Title: "It's Not Enough"
Author: Cat Lea Ravensgurl41@aol.com
Disclaimer: Don't own either wrestler though I would love too. Also don't even own anything else so please don't sue. Also don't own the song used it is It's Not Enough by Our Lady Peace.
Rating: R for implied Slash/ and Suicide. Angst
Pairing: Raven or Scott Levy (After all he is my obsession right now) and You will have to read the story to the end to find out who his love was. Oh and don't let the song miss lead you it's not Jeff Hardy though one day I might do a Jeff and Raven fic.
Author Notes: All right this is another one for Hearts Desire, RavensEnigma and one hopefully Sweet-Steffie won't kill me for the pairing. Sorry Steffie I just couldn't help it. Please everyone be nice because this is my first attempt at a dark fic and suicide. If it sucks though feel free to tell me. Oh this is also a song fic too.
It's Not Enough
* Scott Levy or Raven as most people call him now days unlocks the door once again to another cheap hotel room that he is calling home. Home since his lover and best friend left him almost two month ago to go back to another life. And another lover. Leaving Raven to be just that Raven once more. Not Scott Levy now. He comes in and pushes at the door not caring that it hadn't closed all the way. Dropping his stuff by the door and his jacket on the chair. Stuff that someone could have helped him but away if only some one was there. *
There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's nothing in between
You know the truth
Nothing left to face
There's nothing left to lose
Nothing takes your place
* Raven slowly walk to the small table where there is a photo face down on the table. He picks it up and turns it over looking at the smiling face of him lover. Slowly a tear starts to fall from his eyes. He stands there for awhile as if his mind has taken him some where else. And by the small smile on his face if some one were there to see it they would have know that it had. Back to the time when he could feel his love in his arms and in his heart. *
When they say
You're not that strong
You're not that way
It's not your fault
And when you climb
Up to your hill
Up to your place
I hope you're well
There's nothing left to prove
There's nothing I won't do
There's nothing like the pain
I feel for you
* As the tears pour down Raven's face and onto the front of his shirt his mind decides that it is time to come back to the present. He slowly looks around the room and then laughs a sad and hurtful laugh. One that anyone could tell was coming from a man with a broken heart. That was if there was some one there to hear it. *
Nothing left to hide
Nothing left to fear
I am always here
When they say
You're not that strong
You're not that way
It's not your fault
And when you climb
Up to your hill
Up to your place
I hope you're well
* Raven drops the picture face down back on the table. No longer willing or able to hold on to it in his hands. He drops it quickly as if it is burning the skin right off his hands where he was touching it. He quickly takes a step away from the table turning and heading into the bathroom. He stands there looking at him self in the mirror not sure anymore is he is looking a Raven or Scott Levy. And not having anyone there to tell him if there is a difference anymore. Something some one could have told him if some one was there. *
What you want
What you lost
What you had
What is gone it's over
What you got
What you love
What you need
What you have isn't real
* Raven shakes his head yes as if there is some question looming in the air. One that only he can hear or answer. Or maybe if some one was there they could have heard it too?
He reaches up and opens up the medicine cabinet the reaches to the top shelf where he slowly takes out a pack of razor blades. His hands are shaking so bad that he drops the pack in the sink spilling them out. Each of the shinny blades is catching just a little of the light coming in through the window. He looks down at them as if seeing himself in each and every one of them. And then he smiles a smile that isn't Raven but that of Scott Levy. *
It's not enough
It's not enough
It's not enough
It's not enough
I'm sorry
It's not enough
It's not enough
It's not enough
It's not enough
* Slowly and with great though Scott finally picks up one of the blades leaving the rest to catch the glimmer of the evening lights as the sun goes down. He then heads into the bedroom where he sits down on his bed with paper and a pen after placing the blade carefully on his pillow. After many minutes he starts to write as once more tears pour down his face. Some of them landing on his shirt and others landing on the letter he is trying so hard to write. Tears that if some one was there could have been wiped from his face with a loving hand. If only some one had been there. *
When they say
You're not that strong
You're not that way
It's not your fault
And when you climb
Up to your hill
Up to your place
I hope you're well
It's not enough
No
It's not enough
It's not enough...
* Scott then slowly lies down on the bed carefully placing the letter on the pillow next to the razor blade. He slowly closes his eyes and tries to calm his breathing. When this is done to the best that he can he slowly opens his eyes and reaches for the razor blade. As he lifts it he sees the shattered parts of his soul and then brings it down to his wrist and with as much strength as possible he slices it deeply. He cries out with a small whimper that if some one were there they would have heard. But no one did. *
When they say
You're not that strong
You're not that way
It's not your fault
And when you climb
Up to your hill
Up to your place
I hope you're well
What you want
What you lost
What you had
What is gone it's over
What you got
What you love
What you need
What you have isn't real
* Scott Levy or Raven as he is called by so many now can feel that the end is near. And for once in a long time he feels at peace. He knows that he is Scott Levy and not Raven. He smiles a smile that would have warmed the heart of the one he loved if only he was there to see it. As the world fades one final time for Scotty Levy he sees the face of his lover above him with tears in his eyes. Tears that should have meant something to Scott or Raven if only he was there to see them. Tears that fell from Scott Hall's eyes as he watched his love die. His baby Birdman that should be flying and not dying. *
It's not enough
It's not enough
It's not enough
It's not enough
I'm sorry
It's not enough
It's not enough
It's not enough
It's not enough
Author Notes: Please read and review because this is the first one that I have done like this and need to know how I did. Might do one for Scott about Ravens Death but don't really know if I should. So let me know what you think. Even if it is to: Quoth the Raven "Nevermore".
Thanks,
Cat Lea
Ravensgurl41@aol.com