Chapter 17.
Time passed slowly in the bar. Spike sat quietly listening to Faith as she told him the events of the evening. He just added a sympathetic nod every now and then, when she made eye contact with him, other than that he allowed her to get it all out of her system. It reminded him of when they were all at High School, Spike was always the listener, he was always the one the girls turned too when they had a problem, or just wanted to have a rant about boyfriends or friends. He had been like a big brother to Faith since they had met. He understood her like no one else, well no one else apart from Buffy of course. Spike couldn't remember a time when he had seen her so low. Faith was good at hiding what she really felt, keeping her emotions buried deep beneath her mask, in all the time he had know her he had never once seen her cry, and she had more reasons than most to do so.
The conversation was interrupted as Willy approached them.
"Come on you two, drink up!" He said as he picked up some empty glasses from the next table. "Don't you kids have homes to go to?"
Faith snapped her head up, just looking at Spike for the first time in what seemed ages.
"Yeah, I should get out of here," she mumbled as she stood up from her seat. She wobbled slightly, before slumping back into it. "Ok stop moving the room, dammit!" She slurred before attempting the manoeuvre again. Spike grabbed her arm this time to steady her.
"My hero!" She drawled sarcastically.
Spike put his arm around her waist and led her towards his car that was parked outside, leaning her against the wing he rummaged in his pockets for the keys. She slid slowly down the side of the car, until she was sitting in the road with her back against the cold metal. Spike opened the car door, and reached his hand down to pull the inebriated brunette up.
"I am not getting into this heap of junk, so you can dream on asshole! I don't even know what I have been talking to you for! Not after what you have done!" She snapped.
He ignored and pulled her up, pushing her into the passenger seat.
"Three things Faith," he began, "one, this is not a heap of junk, it's a brand new BMW! Two, there is no way on earth I am letting you walk home in this state! And three whatever I may have done, I am always here for you if you need me! So sit there, and buckle up love."
Faith clicked her seatbelt into place and gazed out the car window. It was true of course, it had felt so natural for her to tell Spike all her problems, it was just like it had used to be, just like past days. She had missed him so badly, but she would never admit that to Buffy, that would be like a betrayal and Buffy would never understand how she could still trust Spike with her secrets and feelings. She started to doze off to the gentle movement of the car, as it drove through the streets of Sunnydale. By the time they pulled up outside the apartment she was fast asleep. Spike shook her gently to wake her, she sat upright with a startled jerk.
"We're home pet," he whispered. "Are you going to need some help getting up the stairs?"
Faith shot him a glare, "I will be just fine thank you!"
Spike watched as the brunette unsteadily walked towards the front entrance. He laughed quietly as he watched her trying in vain to fit the key into the door lock, and he could hear her talking to herself. "Stop moving the damn lock!" She slurred as she made another attempt.
He turned off the engine and came up behind her, steadying her as she wobbled.
"Here, let me try," he spoke gently as he took the keys from her hands, quickly finding the correct one and opening the door. "Come on, lets get you upstairs," he smiled.
"Ok, but don't let Buffy see you. You were never here, we never saw each other tonight, right!" She said forcefully.
"Right!" Spike agreed nodding his head. "I don't think I am on her Christmas card list at the moment."
Faith thought he looked upset by this as he helped her walk unsteadily up to the fourth floor.
"Ok, this is me," she whispered as she opened the front door, "looks like everyone is asleep."
She stumbled as she walked into the hallway, Spike caught her before she could hit the floor. He decided it was safer and quieter if he helped her to her room.
"Which one's yours?" He questioned, pointing at the doorways in front of them.
"Straight along at the end, that's me," she slurred in reply.
Spike bent down and picked her up, carrying her to her bedroom at the end of the hall. He opened the door with one hand and walked over to the bed, placing her down gently.
"Can I get you anything before I go?" He spoke quietly so as not to disturb the sleeping housemates.
Faith shook her head then changed her mind. "Can you fix me a hot chocolate?" She asked.
Spike nodded and followed her directions to the kitchen. He had hardly made it there before she was sleeping soundly. Spike busied himself opening and closing cupboards quietly to find the ingredients he needed. He could here footsteps coming down the hall and figured Faith had come to help him out.
"Faith! Faith is that you? Look I am so sorry." Buffy jumped back startled by who she found in her kitchen at 2am.
"Spike! What the hell are you doing in my kitchen?" She looked confused.
Spike decided the best thing to do was to come clean, there had already been enough lies.
"I ran into Faith in town," he began, "she was pretty upset."
Buffy looked at the floor, she felt dreadful about the things she had said to Faith earlier.
"She was in a bit of a state so I drove her home, made sure she was safe, you know? She wanted a hot chocolate so here I am, in your kitchen." He shrugged his shoulders and looked a little awkward. He turned to look at her again, she looked so cute in her pyjamas, hair in plaits.
"You want one? I think I boiled a bit too much milk up," he asked.
Buffy nodded her head. It felt almost comfortable, him here in her kitchen.
"I am just going to check on Faith quickly, I need to apologise," she said before ducking out of the kitchen and heading across the hall.
She pushed open the door and poked her head around. Faith was dead to the world. Buffy walked over to the bed and undid Faith's boots, placing them neatly by the bed, she then slipped her out of her jacket and pulled a blanket over her. She stirred a little and half opened her eyes. Buffy leant in to her, "I am so sorry Faith," she whispered, and placed a kiss on the brunette's forehead. Faith smiled and slipped back to sleep.
As she arrived back in the kitchen Spike was just pouring the chocolate into two mugs.
"Here you go pet," he said handing her the mugs. "I better be heading off, early start and all that," he smiled slightly.
Buffy handed one mug back to him. "She's asleep already," she replied, "you can have that one if you like. I know you are a big hot chocolate fan."
She wandered into the living room and settled on the couch, Spike followed a few steps behind, he wasn't sure where he should sit, and was about to sit in the armchair in the corner when Buffy moved along the couch. He sat down beside her, it felt good to be close to her again, and he wanted to tell her. Before he had a chance the pretty blonde spoke up.
"Was she, you know, ok?" she started, " I mean I was really out of line, I don't know what's wrong with me lately! She probably hates me right now huh?" She put her head in his hands.
"She doesn't hate you pet, she's just having a hard time dealing with things, maybe you didn't see it because you are too close." He patted her reassuringly on the shoulder.
"Sometimes it's like that," he continued, "and in any case if anybody is at fault it's me, if I hadn't wound you up all day, you wouldn't have flipped out."
"Yes, well you were a complete asshole today!" she forced a half smile, "But I deserved it."
Spike turned and faced her, she hated the way he could do this, the way he could just make everything ok with a look and a smile. She leant back into the couch and pulled up her legs and tucked them beneath her.
"Spike, about what I said the other night, at The Bronze, about your mom and dad," she played with her hair awkwardly and found a really interesting piece of lint on the carpet to stare at. "I didn't mean that.I just want you to know."
He interrupted her mid sentence and took hold of the hand that was currently twisting one of her plaits.
"I know pet," he murmured.
The touch of his hand on her, sent a tingle down her arm and through her body that she blushed, but he couldn't see in the darkness.
"I was sorry to hear about you mum, she was a good lady. I really mean that Buffy."
Buffy nodded, she new he was speaking the truth, he adored Joyce, and the feeling was mutual, he had been very much a part of the Summers' family.
"What happened to your parents Spike??" Buffy looked at him and saw an expression of pure pain spread across his face.
"You don't have to tell me, I'm sorry, I shouldn't pry," she quickly added thinking it must be too painful for him. They sat in silence for a minute or two, slowly drinking their chocolate. Spike broke the silence eventually.
"It was a year ago," he began, "just before Christmas, I had moved back home with mum and dad. It had been a pretty awful year, I need some stability, you know, something normal." Buffy nodded, she knew exactly what he meant.
"We had all been out for dinner and turned in for the night. I couldn't have been asleep more than two hours when I woke up, I could hardly breathe, the room was filling with smoke. I've never been that terrified in my life. I managed to get to mum and dads' room, they were both unconscious so I grabbed my mum and carried her out. The fire in the hallway was intense, that's how I got this."
He pulled up his black t-shirt to reveal a long burn scar along his side. Buffy instinctively reached out and ran her fingers along it. She looked up at him, tears welling in her eyes.
"I went back for my dad, but the heat was too intense, I couldn't get there, I couldn't save him." He choked on the words, barely whispering the last few.
Buffy held his hand tightly and pulled him towards her. She held him as he quietly sobbed into her shoulder. Her heart was breaking for him, she didn't want to let him go.
Ever.
"You did what you could Spike." she whispered in his ear, "You did what you could."
"It wasn't enough though was it? My dad died in the house, my mum, well it took three days in intensive care before she passed on."
He leant back and pulled his cigarettes from his pocket, pulling one from the packet and lighting it. Buffy didn't normally let people smoke in the apartment, but she wasn't about to stop him.
"Spike, I am so sorry, I can't imagine how it must have been for you." She kept hold of his hand and stroked it gently with her other hand.
"Why did you come back here Spike? I don't understand, why Sunnydale?"
Spike released her hand and shook his head, " I need to be somewhere familiar, somewhere I know, with people I know.. I can't explain really, I just knew I had to come back." He drained the rest of his chocolate from the cup. "Anyway I better head off, I hear the new boss is a stickler for timekeeping!" He forced out a smile.
Buffy walked him to the front door, as she opened it for him, she stopped him before he could walk away. "Spike," she held his arm and pulled him closer, "Can we start again, forget all this shit and just start again, be friends?"
He held her to him for a second before releasing her. "I would like that love, I really would."
Time passed slowly in the bar. Spike sat quietly listening to Faith as she told him the events of the evening. He just added a sympathetic nod every now and then, when she made eye contact with him, other than that he allowed her to get it all out of her system. It reminded him of when they were all at High School, Spike was always the listener, he was always the one the girls turned too when they had a problem, or just wanted to have a rant about boyfriends or friends. He had been like a big brother to Faith since they had met. He understood her like no one else, well no one else apart from Buffy of course. Spike couldn't remember a time when he had seen her so low. Faith was good at hiding what she really felt, keeping her emotions buried deep beneath her mask, in all the time he had know her he had never once seen her cry, and she had more reasons than most to do so.
The conversation was interrupted as Willy approached them.
"Come on you two, drink up!" He said as he picked up some empty glasses from the next table. "Don't you kids have homes to go to?"
Faith snapped her head up, just looking at Spike for the first time in what seemed ages.
"Yeah, I should get out of here," she mumbled as she stood up from her seat. She wobbled slightly, before slumping back into it. "Ok stop moving the room, dammit!" She slurred before attempting the manoeuvre again. Spike grabbed her arm this time to steady her.
"My hero!" She drawled sarcastically.
Spike put his arm around her waist and led her towards his car that was parked outside, leaning her against the wing he rummaged in his pockets for the keys. She slid slowly down the side of the car, until she was sitting in the road with her back against the cold metal. Spike opened the car door, and reached his hand down to pull the inebriated brunette up.
"I am not getting into this heap of junk, so you can dream on asshole! I don't even know what I have been talking to you for! Not after what you have done!" She snapped.
He ignored and pulled her up, pushing her into the passenger seat.
"Three things Faith," he began, "one, this is not a heap of junk, it's a brand new BMW! Two, there is no way on earth I am letting you walk home in this state! And three whatever I may have done, I am always here for you if you need me! So sit there, and buckle up love."
Faith clicked her seatbelt into place and gazed out the car window. It was true of course, it had felt so natural for her to tell Spike all her problems, it was just like it had used to be, just like past days. She had missed him so badly, but she would never admit that to Buffy, that would be like a betrayal and Buffy would never understand how she could still trust Spike with her secrets and feelings. She started to doze off to the gentle movement of the car, as it drove through the streets of Sunnydale. By the time they pulled up outside the apartment she was fast asleep. Spike shook her gently to wake her, she sat upright with a startled jerk.
"We're home pet," he whispered. "Are you going to need some help getting up the stairs?"
Faith shot him a glare, "I will be just fine thank you!"
Spike watched as the brunette unsteadily walked towards the front entrance. He laughed quietly as he watched her trying in vain to fit the key into the door lock, and he could hear her talking to herself. "Stop moving the damn lock!" She slurred as she made another attempt.
He turned off the engine and came up behind her, steadying her as she wobbled.
"Here, let me try," he spoke gently as he took the keys from her hands, quickly finding the correct one and opening the door. "Come on, lets get you upstairs," he smiled.
"Ok, but don't let Buffy see you. You were never here, we never saw each other tonight, right!" She said forcefully.
"Right!" Spike agreed nodding his head. "I don't think I am on her Christmas card list at the moment."
Faith thought he looked upset by this as he helped her walk unsteadily up to the fourth floor.
"Ok, this is me," she whispered as she opened the front door, "looks like everyone is asleep."
She stumbled as she walked into the hallway, Spike caught her before she could hit the floor. He decided it was safer and quieter if he helped her to her room.
"Which one's yours?" He questioned, pointing at the doorways in front of them.
"Straight along at the end, that's me," she slurred in reply.
Spike bent down and picked her up, carrying her to her bedroom at the end of the hall. He opened the door with one hand and walked over to the bed, placing her down gently.
"Can I get you anything before I go?" He spoke quietly so as not to disturb the sleeping housemates.
Faith shook her head then changed her mind. "Can you fix me a hot chocolate?" She asked.
Spike nodded and followed her directions to the kitchen. He had hardly made it there before she was sleeping soundly. Spike busied himself opening and closing cupboards quietly to find the ingredients he needed. He could here footsteps coming down the hall and figured Faith had come to help him out.
"Faith! Faith is that you? Look I am so sorry." Buffy jumped back startled by who she found in her kitchen at 2am.
"Spike! What the hell are you doing in my kitchen?" She looked confused.
Spike decided the best thing to do was to come clean, there had already been enough lies.
"I ran into Faith in town," he began, "she was pretty upset."
Buffy looked at the floor, she felt dreadful about the things she had said to Faith earlier.
"She was in a bit of a state so I drove her home, made sure she was safe, you know? She wanted a hot chocolate so here I am, in your kitchen." He shrugged his shoulders and looked a little awkward. He turned to look at her again, she looked so cute in her pyjamas, hair in plaits.
"You want one? I think I boiled a bit too much milk up," he asked.
Buffy nodded her head. It felt almost comfortable, him here in her kitchen.
"I am just going to check on Faith quickly, I need to apologise," she said before ducking out of the kitchen and heading across the hall.
She pushed open the door and poked her head around. Faith was dead to the world. Buffy walked over to the bed and undid Faith's boots, placing them neatly by the bed, she then slipped her out of her jacket and pulled a blanket over her. She stirred a little and half opened her eyes. Buffy leant in to her, "I am so sorry Faith," she whispered, and placed a kiss on the brunette's forehead. Faith smiled and slipped back to sleep.
As she arrived back in the kitchen Spike was just pouring the chocolate into two mugs.
"Here you go pet," he said handing her the mugs. "I better be heading off, early start and all that," he smiled slightly.
Buffy handed one mug back to him. "She's asleep already," she replied, "you can have that one if you like. I know you are a big hot chocolate fan."
She wandered into the living room and settled on the couch, Spike followed a few steps behind, he wasn't sure where he should sit, and was about to sit in the armchair in the corner when Buffy moved along the couch. He sat down beside her, it felt good to be close to her again, and he wanted to tell her. Before he had a chance the pretty blonde spoke up.
"Was she, you know, ok?" she started, " I mean I was really out of line, I don't know what's wrong with me lately! She probably hates me right now huh?" She put her head in his hands.
"She doesn't hate you pet, she's just having a hard time dealing with things, maybe you didn't see it because you are too close." He patted her reassuringly on the shoulder.
"Sometimes it's like that," he continued, "and in any case if anybody is at fault it's me, if I hadn't wound you up all day, you wouldn't have flipped out."
"Yes, well you were a complete asshole today!" she forced a half smile, "But I deserved it."
Spike turned and faced her, she hated the way he could do this, the way he could just make everything ok with a look and a smile. She leant back into the couch and pulled up her legs and tucked them beneath her.
"Spike, about what I said the other night, at The Bronze, about your mom and dad," she played with her hair awkwardly and found a really interesting piece of lint on the carpet to stare at. "I didn't mean that.I just want you to know."
He interrupted her mid sentence and took hold of the hand that was currently twisting one of her plaits.
"I know pet," he murmured.
The touch of his hand on her, sent a tingle down her arm and through her body that she blushed, but he couldn't see in the darkness.
"I was sorry to hear about you mum, she was a good lady. I really mean that Buffy."
Buffy nodded, she new he was speaking the truth, he adored Joyce, and the feeling was mutual, he had been very much a part of the Summers' family.
"What happened to your parents Spike??" Buffy looked at him and saw an expression of pure pain spread across his face.
"You don't have to tell me, I'm sorry, I shouldn't pry," she quickly added thinking it must be too painful for him. They sat in silence for a minute or two, slowly drinking their chocolate. Spike broke the silence eventually.
"It was a year ago," he began, "just before Christmas, I had moved back home with mum and dad. It had been a pretty awful year, I need some stability, you know, something normal." Buffy nodded, she knew exactly what he meant.
"We had all been out for dinner and turned in for the night. I couldn't have been asleep more than two hours when I woke up, I could hardly breathe, the room was filling with smoke. I've never been that terrified in my life. I managed to get to mum and dads' room, they were both unconscious so I grabbed my mum and carried her out. The fire in the hallway was intense, that's how I got this."
He pulled up his black t-shirt to reveal a long burn scar along his side. Buffy instinctively reached out and ran her fingers along it. She looked up at him, tears welling in her eyes.
"I went back for my dad, but the heat was too intense, I couldn't get there, I couldn't save him." He choked on the words, barely whispering the last few.
Buffy held his hand tightly and pulled him towards her. She held him as he quietly sobbed into her shoulder. Her heart was breaking for him, she didn't want to let him go.
Ever.
"You did what you could Spike." she whispered in his ear, "You did what you could."
"It wasn't enough though was it? My dad died in the house, my mum, well it took three days in intensive care before she passed on."
He leant back and pulled his cigarettes from his pocket, pulling one from the packet and lighting it. Buffy didn't normally let people smoke in the apartment, but she wasn't about to stop him.
"Spike, I am so sorry, I can't imagine how it must have been for you." She kept hold of his hand and stroked it gently with her other hand.
"Why did you come back here Spike? I don't understand, why Sunnydale?"
Spike released her hand and shook his head, " I need to be somewhere familiar, somewhere I know, with people I know.. I can't explain really, I just knew I had to come back." He drained the rest of his chocolate from the cup. "Anyway I better head off, I hear the new boss is a stickler for timekeeping!" He forced out a smile.
Buffy walked him to the front door, as she opened it for him, she stopped him before he could walk away. "Spike," she held his arm and pulled him closer, "Can we start again, forget all this shit and just start again, be friends?"
He held her to him for a second before releasing her. "I would like that love, I really would."