Goodbye
By
One-Winged Angel
Thanks to all my reviewers.
Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It was hot. I wiped the sweat off my brow and looked up from the park bench that I was sitting on. It had been hours since Shinji had left. I've been looking for him for hours and I still haven't found him.
Damn, it was taking me longer than I thought to find him. At least he wasn't out of Tokyo-3 yet. I checked with the train station twenty minutes ago. When I showed them a picture of Shinji, they had said that no one resembling that man had left the station.
I looked up and I saw how the sun was happily shining down on the park. 'How ironic' I thought. This was the day that I realized my true feelings for Shinji and it had to be the day he had to run away again.
If only all those times I wasn't so mean to him, if I could have only let go of the pain my heart was feeling, tell him those feelings that I hold deep inside, he would still be here. I wish I didn't have to keep it all locked up inside my heart. I wish I could've told him what I felt, to hold me in his arms, to comfort me.
But I didn't. I only caused more pain. I was foolish. I was the stupid one, not Shinji. After all the times I called him an idiot, I realized that I was the idiot, for not opening my heart. Shinji was special; he took in all the mean things I said to him, and all the punches I threw at him with calmness.
He never once fought with me. If there ever was, I was the one who started it. I knew I had loved Shinji right from the start of our marriage. It was just that I was still afraid; afraid of losing someone you love. So I pushed them away.
Tears were flowing from my eyes. I touched them and I was surprised that I was crying. 'I'm Crying again, and it's all because of baka-Shinji.' No, it wasn't Shinji who was the baka it was I. For never once telling him that I loved him. For never once kissing him, holding him. All the regret just started to envelop me.
"Hey miss, why are you crying?"
I looked up to see a little boy standing over me. He was looking at me strangely. He was so full of innocence and joy that I started to bury my head between my hands and cry again. I always wondered what it would be like to have children, but I never had the chance because I was afraid. Afraid of not being a good mother, and most especially of all afraid of being alone, fear of rejection, and fear of someone I love leaving me.
'But wasn't that what was happening right now? No, because it was my fault for causing Shinji to run away. If I wasn't such a bitch to him, he wouldn't have left.'
I looked up again and saw the little boy still staring at me with that soft twinkle in his eye. The love for life that just wouldn't go away. That was what kids had, an unlimited amount of passion and energy.
"I was just thinking about someone. Someone I care for."
"My mommy said that if you should always protect the ones you care for."
"That's right, little boy. Listen to what your mother says," I said as I rubbed the top of his head. I started to feel better, thanks to the words of that child.
"I'd better get going now, little boy."
"Goodbye, miss."
I started with a new determination on finding Shinji again. I had to search for him everywhere, even if it means searching the whole of Tokyo-3.
I searched all of his usual hangouts: his office, the restaurant he usually goes to eat, and the bar we always frequent upon, but still no sign of him. Maybe he went to Kensuke's house, because I already checked with Hikari on my cell phone, and he wasn't over there.
I ran straight to Kensuke's house, though we haven't patched things up, like me and Touji had, I still knew where he lived. I weaved my way through the heavy traffic of the streets. Evading the hustle and bustle of people going to lunch or going to business meetings.
When I got to Kensuke's house, I was dead tired. I was breathing heavily while clutching the railing of the steps up to his apartment.
I proceeded to walk up the stairs, since I was still tired from running halfway across town. When I reached the top of the steps, I took a deep breath. Kensuke and me weren't on such good terms when we last saw each other. Kensuke still hated me because I treated Shinji like crap. I don't know whether to beat Kensuke up for insulting me or thank him for defending Shinji.
It was not like that with Touji. I guess being married to Hikari will have some of her characteristics rub off on you. He was a much more understanding person when I last saw him. He didn't call me 'demon' anymore, and called me his friend.
The same was not true for Kensuke. He still despised me and hated me for taking away Shinji from their group 'The Three Stooges.' He hated me even more because he said that I wasn't treating Shinji right. And he was correct that I wasn't treating Shinji right. I told him that I would treat Shinji the way I wanted to treat him, and to butt out of my business.
I stood there and pondered for a while. Kensuke was right. I have been treating him like dirt, but I will remedy all that soon enough. I won't mistreat him anymore. I'd do anything to get him back, anything.
I knocked on the door. There was a ruffled sound inside, probably from Kensuke tripping after getting up from the computer.
"I'll be right there."
Footsteps could be heard from the other side of the door. They seemed to get louder and louder, which meant he was getting closer and closer.
The door opened and Kensuke was standing in the doorway, his head was turned to an object inside the apartment, probably the T.V. He was a big Sci-Fi nut he must be watching some Sci-Fi show re-run, because there were no more Sci-Fi shows on T.V. Well, there was but only very little channels had Sci-Fi programs.
"Hey is that you Shin.?" His head cocked around to look at me.
"Oh, it's you," He said vehemently.
"Was Shinji here?" I asked him.
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
"Please, was Shinji here?" I had a slight pleading tone in my voice.
"Oh, so now you want him, what about all the other times, huh? You're a demon, you've done nothing, but cause misery for Shinji."
"Please, I need to know." I was starting to break. My tears were on the verge of falling down. I was already slumping down, ready to collapse.
"Crying won't do you any good."
My tears were already falling, and I have already fallen to the ground. I don't know how many times I'd cried that day, but this was the day I've cried the most in my entire life.
"I'm sorry okay! I'm sorry for the way I've treated Shinji in the past. I'm sorry for how I treated you all. I know I must've hurt Shinji, but now I want another chance, a chance at redeeming myself. Please Kensuke let me have another chance."
Kensuke looked stunned for a split second, but he hid it and continued to glare at me.
"You want a chance at getting Shinji back? Is it genuine?"
"Yes, yes it is."
"Then, prove it."
"Alright! I love him all right, is that what you wanted to hear?! I've realized I love him with all my heart, and I would do anything to get him back!" I shouted.
He smiled at me.
"So, you finally realized your feelings for Shinji."
"You knew?"
"Of course, you were the only one who couldn't see it, aside from Shinji."
"Then why did you hate me all those years?"
"Because you never accepted those feelings, you bottled them up and buried them deep within your heart. I hate people who are like that, but now you've realized your feelings and accepted them. So now I don't quite as despise you as before."
"Thank you, Kensuke."
"No problem."
"So, was he here?"
"Yeah, but he left about half an hour ago."
"Where did he go?"
"He said he was going to Hikari and Touji's place."
'I just missed him. When I called Hikari, he must've not been there yet.'
"Thank you again, Kensuke."
"Like I said, no problem"
It was a good thing that Hikari's house wasn't far from Kensuke's house. I could reach it within five minutes if I ran. I needed to find Shinji before he left the city and was lost forever from me.
I ran down the steps of Kensuke's apartment and sprinted to Hikari's house. I had a new fire, a raging fire that fueled my desire to be reunited with Shinji.
"Good luck, Asuka," Kensuke said as I faded from view.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
This is a pretty long chapter. I hope you like it.
Thanks, once again, to all my reviewers.
Once again I'd like to especially thank Animefan 2017 for pre-reading.
(Bows)
Domo Arigato,
One-Winged Angel
By
One-Winged Angel
Thanks to all my reviewers.
Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It was hot. I wiped the sweat off my brow and looked up from the park bench that I was sitting on. It had been hours since Shinji had left. I've been looking for him for hours and I still haven't found him.
Damn, it was taking me longer than I thought to find him. At least he wasn't out of Tokyo-3 yet. I checked with the train station twenty minutes ago. When I showed them a picture of Shinji, they had said that no one resembling that man had left the station.
I looked up and I saw how the sun was happily shining down on the park. 'How ironic' I thought. This was the day that I realized my true feelings for Shinji and it had to be the day he had to run away again.
If only all those times I wasn't so mean to him, if I could have only let go of the pain my heart was feeling, tell him those feelings that I hold deep inside, he would still be here. I wish I didn't have to keep it all locked up inside my heart. I wish I could've told him what I felt, to hold me in his arms, to comfort me.
But I didn't. I only caused more pain. I was foolish. I was the stupid one, not Shinji. After all the times I called him an idiot, I realized that I was the idiot, for not opening my heart. Shinji was special; he took in all the mean things I said to him, and all the punches I threw at him with calmness.
He never once fought with me. If there ever was, I was the one who started it. I knew I had loved Shinji right from the start of our marriage. It was just that I was still afraid; afraid of losing someone you love. So I pushed them away.
Tears were flowing from my eyes. I touched them and I was surprised that I was crying. 'I'm Crying again, and it's all because of baka-Shinji.' No, it wasn't Shinji who was the baka it was I. For never once telling him that I loved him. For never once kissing him, holding him. All the regret just started to envelop me.
"Hey miss, why are you crying?"
I looked up to see a little boy standing over me. He was looking at me strangely. He was so full of innocence and joy that I started to bury my head between my hands and cry again. I always wondered what it would be like to have children, but I never had the chance because I was afraid. Afraid of not being a good mother, and most especially of all afraid of being alone, fear of rejection, and fear of someone I love leaving me.
'But wasn't that what was happening right now? No, because it was my fault for causing Shinji to run away. If I wasn't such a bitch to him, he wouldn't have left.'
I looked up again and saw the little boy still staring at me with that soft twinkle in his eye. The love for life that just wouldn't go away. That was what kids had, an unlimited amount of passion and energy.
"I was just thinking about someone. Someone I care for."
"My mommy said that if you should always protect the ones you care for."
"That's right, little boy. Listen to what your mother says," I said as I rubbed the top of his head. I started to feel better, thanks to the words of that child.
"I'd better get going now, little boy."
"Goodbye, miss."
I started with a new determination on finding Shinji again. I had to search for him everywhere, even if it means searching the whole of Tokyo-3.
I searched all of his usual hangouts: his office, the restaurant he usually goes to eat, and the bar we always frequent upon, but still no sign of him. Maybe he went to Kensuke's house, because I already checked with Hikari on my cell phone, and he wasn't over there.
I ran straight to Kensuke's house, though we haven't patched things up, like me and Touji had, I still knew where he lived. I weaved my way through the heavy traffic of the streets. Evading the hustle and bustle of people going to lunch or going to business meetings.
When I got to Kensuke's house, I was dead tired. I was breathing heavily while clutching the railing of the steps up to his apartment.
I proceeded to walk up the stairs, since I was still tired from running halfway across town. When I reached the top of the steps, I took a deep breath. Kensuke and me weren't on such good terms when we last saw each other. Kensuke still hated me because I treated Shinji like crap. I don't know whether to beat Kensuke up for insulting me or thank him for defending Shinji.
It was not like that with Touji. I guess being married to Hikari will have some of her characteristics rub off on you. He was a much more understanding person when I last saw him. He didn't call me 'demon' anymore, and called me his friend.
The same was not true for Kensuke. He still despised me and hated me for taking away Shinji from their group 'The Three Stooges.' He hated me even more because he said that I wasn't treating Shinji right. And he was correct that I wasn't treating Shinji right. I told him that I would treat Shinji the way I wanted to treat him, and to butt out of my business.
I stood there and pondered for a while. Kensuke was right. I have been treating him like dirt, but I will remedy all that soon enough. I won't mistreat him anymore. I'd do anything to get him back, anything.
I knocked on the door. There was a ruffled sound inside, probably from Kensuke tripping after getting up from the computer.
"I'll be right there."
Footsteps could be heard from the other side of the door. They seemed to get louder and louder, which meant he was getting closer and closer.
The door opened and Kensuke was standing in the doorway, his head was turned to an object inside the apartment, probably the T.V. He was a big Sci-Fi nut he must be watching some Sci-Fi show re-run, because there were no more Sci-Fi shows on T.V. Well, there was but only very little channels had Sci-Fi programs.
"Hey is that you Shin.?" His head cocked around to look at me.
"Oh, it's you," He said vehemently.
"Was Shinji here?" I asked him.
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
"Please, was Shinji here?" I had a slight pleading tone in my voice.
"Oh, so now you want him, what about all the other times, huh? You're a demon, you've done nothing, but cause misery for Shinji."
"Please, I need to know." I was starting to break. My tears were on the verge of falling down. I was already slumping down, ready to collapse.
"Crying won't do you any good."
My tears were already falling, and I have already fallen to the ground. I don't know how many times I'd cried that day, but this was the day I've cried the most in my entire life.
"I'm sorry okay! I'm sorry for the way I've treated Shinji in the past. I'm sorry for how I treated you all. I know I must've hurt Shinji, but now I want another chance, a chance at redeeming myself. Please Kensuke let me have another chance."
Kensuke looked stunned for a split second, but he hid it and continued to glare at me.
"You want a chance at getting Shinji back? Is it genuine?"
"Yes, yes it is."
"Then, prove it."
"Alright! I love him all right, is that what you wanted to hear?! I've realized I love him with all my heart, and I would do anything to get him back!" I shouted.
He smiled at me.
"So, you finally realized your feelings for Shinji."
"You knew?"
"Of course, you were the only one who couldn't see it, aside from Shinji."
"Then why did you hate me all those years?"
"Because you never accepted those feelings, you bottled them up and buried them deep within your heart. I hate people who are like that, but now you've realized your feelings and accepted them. So now I don't quite as despise you as before."
"Thank you, Kensuke."
"No problem."
"So, was he here?"
"Yeah, but he left about half an hour ago."
"Where did he go?"
"He said he was going to Hikari and Touji's place."
'I just missed him. When I called Hikari, he must've not been there yet.'
"Thank you again, Kensuke."
"Like I said, no problem"
It was a good thing that Hikari's house wasn't far from Kensuke's house. I could reach it within five minutes if I ran. I needed to find Shinji before he left the city and was lost forever from me.
I ran down the steps of Kensuke's apartment and sprinted to Hikari's house. I had a new fire, a raging fire that fueled my desire to be reunited with Shinji.
"Good luck, Asuka," Kensuke said as I faded from view.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
This is a pretty long chapter. I hope you like it.
Thanks, once again, to all my reviewers.
Once again I'd like to especially thank Animefan 2017 for pre-reading.
(Bows)
Domo Arigato,
One-Winged Angel