A/N: Oh Anon, I couldn't help but force myself to churn this out after I got your review. Sorry to hear you were sick, I hope you're feeling much better now. After all, I need my "biggest" "fan" to be on top form, don't I? So this one is for you :-) It's even Paige POV because I know you like it.
A/N: Violence and swearing. References to sex. Nudity. Oh, but not graphic. Jeepers. Have I got everything "naughty" in this?
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Psychosis: Revelations
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She just started talking. And talking. And talking and bitching and whining and she just wouldn't fucking- she just... she just wouldn't shut up. And Leo, that total fucking asshole, what the hell? He just... he just made her snap! Gave a feeble excuse about leaving us alone to sort things out. Big mistake buddy. She just couldn't take him abandoning her anymore. I know where she is now, I've felt it, I'm in the same place. Just because we're total psychotic nutjobs it doesn't mean we don't work the same way. She still needs him and I still need her.
I'm just evil, that's all.
All that's different about us is that we just emote a little bit more. We feel more. We connect with our desires and thoughts and give them life, we react, we live more than how we used to. That's all.
Of course, the reactions can often be as extreme as the feelings.
Have you ever loved somebody so much you wanted to hurt them?
Sounds melodramatic, doesn't it? But it happens. Before I was found by my sisters, I wouldn't say I was unhappy as such... okay, I wouldn't say I was suicidal, I'll give myself that. I was taking tablets for depression and drinking at the same time. Boy were those fun nights. If I didn't end up passing out from the mix in my blood, I'd just let loose and go completely wild. One morning I woke up naked with about seven other girls and four men, and I just had no idea what the hell I'd been doing. The place reeked of sex though. You know that smell; heavy, thick, rubbery, intoxicating. It always made me feel sick the morning after if the night before felt like a dream. Or a coma.
Head off to the family planning clinic; you know the free one. The charity. That's what I was - a charity case. They used to know me when I walked in, exchanged bemused looks with one another because 'that slut' had returned to see if she'd gotten pregnant - again. Oh, did I not mention those? Yes, plural. Five abortions, two miscarraiges. Disgusting, isn't it?
Where did I go so wrong?
This is why I so easily threw myself into giving my sisters my trust. Do you know how long I knew Piper for before she went crazy? Three months. Three fucking months. And three fucking months was all I needed to fall in love. It's been more than a year now, and what the hell am I still doing here when all I give and receive is intolerable pain? I'm so filled with hope I'm hopeless. I wish, I pray, that one day, one day all of this will be over. I could even cope without the witch stuff. At first, although being a bit spiritual myself, I remember rejecting it. Well, now it's rejecting us, but I don't care. I've had enough rejection in my life to harden me to it; I've almost come to expect it.
But from the one person I've latched onto to keep me going, to keep me from becoming the depressive alcoholic I am so desperate to leave behind, being rejected from her is like having my heart sour and wrinkle in my very own chest. For it to deflate and rot and stink and decompose. It is to die.
And after all this, one thing remains true: I do not wish to die. Not yet.
Desperation can lead to terrible things in a person, and I have done a terrible thing. The most recent in a long string of terrible things. Piper lies unconscious and bleeding in the room next door. It is all by my hand of course. I'm evil, remember?
When Leo brought me here I was so hopeful, so renewed, I felt fresh and free and willing. But she had other ideas. Leo thought, as per usual, that it would be better if he left us alone. That was where it all went wrong again. The look in her eyes, it was purely animal, territorial. She started accusing us of having an affair. Us. Me and Leo. It's tragic really. I know I was a bit crazy before, in the shower, when I had that fantasy... no, I shouldn't put it like that, that vision... hallucination, with Leo. Yeah, it was crazy. Unless it actually happened... when I think back to episodes like that it all becomes a little blurry. It just merges into one giant jumble and it's too damn hard to differentiate which events were real. But that, Leo's nature, it's just preposterous. I think.
Piper was completely livid; mental. Leo, the coward, started his drone about leaving us alone. That's when she snapped. And I mean, really lost it. Like I do. She just lunged for him! Started clawing at his face, screaming and tearing at him, crying and shrieking, really out for blood. The scratch marks appeared instantly, and I soon found out myself how sharp her nails were from all her nervous biting.
The guy didn't know what to do. He could hardly lash out at his own wife, could he? But not to worry - those glorius Elders swept in at the final moment to rescue their precious whitelighter and ripped him away from us before Piper ripped his arms off. You could see from his face that he hadn't meant to leave, but it was forced.
Of course, this wasn't before I myself had jumped in on the grapple to try to prise her off her husband. Well what did you expect? Popcorn? I came up behind them and received an elbow in the face. And I thought that was bad enough. I tightened my arms around her belly and squeezed as tight as I could, hoping to choke the air out of her so she'd let go. And it worked. Realising that if she didn't stop, she wouldn't be able to breathe, slowly she relaxed, still clinging onto him. Then swiftly I lurched backwards and threw her onto her bed.
I thought that would be the end of it. I thought she'd calmed down. As soon as she'd let go of Leo, he'd been stolen away from us; perfect timing as always. So now Piper had to find a new target for her anger.
This must've been what it was like for Phoebe when she was facing me. I was terrified, yet at the same time, strangely excited. I don't think that was how Phoebe felt, I think this was just a spice I was adding myself. I've always leant a little more to the aggressive side in life, it's how I survived. And Piper was just appealing to that side of my personality. She was begging for a fight. She started taunting me, calling me a loser with nobody who loved me, no real family, nobody.
And then it happened. The rage. It hit me like a punch in the stomach. And suddenly it was all over me, and it wasn't in me anymore; it was who I am. It was me.
She didn't really stand a chance, in honesty. She'd been stuck in bed for the best part of a year and most of her physical strength had faltered and faded away. That doesn't mean she didn't put up a good fight, however. Oh no. She was wild. I mean, crazy wild. Like a cat. Fast as well. She could knee me in the stomach, smack my face and slam her fists onto my back before I even knew what was happening. I guess in her previous experiences, she knew what made people work. She knew that if she hit me somewhere, my body's reaction would momentarily let another place be exposed in it's shock.
For a short while, she was really kicking my ass. And I mean really. I could barely get a punch in without being hit in about five different places. And she knew what hurt. For a while I thought that I'd met my match; more than that, I'd met the person who would finally put me out of my misery. But those thoughts passed.
I too know what really, really hurts.
I finally got the upper hand when Piper's fist was connecting with my temple and I lurched forwards, grabbing the base of her arm before hauling myself underneath it so I was behind her, then twisting it and pulling it up to her back. She practically lifted me into the air on top of her, because as a natural reaction the tendons have she bent double in pain. Now she couldn't move. She was at my mercy. Though at this stage I'd been so beaten that I had none.
The sheer, pure, animal rage was inside me, it was in my blood, adrenaline coursing through me, pushing me, motivating me. She was crying out. I didn't care. I couldn't let her leave me, I couldn't let her abandon me. This family has already done it once before. I'd rather not have a family at all than have them reject me again.
I was still twisting her arm when she let out a roaring scream. Dislocated. It must've hurt a lot. And I felt great. I felt like I was really getting through to her that she can't leave me. I was doing this out of love! It's justified! I love her god dammit! I love her so much I could kill her! I could beat her head in with my own fists until I couldn't even make out her face anymore. I could kill her.
Perhaps I already have.
Trembling and naked, now I am also bloody and coarse. I drop the metal cloth to the tiled floor of the shower and step out, dripping, the blood merging into the water and slithering down my skin. I feel clean now. I tore off my skin and am reborn. I cleansed myself so foully that surely I am safe, right? Am I? Please! Oh god please don't take her away from me!
Calm now. Go upstairs. Get dressed. Hair wet. I'm okay. I'm okay. Just breathe. That's it. I'm okay. No needs. Just breathe.
I stare into my mirror at the face of my enemy. She is cold, callous and criminal. She is cruel, conniving and calculating. She is me, and she is evil.
Thoughts travel back donwstairs. Back to Piper. Is she dead? Is my big sister gone? What did I do? It's so hard to recall... my memory's fading away like a glass of brandy as time progresses.
I'll go and I'll look. I'll crouch by her body. I'll ignore the pain. She'll look at me and smile and tell me everything will be alright. Yes. She's right. She always is. And she'll sit up and pull me close and whisper in my ear. Everything will be alright.
A/N: Violence and swearing. References to sex. Nudity. Oh, but not graphic. Jeepers. Have I got everything "naughty" in this?
*
Psychosis: Revelations
*
She just started talking. And talking. And talking and bitching and whining and she just wouldn't fucking- she just... she just wouldn't shut up. And Leo, that total fucking asshole, what the hell? He just... he just made her snap! Gave a feeble excuse about leaving us alone to sort things out. Big mistake buddy. She just couldn't take him abandoning her anymore. I know where she is now, I've felt it, I'm in the same place. Just because we're total psychotic nutjobs it doesn't mean we don't work the same way. She still needs him and I still need her.
I'm just evil, that's all.
All that's different about us is that we just emote a little bit more. We feel more. We connect with our desires and thoughts and give them life, we react, we live more than how we used to. That's all.
Of course, the reactions can often be as extreme as the feelings.
Have you ever loved somebody so much you wanted to hurt them?
Sounds melodramatic, doesn't it? But it happens. Before I was found by my sisters, I wouldn't say I was unhappy as such... okay, I wouldn't say I was suicidal, I'll give myself that. I was taking tablets for depression and drinking at the same time. Boy were those fun nights. If I didn't end up passing out from the mix in my blood, I'd just let loose and go completely wild. One morning I woke up naked with about seven other girls and four men, and I just had no idea what the hell I'd been doing. The place reeked of sex though. You know that smell; heavy, thick, rubbery, intoxicating. It always made me feel sick the morning after if the night before felt like a dream. Or a coma.
Head off to the family planning clinic; you know the free one. The charity. That's what I was - a charity case. They used to know me when I walked in, exchanged bemused looks with one another because 'that slut' had returned to see if she'd gotten pregnant - again. Oh, did I not mention those? Yes, plural. Five abortions, two miscarraiges. Disgusting, isn't it?
Where did I go so wrong?
This is why I so easily threw myself into giving my sisters my trust. Do you know how long I knew Piper for before she went crazy? Three months. Three fucking months. And three fucking months was all I needed to fall in love. It's been more than a year now, and what the hell am I still doing here when all I give and receive is intolerable pain? I'm so filled with hope I'm hopeless. I wish, I pray, that one day, one day all of this will be over. I could even cope without the witch stuff. At first, although being a bit spiritual myself, I remember rejecting it. Well, now it's rejecting us, but I don't care. I've had enough rejection in my life to harden me to it; I've almost come to expect it.
But from the one person I've latched onto to keep me going, to keep me from becoming the depressive alcoholic I am so desperate to leave behind, being rejected from her is like having my heart sour and wrinkle in my very own chest. For it to deflate and rot and stink and decompose. It is to die.
And after all this, one thing remains true: I do not wish to die. Not yet.
Desperation can lead to terrible things in a person, and I have done a terrible thing. The most recent in a long string of terrible things. Piper lies unconscious and bleeding in the room next door. It is all by my hand of course. I'm evil, remember?
When Leo brought me here I was so hopeful, so renewed, I felt fresh and free and willing. But she had other ideas. Leo thought, as per usual, that it would be better if he left us alone. That was where it all went wrong again. The look in her eyes, it was purely animal, territorial. She started accusing us of having an affair. Us. Me and Leo. It's tragic really. I know I was a bit crazy before, in the shower, when I had that fantasy... no, I shouldn't put it like that, that vision... hallucination, with Leo. Yeah, it was crazy. Unless it actually happened... when I think back to episodes like that it all becomes a little blurry. It just merges into one giant jumble and it's too damn hard to differentiate which events were real. But that, Leo's nature, it's just preposterous. I think.
Piper was completely livid; mental. Leo, the coward, started his drone about leaving us alone. That's when she snapped. And I mean, really lost it. Like I do. She just lunged for him! Started clawing at his face, screaming and tearing at him, crying and shrieking, really out for blood. The scratch marks appeared instantly, and I soon found out myself how sharp her nails were from all her nervous biting.
The guy didn't know what to do. He could hardly lash out at his own wife, could he? But not to worry - those glorius Elders swept in at the final moment to rescue their precious whitelighter and ripped him away from us before Piper ripped his arms off. You could see from his face that he hadn't meant to leave, but it was forced.
Of course, this wasn't before I myself had jumped in on the grapple to try to prise her off her husband. Well what did you expect? Popcorn? I came up behind them and received an elbow in the face. And I thought that was bad enough. I tightened my arms around her belly and squeezed as tight as I could, hoping to choke the air out of her so she'd let go. And it worked. Realising that if she didn't stop, she wouldn't be able to breathe, slowly she relaxed, still clinging onto him. Then swiftly I lurched backwards and threw her onto her bed.
I thought that would be the end of it. I thought she'd calmed down. As soon as she'd let go of Leo, he'd been stolen away from us; perfect timing as always. So now Piper had to find a new target for her anger.
This must've been what it was like for Phoebe when she was facing me. I was terrified, yet at the same time, strangely excited. I don't think that was how Phoebe felt, I think this was just a spice I was adding myself. I've always leant a little more to the aggressive side in life, it's how I survived. And Piper was just appealing to that side of my personality. She was begging for a fight. She started taunting me, calling me a loser with nobody who loved me, no real family, nobody.
And then it happened. The rage. It hit me like a punch in the stomach. And suddenly it was all over me, and it wasn't in me anymore; it was who I am. It was me.
She didn't really stand a chance, in honesty. She'd been stuck in bed for the best part of a year and most of her physical strength had faltered and faded away. That doesn't mean she didn't put up a good fight, however. Oh no. She was wild. I mean, crazy wild. Like a cat. Fast as well. She could knee me in the stomach, smack my face and slam her fists onto my back before I even knew what was happening. I guess in her previous experiences, she knew what made people work. She knew that if she hit me somewhere, my body's reaction would momentarily let another place be exposed in it's shock.
For a short while, she was really kicking my ass. And I mean really. I could barely get a punch in without being hit in about five different places. And she knew what hurt. For a while I thought that I'd met my match; more than that, I'd met the person who would finally put me out of my misery. But those thoughts passed.
I too know what really, really hurts.
I finally got the upper hand when Piper's fist was connecting with my temple and I lurched forwards, grabbing the base of her arm before hauling myself underneath it so I was behind her, then twisting it and pulling it up to her back. She practically lifted me into the air on top of her, because as a natural reaction the tendons have she bent double in pain. Now she couldn't move. She was at my mercy. Though at this stage I'd been so beaten that I had none.
The sheer, pure, animal rage was inside me, it was in my blood, adrenaline coursing through me, pushing me, motivating me. She was crying out. I didn't care. I couldn't let her leave me, I couldn't let her abandon me. This family has already done it once before. I'd rather not have a family at all than have them reject me again.
I was still twisting her arm when she let out a roaring scream. Dislocated. It must've hurt a lot. And I felt great. I felt like I was really getting through to her that she can't leave me. I was doing this out of love! It's justified! I love her god dammit! I love her so much I could kill her! I could beat her head in with my own fists until I couldn't even make out her face anymore. I could kill her.
Perhaps I already have.
Trembling and naked, now I am also bloody and coarse. I drop the metal cloth to the tiled floor of the shower and step out, dripping, the blood merging into the water and slithering down my skin. I feel clean now. I tore off my skin and am reborn. I cleansed myself so foully that surely I am safe, right? Am I? Please! Oh god please don't take her away from me!
Calm now. Go upstairs. Get dressed. Hair wet. I'm okay. I'm okay. Just breathe. That's it. I'm okay. No needs. Just breathe.
I stare into my mirror at the face of my enemy. She is cold, callous and criminal. She is cruel, conniving and calculating. She is me, and she is evil.
Thoughts travel back donwstairs. Back to Piper. Is she dead? Is my big sister gone? What did I do? It's so hard to recall... my memory's fading away like a glass of brandy as time progresses.
I'll go and I'll look. I'll crouch by her body. I'll ignore the pain. She'll look at me and smile and tell me everything will be alright. Yes. She's right. She always is. And she'll sit up and pull me close and whisper in my ear. Everything will be alright.