as you are."
She nods. She's not fighting him on this, not tonight. She's too tired, weak, and guilty. Somehow she's glad she doesn't remember most of the night, and she almost hopes she never will. The memories she did have were too hard as they were. She worries about how he remembers everything. She wants to talk to him about it. She wants him to push her away, like she knows he should. She wants him to get angry. She wants him to feel. She knows he's too calm. She knows the pain and storm just underneath that was brought out because of this, and she hates herself for being part of it, but she's determined to help fix it, by making him talk, making him feel, later. Leaning back on the couch, she feels like she could just go to sleep right there, right then. She realizes then just how tired she is. Seeing he has closed his own eyes, she proceeds to close her own eyes for a moment, only to fall asleep. Her body shifts, causing her to end up sleeping against his shoulder, as he sleeps too.