If Only
Authors Note- I hope everyone had a nice Christmas, and other holidays that I can't spell. I hope to get the last 2 chapters out before the New Year.
Chapter Eleven- There Isn't a Title
As thought a cord was wrapped around her neck, Marissa pulled back, staring directly into her eyes. Her nerves quivered, but she hardly blinked. Ryan didn't want her to run, he had to watch what he said, very carefully.
" Why didn't you tell me?" his voice was weak, but she still heard it. It was all he could manage.
She bit her lower lip, " I- I don't know. God, I'm sorry, you weren't suppose to find out this way" she paused, " you weren't suppose to find out at all".
" Why?" he turned around and took a few steps, " how could you have kept something like this a secret?".
" It seemed easy, with you in California, I thought maybe your life would go easier if you just- didn't know".
Ryan faced the other direction, " well, life made a mot more sense a couple of days ago".
" And it can go back to that, when you go home" that sounded worse then how she meant it.
He lunged towards her, " easier said than done Marissa. I'm not going to do that. After spending, what, five years? I couldn't stop thinking about you. All the nightmares, and pretending that you weren't really gone, even if you were. Then Seth invites me out here, and I find out you're his neighbor, you of all people. And now I have a daughter, a little girl- with you, and I know nothing about her. I mussed her first steps, and all the other things that are so important" those words took so much out of him.
" Her first word" Marissa said softly, " you didn't miss her first word, and I don't want you to" she was terrified that he may slip off the edge at any moment.
He took a much needed deep breath, " I can't force her to talk, it's her own thing. She's very intelligent for.....how old is she?".
Marissa's mouth corners tweaked, " four, her birthday is June sixteenth. And yes, she's very bright, she knows who you are, and I never said anything about it to her".
Though stumbling, Ryan managed to sit on the edge of the coffee table, " I can't just leave her, or either of you. I don't care if you get mad, or try to kick me away, I won't leave. It would really confuse her".
She kneeled on the carpet, " staying would do the same thing. Lilly doesn't understand anything that went on between us, it all happened before she was born".
" She knows I'm her father, and I know she's my daughter. You can't expect me to loose that, or pretend that didn't happen".
Marissa softly nodded, she was amazed he was still being so calm, " I know. You should spend a day or two with her, get to know each other. But then go back, go back to California. Let me adjust her to what will be going on, then we can figure out something. Please, promise me you'll do that".
There was no choice, no debate about it. It was either her way, or never see the two girls he loved ever again. He nodded, " I promise".
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Summer's eyes cracked open, and then her mind realized that she had fallen asleep. Astronomy bed sheets, so she was still in Seth's room. She attempted to sit up, but something was holding her in place, looking down, it was his arm. Her neck craned over her shoulder, to see him sound asleep, pressed against her back.
Though she could not remember actually falling asleep, that could not have been a voluntarily action. He looked so innocent and peaceful while in slumber, then again, he was innocent. At least for as long as she could remember.
Summer shifted onto her back, extending her arm so her fingers could trace along his jaw. Seth's nose twitched, though he did not wake.
" What is it about you Seth Cohen?" she whispered.
Lillian shot up from the bed on the other side of Seth, her eyes widened on Summer. The movement woke Seth, his eyes opened as he stretched, and then saw where his arm was.
" Sorry" he whipped it away, " thought you were Lilly".
She inched away, muttering " it's okay". When he was facing Lillian, she stepped towards the door, pressing her ear against it.
Seth glanced at her, " what are you doing?".
" What do you think I'm doing?". He silently objected, though continued watching her for another minute or two. Her eyes suddenly bolted wider, and she sprung towards him, " someone's coming".
As a last minute distraction, just as Marissa opened the bedroom door, Summer forced her lips onto Seth's.
Authors Note- I hope everyone had a nice Christmas, and other holidays that I can't spell. I hope to get the last 2 chapters out before the New Year.
Chapter Eleven- There Isn't a Title
As thought a cord was wrapped around her neck, Marissa pulled back, staring directly into her eyes. Her nerves quivered, but she hardly blinked. Ryan didn't want her to run, he had to watch what he said, very carefully.
" Why didn't you tell me?" his voice was weak, but she still heard it. It was all he could manage.
She bit her lower lip, " I- I don't know. God, I'm sorry, you weren't suppose to find out this way" she paused, " you weren't suppose to find out at all".
" Why?" he turned around and took a few steps, " how could you have kept something like this a secret?".
" It seemed easy, with you in California, I thought maybe your life would go easier if you just- didn't know".
Ryan faced the other direction, " well, life made a mot more sense a couple of days ago".
" And it can go back to that, when you go home" that sounded worse then how she meant it.
He lunged towards her, " easier said than done Marissa. I'm not going to do that. After spending, what, five years? I couldn't stop thinking about you. All the nightmares, and pretending that you weren't really gone, even if you were. Then Seth invites me out here, and I find out you're his neighbor, you of all people. And now I have a daughter, a little girl- with you, and I know nothing about her. I mussed her first steps, and all the other things that are so important" those words took so much out of him.
" Her first word" Marissa said softly, " you didn't miss her first word, and I don't want you to" she was terrified that he may slip off the edge at any moment.
He took a much needed deep breath, " I can't force her to talk, it's her own thing. She's very intelligent for.....how old is she?".
Marissa's mouth corners tweaked, " four, her birthday is June sixteenth. And yes, she's very bright, she knows who you are, and I never said anything about it to her".
Though stumbling, Ryan managed to sit on the edge of the coffee table, " I can't just leave her, or either of you. I don't care if you get mad, or try to kick me away, I won't leave. It would really confuse her".
She kneeled on the carpet, " staying would do the same thing. Lilly doesn't understand anything that went on between us, it all happened before she was born".
" She knows I'm her father, and I know she's my daughter. You can't expect me to loose that, or pretend that didn't happen".
Marissa softly nodded, she was amazed he was still being so calm, " I know. You should spend a day or two with her, get to know each other. But then go back, go back to California. Let me adjust her to what will be going on, then we can figure out something. Please, promise me you'll do that".
There was no choice, no debate about it. It was either her way, or never see the two girls he loved ever again. He nodded, " I promise".
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Summer's eyes cracked open, and then her mind realized that she had fallen asleep. Astronomy bed sheets, so she was still in Seth's room. She attempted to sit up, but something was holding her in place, looking down, it was his arm. Her neck craned over her shoulder, to see him sound asleep, pressed against her back.
Though she could not remember actually falling asleep, that could not have been a voluntarily action. He looked so innocent and peaceful while in slumber, then again, he was innocent. At least for as long as she could remember.
Summer shifted onto her back, extending her arm so her fingers could trace along his jaw. Seth's nose twitched, though he did not wake.
" What is it about you Seth Cohen?" she whispered.
Lillian shot up from the bed on the other side of Seth, her eyes widened on Summer. The movement woke Seth, his eyes opened as he stretched, and then saw where his arm was.
" Sorry" he whipped it away, " thought you were Lilly".
She inched away, muttering " it's okay". When he was facing Lillian, she stepped towards the door, pressing her ear against it.
Seth glanced at her, " what are you doing?".
" What do you think I'm doing?". He silently objected, though continued watching her for another minute or two. Her eyes suddenly bolted wider, and she sprung towards him, " someone's coming".
As a last minute distraction, just as Marissa opened the bedroom door, Summer forced her lips onto Seth's.