Chapter 16.
Buffy walked all the way home, wanting to get some of the stress out of her system, before she had to face people. It took her 45mins, so even though she had left the office early, Faith had beaten her home after taking her usual cab. She came in slamming the door behind her, and threw her keys on the table.
"What happened to you B?" Faith asked concerned.
She grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and twisted off the cap. Faith raised an eyebrow. Buffy rarely drank, and never on a work night. She figured Spike must have pissed her off pretty bad, to have her heading straight for the beer.
"Just wanted to clear my head, that's all Faith," she mumbled before settling onto the sofa.
"Well at least its all back to normal tomorrow huh!" The brunette joined her on the sofa. "I mean he got his little 'power trip' thing out of his system now, right!" She continued. "You wanna tell me what's on your mind Buff?"
Buffy couldn't even get a word out. She began to cry, but she was totally inconsolable. Faith didn't know what to do, she put an arm around her friend but Buffy just shrugged it off.
"Buffy? What the hell did he do now?" she asked.
The blonde beside her just sobbed uncontrollably.
"You wouldn't understand Faith. You never could!" Buffy whimpered.
Faith took the bottle from Buffy's hand and took a swig. She handed it back to her, but Buffy shook her head.
"Look Buff, I had a shit day too you know. I have been filing goddamn papers all freaking day! He didn't just pick on you!" She snapped. "I am not going to let it mess up my whole day though, you just got to get over it! It's only work."
Buffy sat forward, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "You think this is about today?" She snorted. "You think I give a shit about his little mind games today! You have no idea!" She snapped back. "You will never understand what this is like for me Faith!"
This conversation was frustrating Faith. She had taking crap all day from Spike, but she just let it wash over her like water off a ducks back. She wasn't going to stew about it all evening too.
"Well maybe I might understand, if you explain it to me B!" she said running out of patience.
"How can you understand? You have never loved anyone Faith! You never had anyone to lose, never lost anyone!" Buffy began, spitting the words out. "You go out, pick up guys, fuck them and leave them. You never let anyone get close to you, ever. Jeez if you go on 3 dates with a guy you are practically going steady. How can someone like you ever understand what it is like for me?? You don't even know how to love Faith, just how to screw, so tell me how you think you can possibly help?"
As soon as she had said the words, Buffy wished she could take them back. She had never seen Faith look like that ever. The colour drained from her face, and a look of pure anger spread across her features.
"Faith, Faith I'm sorry, I didn't mean." She shouted after her friend, but it was too late. Faith had grabbed her purse and was already out the door.
Dawn poked her head around the living room door.
"That was a low blow Buffy!" She said shaking her head, before following Faith out the door.
Faith strode down the road at a fierce pace, she didn't know where she was going, and she just couldn't be around Buffy right now. She knew it was true, she didn't let people close to her, she thought out of all the people in the world Buffy would understand why.
Her mother had raised her single handed until she was 2 years old, but then Faith was taken into care after her mother overdosed. 2 years later she was finally declared clean and fit to take her daughter back, but she had decided that she couldn't handle the responsibility of a young child. Faith had never seen her mother again, not that she wanted too. She had nothing but contempt for the woman that had abandoned her. She had been in and out of various foster homes and children's homes all her life, until Buffy had got her a job at WP Publishing, she could then afford to rent a small room by herself, where she stayed until she moved in with Buffy and Dawn, after Buffy's mother had passed away.
Faith had always been wild, people politely called her a party girl, but in less kind circles she was described less flatteringly. She trusted no one but herself when it came to her heart. Buffy was right, she didn't know how to love. The only person she had ever loved was her mother, and she had abandoned her. Now she always kept people at arms length, that way they could never hurt her or never leave her. She used them to fill the empty space inside her, and then threw them away when she had taken what she wanted.
Faith blinked back the tears that were welling in her eyes. She didn't cry. She was strong. She was tough. She was Faith.
She couldn't believe how much the words of her friend had wounded her. There was a big hole forming inside of her. A big empty hole.
'Only one way to fix this!' She thought as she pushed open the door to Willy's bar. 'Get drunk and get laid!'
She slammed a handful of dollars onto the wooden bar.
"Line em up Willy! I am partying tonight" She masked her hurt under her familiar 'party face' and knocked back a shot of bourbon.
Buffy sat on the couch staring into space. 'Why am I doing this? Why am I pushing away everyone close to me??'
She let the tears come again, but didn't bother to wipe them away this time, she let them run down her face and drip onto her knees, which she had pulled up close to her chest. What she had said to Faith was out of line, she knew that. The words were actually true, but she knew why Faith was the way she was. Life had dealt her a rough hand, and she just did what she did to be happy once in a while.
Back in the bar, Faith had been eyeing up a guy sitting in one of the booths. He was about her age she figured, tall, cute. That was all she could make out in the dim light. He was sitting with a mousy looking girl, Faith assumed was his girlfriend, but when she was in this kind of mood nothing stopped her. She span around on her barstool, hanging on to the bar slightly to keep her balance. She had left the apartment before having any dinner, so the half bottle of bourbon she had worked her way through had gone straight to her head.
She undid a few buttons on her blouse and tied it in a know revealing her flat toned stomach, then seductively applied a layer of red gloss to her lips, never taking her eyes from the guy in the booth. She dipped her finger into her drink and brought it to her mouth, sucking on it seductively. He kept catching her eye, but the girl with him was obviously less than impressed. Faith saw her kick him under the table more than once.
"Charles, cut it out, we're not here for this!" The girl pleaded.
The guy just looked back at her. "Hey Fred, I didn't see anywhere in our job description anything about not meeting with pretty girls!" He stated, looking back in Faith's direction.
"Well she looks kinda trampy if you ask me," the girl replied, twisting one of her plaits and looking unimpressed. She returned to leafing through the folder in front of her.
Faith wasn't one for waiting to be introduced, so she slid down off her stool and made her way towards the booth. She needed someone to fill the emptiness she felt inside.
"Oh great, she's coming over!" Fred mumbled under her breath. "Get rid of her!"
Faith sauntered in an 'almost' straight line towards the couple, and rested a hand on the table. She leant over towards the man giving him a good view down her top. Fred rolled her eyes.
"So, this seat taken?" She asked him, sitting down before he had a chance to answer.
"I'm Faith." She whispered into his ear. "You wanna have some fun baby!" She ran her fingers up and down his glass. The other hand was already on his thigh.
"Faith, is it, nice to meet you really, but we are waiting for someone!" Fred snapped.
The guy grabbed her hand before it could move any further up his leg, he didn't let it go, just held it gently.
"You wanna slow down a bit there baby," he whispered into her ear.
Faith pulled her hand away. It wasn't working, normally the chase was half the fun for her. The power she felt over them. Tonight she didn't have that feeling, she felt cheap. Buffy's words were ringing in her ears, 'You don't know how to love, only how to screw.' He must have seen the change in her expression. He spoke softly.
"Hey you ok?" He pulled the hair back from her eyes. She was beautiful, but she looked so.broken.
"Five by five!" She forced a smile back. "Look I got to go, I got people to see and stuff." With that she pushed up from the seat and walked back over to the bar.
She sat back onto her stool and ordered another double from Willy behind the bar. She didn't understand what was wrong with her, why she was feeling this way. She was so engrossed in her thoughts, she didn't see Spike enter the bar. He headed straight for the couple in the booth and sat down.
"Gunn, good to see you mate!" He shook the man's hand.
"Long time no see! You look like shit man." He replied with a concerned look on his face.
Spike ran his fingers through his hair. He had gone back to the hotel and changed since the office. He was now dressed in his trademark black jeans and a black t-shirt. His hair was still wet from the shower and was curling around the temples. There were dark circles under his eyes, and his fingernails were bitten to stumps.
"I'm not sleeping so good Gunn," he replied. "You said you had something on the phone."
He looked towards the girl who was holding a folder. She handed it to Spike.
"This is Fred, my associate, she's been on this case since you called me, she's the best we got!" Gunn stated.
Spike opened the folder and flicked through, his face lit up when he saw what was inside. He pulled out a photo and tears welled in his eyes, as he stroked the face in the picture.
Fred spoke up, "That was taken last week, I got it from a CCTV feed. She's in LA Spike, or at least she was. I got a few leads to chase up. In fact we are heading back there tonight. Gunn said you would want to see this before we go."
Spike nodded, unable to get actual words out. He thought he would never see her again, but she was here, here in America. Gunn called over the waitress and ordered a round of drinks, Spike clearly was in need of something.
"Thanks, you don't know what it means to me, you doing this for me Gunn." He spoke gently.
""Hey I owe you one bro, you know that. We will find her for you."
Spike smiled gratefully. Fred stood up and walked across to the Ladies room.
"Besides I get to meet lovely ladies along the way!" He moved his eyes to look back over at Faith at the bar.
Spike sat back in his chair and let a smile pass from his lips. "Ah you have had the pleasure of Faith have you?" He looked knowingly.
"You know her?" He asked as Spike gave Faith a wave. She turned her head back quickly and rested it on her hand.
Spike looked back to his friend. "Faith, yeah I know her, she's a good girl," he replied, 'she hates me though' he added under his breath. Fred appeared at the side of the table.
"We better hit the road Charles if we want to be in LA by morning." She said pulling at his arm.
They gathered their things and after exchanging goodbyes headed for the exit. Spike sat back down into his booth, and looked at the business card Gunn had pressed into his hand. "Give her this," he whispered as Fred had dragged him from the bar.
He stood and walked over to the bar. He put his hand on her shoulder and she spun her head round. She glared at him defensively, but he could still see her eyes were red from crying.
"You wanna talk about it love?" he said gently handing her a full glass.
She wanted to say no, wanted to tell him to fuck off and leave her alone. Instead she rested her head on his shoulder and let him comfort her.
Buffy walked all the way home, wanting to get some of the stress out of her system, before she had to face people. It took her 45mins, so even though she had left the office early, Faith had beaten her home after taking her usual cab. She came in slamming the door behind her, and threw her keys on the table.
"What happened to you B?" Faith asked concerned.
She grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and twisted off the cap. Faith raised an eyebrow. Buffy rarely drank, and never on a work night. She figured Spike must have pissed her off pretty bad, to have her heading straight for the beer.
"Just wanted to clear my head, that's all Faith," she mumbled before settling onto the sofa.
"Well at least its all back to normal tomorrow huh!" The brunette joined her on the sofa. "I mean he got his little 'power trip' thing out of his system now, right!" She continued. "You wanna tell me what's on your mind Buff?"
Buffy couldn't even get a word out. She began to cry, but she was totally inconsolable. Faith didn't know what to do, she put an arm around her friend but Buffy just shrugged it off.
"Buffy? What the hell did he do now?" she asked.
The blonde beside her just sobbed uncontrollably.
"You wouldn't understand Faith. You never could!" Buffy whimpered.
Faith took the bottle from Buffy's hand and took a swig. She handed it back to her, but Buffy shook her head.
"Look Buff, I had a shit day too you know. I have been filing goddamn papers all freaking day! He didn't just pick on you!" She snapped. "I am not going to let it mess up my whole day though, you just got to get over it! It's only work."
Buffy sat forward, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "You think this is about today?" She snorted. "You think I give a shit about his little mind games today! You have no idea!" She snapped back. "You will never understand what this is like for me Faith!"
This conversation was frustrating Faith. She had taking crap all day from Spike, but she just let it wash over her like water off a ducks back. She wasn't going to stew about it all evening too.
"Well maybe I might understand, if you explain it to me B!" she said running out of patience.
"How can you understand? You have never loved anyone Faith! You never had anyone to lose, never lost anyone!" Buffy began, spitting the words out. "You go out, pick up guys, fuck them and leave them. You never let anyone get close to you, ever. Jeez if you go on 3 dates with a guy you are practically going steady. How can someone like you ever understand what it is like for me?? You don't even know how to love Faith, just how to screw, so tell me how you think you can possibly help?"
As soon as she had said the words, Buffy wished she could take them back. She had never seen Faith look like that ever. The colour drained from her face, and a look of pure anger spread across her features.
"Faith, Faith I'm sorry, I didn't mean." She shouted after her friend, but it was too late. Faith had grabbed her purse and was already out the door.
Dawn poked her head around the living room door.
"That was a low blow Buffy!" She said shaking her head, before following Faith out the door.
Faith strode down the road at a fierce pace, she didn't know where she was going, and she just couldn't be around Buffy right now. She knew it was true, she didn't let people close to her, she thought out of all the people in the world Buffy would understand why.
Her mother had raised her single handed until she was 2 years old, but then Faith was taken into care after her mother overdosed. 2 years later she was finally declared clean and fit to take her daughter back, but she had decided that she couldn't handle the responsibility of a young child. Faith had never seen her mother again, not that she wanted too. She had nothing but contempt for the woman that had abandoned her. She had been in and out of various foster homes and children's homes all her life, until Buffy had got her a job at WP Publishing, she could then afford to rent a small room by herself, where she stayed until she moved in with Buffy and Dawn, after Buffy's mother had passed away.
Faith had always been wild, people politely called her a party girl, but in less kind circles she was described less flatteringly. She trusted no one but herself when it came to her heart. Buffy was right, she didn't know how to love. The only person she had ever loved was her mother, and she had abandoned her. Now she always kept people at arms length, that way they could never hurt her or never leave her. She used them to fill the empty space inside her, and then threw them away when she had taken what she wanted.
Faith blinked back the tears that were welling in her eyes. She didn't cry. She was strong. She was tough. She was Faith.
She couldn't believe how much the words of her friend had wounded her. There was a big hole forming inside of her. A big empty hole.
'Only one way to fix this!' She thought as she pushed open the door to Willy's bar. 'Get drunk and get laid!'
She slammed a handful of dollars onto the wooden bar.
"Line em up Willy! I am partying tonight" She masked her hurt under her familiar 'party face' and knocked back a shot of bourbon.
Buffy sat on the couch staring into space. 'Why am I doing this? Why am I pushing away everyone close to me??'
She let the tears come again, but didn't bother to wipe them away this time, she let them run down her face and drip onto her knees, which she had pulled up close to her chest. What she had said to Faith was out of line, she knew that. The words were actually true, but she knew why Faith was the way she was. Life had dealt her a rough hand, and she just did what she did to be happy once in a while.
Back in the bar, Faith had been eyeing up a guy sitting in one of the booths. He was about her age she figured, tall, cute. That was all she could make out in the dim light. He was sitting with a mousy looking girl, Faith assumed was his girlfriend, but when she was in this kind of mood nothing stopped her. She span around on her barstool, hanging on to the bar slightly to keep her balance. She had left the apartment before having any dinner, so the half bottle of bourbon she had worked her way through had gone straight to her head.
She undid a few buttons on her blouse and tied it in a know revealing her flat toned stomach, then seductively applied a layer of red gloss to her lips, never taking her eyes from the guy in the booth. She dipped her finger into her drink and brought it to her mouth, sucking on it seductively. He kept catching her eye, but the girl with him was obviously less than impressed. Faith saw her kick him under the table more than once.
"Charles, cut it out, we're not here for this!" The girl pleaded.
The guy just looked back at her. "Hey Fred, I didn't see anywhere in our job description anything about not meeting with pretty girls!" He stated, looking back in Faith's direction.
"Well she looks kinda trampy if you ask me," the girl replied, twisting one of her plaits and looking unimpressed. She returned to leafing through the folder in front of her.
Faith wasn't one for waiting to be introduced, so she slid down off her stool and made her way towards the booth. She needed someone to fill the emptiness she felt inside.
"Oh great, she's coming over!" Fred mumbled under her breath. "Get rid of her!"
Faith sauntered in an 'almost' straight line towards the couple, and rested a hand on the table. She leant over towards the man giving him a good view down her top. Fred rolled her eyes.
"So, this seat taken?" She asked him, sitting down before he had a chance to answer.
"I'm Faith." She whispered into his ear. "You wanna have some fun baby!" She ran her fingers up and down his glass. The other hand was already on his thigh.
"Faith, is it, nice to meet you really, but we are waiting for someone!" Fred snapped.
The guy grabbed her hand before it could move any further up his leg, he didn't let it go, just held it gently.
"You wanna slow down a bit there baby," he whispered into her ear.
Faith pulled her hand away. It wasn't working, normally the chase was half the fun for her. The power she felt over them. Tonight she didn't have that feeling, she felt cheap. Buffy's words were ringing in her ears, 'You don't know how to love, only how to screw.' He must have seen the change in her expression. He spoke softly.
"Hey you ok?" He pulled the hair back from her eyes. She was beautiful, but she looked so.broken.
"Five by five!" She forced a smile back. "Look I got to go, I got people to see and stuff." With that she pushed up from the seat and walked back over to the bar.
She sat back onto her stool and ordered another double from Willy behind the bar. She didn't understand what was wrong with her, why she was feeling this way. She was so engrossed in her thoughts, she didn't see Spike enter the bar. He headed straight for the couple in the booth and sat down.
"Gunn, good to see you mate!" He shook the man's hand.
"Long time no see! You look like shit man." He replied with a concerned look on his face.
Spike ran his fingers through his hair. He had gone back to the hotel and changed since the office. He was now dressed in his trademark black jeans and a black t-shirt. His hair was still wet from the shower and was curling around the temples. There were dark circles under his eyes, and his fingernails were bitten to stumps.
"I'm not sleeping so good Gunn," he replied. "You said you had something on the phone."
He looked towards the girl who was holding a folder. She handed it to Spike.
"This is Fred, my associate, she's been on this case since you called me, she's the best we got!" Gunn stated.
Spike opened the folder and flicked through, his face lit up when he saw what was inside. He pulled out a photo and tears welled in his eyes, as he stroked the face in the picture.
Fred spoke up, "That was taken last week, I got it from a CCTV feed. She's in LA Spike, or at least she was. I got a few leads to chase up. In fact we are heading back there tonight. Gunn said you would want to see this before we go."
Spike nodded, unable to get actual words out. He thought he would never see her again, but she was here, here in America. Gunn called over the waitress and ordered a round of drinks, Spike clearly was in need of something.
"Thanks, you don't know what it means to me, you doing this for me Gunn." He spoke gently.
""Hey I owe you one bro, you know that. We will find her for you."
Spike smiled gratefully. Fred stood up and walked across to the Ladies room.
"Besides I get to meet lovely ladies along the way!" He moved his eyes to look back over at Faith at the bar.
Spike sat back in his chair and let a smile pass from his lips. "Ah you have had the pleasure of Faith have you?" He looked knowingly.
"You know her?" He asked as Spike gave Faith a wave. She turned her head back quickly and rested it on her hand.
Spike looked back to his friend. "Faith, yeah I know her, she's a good girl," he replied, 'she hates me though' he added under his breath. Fred appeared at the side of the table.
"We better hit the road Charles if we want to be in LA by morning." She said pulling at his arm.
They gathered their things and after exchanging goodbyes headed for the exit. Spike sat back down into his booth, and looked at the business card Gunn had pressed into his hand. "Give her this," he whispered as Fred had dragged him from the bar.
He stood and walked over to the bar. He put his hand on her shoulder and she spun her head round. She glared at him defensively, but he could still see her eyes were red from crying.
"You wanna talk about it love?" he said gently handing her a full glass.
She wanted to say no, wanted to tell him to fuck off and leave her alone. Instead she rested her head on his shoulder and let him comfort her.