Are You Happy Now?

AN: Kay, I decided since I'm in good mood(finishing a week as a sophomore is a good enough reason to be happy, right?), I'd work on finishing this series, which is nearly done. Once again, for all those who aren't going to read the summary, I'll warn that this story is not for CMers or RRers or even RJers for that matter, if that is what you are looking for, look elsewhere. I've broken up all the couple stereotypes.  If you know you won't like it, don't bother reading and sending flames, it not going to help you or me in any way, 'cause I'm not going to change it 'cause you feel it's 'wrong'. To all those still interested, read and enjoy:)

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Monica watched as Chandler stepped further into the apartment. Her stomach was flipping involuntarily and her heart filled with a strange fascination. She couldn't bring herself to take her eyes off him.  She sat in shock still absorbing what she had just been told. Chandler had wanted to marry her, all those years she had worried thinking he wouldn't have wanted to fully commit to her or the child she had miscarried. Was it possible for her to feel and worse? It sure didn't seem like it at the moment.

Still unable to find her voice, Monica watched as Rachel tentatively pulled herself off the smooth surface of the leather couch and placed herself into Chandler's arms. He held her loosely, almost numbly. Only his eyes showed signs of emotion.

Rachel hugged him encouragingly and rested her head on his chest, addressing him like a mother would a young child, "Honey. I think you need some time to talk to Monica." She stated, clearly not very fond of the idea, but willing to agree for his benefit.

He nodded resignedly, looking warily in Monica's direction. When his eyes met hers, Monica flinched at the intensity of his stare. When she was sure she about to die from the power of his glare, he turned away, once again looking at Rachel. She enviously noted that his eyes had returned to the soft, aquamarine blue, which unmistakably reflected feelings of love.

"O – okay." Rachel stuttered, "I'll just be -um- going now. Um- I'll stay the night at Ross and Phoebe's."

Chandler looked alarmed at this revelation. He lowered his a voice in an attempt to prevent Monica from hearing, she heard anyway, "You're leaving me alone? You're not staying with me? You're leaving me all alone? W-w-with her? With Monica? All alone? Don't you love me at all? You can't leave me alone with her!" his voice came out in a much faster, higher-pitch than he had intended. He looked at Rachel with wide eyes, silently begging her not to leave his side.

Monica sighed quietly, looking uncomfortably at the floor, hating that Chandler felt he couldn't talk to her, let alone be on his own with her. Phoebe had been dead on when she had said Chandler refused to trust anybody but Rachel. It was already very clear to her and she hadn't even spent a full 24 hours with them.

"Sweetie, you need to talk to her. You don't need me interrupting. Besides we already discussed what we needed to." Rachel flashed her most winning smile and tried to act supportive and persuasive. The most difficult task was convincing herself. Chandler would agree in the end. She knew he would breakdown his defences eventually, he was stubborn, but she knew he could never deny her for long without feeling guilty. She had a far more difficult time telling herself she wanted Chandler alone with Monica. Anything could happen. He could decide he was suddenly in love with Monica and leave her to be with Monica. He could feel so guilty about her miscarriage, he might kiss her… or. She didn't even want to think about the 'or' possibilities. Rachel scolded herself for even daring to think about those minimal possibilities. Chandler would never do that. 'You love him; he loves you. With that love comes trust.' She told herself steadily, repeating the words in a mantra like fashion. She could trust him. She did.

Monica focused on the sea-green colour of the walls in a feeble attempt to block out the sounds of Rachel and Chandler being happy. It hurt too much to listen to. She desperately wished she didn't feel this way. Anything would be better than this. Anything. She squinted her eyes closed tightly and slouched back into her chair humming loudly in her head.

Chandler hugged Rachel tightly, kissing her hair. She knew as soon as he did this, that he had relented, even though he hadn't yet said so.

He sighed into her neck, "I love you."

Rachel smiled; her doubts all washing away with those three simple words. "Go talk to her, Chandler, you two have all night to talk this over, I'll be back in the morning. I love you." He kissed her silently, watching her back as she pulled away and walked out the door.

Chandler nervously watched the door close gently behind Rachel. He glanced quickly at the couch, wondering how start a conversation with his ex-girlfriend. He walked halfway towards her and turned back, too uneasy to form a coherent thought. Taking a deep breath and trying to think of happy things, Chandler mechanically forced himself across the room and seated himself two feet away from Monica on the couch. He sat stiffly for a moment before calling her name quietly.

Monica was so immersed in her imaginary humming she didn't even hear as Chandler slipped into the seat adjacent to hers and said her name softly.

"Monica?" he tried again, this time touching her hand hoping snap her out of her reverie. The simple contact felt like fire against Monica's skin. She pulled away sharply as if she actually had been burned. She felt oddly pleased at the hurt expression that appeared briefly on his face, before it was once again replaced with a poker face, which revealed no emotion.

It felt good to know that the pain was a mutual feeling.

"Monica, I'm sorry. I heard most everything you said to Rachel, an- and, well, I'm just sorry that you had to do all that alone," he mumbled keeping his head hung low. Monica opened her mouth to reply, but found she had nothing to say. She hadn't expected him to apologize. She knew she should be the one saying she was sorry, not him, but pride prevented her from telling him this.

Struggling to find her voice, Monica looked at him with glassy, tear-filled eyes, "Wh-what do you have to be sorry for? I messed up your life, you did nothing wrong. You have nothing to apologize for-" her voice trailed off as she realized this was the truth.

"Monica, I'm not expecting you to understand quite how I feel, but I'm sorry I gave you a reason not to trust me." He said timidly, almost as if he was a afraid of what she might say, "I never wanted to make you feel like that. I wanted to love you unconditionally, but we got so distant those last few days before you left… I guess I kinda pushed you into leaving without thinking about it. I will regret that we never got a chance to try to take our relationship further, but I'm happy now, good things came from you leaving." Monica bit back a sarcastic reply to this comment, and tried to keep her plastic smile in place. "I'm with who I am meant to be with now. I will always be thankful that our break-up led me to Rachel."

'Rachel, of course, how could anyone forget? Rachel and Chandler, the all-perfect couple' Monica thought bitterly.

"But you wanted to marry me!" Monica burst out frustrated, "If you ever really loved me, why weren't you trying to find me and your child? If you really cared you would be thinking about me and not screwing my best-friend!"

"Can't you understand how completely selfish you are being?" Chandler's eyes narrowed, but his tone was still the same timid one as before, "You were done with me you left me 'cause you weren't happy! Why would I look for you and try to drag you into a relationship you didn't want? You made it clear you didn't need me anymore." He pointed out sadly, fiddling with the hem of his t-shirt.

"I didn't leave because I didn't love you, I left because I was scared!" Monica exclaimed, throwing her hands dramatically in the air.

"Scared or not, you stopped loving me at some point. We weren't meant to be." He looked at her knees, not daring to look into to her face, surprised to find her head hung low, he eyes focused steadily at the floor, "Monica, I may not have seen you for four years, but I can still tell when you're lying," he prodded gently.

"I still love you, okay?" Monica blurted, wondering as soon as the words had hit the air if he had done the wrong thing by telling him.

"What?" he asked, his head bolting upwards; his eyes finding her hers, as he finally he forced himself to make eye contact. He could tell by the way she stared steadily back at him that she was telling the truth.

"Don't look so surprised. You love me, too. I can see it in your eyes. Are you happy now, baby?" Chandler flinched at the term of endearment, which suddenly seemed very mocking, "Are you really, truly content with Rachel?" She inched closer to him; close enough to touch his face. She pushed him against the back of the couch, bending closer. He leaned away from her involuntarily out of loyalty to Rachel.

"I have no feelings for you." He said louder than necessary, looking panicked at the lack of space between them, "I love Rachel. I am happy with her. I love her so much, so much more than I ever loved you, ever," he said harshly, hoping she would abandon the topic and back off, "You couldn't even compare the two." She inched closer, still undaunted. She was now close enough to kiss him, with a single head movement.

Realizing his attempt to distance her wasn't working, he tried a different approach, "Please, Monica, I love Rachel want to marry her. I really want to be her husband, don't make me do this, don't make me choose, plea-" he begged, frightened of the trance-like fire visible in her eyes.

Monica put a finger to his lips quieting him instantly. "I know." She whispered quietly, "I love you enough to want you to be happy, even without me. I'm trying to stop being selfish. I just want to feel your lips on mine one last time. Just once."

He tried to squirm so Monica couldn't kiss him, but it was too late her legs had already straddled his lap and her lips were already on his.

He attempted to push her away, but found he couldn't concentrate enough to complete the simple act. Only one thought prevailed in mind; how hurt Rachel would be. He had promised he would never hurt her. The longer the kiss went on more he knew Rachel was the one he wanted to be kissing.

Chandler felt panicked as he heard the sound of the front door opening, and a familiar gasp.

Gathering all the willpower he could muster, he forced Monica away, knocking her on to the floor. He whirled to face Rachel, who had already spun on her heel and was sprinting down the apartment hallway.

~

AN: I think I can safely say this is the second to last chapter in this series. I know Monica comes off horribly in this chapter, especially nearer to the end; she's not really as horrible it seems. It's just what Chandler feels is happening. So to clarify, she's not a bad guy and I'm not trying to make her out as one. She's just a person in love, having difficulty dealing with her repressed feelings for someone she knows she can't have and therefore she acts irrationally. (If that makes any sense…)