Colors of War Chapter 2b: Reflections
Every day I watch you with me, with him, and my heart burns.
Love in its most painful form.
This is something Diera must learn eventually. I would rather she not learn at all.
Don't get me wrong. I detest the whelp. She'll get herself killed sooner or later. Still, this is soething I would not wish on even someone as genuinely annoying as she is. Someone will teach her of love and its pain, but not me. I'm old enough to be her father, for mercy's sake. It's like cradle-robbing or something. Disgusting. Besides, she's nothing like Lucrecia. Nothing like you at all, my love, my capricious forbidden beauty.
To tell you the truth, I cannot in all honesty say that you have good taste. Binding yourself to that disgusting slug of a Wutaian was, is an appalling display of horrible taste. I guess, for a Turk, binding my fortune to yours must seem an appalling display of horrible judgement to them. Diera, that little minx, said as much, said what others yet fear to think in my presence. I was so angry- later I was sorry, but I do not think she has quite forgotten that I can mop the floor with her if I feel like it. She hardly says anything to me now that is not an act, and I hardly speak to her of anything outside work or training.
It is ironing that this has started over you, my sleeping beauty, over the angel I saw in the girl who dozed on my shoulder on that first, fateful helicopter ride. Many women have slept beside me before you, but none awakened the same quiet wonder that I felt in those moments. Diera so far has only managed to arouse anything remotely 'fond' from me a handful of times, and each time I had to barricade my idiot emotion up and lock it away. She is an annoying, manipulative, adolescent twit- everything I have raised her to be. And yet, despite all the hell I have gone through to raise that girl, she still is able to inspire the same feeling in me that you do. More rarely, of course, and I think she works at not inspiring anything but anger in me, now, but I cannot shake the feeling that it is the same things. Planet forbid that I feel any affection for Diera. And still, again and again, I wonder…
I guess that now I will never know again. I do not even want to explore that possibility. Not only would Iridalan and Lancir kill me, I think Diera herself would, too. I know I would. She hates me because I hate her. Any weakness now, after all these years, would be seen as a liability on her side. Diera has a distinct tendency to dispose of liabilities. No, it is far less troubling and much more fulfilling to remain by your side, my love, though you never really see me. You choose to see Hojo for his mind, and you see me for what you think I am, and it pains me so, but this is the love I have chosen, and this love I know I will give my life for.
Rest well tonight, my sleeping beauty, and never know the pain you cause me.
I love you, Lucrecia Kamryn, and though your heart is with another, know that I am always by your side. I am your black knight in dark armor, your secret magician who brings to life the fantasies a scientist should not have. And your side I will never leave, not as long as my life is still within me.
**
Author's notes: …..wow. I was almost running dry by the time I wrote this (damn, starting a plotted story is so hard!) so I think, all things considered, it turned out rather well. All through the game I kept wondering, why in the world did Vincent- very handsome and probably many a girl's heartthrob- stick by a woman who cheated on him? I think maybe he was a) a masochist or b) hopelessly in love. This is my attempt to combine the two, and if Diera seems to intrude a lot, remember that he spent the last twelve years raising her; that tends to put them in people's minds quite often, whether the thinker wants it or not! I spent 4 years with someone in the same school, 3 of them in the same class, and after I left the country I keep thinking of that her so often that I'm surprised I don't expect to see her in the same room with me half the time. And that's just 4 years, think about 10 years. Very normal.
Ps: Wonder why nobody's reviewing. Is my writing really that bad?
Puzzled,
Akishira
Every day I watch you with me, with him, and my heart burns.
Love in its most painful form.
This is something Diera must learn eventually. I would rather she not learn at all.
Don't get me wrong. I detest the whelp. She'll get herself killed sooner or later. Still, this is soething I would not wish on even someone as genuinely annoying as she is. Someone will teach her of love and its pain, but not me. I'm old enough to be her father, for mercy's sake. It's like cradle-robbing or something. Disgusting. Besides, she's nothing like Lucrecia. Nothing like you at all, my love, my capricious forbidden beauty.
To tell you the truth, I cannot in all honesty say that you have good taste. Binding yourself to that disgusting slug of a Wutaian was, is an appalling display of horrible taste. I guess, for a Turk, binding my fortune to yours must seem an appalling display of horrible judgement to them. Diera, that little minx, said as much, said what others yet fear to think in my presence. I was so angry- later I was sorry, but I do not think she has quite forgotten that I can mop the floor with her if I feel like it. She hardly says anything to me now that is not an act, and I hardly speak to her of anything outside work or training.
It is ironing that this has started over you, my sleeping beauty, over the angel I saw in the girl who dozed on my shoulder on that first, fateful helicopter ride. Many women have slept beside me before you, but none awakened the same quiet wonder that I felt in those moments. Diera so far has only managed to arouse anything remotely 'fond' from me a handful of times, and each time I had to barricade my idiot emotion up and lock it away. She is an annoying, manipulative, adolescent twit- everything I have raised her to be. And yet, despite all the hell I have gone through to raise that girl, she still is able to inspire the same feeling in me that you do. More rarely, of course, and I think she works at not inspiring anything but anger in me, now, but I cannot shake the feeling that it is the same things. Planet forbid that I feel any affection for Diera. And still, again and again, I wonder…
I guess that now I will never know again. I do not even want to explore that possibility. Not only would Iridalan and Lancir kill me, I think Diera herself would, too. I know I would. She hates me because I hate her. Any weakness now, after all these years, would be seen as a liability on her side. Diera has a distinct tendency to dispose of liabilities. No, it is far less troubling and much more fulfilling to remain by your side, my love, though you never really see me. You choose to see Hojo for his mind, and you see me for what you think I am, and it pains me so, but this is the love I have chosen, and this love I know I will give my life for.
Rest well tonight, my sleeping beauty, and never know the pain you cause me.
I love you, Lucrecia Kamryn, and though your heart is with another, know that I am always by your side. I am your black knight in dark armor, your secret magician who brings to life the fantasies a scientist should not have. And your side I will never leave, not as long as my life is still within me.
**
Author's notes: …..wow. I was almost running dry by the time I wrote this (damn, starting a plotted story is so hard!) so I think, all things considered, it turned out rather well. All through the game I kept wondering, why in the world did Vincent- very handsome and probably many a girl's heartthrob- stick by a woman who cheated on him? I think maybe he was a) a masochist or b) hopelessly in love. This is my attempt to combine the two, and if Diera seems to intrude a lot, remember that he spent the last twelve years raising her; that tends to put them in people's minds quite often, whether the thinker wants it or not! I spent 4 years with someone in the same school, 3 of them in the same class, and after I left the country I keep thinking of that her so often that I'm surprised I don't expect to see her in the same room with me half the time. And that's just 4 years, think about 10 years. Very normal.
Ps: Wonder why nobody's reviewing. Is my writing really that bad?
Puzzled,
Akishira