Everybody Hurts

AN: First of all, I finished and got this chapter out in just under a week! I'm soo proud of myself:) The next chapter may be a little longer wait. Once again thank you for kind reviews. Answers are coming, I swear! In this chapter you will finally start to receive answers to some of the questions this story has created… I think. Finally, sorry if the chapter title is crappy, but I couldn't think of a good title, so when 'Everybody Hurts' (by R.E.M.) came on the radio, I decided it was good and true enough for this chapter.. Please read and review!

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Monica waited as patiently as she could for Rachel and Chandler to arrive. Ross had informed her that the couple would be picking her up at quarter after five - in ten minutes. Her frazzled nerves were doing nothing to help. She was uncomfortable meeting with two people she had once loved very much. It didn't feel right to be so unsure of herself around either Chandler or Rachel, together they knew more about her than she knew herself. A steady flow of emotions rushed through Monica's mind and body as it finally hit her. She had never realized until this exact moment. Chandler would never be hers again. He was going to be married. Married. It sounded so final, so irreversible.

A wedding. There would be a wedding. Chandler's wedding. From the moment Chandler's lips had met hers in London, that fateful night 6 years ago, Monica had thought if anyone would marry Chandler, it would be herself. And now, she wasn't sure what to think. It was clear to her Rachel and Chandler were in love; they understood one another, they needed one another. Most of all they trusted one another. That's what love is Monica reminded herself. She hadn't fully let herself love Chandler until it was too late, she hadn't let herself trust him. Now four years later the situation was reversed. Chandler couldn't bring himself to trust Monica.

Setting aside her negative thoughts, Monica tried to convince herself she wanted Chandler to be happy – she just wished he could be happy with her. But he wasn't; he was happy with Rachel. That much was obvious. Monica could live with that. She knew Rachel would never hurt him like she had. She loved and hated that fact simultaneously. She loved Rachel's confidence and ability to trust a person so completely. She hated that Rachel would always appear a better person in Chandler's eyes because of that.

Monica bit her lip, trying to stop the onslaught of tears she knew was coming. She would not cry over Chandler. Not again. He was her past. And it would stay that way. Chandler wouldn't have it any other way. He wasn't ready to forgive her, yet. But he would, eventually. They all would, they had to, didn't they?

Ross last words to her the previous night echoed in her head:

'Phoebe, Rachel, Chandler and Joey don't hate you, Monica. They love you. All of them. They just need some time to adjust, they'll come around eventually, just let them do it in their own time.'

'Their own time?' Monica thought miserably, Their own time could take days or months or even years. She wasn't sure if she could wait that long.

Up until Ross the moment Ross had said those words, Monica was beginning to seriously doubt if anyone cared about – let alone loved her at all. She trusted Ross; he would lie about something of so much importance to Monica. He knew better.

Although Ross' speech had startled her, it was Phoebe's more angst-filled one, which had kept her awake last night. Rachel's two miscarriages… Joey's alcohol troubles… Chandler's depression... She was partially - if not fully to blame for more than half of these events. She had basically told Phoebe, that the group couldn't possibly have felt as much pain as she had. And yet she had caused them more tragedy and hurt than she had caused herself. 'How could I have been so stupid' Monica admonished herself. How could they go through so much heartache, while she lived in oblivion? They didn't act like they had gone through such complications; they were happy, almost carefree. They were mature, she realized. They had stuck together. They had talked about their problems. They had sought help. They had moved on. What they had not done was run away from the problems. They had not dwelled on past mishaps, feeling sorry for themselves, like Monica. Suddenly Monica felt much like a much smaller person than the rest.

Monica had spent the entire night thinking of ways to apologize.

When Monica looked up, she realized she was not alone. Standing in the doorway of the hospital room she had inhabited for the past two days, was a tired-looking Chandler, half slumped on an equally exhausted Rachel.

When they met Monica's gaze they both smiled half-heartedly. Monica noted neither smile was genuine. Phoebe had probably told them what she had said. She couldn't blame them for being upset. Both Rachel and Chandler's blue eyes sparkled for a second, raising Monica's hopes, before returning to the tired looking ones they had entered with. Monica suppressed a smile at how their expressions changed in unison. If she wasn't so against Chandler being with anyone other than herself, Monica might have even said they looked cute. Together. Monica smiled her first genuine smile of the day. Maybe she could do this. It wasn't so bad really- it was a band-aid solution in reality, but if it helped the hurt and it was simple, much simpler than she would have thought, she had nothing to lose by trying. She could be happy for them.

"Hi." Chandler stated somewhat distantly, with his eyes directed at the floor, "You ready to come to our place. I don't know if you remember from when you were there for a few minutes before you fainted, but the apartment has really – um – changed. It's not as clean as when you lived there, but we – we like it." He said somewhat defiantly.

"Yeah, I – I can't wait to get away from this hospital, it's horrible. Ross tells me you've learned to cook! I can't wait for real food! I'm sick of this hospital mush." Monica exclaimed ignoring Chandler's distant mood and trying to be cheerful. Out of the corner of her eye, Monica noticed Rachel shoot her a rather grateful glance. This was hard for Chandler, too, she realized.

"We're ready to go anytime you are, Monica." Rachel told her.

"I'm ready. I just gotta grab my purse and coat," she explained, as she grabbed her belongings that had been strewn messily on a nearby chair. Rachel and Chandler looked somewhat surprised that Monica had allowed something to be less than neatly organized. Monica followed the twosome outside and towards a new-looking car.

"Is this yours?" Monica asked, looking between Rachel and Chandler.

"Yeah." They replied in unison.

"We split the costs, so we share the car," Rachel explained, Monica smiled wistfully, Chandler and Rachel's lives were so intertwined it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began, "Chandler works nearby my office, so we usually go to work together." Monica slipped quietly into the backseat, realizing she didn't even know what Chandler or Rachel did for a living anymore.

"Oh," Monica said, unable to think of any other response. For the whole ten minutes it took to drive to the apartment, Monica contemplated confronting Rachel and Chandler about what Phoebe and Ross had told her the previous day. Did they want her to know? Did they even care?

~

"So this is it!" Rachel announced, flicking on the light to the apartment she shared with Chandler, "I don't know if you remember much from the last time you were here, you had to be rushed to hospital a few minutes after you arrived."

"I remember." Monica mumbled inaudibly, as she looked around the apartment. She vaguely recalled being here less than 72 hours ago. It seemed like so much more than only three days had passed since she had last been here.

"Rachel?" Monica asked timidly, not sure how to address her former-best friend, "Uh – where is my luggage? Ross said he would ask you or Chandler to come around his place to pick it up."

"Oh, Monica! Ross told me and everything, I just forgot." Rachel said, seeming genuinely sorry, "Honey?" she said turning to face Chandler, "Could you go pick it up? Please? I'll get Monica settled." She told him flashing him a smile and a look. He knew Rachel wanted to talk to Monica alone.

He kissed her forehead and nodded, "I'll be back in like ten minutes, babe."

"Thanks honey." Monica watched the scene with jealousy. 'Babe' had been her special nick-name, when she and Chandler had been together. Now it was Rachel's. That hurt.

As soon as the door fully closed, Rachel had turned to face her. Monica looked into her face, but her expression was unreadable.

"Monica. We need to talk." Monica gulped. She had known this was coming, but that didn't make it any less intimidating. Next to Rachel, Monica had always felt like the stronger woman, now she just felt vulnerable.

"Yes?" Monica asked in a voice that indicated just how intimidated she was.

"I – I don't want to scream at you. I'm not – not mad."

"Really?" Monica's voice showed the relief she felt.

"Yes. I just – just wanted to invite you to my and Chandler's wedding." Rachel said making sure to meet Monica's eyes, "I know it must be weird to watch someone you once loved get married, hell I've done it. But I also know it's worse not being there at all. I just want to give you a chance to come; you don't have to if you don't want to. And I know Chandler wants you to come, too, Monica. He still cares deeply about you. He acts distant because he's scared, not because he wants to hurt you. He's better than that."

"I know. Okay? I know he's better than me and I don't deserve him, maybe I never did. You don't have to tell me for me to be able to see that. I'm no better than all those other bitches he dated that hurt him." Monica choked out not sure if she was feeling sorry for herself or Rachel, "But, I do want to come to your wedding. I wouldn't miss him getting married for the world. Thank you for being what he deserves."

Rachel smiled before taking a deep breath, "That's not all I wanted to talk about. There were some things said between you and Phoebe, purposely meant to hurt one another. I know she told you about Chandler's depression and Joey's alcohol problems." Rachel told her. Monica half-smiled, not sure if Rachel had left out her miscarriages on purpose, "I know she made you think you were completely at fault, but you weren't. They ultimately made their own decisions."

"Rachel?"

"Yeah?"

"Phoebe told me you had two miscarriages, too."

"Did she?" Monica noted Rachel didn't appear surprised.

"Yeah. I just want to say I'm sorry you had to go through the pain of losing a child – twice. I know it hurts. It's the worst feeling in the world. You feel responsible and horrible, like you just want to crawl in a hole and die. I know. And I am so sorry Rachel - So sorry it happened to you. I been feeling so sorry for myself this whole time I never – never realized what was happening to others around me. I know how feels to lose a baby. To lose Chandler's baby."

Before Monica could even register the shock on Rachel's face, they were embraced in a tearful hug.

AN: Finally a somewhat decent cliffhanger and some answers! (incase you didn't get that ending – Monica had a miscarriage too) I've got this whole fic planned out now! Finally! I've figured out where this is heading and what couple will most probably be together in the end. But I have yet to write it. More answers are coming. Comments and Reviews greatly appreciated!