Goodbye
By One-Winged Angel
I was late in updating my story, but I promise it will be quicker.
Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion
*~*~*~*~*~*~
It was getting very late; my train would be leaving soon. The station was placid and not a soul could be seen, when the normally, the station should be filled with the hustle and bustle of people going to and fro, but not today. Today, there was something different. Maybe fate deemed it to be so, on this fine morning. Maybe she would come looking for me or maybe my hopeless dream would be shattered into a million pieces.
I was sitting near the vending machines, the red and blue color of the vending machines reminded me of her hair and eyes, so full of passion for life. 'Asuka, where are you right now?' The train was running late, but still she was nowhere to be found. I was beginning to lose hope that she would come. 'Maybe she did give up on me, maybe she didn't care for me after all.' I shook my head; continuing that train of thought really wasn't going to help me. So I waited, looking at the tall buildings of the city.
I looked at my watch '1:00 o'clock' the train was running really late, for some reason maybe fate didn't want me to leave. I look up the flashing sign; it read that the train was to be delayed for another hour. I sighed; it looks like I won't be leaving anytime soon.
I walked back to the city, trudging down the stone-gray road. Strange, that there were no cars, no people, not a trace that would indicate that there was life. It looked like the entire road was dead, but still I managed to trot back down into the city. Upon reaching downtown, that was when I finally saw some people. They were looking at me, waving. Knowing me from the time of when there were still angels. I smiled back at them, but there was only one person that I was thinking of, Asuka. Where could she be? My head was clouded in riddles that I wanted answers to, answers that I could not find.
I saw a quaint little bistro down the road, one that I've never gone into. I've never gone into a coffee shop, seeing as there was no need for me to drink coffee. I thought I'd tried something new, just to past the time. So I went inside that small little café, and saw that it was neatly decorated. The counters were filled with little pastries that looked very appetizing to my palate. The walls were filled with various decorations; from well-hung lamps that were arranged impeccably well to paintings that looked appeasing to the eye.
I decided to do something that I've never done before, drink coffee. Usually I drank tea or juice, never coffee. I found it too strong after drinking a mug of it back when I was young, but maybe I should try it again. Things had changed from now and then, I could certainly attest to that. I went to the cashier and noticed that she was overly friendly and had asked me what I wanted. I decided to try a 'cappuccino'. While I was not a connoisseur in food, I had a feeling it would taste good. I also ordered a chocolate cake, so the coffee would have something to accompany it.
It looked like a nice sunny day, so I had my coffee and cake outside. I sat down, took a fork and began eating.
I begin to remember those old times, when Asuka cooked for me and we sat down, ate, and talked. Those were times that I would cherish with all my heart. I began sipping my coffee. It had a very delicious taste, it was like a warm, sweet taste that enveloped my tongue and gave me a sense of pleasure at tasting the flavor of it. I never knew why I didn't try it before. It tastes so exquisite. When I'm settled down again, maybe I'll try it again. Those feelings made me remember Asuka again. How, when she was kind and sweet to me, evoked a lot of emotions that were like this cappuccino. She was sweet and enveloped me in her constant optimistic attitude.
I looked at my watch again it read 1:30, 'Hmm. I should be heading back. The train should be arriving soon, and Asuka too, I hope.' I once again walked back to the train station. As I proceeded with my trek, I noticed the sky getting darker and the clouds getting heavier. 'Rain. that's weird there was no mention of rain in today's newspaper.' I took the liberty of reading the newspaper early this morning, when I happened to pass by a newsstand.
And then my prediction came true; it was raining like cats and dogs in no time at all. I ran all the way back to the train station. I was already a little wet from the rain, but by the time I arrived at the station, I was more like a drowned rat. My clothes were wet, my hair was wet; practically everything of me was wet! I stood at the part of the station where there was a roof. The intensity of the rain was getting worse by the minute, it seems like Asuka wasn't going to be here after all.
I looked at the train tracks and pondered where they would take me, maybe to some far away land so that I could forget. No, I could never forget about her, her looks, her smell, how she felt when I touched her. They were all imbedded in my mind and, most of all, my heart. She would always be a part of me and that would never change. No matter where I went, I would always love her.
I turned back to sit down, and I got the biggest shock of my life. There was Asuka, standing in the rain, looking at me.
*~*~*~*~*~
I went to Hikari's place all right, but much to my disappointment he was already gone, but at least she told me that he went to the train station. I hope I'm not too late, not after all the trouble I had to go to find him.
I hurriedly ran to the station. Looking at my watch, I saw that it was already 1'clock; maybe the train would be delayed. I mean, hoping for a miracle isn't that tough, right?
I remember Hikari telling me a long time ago that 'you only realize how precious someone is once you lose them.' I think she was right, I mean I've been mistreating Shinji for a long time now. Now when he's finally gone, I realize that I do love him. I know that I mustn't lose him, or else remnants of my already fragile heart would break into pieces, like tiny shards of glass, so broken that it cannot be repaired.
As I continue to run, I remember all the horrid things that I did to him, all the pain and anguish that I've caused him throughout the years. I regret them all, I silently wept as I ran. How could I be so indifferent to all the torment I've caused him? Why was I so blind not to see the bruises, the pained look in his eyes?
Now I see all the wrong that I've done too him. I wish to atone for my past misdeeds more than ever. I wish to see the sweet smiling face of Shinji instead of the one filled with pain. If I get to see him again, I promise not to hurt him anymore, but instead I'll bring joy to his life.
I see the station over the horizon; I finally notice that it's raining, and very hard too. Because of my soul-searching I didn't notice. Well, I'm now wet as a fish. I hope Shinji knows what I'm going through to find him.
I finally reach the station, and to my dismay. Shinji was nowhere to be found. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, feeling it was very wet. I had hoped that Shinji would be here waiting for the train, but I see fate has a funny way of working again. It seems to be always against me.
I sat down on one of the orange benches, and watched as the heavily pouring rain continued to drench the earth. The trees were swaying, and the earth was muddy. It looked very gloomy, much like my mood. The downpour was getting even stronger, if that was even possible. The beating of the rain on then rooftop was deafening.
I stood up and went to the edge of the station. I could see all my life flashing before my eyes, seeing all the high points and all the low points of my life. My shoulders started to sag; it felt so hopeless, so disdainful. It felt as if the whole world was against me. When I finally learned what I was doing wrong and start to fix it, something happens. Maybe fate was cursing me to a life of unhappiness, always having it in your grasp, and like sand it swiftly disappears.
I saw the black clouds, it's as if they were getting heavier and closer to me. I tried to reach out and grab it, but I guess it's actually too far away for me to really reach. I looked onwards towards the horizon, nothing but black clouds, rain, and lots of trees. I could think of nothing but how Shinji was doing right now. If I wasn't so horrible towards him, he might have never left.
"Shinji." His name Escaped my lips, it was a like a whisper, but for me it was louder than a gun going off. I thought it would be the last time I'd ever get to say his name. I wasn't going to see him again.
The tears fell, silent raindrops from my eyes, threatening to overwhelm me with the irony of it all. I always told him to leave me and when he does I feel so horrible without him. Goes to show you that you only realize someone's important when you lose him.
I held my head down, my bangs were covering my face, I turned around and walked back towards the bench I was previously sitting on. I raised my head once again and I saw him, saw Shinji.
~*~*~3rd Person POV ~*~*~
Asuka saw him, frozen stiff like a statue, unmoving. She reached out to grab him, any part of him. To see if this wasn't just an illusion, but Shinji turned around and ran towards the open where it was raining, hard.
"Wait" Shouted Asuka as she ran after him even as she was already drenched from running towards the open. She put her hands to her knees and huffed a little, she then faced Shinji with a determined look.
"I'm sorry, Shinji" she sincerely said. She regretted every moment that she harmed him.
"Isn't that supposed to be my line?" Shinji curtly replied. He expressed no emotion in his voice.
The rain splattered all around them, they were both disheveled and had hair matted to their face.
"Please Shinji, I want you back!" Asuka exclaimed. She didn't like where this was going.
"Why, I thought you didn't care? You always did I say I was weak and had no backbone. You have always said in the past that you would rather have me leave than stay with you anymore." Shinji said.
"I was wrong, can't you see that? I love you! I love you more than anything else in the world. I love you with every bone in my body; I love you with all my being. I've never been so sure of something in my entire life.
I can see the pain living in your eyes And I know how hard you try You deserve to have so much more
"I love you too. Asuka, more than anything in this world. That's why I'm going. You deserve someone better, someone who is wealthier or more handsome. Someone who can give you what you need."
"I don't want him I want you! Not anybody else, you! Can't you see that? There's no one else I'd spend my whole life with except you! I love you." Asuka shouted with conviction.
"No, I know the truth I can see it in your eyes, you don't love me. You may care for me, but you don't love me, not like I love you."
"No you've got it wrong, I do love you with all my heart!" Asuka was frantic; she didn't know it would come to this.
I can feel your heart and I sympathize And I'll never criticize All you've ever meant to my life
"Maybe, I don't know. At least you know how it feels now, to be in love. It is such a wonderful feeling, at least until it's gone." Shinji said.
The rain was getting even heavier now. Shinji couldn't see if Asuka had tears on her eyes or if it was just the rain. But he knew one thing Asuka was better of without him.
"What about all we've ever gone through? All the times we shared? Were those meaningless? Because even then those things were precious to me even if I didn't show it." Asuka shouted.
"I never said that I'd forget those memories. I'll never forget the times we've went through from the Angel wars up to now. Those are things that I cherish with all my heart."
Asuka felt a little ray of hope surging in her being.
"But I still believe that it would be better for the both of us, if I should leave."
She felt that ray of light that she felt being covered by the blackest cloud.
I don't want to let you down I don't want to lead you on I don't want to hold you back from where you might belong.
"Please! Don't leave me, not like mama or the others. I've brought down all my barriers just to be close to you."
"I thank you for that, but I have made up my mind." Shinji calmly stated.
You, would never ask me why My heart is so disguised I just can't live a lie anymore I would rather hurt myself Than to ever make you cry There's nothing left to say but Goodbye.
"But you deserve someone's that better than me. Someone stronger than me, to help protect you, to help you in your times of trouble, that someone is not me" Shinji said.
'Why can't he understand? I need him more than anything. I love him. Why? Why??' Asuka thought. Her thoughts were along this line of thinking. Shinji soon thought that she would not protest anymore and turned to left.
You deserve the chance at the kind of love I'm not sure I'm worthy of Losing you is painful to me.
The train finally arrived. The doors opened, like a stairway to heaven for some, and a trip to hell for some others.
Shinji calmly walked towards the train doors, but inside he was crying; crying because he was losing the one that he loved the most.
Asuka suddenly realized that Shinji was near the doors already, and ran towards him, wrapping her hands around him from behind in a tight hold.
I don't want to let you down I don't want to lead you on I don't want to hold you back from where you might belong.
"Please don't go, please don't leave me alone again."
You, would never ask me why My heart is so disguised I just can't live a lie anymore I would rather hurt myself Than to ever make you cry There's nothing left to say but Goodbye.
Shinji turned around and looked into Asuka's eyes, he looked for some indication that she did love her. Just for a small trace of love in her eyes.
You, would never ask me why My heart is so disguised I just can't live a lie anymore I would rather hurt myself Than to ever make you cry There's nothing left to try Though it's gonna hurt us both There's no other way than to say Goodbye.
The he found him that sparkle that he would get in his eyes when he looked at her. The very same sparkle that said I love you without any words, and then he knew that Asuka really did love her.
"I love you too Asuka." The train doors with a swoosh closed and train once again proceeded to go it's way, without Shinji in it.
He then cupped her chin and made her look into his eyes.
"I love you."
And then kissed her.
It didn't matter if was raining.
It didn't matter if they were cold and damp.
All there was was themselves and the love they shared, and to them, it was all that mattered.
".I love you, always."
*~*~*~*~*~*
Here it is, the culmination of all my months of research of other fics. After many months of thinking I've finally have the ending. The story may contain an epilogue, maybe.
Thank you, to all my reviewers. You were there with me, every step of the way, through thick or thin.
Please if there are any complaints attribute it to me being a first-author. I really hope many people will read and enjoy this fic. I don't care how many reviews I get, as I long as when people read this, they enjoy themselves and express lots of emotions. Love, anger, hate, sadness, regret, these are emotions that I want my readers to feel.
"Love will be with you every step of the way in life."
-SME
Domo Arigato,
One-Winged Angel
P.S. Its still One-Winged Angel, the 6 is there because of ff.net's rules.
By One-Winged Angel
I was late in updating my story, but I promise it will be quicker.
Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion
*~*~*~*~*~*~
It was getting very late; my train would be leaving soon. The station was placid and not a soul could be seen, when the normally, the station should be filled with the hustle and bustle of people going to and fro, but not today. Today, there was something different. Maybe fate deemed it to be so, on this fine morning. Maybe she would come looking for me or maybe my hopeless dream would be shattered into a million pieces.
I was sitting near the vending machines, the red and blue color of the vending machines reminded me of her hair and eyes, so full of passion for life. 'Asuka, where are you right now?' The train was running late, but still she was nowhere to be found. I was beginning to lose hope that she would come. 'Maybe she did give up on me, maybe she didn't care for me after all.' I shook my head; continuing that train of thought really wasn't going to help me. So I waited, looking at the tall buildings of the city.
I looked at my watch '1:00 o'clock' the train was running really late, for some reason maybe fate didn't want me to leave. I look up the flashing sign; it read that the train was to be delayed for another hour. I sighed; it looks like I won't be leaving anytime soon.
I walked back to the city, trudging down the stone-gray road. Strange, that there were no cars, no people, not a trace that would indicate that there was life. It looked like the entire road was dead, but still I managed to trot back down into the city. Upon reaching downtown, that was when I finally saw some people. They were looking at me, waving. Knowing me from the time of when there were still angels. I smiled back at them, but there was only one person that I was thinking of, Asuka. Where could she be? My head was clouded in riddles that I wanted answers to, answers that I could not find.
I saw a quaint little bistro down the road, one that I've never gone into. I've never gone into a coffee shop, seeing as there was no need for me to drink coffee. I thought I'd tried something new, just to past the time. So I went inside that small little café, and saw that it was neatly decorated. The counters were filled with little pastries that looked very appetizing to my palate. The walls were filled with various decorations; from well-hung lamps that were arranged impeccably well to paintings that looked appeasing to the eye.
I decided to do something that I've never done before, drink coffee. Usually I drank tea or juice, never coffee. I found it too strong after drinking a mug of it back when I was young, but maybe I should try it again. Things had changed from now and then, I could certainly attest to that. I went to the cashier and noticed that she was overly friendly and had asked me what I wanted. I decided to try a 'cappuccino'. While I was not a connoisseur in food, I had a feeling it would taste good. I also ordered a chocolate cake, so the coffee would have something to accompany it.
It looked like a nice sunny day, so I had my coffee and cake outside. I sat down, took a fork and began eating.
I begin to remember those old times, when Asuka cooked for me and we sat down, ate, and talked. Those were times that I would cherish with all my heart. I began sipping my coffee. It had a very delicious taste, it was like a warm, sweet taste that enveloped my tongue and gave me a sense of pleasure at tasting the flavor of it. I never knew why I didn't try it before. It tastes so exquisite. When I'm settled down again, maybe I'll try it again. Those feelings made me remember Asuka again. How, when she was kind and sweet to me, evoked a lot of emotions that were like this cappuccino. She was sweet and enveloped me in her constant optimistic attitude.
I looked at my watch again it read 1:30, 'Hmm. I should be heading back. The train should be arriving soon, and Asuka too, I hope.' I once again walked back to the train station. As I proceeded with my trek, I noticed the sky getting darker and the clouds getting heavier. 'Rain. that's weird there was no mention of rain in today's newspaper.' I took the liberty of reading the newspaper early this morning, when I happened to pass by a newsstand.
And then my prediction came true; it was raining like cats and dogs in no time at all. I ran all the way back to the train station. I was already a little wet from the rain, but by the time I arrived at the station, I was more like a drowned rat. My clothes were wet, my hair was wet; practically everything of me was wet! I stood at the part of the station where there was a roof. The intensity of the rain was getting worse by the minute, it seems like Asuka wasn't going to be here after all.
I looked at the train tracks and pondered where they would take me, maybe to some far away land so that I could forget. No, I could never forget about her, her looks, her smell, how she felt when I touched her. They were all imbedded in my mind and, most of all, my heart. She would always be a part of me and that would never change. No matter where I went, I would always love her.
I turned back to sit down, and I got the biggest shock of my life. There was Asuka, standing in the rain, looking at me.
*~*~*~*~*~
I went to Hikari's place all right, but much to my disappointment he was already gone, but at least she told me that he went to the train station. I hope I'm not too late, not after all the trouble I had to go to find him.
I hurriedly ran to the station. Looking at my watch, I saw that it was already 1'clock; maybe the train would be delayed. I mean, hoping for a miracle isn't that tough, right?
I remember Hikari telling me a long time ago that 'you only realize how precious someone is once you lose them.' I think she was right, I mean I've been mistreating Shinji for a long time now. Now when he's finally gone, I realize that I do love him. I know that I mustn't lose him, or else remnants of my already fragile heart would break into pieces, like tiny shards of glass, so broken that it cannot be repaired.
As I continue to run, I remember all the horrid things that I did to him, all the pain and anguish that I've caused him throughout the years. I regret them all, I silently wept as I ran. How could I be so indifferent to all the torment I've caused him? Why was I so blind not to see the bruises, the pained look in his eyes?
Now I see all the wrong that I've done too him. I wish to atone for my past misdeeds more than ever. I wish to see the sweet smiling face of Shinji instead of the one filled with pain. If I get to see him again, I promise not to hurt him anymore, but instead I'll bring joy to his life.
I see the station over the horizon; I finally notice that it's raining, and very hard too. Because of my soul-searching I didn't notice. Well, I'm now wet as a fish. I hope Shinji knows what I'm going through to find him.
I finally reach the station, and to my dismay. Shinji was nowhere to be found. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, feeling it was very wet. I had hoped that Shinji would be here waiting for the train, but I see fate has a funny way of working again. It seems to be always against me.
I sat down on one of the orange benches, and watched as the heavily pouring rain continued to drench the earth. The trees were swaying, and the earth was muddy. It looked very gloomy, much like my mood. The downpour was getting even stronger, if that was even possible. The beating of the rain on then rooftop was deafening.
I stood up and went to the edge of the station. I could see all my life flashing before my eyes, seeing all the high points and all the low points of my life. My shoulders started to sag; it felt so hopeless, so disdainful. It felt as if the whole world was against me. When I finally learned what I was doing wrong and start to fix it, something happens. Maybe fate was cursing me to a life of unhappiness, always having it in your grasp, and like sand it swiftly disappears.
I saw the black clouds, it's as if they were getting heavier and closer to me. I tried to reach out and grab it, but I guess it's actually too far away for me to really reach. I looked onwards towards the horizon, nothing but black clouds, rain, and lots of trees. I could think of nothing but how Shinji was doing right now. If I wasn't so horrible towards him, he might have never left.
"Shinji." His name Escaped my lips, it was a like a whisper, but for me it was louder than a gun going off. I thought it would be the last time I'd ever get to say his name. I wasn't going to see him again.
The tears fell, silent raindrops from my eyes, threatening to overwhelm me with the irony of it all. I always told him to leave me and when he does I feel so horrible without him. Goes to show you that you only realize someone's important when you lose him.
I held my head down, my bangs were covering my face, I turned around and walked back towards the bench I was previously sitting on. I raised my head once again and I saw him, saw Shinji.
~*~*~3rd Person POV ~*~*~
Asuka saw him, frozen stiff like a statue, unmoving. She reached out to grab him, any part of him. To see if this wasn't just an illusion, but Shinji turned around and ran towards the open where it was raining, hard.
"Wait" Shouted Asuka as she ran after him even as she was already drenched from running towards the open. She put her hands to her knees and huffed a little, she then faced Shinji with a determined look.
"I'm sorry, Shinji" she sincerely said. She regretted every moment that she harmed him.
"Isn't that supposed to be my line?" Shinji curtly replied. He expressed no emotion in his voice.
The rain splattered all around them, they were both disheveled and had hair matted to their face.
"Please Shinji, I want you back!" Asuka exclaimed. She didn't like where this was going.
"Why, I thought you didn't care? You always did I say I was weak and had no backbone. You have always said in the past that you would rather have me leave than stay with you anymore." Shinji said.
"I was wrong, can't you see that? I love you! I love you more than anything else in the world. I love you with every bone in my body; I love you with all my being. I've never been so sure of something in my entire life.
I can see the pain living in your eyes And I know how hard you try You deserve to have so much more
"I love you too. Asuka, more than anything in this world. That's why I'm going. You deserve someone better, someone who is wealthier or more handsome. Someone who can give you what you need."
"I don't want him I want you! Not anybody else, you! Can't you see that? There's no one else I'd spend my whole life with except you! I love you." Asuka shouted with conviction.
"No, I know the truth I can see it in your eyes, you don't love me. You may care for me, but you don't love me, not like I love you."
"No you've got it wrong, I do love you with all my heart!" Asuka was frantic; she didn't know it would come to this.
I can feel your heart and I sympathize And I'll never criticize All you've ever meant to my life
"Maybe, I don't know. At least you know how it feels now, to be in love. It is such a wonderful feeling, at least until it's gone." Shinji said.
The rain was getting even heavier now. Shinji couldn't see if Asuka had tears on her eyes or if it was just the rain. But he knew one thing Asuka was better of without him.
"What about all we've ever gone through? All the times we shared? Were those meaningless? Because even then those things were precious to me even if I didn't show it." Asuka shouted.
"I never said that I'd forget those memories. I'll never forget the times we've went through from the Angel wars up to now. Those are things that I cherish with all my heart."
Asuka felt a little ray of hope surging in her being.
"But I still believe that it would be better for the both of us, if I should leave."
She felt that ray of light that she felt being covered by the blackest cloud.
I don't want to let you down I don't want to lead you on I don't want to hold you back from where you might belong.
"Please! Don't leave me, not like mama or the others. I've brought down all my barriers just to be close to you."
"I thank you for that, but I have made up my mind." Shinji calmly stated.
You, would never ask me why My heart is so disguised I just can't live a lie anymore I would rather hurt myself Than to ever make you cry There's nothing left to say but Goodbye.
"But you deserve someone's that better than me. Someone stronger than me, to help protect you, to help you in your times of trouble, that someone is not me" Shinji said.
'Why can't he understand? I need him more than anything. I love him. Why? Why??' Asuka thought. Her thoughts were along this line of thinking. Shinji soon thought that she would not protest anymore and turned to left.
You deserve the chance at the kind of love I'm not sure I'm worthy of Losing you is painful to me.
The train finally arrived. The doors opened, like a stairway to heaven for some, and a trip to hell for some others.
Shinji calmly walked towards the train doors, but inside he was crying; crying because he was losing the one that he loved the most.
Asuka suddenly realized that Shinji was near the doors already, and ran towards him, wrapping her hands around him from behind in a tight hold.
I don't want to let you down I don't want to lead you on I don't want to hold you back from where you might belong.
"Please don't go, please don't leave me alone again."
You, would never ask me why My heart is so disguised I just can't live a lie anymore I would rather hurt myself Than to ever make you cry There's nothing left to say but Goodbye.
Shinji turned around and looked into Asuka's eyes, he looked for some indication that she did love her. Just for a small trace of love in her eyes.
You, would never ask me why My heart is so disguised I just can't live a lie anymore I would rather hurt myself Than to ever make you cry There's nothing left to try Though it's gonna hurt us both There's no other way than to say Goodbye.
The he found him that sparkle that he would get in his eyes when he looked at her. The very same sparkle that said I love you without any words, and then he knew that Asuka really did love her.
"I love you too Asuka." The train doors with a swoosh closed and train once again proceeded to go it's way, without Shinji in it.
He then cupped her chin and made her look into his eyes.
"I love you."
And then kissed her.
It didn't matter if was raining.
It didn't matter if they were cold and damp.
All there was was themselves and the love they shared, and to them, it was all that mattered.
".I love you, always."
*~*~*~*~*~*
Here it is, the culmination of all my months of research of other fics. After many months of thinking I've finally have the ending. The story may contain an epilogue, maybe.
Thank you, to all my reviewers. You were there with me, every step of the way, through thick or thin.
Please if there are any complaints attribute it to me being a first-author. I really hope many people will read and enjoy this fic. I don't care how many reviews I get, as I long as when people read this, they enjoy themselves and express lots of emotions. Love, anger, hate, sadness, regret, these are emotions that I want my readers to feel.
"Love will be with you every step of the way in life."
-SME
Domo Arigato,
One-Winged Angel
P.S. Its still One-Winged Angel, the 6 is there because of ff.net's rules.